Rage to Adore

by Cara Lake

Days turned to weeks and Tani’s life slipped into a regular pattern of meetings with those who held power in the city and with ordinary citizens. Tani listened to them all and then made her decisions based on what she thought was best for the majority. Not all of her edicts were popular with the wealthy but the ordinary people loved her.

  Because slavery no longer existed, another system had to be set in place. Former slaves who chose to stay with their masters were paid a living wage; others sought new positions advertising their skills to the highest bidders. Tani decreed that the taxes previously used by Phenex for his own benefit would now be used for the benefit of those who needed the money the most. There were still many problems, but encouraged by Tani the poor were being helped by those whose natural compassion and generosity had been stifled for so long.

  The people looked to their new overlord with respect and love, showing their affection daily, showering her with gifts and seeking blessings for her in both Chaos’s and Gaia’s temples.

  But through it all Tani had never felt so alone.

  She experienced some joy when a much healthier-looking Ziad made an appearance a couple of weeks after his rescue. There were no words that could describe how happy she was that he was finally back.

  “Do you remember what happened?” she asked.

  Ziad shook his head, his jade eyes tortured. “I think I was drugged for most of the time. I have strange dreams of being with two different women but I can’t see their faces. The place I was kept in changes as well and I’m uncertain if they’re actual memories or just nightmares.” Tani took him to Morana’s house and showed him the secret room but someone had washed the walls clean. Although Ziad shivered when he entered the space and told her he was picking up strange vibes, he had no real recollection of being there. He stayed for a few days, keeping her company but Tani knew he was itching to get back to Lyra and his work as a healer.

  “I’ll be fine, Ziad,” she told him. “I have plenty to keep me occupied.”

  “But you seem so alone,” he said. “Even though you’re surrounded by love, I can tell your heart is empty.” A tear fell from Tani’s cheek when he said that. She had been trying so hard to hide it but Ziad knew her well. Too well.

  He pulled her into an embrace and kissed her forehead. She looked up at his handsome face, his long white hair with one dark streak falling like a curtain around them as he pressed his forehead to hers. She saw his eyes widen for a second and then his face lit up in a smile. “I don’t think you’ll be alone for long, Tani,” he said. “Just give it time and I guarantee you will have all the love you could need. Unconditional love.”

  She frowned at him and spent hours trying to get him to explain his words but he just smiled secretively and shook his head before leaving, promising he would return in a couple of months.

  Word finally came by messenger that Sami had been found, but Tani knew no more than that. She lay awake the next few nights, wondering what state he was in and where he was. She didn’t know if Liana was with him, what had happened to Sitri or more importantly whether, or even if Jaro would return.

  Eventually some of those questions were answered when Cassi stopped by. Apparently they were all in Arushka. “You do realize that Jaro is overlord there now,” said Cassi one night over dinner. Tani sat rigid in shock. Jaro—overlord of Arushka! Cassi must have seen by her expression that it was something she hadn’t considered. She squeezed Tani’s hand in sympathy. “He vanquished Belial just as you did Phenex. You knew that.”

  Tani couldn’t believe she had been so stupid. Of course she knew that. The whole city had spoken of little else after the siege, proclaiming both her and Jaro as heroes. Her body trembled as she realized what it meant. Everything that was Belial’s was now his. Everything! His possessions, his slaves, the city. She knew the situation in Arushka was much worse than in Serpens and that Merak had been deployed there to fight the corruption. Jaro would hate the injustice he found there; he would give his all to fight against it. He was never coming back.

  “I feel sick,” she whispered, pushing back her chair. Cassi looked worried. “Are you ill?” she asked. “You look pale.” Chills swept over her and Tani barely made it to the bathroom before she was throwing up. When she returned to the table, her legs shaky and her heart racing, Cassi was staring at her with concern. “Tani…” she began.

  “No. Don’t tell me something, anything just to give me false hope,” Tani interrupted. “If he wanted to see me again he would have returned by now. I have to face it—I’ve failed.”

  “You don’t know that.”

  “I do. Look at Tyr and Irina. Their bond is so strong that nothing could keep them apart. Jaro would have returned to me if he felt the same. I’ve failed The Balance. Love and Hate will remain unaligned and in chaos.” Tears welled in Tani’s eyes but she fought them back. She had to remain strong.

  Cassi narrowed her eyes but her expression was unreadable. “I think more than just that is upsetting you,” she said, her eyes dropping to where Tani’s arms wrapped tightly around her waist. But thankfully she didn’t press.

  To distract herself and Cassi, Tani turned her thoughts to other matters. She had recently visited a number of the brothels in the city to ensure that the skin trade had been quelled. It was impossible to outlaw brothels completely but Tani saw to it that control was given to the women who wanted to continue in that profession and that those who did not were liberated. It was while visiting the Gilded Lily that Tani remembered the broken girl she had seen. Lori. She realized this was the name of one of the two girls Tyr was searching for. A girl he considered a sister. She had been upset to learn that Lori was no longer there but had been sold off to Belial and taken to Arushka. Her remorse was great—if only she had realized sooner. Nevertheless she told Cassi, who immediately left for Arushka, sending a message to Tyr to meet her there.

  For the next week, Tani’s life settled down again. She had her duty, her responsibilities and much to plan for. She still went to bed empty but dreamed every night of Jaro. Her once-terrifying nightmares of a shadowy sinister man had transformed into bittersweet memories of the man she loved. It was the only connection to him she could cling to. The air above her still lay heavy, the weight of her duty a constant pressure on her heart.

  Then came a night when Tani felt the sudden lifting of that pressure. And something else that was so unexpected Tani could hardly bear to believe it was true. A twisting thread, a silky gossamer strand curled around her, seeking and finding its way into her core, wrapping soft tendrils around her soul. The sought-after connection was there, a sudden flame that seared her chest. She felt it so strong, so deep.

  Tani tossed in her bed, squirming away from the memories of the last time she had seen Jaro. What she was imagining couldn’t possibly be true, couldn’t be real. It was just a dream and it hurt too much. Wet tears pooled in her eyes, a sob broke from her throat. Why couldn’t she just forget him?

  Her chest suddenly tightened as a diffusion of heat washed over her skin, warming her core and she realized there was a presence in the room. Tangible. Solid. She felt the caress of rough hands as they stroked her back, brushed her hair away from her nape and then soft lips were pressing against her neck. Hot breath against her cheek. The longed-for name whispered in her ear.

  “Red…don’t cry. It makes me crazy. I can’t bear to see you cry.”

  Tani felt herself being dragged up onto his lap, strong arms encircling her in a soothing embrace. He was here, really here. Not just a figment of her overtired imagination. She couldn’t bear to see pity in his eyes, for that’s all it was. He felt sorry for her. He knew that her duty meant a lot to her family and that she didn’t want to fail them.

  “Jaro…I told you to go…leave… I… Why have you come back?”

  She finally opened her eyes and immediately drowned in molten mercury swirling with intense fire. She swallowed the lump in her throat. “After all I’ve done to you.” A tear ran down her cheek.
r />   “I couldn’t leave you like this, Red.” His thumb wiped away the tear.

  “Why do you care anyway? You don’t love me. You hate me.”

  He shook his head. “You’re right,” he said. “I don’t love you.” Mercury silver collided with amethyst, the indigo-blue rings flaring in anger. Her heart broke and she tried to pull away. He was torturing her.

  Jaro pulled her back, palming her face between two strong hands. “No, Tani, you don’t understand.” His eyes searched her face as if he couldn’t believe she was real. “I don’t love you, Red. I adore you.”

  Tani’s aching heart fluttered in disbelief as she stared up at him, the heat she saw burning in his eyes soothing the pain in her heart like nothing else could. Warm lips found hers, lighting the ashes in her chest, igniting the dormant embers to a raging fire. His hands were fisting her red hair as the kiss deepened, her lips parting to accept the sweetness of his sensual mouth.

  He drew back, giving her a chance to breathe.

  “It’s more than love, Red. Don’t you know that? You own me, heart, body and soul. It’s all yours, I’m all yours. Even if you can’t ever feel the same about me, you have my devotion, my adoration. You must know that by now.”

  Tani’s heart threatened to burst from her chest as he spoke the most beautiful words she’d ever heard. He had pulled her against his chest, her head resting against the strong beat of his heart and again the rhythm pounded at one with her own. He was hers and he was really here. Her eyes searched his, heart stuttering at the scorching white heat that flared between them. Dark rings of blue flashed with undisguised desire, the intensity of his gaze piercing her soul, swallowing everything that she was and reflecting it back a thousandfold. She could barely understand how he could look at her that way.

  Raising her palm to stroke that harsh, beautiful face, her words laden with hope, she whispered, “Please don’t. Don’t say any of this if you don’t mean it. Don’t make a sacrifice of yourself again. I love you too much to let you do that, Jaro. I just want you to be free.”

  He smiled. It was the most stunning smile she had ever seen. His eyes shone with silvery light, the dimples in his chin and cheek creasing with genuine joy.

  “Red… If words aren’t enough to convince you, then maybe I’d better show you how I feel.”

  As his dark head closed on hers, the warmth of his lips fiery with heat slammed a path across every nerve, every atom she possessed. The fire was a furnace as his hands began stoking flames over her whole body as they roamed wildly, eager to explore the softness of her flesh. Jaro was like wildfire. Savage and untamed. She was his slave. He held her captive heart, body and soul.

  “Just let me adore you,” he groaned as his head moved lower and insistent lips closed over one hard nipple that was aching for his touch. Tani arched her back as a moan of ecstatic pleasure escaped her throat and his hand squeezed her other breast. She jerked again, the intensity of his caress rocking tremors through her whole body. He breathed her name, his hot breath causing shivers across her skin as he kissed a burning trail down her stomach to her hips. He spent time lavishing kisses on her Taijitu, claiming her as his before descending to ravage her sex with his mouth.

  Jaro groaned when the first taste of strawberries and chocolate ignited on his tongue. How could he ever get enough of her? He was completely and irrevocably addicted to the intoxicating essence of this woman and it had taken all his resolve to stay away from her for so long.

  After the first fires of anger had burned themselves out, he had realized it wasn’t just Tani he was angry with but himself. He was finally free of Phenex but he was so tied to this woman that it felt like he was being caged, given no choice in his destiny. It was impossible for him not to forgive her perceived betrayals. He knew they hadn’t been real but that wasn’t the point. It angered him that she had so much control over him. Could he really trust her? What if she turned her back on him like every other woman he had loved? She meant too much to him. It was true what he’d said to her—he’d felt too much, too strongly, too quickly and he couldn’t cope with all that emotion. He had to leave to get some distance between them in order to sort through the confusion in his head. But being apart from her had hurt so much worse. How could he have thought that vengeance was more important than her, more important than love?

  And so he had returned and now all his focus was on making up for lost time. His tongue lavished attention on her clit and he smiled at her release, drinking down her juices as if they were the most expensive wine. Chaos, how he loved her! Adored her. Worshipped her.

  A gasp of pleasure escaped her lips and he lifted his head to watch her unravel for him. Her eyes opened, heavy lidded, her body languorous and satiated, her mouth curled into a smile that told him all he needed to know. He slid up until he was poised over her, feeling the soft press of her breasts against his chest. Their eyes met. Her hand reached to fist the hair at the nape of his neck and pull him closer. Her other hand slid down his hard chest, playing briefly in the dark hairs that led to his shaft.

  He watched fascinated when her eyes flared in surprised satisfaction as she gripped the length of him in her palm. She stroked him gently until a small bead of moisture pooled at the tip and her fingers lovingly spread the lubricant along the length of his erection. Then with the same hand she touched herself and slowly brought her fingers to her lips. “I want to taste us both,” she whispered, her words ratcheting up his heart rate in anticipation. Watching her suck her fingers between lips swollen from his kisses, Jaro nearly lost control.

  She mesmerized him, moaning at the taste of their essences mingling with the salt of her skin. He didn’t wait to be asked but dipped his head, his tongue licking the remnants from her palm. “We taste good together, Red.” She smiled up at him, trust and adoration shining in her eyes and he realized it had always been there; he’d just been too blind to see it.

  “I know,” she said and then her mouth touched his, her small tongue teasing to gain entry. And then he was lost. Beyond control. Wildfire igniting around them. All-consuming flames that burned supernova. Jaro slid into her soft, moist haven and they moved together in rhythmic abandon that saw them both safely home.

  Chapter Forty-One

  Fate

  The early-morning sunlight filtered through the gaps in the curtains and Tani couldn’t help but smile as one tiny ray stretched a leisurely finger to caress her lover’s cheek. He was lying on his stomach, his head turned toward her, resting on the crook of his arm. His tan skin glowed as if lit from the inside and she couldn’t resist touching the rough stubble of his jaw to check that he was really here. That he’d really come back to her. She wouldn’t have blamed him if he never wanted to see her again.

  After their lovemaking, they had talked into the early hours, laying bare their confused emotions, realizing their mistakes and reweaving the threads of their relationship. The fabric of their love was a shimmering tapestry now, strong and unbreakable.

  Jaro’s eyelids fluttered against the chiseled perfection of his cheek and his mouth curved upward into a grin. His eyes were still shut but she knew he was awake. Well, if he was going to smile she would give him something worth smiling about.

  Tani sat up and began rubbing his shoulders, gently massaging the muscles at the base of his neck. He groaned with contentment. She ran her fingers along his back and then his arms, kneading his hard triceps but then she quickly switched her movements to a faster rhythm and began tickling his underarms.

  He writhed beneath her, twisting, a snort and a bark of laughter escaping although muffled by the fabric of his pillow. His head rolled back in the throes of pure unrestrained laughter that reminded her of the day he dragged her into the water during their never-to-be-forgotten trek. And it was as beautiful a sound as she remembered. There was no music more wonderful to her ears than Jaro’s deep rumbling laugh. It made her whole body vibrate, her womb clench and her toes curl.

  Still enjoying the sound, Tani
suddenly found herself on her back, Jaro looming above her and giving back as good as she had given. Tears streamed down her cheeks before he gave up the assault. She had never laughed so much or so joyfully.

  “Morning, Red,” he said when she finally stilled. The sound of his voice and the look in his eyes stole her breath away.

  Desire radiated from his silver gaze flooding into her. Heat flared between her legs in anticipation. She rubbed a finger along his lips, adoring the softness, needing his kiss. “Morning to you too,” she whispered, her palm caressing his cheek, loving the roughness of his unshaven skin. She had missed him so much. He leaned in to touch her mouth, the brief contact causing electric sparks to burst in her chest. She was already wet for him and he could smell her arousal.

  “I could get used to this, Red, waking with you in my arms. It’s everything I’ve ever wanted.”

  His admission touched her deeply, her warrior, so strong, rock solid in every deed. He could still bare his soul to her revealing the man he was, one who needed love, just like any man.

  “Everything?” she asked, wondering how he would react to some of the things she needed to tell him.

  “Just you, Red. You are everything. What else is there? There’s nothing in the universe better than this—you, naked underneath me.”

  “Really? What about me naked and on top of you, or me naked up against the wall, or me naked and in the shower…”

  He barked out a laugh again, kissing her hard to stop her teasing. “You should be careful,” he said. “You just wrote my to-do list for the day.”

  He rolled to the side, pulling her with him so that her back was pressed to his hard torso, his arousal evident against her backside.

  She wondered what would be on his to-do list when she told him her news. Tani rubbed her stomach gently. Now was as good a time as any to tell him. What would he think? Would it make him run? A flutter of panic. What if he left her again? No…he wouldn’t. Would he? Doubts assailed her. Perhaps he wouldn’t want to be tied, having so many responsibilities; it would be like forcing a chain around his neck enslaving him again. She didn’t want that. She wanted him to be free. But she had to tell him and give him the choice.