I had excused myself after the realization that we were stuck here at the chalet for now, and now here in my room I found myself with only one thing to do.
Pray.
Please God, let her be alive. Please...don't let her be dead. Please give me a sign...some sort of...please God, let her be alive.
I don't know how long I sat there on my bed, praying to God to help me, when the door slowly opened and Kevin´s grave face popped in.
"The snow is not so bad right now, do you want to drive to the place where Bobby found the suitcase?"
I couldn't speak, I wanted to keep praying to God, so I said nothing but nodded and got up.
As we drove away from the house I kept praying silently. The snowing had stopped and the landscape was picture perfect. Eerily so, when I thought about what horrors the serene snow might be hiding. No one was talking, except when Bobby gave directions to Kevin. Soon we were there. We got out of the car and I intensified my praying inside. PLEASE GOD! Let her be alive PLEASE!
There was nothing to see. No tyre tracks, no nothing. The new snow had covered everything with a new layer of white powder.
"It's hard to tell with all the new snow, but it was right about here."
Bobby circled his hand and pointed at a place in the road.
I avoided looking into their eyes. I didn't want to see the fright in their eyes. I knew what they were thinking. I was thinking it too. What are the chances of finding her?
"Ok, let's start by looking over here."
Kevin led the way and walked away from Bobby's car. For a while we walked up and down the road looking in between the trees. There were no cars on the road so if her car was anywhere it might be in the forest. It was bloody cold and I couldn't bear the thought of Kayla alone somewhere out there for a whole night in this freezing weather, let alone a snow storm.
Please God, let me find her.
And then I saw it. In between some trees, covered with snow from tonight, but there it was. Kayla´s car!
A sign.
Running as fast as I could through the forest, branches covered with snow hitting my face, I got to the car and began to remove the snow. The car was lying on the side. The trunk was open and the rear end of the car was wrecked. I heard Kevin and Bobby behind me.
"Is she ok?"
They began removing the snow with me and I felt some sense of hope and relief when we could begin to see into the car.
"She's not there! She's not there...she's....Where is she?"
My panicked voice echoed in between the trees. All color left Kevin´s face. Bobby shot him a nervous look. Kevin grabbed my shoulders and looked me straight into the eyes.
"She probably got help. Maybe some passer-by took her to the hospital."
He was just saying these things to calm me. To calm himself.
"I found her cell phone!"
Bobby came out from the car holding her phone in his hand.
"Give it here!"
I took the phone from his hands. It was dead.
Please God! I took to praying again.
In the car, I sat in the backseat rubbing my thumb over the screen on Kayla´s phone. It was stone dead and icy cold. Was Kayla the same? The tension in the car was so thick you could cut it with a knife. I hadn't told Bobby or Kevin about how I felt for Kayla. I hadn't told Kayla. Dear God please let her be alive and I promise I will never let a day pass where I don't tell her how much she means to me.
"STOP THE CAR!"
Kevin screamed at Bobby causing him to swerve the car. We were only about a mile from the chalet now. I leaned in towards the driver's seat.
"What's going on?"
"There!" Kevin pointed towards the trees and before I could see what it was he was out of the car.
We followed him as he ran towards something we couldn't see. He disappeared in between the trees. I saw it too now. Something purple. Kayla´s coat. She was sitting up against a tree. Her face looked frozen and her lips were as pale as the snow. Her arms lay limp by her sides. She looked dead. I couldn't move a muscle. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't pray.
Kevin was shaking her gently but got no response. Then he checked to see if there was a pulse. Bobby and I just stood there, watching. I still wasn't breathing all I could do was watch.
"There's a pulse! Come on we´ll get her back to the house and call a doctor."
Bobby rushed to Kevin's side and began helping with the lifting. I exhaled and felt my body give in. I had to bend down and steady myself, hands on knees. I was trembling and I felt dizzy and nauseous.
"MATT! FOCUS! GET THE CAR!"
Kevin's voice brought me back and I began to walk as fast as my legs would take me towards the car. My legs were jelly and I was praying to God that they wouldn't snap from underneath me. I was willing them to go faster but they wouldn't. It was like one of those bad dreams where you're running from something, and everything, even your running is in slow motion. I got to the car but before I could even open the door I heard them behind me. I decided to open the door to the backseat instead so they could put her in. I crawled in to receive her.
"Here! I've got her!"
I barely recognized my own voice, all weak and crackling. They laid her next to me and slammed the door shut. She was like a block of ice and I tried to give her all my warmth. I held onto her icy cold waist with one arm and held my other hand on her hair. She had ice and snow on her eyelashes and her skin was a blueygrey tone. I choked up. Bobby turned around from the passenger's seat.
"Matt, we'll put her in your room and get the fire going. Your room is the smallest so it shouldn't take long before it's warmed up."
I didn't even nod at him, just looked him in the eyes and hoped he would understand my facial expression as a yes.
Everything happened so fast when we got into the house. A lot of frantic moving around to get logs and paper for the fire, scrambling for phone numbers for doctors and more. I gently put Kayla on my bed and removed her coat and her shoes. I took off her gloves.
"You need to get her naked" Jackson was right behind me.
"What?"
"You need to get her naked and take off your clothes. If you lie really close she'll get warmer faster."
I began removing her shirt. I'm so sorry Kayla, it's for your own good.
I took off all her clothes except her bra and panties. I had to focus and remove my own clothes quickly and not lose my grip by the sight of her lifeless body. I lay down next to her and pulled her close. Jackson covered us with blankets. Bobby came into the room.
"The phone works, does anyone speak French? Should we call someone at home?"
I blocked them out, trusting them to figure out the answer. All my attention was on getting Kayla warm. If she was breathing I couldn't hear it or even feel it. It scared me. What happened to you Love? I could feel the tiredness creeping up on me as the fire started to warm up the room. I was sweating but I didn't want to move myself or the blankets and the duvet because Kayla was still cold. I hadn't slept in over 24 hours but I wanted to stay awake to make sure she was alright. I tried to focus by thinking about her first day as my PA. The first time those deep dark brown eyes had looked into mine from underneath her bangs, and had created that now familiar sensation of tingling in my stomach. It was in a posh hotel room in Australia.
"Hi I'm Kayla!"
"Matt, so good to meet you, did you have a nice flight down here?"
"Yeah 'twas alright, I slept most of the time"
Big bright smile all the way up to her eyes. Dimples so cute I wanted to trace them with my thumb.
“I hope I can be as good a PA as the last one you had, from what I heard from your manager Nick, she was some sort of Superwoman?"
"I'm sure you'll be just as good as her, you have one thing she didn't."
"Oh yeah? What?"
"A British accent."
Her low but deep laughter and the way she flicked her hair had me interested right then and there.
"For you
Mr. Peterson I can have any accent you'd like.” She'd winked at me.
I caught myself smiling at the memory. I loved her sense of humor. And I loved her for always using it at just the right time. When I was tired, irritated and a grumblyhead she'd know exactly what to say to get me to cheer up. I could see some of the color had returned to her face and I relaxed a bit. I must have dozed off because I was woken by Jackson.
"The doctor's on his way." He handed me a piece of paper. "It seems Kayla had a new plane ticket." He handed it to me.
I thanked him. I didn't know what solution they'd come up with and I didn't care as long as a doctor was coming to check on Kayla. Why was she in the snow frozen to near death, if she had a new plane ticket? I checked the date, the 30th, she must have been coming back to stay with us for a couple of days.
The doctor came into my room and I slipped off the bed pulling one of the top blankets around me. I stood back and joined my friends in looking at Kayla and the doctor.
She began to stir a little which caused the walls in my heart to give in. A warm ball of energy came from my chest and moved up through my throat, making my eyes watery. Kayla's eyes were barely open; she was sighing, tiny sighs, as the doctor prodded here and there. He asked us in his broken English what had happened and we answered the best we could throwing in every French word we'd ever learned, hoping to make him understand better. Slowly Kayla opened her eyes and whispered something. I couldn't make out what it was. She could barely find the strength to whisper but she did again. The doctor started speaking to her in French and it dawned on me she was whispering something in French!
"Water!"
The doctor gesticulated to us that he wanted some water for her. Kevin got it and we all watched as the doctor helped her to sit up and take a sip. She only looked at him and the few words she spoke, was to him, in a language I didn't understand much of. The doctor started gathering his things and Kayla lay back down closing her eyes. I could tell she was fatigued and I stepped forward to gently put the duvet up around her shoulders. I kissed her forehead.
"I'll be back, I need to talk to the doctor, just sleep Kay"
She let out a small humming sound and instantly fell asleep. I went into the living room where the doctor was talking to the others.
"Is she gonna be alright?" I asked.
"She's very exhausted, she needs a lot of rest, but she should be fine. She told the doctor the crash happened last night, she was driving back to us from the airport."
Jackson filled me in while Tom gave my arm a squeeze.
"He said as long as she eats, drinks and sleeps she should be fine in a couple of days."
I felt the room spin and how every bone in my body was begging for rest. All adrenaline had left me, feeling like a used punching bag and I needed to lie down.
"I'll be with Kayla, ok?"
Tom nodded and I turned around and returned to my room. The fire was still blazing and I slipped under the covers, this time keeping a small distance between her body and mine. I fell into a troubled sleep, waking up every half hour. At some point one of the guys must have slipped in and placed a tray with food on the nightstand and I decided to wake her up to get her to eat something. In her weakened state I could barely wake her up, and I felt bad for doing so, but she needed to eat.
"Hey."
I propped her up against my chest and leant over to get the glass of water. She kept her eyes closed and her lifeless body felt heavy.
"I'm sorry baby, but you need to drink some...here we go..."
I spilled some water on her chin and down her chest. I took the duvet and patted her dry. She made little noises; again I couldn't make out what she was saying.
I tried to make her eat some of the sandwich but she wouldn't take it.
"Maman."
"What? Say it again Kayla...I can't hear you."
She snuggled into my chest and I felt her breath on my bare skin.
"Maman."
She'd never mentioned her mom before and why was she speaking French? I gave up trying to make her eat for now and let her sleep. I put on my t-shirt and went to join the others.
"How is she?" Tom looked up at me with eyes wide open.
"She sleeps all the time; occasionally I can get her to drink some water. She says mom in French all the time."
"Is her mom French?"
Tom asked as he handed me a sandwich and a beer. I saw they were eating leftovers. My stomach grumbled and I wolfed down two sandwiches.
"I don't know we never talk about her parents."
Bobby got up from the couch and went into the hall, when he came back he was carrying the blue suitcase.
"I've opened it, but it's broken so...but I thought she might have a t-shirt in here, you know to sleep in?"
It was late in the evening and Kayla was more awake now, she obediently put her nightshirt on and removed her bra from underneath. I looked at her from the corner of my eye, pretending to fix the fire. Her movements were so slow; her arms looked like tiny sticks with no strength. I moved closer now she was dressed. I tugged a piece of hair behind her ear and picked up the sandwich.
I pleaded her to eat with my eyes. She still wasn't speaking, except for a yes or a no and letting out sighs sometimes. She took the sandwich with her hands but I didn't let go, she didn't seem to be able to hold it herself. When she had eaten a half sandwich she lay down again.
"Good girl, here..." I pulled up the covers.
"Can I get you anything, do anything for you?"
She shook her head and closed her eyes. I turned out the lights and let her sleep in the glow from the fire. I retreated to the living room where the atmosphere was lighter. I followed the laughter and felt it was all going to be alright.
"Wow some turn of events huh?" Jackson sent me a comforting smile, his unshaved beard opening up to reveal a slight smile, a sign of relief.
I rubbed my face, I had no clue what day it was anymore, time and space had melted together into one long sequence.
Bobby sat down next to me and handed me a cigarette.
"But she seems to be doing better now right?"
I nodded and played with the cigarette between my fingers without lighting it.
"According to the French doc, someone smashed into her and she tried to find her way back here through the storm." Bobby continued.
The room fell silent as we all thought back to the blizzard that night. Kayla had been out there freezing, probably hurt and scared. My stomach tightened into a ball of fire at the thought of whoever it was, that had smashed into her and left her at the scene.
"Was she hurt in the crash?" I asked. It was very hard to contain my anger at this point.
The memory of the car lying on the side covered with snow came flooding back. If her suitcase had been on the road it must have been quite a crash. I didn't really want to think about that but at the same time I wanted to know all the details.
"The doc said she was fine, nothing broken or the like...she was lucky...erhm apart from the almost freezing to death part of course!"
Bobby's apologetic face pleaded with me not to be upset. I lit the cigarette and inhaled and sought the usual relief from stress but the cigarette failed me.
"Should we call her parents?" I asked no one in particular.
"Her phone is completely dead, do you think Nick might have the number?"
The thought of having to explain this whole situation to Nick was more than what I had the energy for.
"I don't know" I said and with a sigh I got up to phone him. I got through to him on the second ring; he probably thought I'd gotten myself into trouble if I called him in my week off. He was right wasn't he? I was in trouble and I had no clue what to do. I only knew that I wanted to lie next to Kayla until she got better. The call was fruitless, he didn't have any numbers to family members but he would try and contact her former employer.
I stood in the kitchen smoking my cigarette and staring out the window at the winter falling in snowf
lakes; some of them seemed to stand still for a while mid-air, like waiting for Divine guidance on which way to go. Much like me. I thought back to the first time it dawned on me that I liked her more than just a friend.
"Sure you HAVE to go out tonight?"
"I do get to have some free time once in a while Matt!"
"I'm not so sure about that, I read your contract just the other day and..."
A pillow hit my face and I started laughing and resumed watching her put on heavy eye make-up and straighten her shoulder length hair.
"Tonight you'll just have to fetch your own cola, rub your own feet and keep yourself entertained, because I have a date!"
"A date? Gosh I can't remember those!"
Looking at me through the mirror with chocolate eyes framed by black long lashes, she put an earring in her left ear.
"I know the last time you went on one must have been in what...? The nineties? "
Her warm chuckle and the sparkle in her eyes did something to my stomach.
"Mock me all you want, but I bet your last date wasn't exactly like...yesterday?"
I threw the pillow and hit her in the back head. She came to the hotel bed I was lying on and started bashing me with the pillow. We were laughing and I caught her hips and threw her onto the bed and tickled her sides. We were interrupted by a man's voice from the door.
"Hello?"
"Oh, hi!"
She quickly sat up and smoothed her top down. She went over to him and gave him a light awkward hug.
The New Year's Wish Page 2