"Matt, this is Charlie"
I waved a hand at him but didn't bother to get up.
"Erhm, we're off, see you later!"
I watched them go, feeling irritation rise in my chest. Why would she go out with him when she would have so much more fun hanging out with me? I noticed the other earring still on the dresser. I spent all night thinking about her smile and laughter and the way she'd squirmed on my bed right before we were interrupted. I wanted to dive back into the memory and kiss her. Kiss her so she'd forget all about going anywhere.
I came back to the reality of being in the kitchen and stubbed out my cigarette and went to join the others.
I heard them talking in subdued voices.
"He's head over heels and..."
They stopped all their talking as they spotted me. I couldn't help but smile a little. So my feelings for Kayla were no longer a secret.
"Why haven't you made a move yet?" Tom wanted to know and I could feel I wanted to tell. I wanted to talk about everything I'd secretly felt for the last 6 months. The words were pressing themselves up and out. I lowered my voice afraid Kayla would hear me if she woke up in my bedroom.
"I don't know what to do! I don't want her to stop being my assistant, but I want her to be more than that!"
Jackson arched his left eyebrow and with a devilish smile so typical for him said "Then she can be your personal assistant with benefits."
He burst into laughter. Jackson thought himself to be mighty funny and soon the rest of them tried to outdo his joke.
Our laughter and chatter came to an abrupt end as the door to my bedroom was opened. Kayla was wearing my sweater and her bare legs stuck out from underneath. Even though I should be focused on the fact that she was up and about, a part of my brain checked out her legs and noted them to be perfectly tanned and curvy. She looked taken aback and stopped in her tracks when she saw all of us staring at her. I got up and went over to her.
"Hey...how are you feeling?"
"What day is it today?" Her voice was raspy and her eyes small and tired.
"Wednesday." I answered.
Her shoulders sank and her face got a sad expression. "Oh, is there any more food?"
I took her into the kitchen and helped her find something in the fridge. We needed another refill before New Year's Eve.
"Thank you for taking such good care of me Matt" Her face attempted a smile but landed somewhere in between a frown and a painful grimace.
"Always,Kay. You take such good care of me, it's the least I can do."
"I really appreciate it, though."
She came over to me and leant her face up against my chest. I locked my arms around her.
You're safe with me, Kay.
We brought her food into the living room and she joined us on the couch, eating and listening to us talk about our lives. When she fell asleep we put a blanket on her and continued talking. Tom sent me an encouraging smile and I felt a slice of normality re-entering the room.
The next day while she took a shower, Bobby and Tom went grocery shopping.
Kevin hopped onto the kitchen counter and Jackson got started on dinner.
"So Matt, now that Kayla's not in Paris meeting that secret lover of hers, you could propose the whole PA with benefits thing?"
"Shut up Kevin! She might hear you!" I hissed at him, scared she'd heard anything.
"She can't hear anything with the water running!"
"He's right you know, you might as well give it a go now she's here!" Jackson chimed in.
"What's the worst that could happen?" Kevin looked at me curiously.
"The worst thing that could happen would be if she quit her job."
I was stuck. I couldn't deny my feelings after I thought she might be dead, but I didn't want to risk losing her.
Luckily the boys returned from their trip and I could focus on something else.
We did have an extra room to spare, but I didn't feel like sharing that info with Kayla, I liked having her in my bed. We climbed into bed together Thursday evening and I was beginning to wonder why she didn't feel like calling anybody. At least whoever she had missed in Paris?
"We've tried resuscitating your phone but I guess it doesn't tolerate the cold."
She turned her back to me and pulled her sweater over her head, and grabbed a white cotton tank top from her broken suitcase on the floor. She covered her breasts with one arm but I still enjoyed some of the view.
"It's okay, I have all the numbers in my calendar."
"Of course"
Tank top in place she crawled underneath the duvet and stared at me. "What do you mean, of course?"
I suppressed a smile. "You wouldn't be my best PA ever if it wasn't for your OCD type of organizational skills, so of course you are the type of person who backs up everything, that's all I meant."
"OCD type huh?"
She raised her eyebrow at me and I saw a glimpse of the old spunky Kayla in her eyes.
"What? You don't like to be called organized?" Pretending to be completely innocent I looked at the fireplace and removed my watch, pretending to be interested in some invisible dirt on the clock face. I liked where this was going, we were always teasing and flirting and winding each other up. She could handle anything I threw at her better than most of the guys. I would miss our banter if this went all wrong.
"Sure I like it, I was just not sure you understood that word, being the worst slob I've ever met and all."
She gave her pillow a good beating and turned it around a couple of times before she was satisfied and rested her head on it. Her hair spilled over the pillow in waves, I'd never seen it like that before; she always straightened it.
"I'm not a slob!" Pretending to utterly disagree with her statement I lifted my eyebrows, feigning offense.
"No Mattie, you're the perfect little housewife, the best I ever met." She giggled into her pillow and rolled her eyes.
We both stared into the fire for a while in silence, before I came back.
"Well at least I'm not a perfectionist who irons her underwear!"
" I don't! I only iron yours!"
Genuinely taken aback I turned around facing her, taking in all her sleepy barefaced beauty. Her dimples were showing, telling me she liked this verbal ping-pong.
"You iron my undies?"
Her roaring laughter silenced the boys in the other room for a while. She put her head down her pillow and put a hand on her stomach and her body was convulsing with each laugh. I could see her nipples through the fabric and felt myself go a little bit hard. She was sexier than ever before.
" What's so funny?"
"Oh fuck Matt, you don't seriously believe that I iron your boxers? Why would I even do that, I'm your PA, not your maid!"
She continued her laughing fit and I felt partly stupid and embarrassed and partly confused.
"But what about that time in New York where you had all those clean ones..."
I didn't end the sentence, because every word I said had her laughing harder. I felt my smile becoming harder to hide, her laughter was so infectious.
"Nick gave them to me in the hallway and told me to bring them to you.”
"Oh God I'm so stupid! I really thought you'd washed and ironed my underwear!"
We both fell down on the mattress roaring with laughter.
"Oh Matt, you're so stupid!"
Slamming her hand a couple of times into the mattress before her laughter was just giggles and then became nothing but heavy sighing. I messed up her hair with my hand.
"They do say laughter is the best medicine, I'm glad to be at your service!"
"Oh I'm glad too, gosh laughing is hard, I'm so tired now."
I stroked her hair back in place.
"It's okay, go back to sleep and I'll be here with more medicine when you wake up."
"Okay"
She closed her eyes immediately.
In the middle of the night I was woken by a weird sound. At first I couldn't tell w
here it came from or what it was. I thought it was the dying fire at first or a mouse somewhere, but after rubbing my eyes and lifting my head to get a better listen, I discovered that it was coming from Kayla next to me. The sound stopped, indicating that she had discovered I was awake.
"Hey are you ok?"
I was answered with complete silence. Not even a single breath could be heard. I inched closer and pulled her hair gently away from her face, but I still couldn't get a good view of her face as she was facing away from me. I didn't care if I was overstepping any physical boundaries, I just wanted to know if she was okay so I moved closer to her back and leaned over supporting myself with one hand on the other side of her waist.
"Kayla what's wrong?"
"Nothing go back to sleep."
I didn't believe her for some reason and stayed where I was. Her breath became heavy and her voice cracked.
"Please...go back...to sleep."
I turned her around and she buried her face in her hands but I could feel the wet tears on my hands and wrists.
"Hey, what's wrong?"
She didn't answer but let the tears roll and I pulled her closer, rolling her over to face me, letting her tears soak the front of my t-shirt.
"I just really wanted to go to Paris." She finally said and her words brought another round of tears. I supported the back of her head with my hand and lay my arm protectively round her waist. We lay so close; her body was so warm and silky smooth.
"What's in Paris?" I noticed the jealousy again but hoped my voice didn't reveal it.
Wiping her eyes before telling my chest in the softest lowest voice I've ever heard from her, she said "My mom." Before I could ask, she continued.
"I see her every year on New Year´s, it's kind of a tradition."
"But baby..."
The words had slipped my mouth before I could stop them. I flinched inside and hurried to continue so she wouldn't notice my choice of words.
"She will understand when she finds out you were in a car accident."
"No!"
She began crying again, but this time the tears were big slow rolling drops while her face looked ashamed. I didn't understand why she was so hard on herself? Of course her mother would understand and she definitely needn't be ashamed! I also felt relieved she wasn't meeting some other guy.
"Why won't she understand?"
"Because..."
Her hand flew up and covered her eyes, like she felt so vulnerable I wasn't allowed to see her face now.
"What?"
I used my gentlest voice to try and coax her into telling me. I was curious and also a bit alarmed at what it might be that had her reacting this way.
"She's dead."
I was speechless. I could feel her pain roaming through her body, it was tangible and very, very real.
"Oh, I'm so sorry."
"I visit her grave every year..."
"...And this time you can't because you're here" I finished for her.
She nodded. I held her closer and whispered in her hair, stroking the last tears away from her cheeks.
"I will take you there as soon as you are well enough to go I promise. Don't cry Kay, it's ok...it's ok."
She tightened her grip around my waist and somewhere in between me consoling her and her moving closer I touched her cheek with my lips. She tilted her head back and our lips met. I didn't pull back and neither did she, and so our lips danced together for a while until my tongue got greedy and wanted to join. I searched for hers and soon found it and let my tongue glide around hers. Her heavy breathing and her hand squeezing into my waist woke up my cock. I grabbed her waist and let my hand slide down to the small of her back, not daring to go any further. She responded by arching her back and breathing and sighing. I bit her lower lip gently and her hand found my stomach underneath my t-shirt.
Occasionally I opened my eyes and watched her in glimpses; with her eyes closed and moving with pleasure in the trance our bodies created when they touched.
There was an unspoken rhythm between us and we undressed each other and kept kissing lips, necks, stomachs and nipples without exchanging any other sounds than soft moans and sighs. She was soft as silk and her breasts were warm, round and soft with the nipples completely hard. I felt my cock twitch and soon her small hand enclosed it with gentle strokes. All fears and worries were gone. I was in the here and now and so was she. We fit together perfectly, only touching each other gently but our bodies reacted with high pleasure at the lightest touch. Soon we were both naked and like a choreographed dance she let me slide in between her legs. I kissed the space between her stomach and her breasts and felt her fingers dig gently into the nape of my neck. I positioned myself before gliding with ease into her. She threw her head closer to mine and moaned. She was wet and welcoming. We rocked back and forth in a slow rhythm while we held our gaze. Her dark eyes became darker and bigger and her moaning was deeper. I picked up the pace and glided into her a bit harder. She began closing her eyes and her moan became higher. Our rhythm picked up in pace and I could feel her becoming tighter around me. My cock began to tighten and before I knew it we were two sweaty bodies lying entwined on the bed.
We kissed tenderly and slowly, still without exchanging a word and found a comfortable position with me on my back and her up against my body, with her head resting on my chest.
We lay in silence until we both fell asleep.
The next morning I woke and carefully moved away to sneak into the bathroom. I turned on the shower and stepped in, letting the water splash my face with a jet of cold water. I stood for a while feeling the water getting hotter and enjoying the sensation on my skin, caressing my skin softly, like Kayla had done. A warm sensation spread in my stomach and I smiled. It all had happened so fast and it felt like a dream. Thinking of how close we'd been, how we'd broken through this barrier made me smile again. I felt a frown visit my face, when I thought about her grief. I felt so helpless, remembering her so sad and almost inconsolable. A plan began to take form in my head. I might not be able to get her to her mother's grave by New Year's Eve, but I could get her there soon.
I stepped out of the shower and found a towel. When I came back into the room she was awake and getting dressed.
"You startled me." She smiled.
"Sorry, I was just in the shower I didn't mean to scare you."
She sat on the bed and brushed her hair.
"Hey guys, breakfast is ready! Kevin and Jackson have gone all out since it's the last breakfast they'll have this year!" Tom laughed, both at the joke but also at the silliness of his mates.
"Ok, we're coming" Kayla said. She pulled on her jeans to follow Tom into the living room. I hurried to find some clothes and joined them. It irritated me that we'd been interrupted before we could talk. I had to leave after breakfast to get some stuff to execute my plan and help with the groceries for tonight and that would leave us not speaking privately for too long for my liking. Last night we hadn't spoken either but I'd felt a very strong connection with her.
At the table everything was normal. Occasionally Kayla had joined me and some of the other cast for a meal here and there, both on and off-set and this felt like one of those times. Maybe she was a bit quieter, but who could blame her with all she'd been through the last couple of days? She was acting normal, yet something felt off. I kept searching her eyes for that connection I'd seen in them last night, but she looked at me like she always does. Friendly. I was worried by it and it didn't help I couldn't catch a single moment alone with her.
First I'd tried in the kitchen while doing the dishes, but Bobby had joined us and was very chatty and animated and would not take a hint, although I tried looking at him in various pleading ways.
Then I'd been preoccupied with putting together a grocery list with the boys and when I could finally go back to my room Kayla was in the shower. I sat on the bed waiting. I'd just have to ask her where we stood when she came out.
"We're leaving!" Tom popped his
head in to tell me to get my ass in gear. Frustrated I got up and yelled through the bathroom door.
"Hey Kay! I'm going into town for a while ok?"
"Ok! Hey bring me back some chocolate!" She shouted back.
"Okay!"
Tom walked next to me to the car. It was still very white and cold outside and I realized that somewhere in the woods under a pile of snow, lay Kayla's car. I added that to my list of things to take care of.
Once in the car Tom turned on the engine and asked me the burning question:
"So what's going on with you and Kayla?"
"Your guess is as good as mine, mate."
He said nothing and we drove into the nearby town, all covered in white and looking idyllic, which was as far as you can get from the storm I was feeling coming on inside.
"Hey Tom, I have some calls to make and some extra things to pick up while we're here."
"Fine by me, I want to find a present for my parents anyway."
Tom's parents lived close to mine and they had received an invitation to their 25th anniversary party next month. Tom had always brought home souvenirs for his parents since he first started travelling regularly, and his mother had told mine of course, and now there was no end to the silly requests my mother would email me, every time I told her where I was going (macaroons from Paris, fans from Barcelona, retro fridge magnets from New York).
He got out the grocery list from his pocket and we made our plan of attack. Tom went ahead and I stayed in the car making my calls.
"Are you all done?" Tom helped me put the food and stuff I'd bought into the trunk.
"Yes, let's go." I was driving home and Tom climbed into the passenger's seat.
" I hope she likes your surprise."
"I hope so too, right now I've no idea."
"She will, I'm sure."
I turned on the radio and felt my spirits lift the closer we got to the house. I wanted to talk to her. I wanted to feel her lips on mine again. I wanted to know if she felt the same way. Once we got home we started unloading the things we'd bought.
"What about the suitcase?" Tom asked.
"No just leave it in the car, I'll bring it in later when I tell her"
We went back and forth from the car to the house a couple of times with arms so full of food, you'd think we were feeding an army.
The New Year's Wish Page 3