Only the Good Die Young

by George Helman

  ‘Should I go for one of these?’ said his mother. She held out a handbag and looked over at the one in the window.

  Shirley nudged him.

  ‘That one,’ she said quietly.

  He looked around him.

  ‘The one in the window,’ said Shirley.

  ‘Mum I’ll get you the one in the window,’ he said.

  ‘No!’ said his mother. ‘It’s very expensive.’

  ‘We’ll get it on expenses. You need a good handbag to go with the hotel suite,’ he said.

  He went to the till and realised he had no cards on him. Shirley passed him a card.

  ‘Yours?’ he said.

  ‘Chief gave it to me,’ she said shrugging.

  He looked at the name on the card.

  ‘How much money does Chief earn anyway?’ he said.

  ‘Enough to get us all a handbag I’d imagine,’ she said.

  ‘Which one do you want?’

  ‘Can you really see me with a handbag?’

  Dave had never thought about what Shirley wore when she was off duty. She had such a great figure. She’d look great in a dress instead of those trouser suits.

  They walked together back to the hotel. Dave thought his mother had never looked so happy. He must buy her presents more often.

  ‘Beware,’ said Stephen.

  Dave ignored it.

  ‘I’m coming,’ said the voice of Richie.

  Chapter 15

  I’ve been on foot all day. I’m seriously shitting unimpressed. I let myself get too close to the policeman. I was nearly caught. I need to lie low for a bit. It’s hard because I know the old people know I know. That means they are tailing me. That means I could very soon be pulled up by the government and made to commit suicide, like Mum. I want to kill them all. I want to kill every pissing one of them and I’m walking down streets and streets and I’m seeing loads of them. All these shitting old biddies who killed Mum are everywhere. They need to go. They need to die. And I’m holding myself back. I’ve got to. If I get done by the police now, what have I achieved? I need to kill more but I need to make sure I am safe to do it. It’s really fucking hard. I can feel my blood wants to kill and kill. I want to do it for Mum. I’ve got to hold back. If I can get rid of the policeman on my back I’ll be free to kill more. First I need a hideout.

  I walk round looking for empty buildings. It’s hard because most are security protected. I can’t be setting off alarms. I need a storm where I can hide the noise but it’s just lightly raining. I also need office space or somewhere no one is around at night. I walk to the Elephant. I can find a hidey hole here.

  I find an empty building. It’s big. I check all round the outside. Metal shutters are fixed on the windows and doors but there’s no sign of security. The neighbours are office blocks. The workers will all be home for the night. I take my crowbar out of my bag. I heave at the window shutter. They’ve done a good job but I’ve done this before. I keep going. Then I break it. I pull off the metal and smash the window. I throw my bag in. I climb through the window, careful of glass. There’s a funny feeling in here. I sit and listen. There are sounds like wind whistling. I don’t think there’s anybody here but there’s a presence like its haunted. I take out my torch and set off round the building. I can hear my heart. I’ve never felt scared in an empty place before. This is spooky.

  The place has tables and chairs scattered around. It looks like it used to be offices. There’s little kitchens here and there. I think something happened here. I think my Mum knew this place. It might be where they took her, where they made her mad.

  I find a stone. It’s as big as a head. I can feel my mother’s presence. I think she’s in the stone. I pick it up. I cradle her in my arms. This is my Mum. This is the woman I remember so well who was so kind. They made her die. I will get them for that. I will kill every old person who was involved. I want to go out, to do it now. I must make it OK.

  I sit down at one of the tables to make a plan. First I need to kill my policeman. I should have done it straight away. I’m an idiot to think that he wasn’t involved. Of course the police know about the government plan. They probably sit down with the old people and plan who to suicide next. I reckon the best place to find the policeman is at the station. That’s a dangerous thing to do. I’ll have to disguise myself. My beard is starting to grow but I need more. I need new clothes. I’ll sleep if I can and go to the police station in the morning.

  This place is spooky. I know it’s good my Mum is here and I keep her stone close to me. There’s another presence here. There’s something not right. I can’t stay here. I arrange the tables ready for the policeman to die on. I climb out of the window and put the shutter back on so it looks like no one is staying. I head into the night to wander about and think.

  It’s starting to get light. I’d better get to the police station. I think I’ll need a car. I go down a residential street and wait for people to go to work.

  A man in a suit comes out and walks up to his car. I hit him with the stone. He falls down. I take his keys and drive off pretty sharpish. I go round the streets to the station. It’s nice to be back in a car. I feel more like me.

  At the station I park a bit away and go on foot. I find a good vantage point and watch. This is taking ages. He must arrive at the station soon. He must come in. Police don’t take days off. I’m waiting and waiting. This is shit.

  I see the woman. That’s the woman who was with him that night. I’ve seen her at the hospital too. Yeah, that’s his big mate. She’ll lead me to him. She’ll lead me to my policeman. And while I’m at it I’ll kill her too. Yes! This is more like it. By the end of the day I’ll have two down and I can get back to the important work.

  It’s ages later when she comes out. She sets off in a car. I run back to mine so I can follow.

  And I’m catching her up. The traffic is so slow it is easy to see her. I let her get ahead. I zoom to catch her up. I let her get ahead. I zoom and catch her. We drive for ages.

  She seems to be turning. She’s going in the hotel. Shit. The policeman’s at the hotel. Either that or she’s got a fancy man there. There’s something not quite right. She’s talking to everyone. She’s nodding at all the people in the foyer. I think they know I’m targeting the policeman. This is a trap. If I go in there, twenty thousand police will turn up. No. I need to backtrack. I need to ensure that I’m safe to continue my mission. This is getting harder. That woman has got to go.

  Chapter 16

  Dave’s voices had kept him up all night. The voice of Richie was getting stronger.

  ‘If I can’t kill your mother, maybe you can,’ it said.

  Dave focussed on who he knew he was. He was someone who stopped killers. He wasn’t one himself.

  ‘The law is there for a reason,’ he repeated to himself.

  ‘I’ll kill you,’ said the voice.

  ‘You won’t,’ he argued. ‘You can’t.’

  Stephen was a support. Stephen reminded him that he was a good person.

  ‘But if my mind is saying these things, perhaps I’m not a good person,’ said Dave.

  He sat up all night. Now and then, he caught himself and laughed. What would people think to see him sitting here staring into space. People wouldn’t know what was going on in his head. He focussed on it.

  ‘I am me. I am not my voices,’ he said.

  ‘Kill your mother,’ said Richie.

  It went over and over. He felt like he was stuck. He got up and paced the suite. He didn’t know what he could do to snap out of it. The dawn was coming. He stared out of the window. He could hardly see on the sunrise. There was too much going on in his head.

  He turned on the TV and tried to listen to the people talking.

  ‘Kill your mother. Kill the police. Kill everyone in the hotel,’ said Richie.

  Dave could see himself standing with a shotgun. He would go on a murder spree. He would lose his job, lose his freedom.

  ‘Just because
you say something, doesn’t mean I have to do it,’ said Dave.

  His mother came through to the lounge area.

  ‘Have you been up all night?’ she said.

  ‘Now’s your chance,’ said the voice. ‘Kill her.’

  He tried to listen to his mother. He tried to shut out the voices. It didn’t work. They grew stronger then.

  His mother handed him a tea.

  ‘You seem worse,’ she said.

  ‘Worse?’ he said.

  ‘Very distracted,’ she said.

  ‘Bad night,’ he said.

  ‘I’ll be glad when this man turns up,’ she said. ‘Can’t wait to get home to my own bed.’

  Dave sighed. He couldn’t imagine his own bed after what had happened in his house.

  ‘Take out your gun’ said the voice of Richie. ‘Shoot her. It must be done.’

  ‘It mustn’t be done,’ he said.

  He got up and looked out of the window. He jumped as his phone rang. He picked it up.

  ‘It’s Shirley,’ she said. ‘I’m on my way over. Let’s go for breakfast.’

  ‘OK,’ he said.

  He went back to looking out of the window. He had to think about what was outside him, not in his head. He counted cars. He counted police officers. He counted people with suitcases. He counted pushchairs. Every time a voice started, he went back to counting.

  ‘Are you OK there?’ asked his mother.

  ‘Counting cars,’ he said. ‘Looking for the killer.’

  Eventually, he saw Shirley’s car. He smiled. He felt like a voyeur watching her get out of the car and speak to the police outside. As he watched, he saw another car. He saw a man get out of the car. The man wasn’t going about his business like everyone else. He was cautious. He was watching Shirley. He grabbed his phone.

  ‘I see him. He is outside the hotel. Came out of a blue car. Quick,’ he said.

  He went back to the window. The car was driving off. He watched it go left. It was travelling fast.

  ‘We need helicopters,’ he said on the phone. ‘He went left out the hotel in a blue car.’

  He saw the police go into action. He saw them drive off in the direction of the car.

  ‘He followed Shirley,’ he said.

  ‘She’d better be careful,’ said his mother.

  ‘She’s next,’ said the voice of Richie.

  ‘You need to warn her,’ said the voice of Stephen.

  Dave looked out of the window. The helicopter was circling. He could tell they hadn’t found him.

  ‘I got away didn’t I,’ said the voice of Richie.

  Dave punched the wall

  ‘I don’t need to kill any more,’ said the voice. ‘I’ve got you to do it now.’

  ‘I never will. I’m stronger than that. I’m stronger than you,’ said Dave.

  His mother came over and took his arm. She led him to the sofa and sat him down.

  ‘This isn’t right,’ she said. ‘You need to call someone. Tell them what’s going on.’

  ‘I can’t. I can’t tell anyone,’ said Dave.

  ‘Well I will then,’ she said.

  She picked up the phone. Dave pulled it off her. He pushed her back in the chair.

  ‘No!’ he said.

  His mother looked frightened.

  ‘Don’t hurt me,’ she said.

  He sat down.

  ‘I wouldn’t. I would never hurt you,’ he said.

  He had crossed a line there. He nearly hurt his mother. It was only a matter of time until Richie got the better of him.

  ‘I don’t think you should be here,’ he said.

  ‘Well I am here,’ said his mother.

  ‘It’s not safe,’ he said.

  ‘You need to sort it out,’ said his mother. ‘You can’t go on like this.’

  ‘Leave me alone,’ he said.

  ‘Where am I meant to go?’ she said.

  They sat in silence. He could feel his mother’s anger intense in the room. His voices continued.

  When the door went, he didn’t even hear it. He didn’t notice his mother answer it.

  ‘Dave, Dave,’ he heard. He looked up.

  Shirley clicked her fingers.

  ‘Oi, wake up,’ she said.

  ‘Hello,’ he said.

  ‘You didn’t hear me come in then,’ she said.

  ‘I was deep in thought,’ he said.

  ‘Well I haven’t got good news I’m afraid. Are you certain that it was him?’

  ‘I think so,’ he said.

  He wondered if he’d imagined it like he imagined the voices.

  ‘I don’t know,’ he said.

  Shirley looked out of the window.

  ‘From here it would be hard to tell,’ she said. ‘You were standing at the window?’

  ‘Yes. I saw you arrive and I saw a car tailing you. A man got out. He looked suspicious. Then he drove off.’

  ‘If it was him, then we’ve scared him off,’ said Shirley. ‘He won’t come back.’

  Dave drifted off. He could see Shirley was still talking but couldn’t focus on her words.

  ‘Go over to the kettle,’ said Richie.

  Dave got up. He walked over. He boiled the kettle.

  Shirley was saying something but all he could hear was Richie.

  When the kettle boiled, Richie asked him to take it over to Shirley. Dave complied. He didn’t question it. He didn’t have the energy to.

  ‘Now pour it on her,’ said Richie.

  Dave tipped the kettle a little.

  ‘Dave!’ said Shirley.

  He looked at the shock in her eyes. He dropped the kettle.

  ‘What are you doing?’ she said. ‘You’ll hurt yourself. Where were you going with the kettle?’

  ‘I don’t know,’ said Dave.

  Dave’s mother picked up the kettle. Hot water had made a puddle on the thick carpet.

  ‘Good job it was only water,’ she said.

  ‘Hot water!’ said Shirley.

  ‘I’ll make tea,’ said his mother.

  ‘We were thinking of going for breakfast,’ said Shirley. ‘Want to come?’

  ‘I don’t know if I should,’ said his mother.

  Dave felt empty. No emotion left in him. He stared straight ahead fighting Richie’s urges for him to kill Shirley.

  He forced himself to snap out of it.

  ‘Are we going for breakfast then?’ he said.

  ‘Did you not listen to anything we just said?’ said Shirley. ‘What is up with you?’

  ‘I drifted off. I’m a bit tired,’ he said.

  ‘We ordered you a full breakfast. We decided to get it sent up to the room. For safety.’

  ‘Oh good,’ he said.

  Dave tried to keep up with the conversation. He repeated what Shirley said over in his head. He forced the voices into submission.

  Dave’s mother asked Shirley if she had family close by. Dave repeated it over. Shirley told Dave’s mother about her family. Dave repeated it over.

  ‘My grandmother is very sick. My parents are keeping me informed but it’s really hard. I can’t visit because I’m so busy with the investigation.’

  Dave took a moment to repeat and take it in. Then he sat up straight.

  ‘Don’t visit whatever you do,’ he said.

  ‘Oh you’re in the room are you? Why shouldn’t I visit?’

  ‘He might be following you,’ said Dave.

  ‘I can take him on,’ said Shirley.

  Dave slumped down again. Shirley knew best. He wasn’t in a position to offer advice, not when it was so obvious he had lost the plot. Stephen’s voice warned him that Shirley was next. Richie’s voice asked him to pick up the vase, to throw it over her head. Dave counted his breath in and out. Numbers seemed to help. He counted the victims in his head. He counted the dead bodies he’d seen so far. He felt hopeless.

  Dave couldn’t eat his breakfast. He moved the sausage and egg around on the plate. He could chew but swallowing was too muc
h. He washed a piece of bacon down with tea.

  ‘Lost your appetite?’ said his mother.

  Shirley looked at him with a puzzled expression.

  ‘Just a bit slow today,’ he said.

  Shirley got a call to go to the station.

  ‘They’ve got the psychologist in today,’ she said.

  ‘For me?’ said Dave.

  ‘No,’ said Shirley. ‘I think you might need one though. The guy is going to tell us the nature of the killer. As if we don’t know all ready.’

  She headed off.

  When she left, Dave went to his room and lay on the bed.

  ‘You are my accomplice,’ said the voice of Richie. ‘You are going to kill all the police officers until everyone you know is dead.’

  Dave felt tears start. He curled up in foetal position and cried. He hadn’t cried like this for years. He knew he would lose everything, his job, his life. He had lost his sanity. He was now a schizophrenic and there was nothing he could do to stop the voices, nothing he could do to save himself. His mother called him.

  ‘David, we need to talk about this,’ she said.

  ‘Who can help me?’ he said.

  ‘When I was divorcing your father, I was depressed. I cried every day. I felt like I had no future. I called a helpline. I think you should too. They’re anonymous. No one need know. It’ll get it off your chest.’

  Dave got up from the bed. His mother gave him a number. She left him alone to ring.

  ‘I think I’m schizophrenic,’ he said.

  ‘Mmm,’ said a woman on the line. ‘Why do you think that?’

  ‘I’m hearing voices. I have the voice of my brother who died and I have the voice of a killer who is on the loose. It is interfering with my job. I’m a police officer. I need to be putting all my energy into finding the killer and instead I’m talking to him in my head.’

  ‘What do the voices say?’

  ‘They say, well,’ Dave looked to see if his mother was gone. ‘The killer voice says I should kill my mother and my partner.’

  ‘Do you feel like you might harm them?’

  ‘I hope that I’m strong enough to ignore the voice. I really want it to go away. I want my head back. It’s awful sharing every thought with others. I want to be able to think by myself.’

  ‘Have you seen your doctor about this?’