by LoRee Peery
Beth didn’t have much more to tell about the dumpster incident. He jerked his focus back to the dispersing group around him. She pulled her hand from his and rose to her feet.
Once outside in front of his parked Jeep, he paced on the Main Street sidewalk, hands jammed into pockets, jangling keys in one pocket and coins in the other to match the tumble of his thoughts.
Words somersaulted from his mouth. “This has got to be driving you crazy. I’m going nuts here myself, frustrated beyond belief that this guy keeps getting away. Talk to me. Tell me why you ever hooked up with a man not worthy to be your foot sweat. Tell me why you came back to this town where, except for the women in Frivolities, I hear a snicker when your name is spoken. I want to know why, every time I’m around people here, I catch snippets of gossip about you. Tell me what changed in your life to make you endanger yourself by living in an isolated cabin.”
And tell me why I’ve got you under my skin.
“Tell you everything, huh? You sound like Deputy Rau. Talk about pent-up feelings! Do you feel better now, getting all that out of your system?”
He dug his fingernails into his scalp, let out a gust of air. “No, I don’t feel better. I need real answers from you. I just want to do something to help, and I feel like my hands are tied. Actually, I only want to understand. I do have a secret of my own to get out of my system. Once I’m satisfied with all your answers, I’ll consider confessing.” Then we can both be free and leave it behind.
She sagged, as though all the fight sifted to the cement beneath her feet. “Aiden, I’ve confessed all my shortcomings, all my sins against others, to the Lord. We can’t have all this stuff between us unresolved before we go visit Lakota. Maybe it would calm you to consider confessing to God. Please. He’s the only sense that matters when life goes amok.”
He clawed the top of his head in frustration. Then he loosened his jaw and worked it side to side. He met her troubled gaze and reached for her elbow. “Get in. Let’s go say hi to Lakota.”
They were silent on the short drive to the vet’s clinic. Aiden willed Barton Littlefield to walk out from wherever he was hiding; to no avail.
At the clinic, Beth opened her door before he pulled the key from the ignition.
His mind had come up with more logical questions. “Didn’t Littlefield say he was working around here? What kind of job would he take without an employer being suspicious?”
“He knows his way around a yard. He once owned a lawn business.”
“That’s a great start. I’ll ask Rainn and Eric to keep a watch for new yard workers.” Inside the clinic, the smell of animals and disinfectant hit his nostrils.
Beth asked directions to Lakota. Aiden followed her down the hallway and to the back room. She rushed to where the wolf lay inside a large kennel with a hefty chain looped around the door. Even Aiden could tell the wolf was a shadow of his normal self, clearly drugged for his benefit, as well as for the safety of humans and animals around him.
“Oh, Lakota,” Beth crooned. “I am so sorry. You trusted me. And look what happened.”
When Aiden heard the sob in her voice, he went to her side. He smoothed a hand over her hair. Over and over, much the way he’d seen her care for Lakota.
“I’m glad you’ve settled down, Aiden. I know you were frustrated and angry.” She heaved a sigh, gaze fixed on the wolf. “I wish I was Lakota’s mother, so I could crawl in there and give him my love.”
“You women,” he said, pulling her against his side.
He caught movement across the room, and nodded at Rainn Harris when he entered the room.
Beth waved at Rainn and said, “Yes, we women. I can’t help how I feel. Lakota’s hurt because of me, and I want to help him feel better.”
Aiden kissed her forehead. “You all just have that mothering gene born into you.”
“There are some women who don’t,” Rainn commented.
What was Rainn Harris’ story all about, for him to say such a thing?
As if hearing the unasked question, Rainn continued, “My sister, may God rest her soul, didn’t know how to be a mother.”
“Be thankful Mia has Geneva for a mother, now,” Beth said, referring to Rainn’s wife.
“I’m more thankful every day.” Rainn pointed. “So this is the famous wolf the town is talking about. He’s quite a beauty. Where will he go from here?”
“He’s not so magnificent right now, recovering from an injury I caused,” Beth said.
“Out of here as quickly as possible,” Dr. Maahs interjected. “Rainn, I’ll go get your cat.”
Aiden slapped Rainn on the shoulder. “You’re just the man I wanted to see. So, you’re here for a cat?”
“Yup. Mia’s cat, Button,” Rainn said. “Sure wouldn’t want the feline to cross paths with that wolf.”
“Little harm in that, unless the cat wanders the woods along the river and ends up at Wildlife Safari,” Aiden said. “I’ve made government arrangements for the wolf to be secluded there for a spell. “He’ll recover safely in a kennel within the confines of Wolf Canyon. Then we’ll have to see where he’ll end up. If a female in the pack takes a liking to him through the kennel fence, he could stay right there.”
He drew Rainn away from Beth’s side to recruit help in the Littlefield search. Rainn agreed to spread the word via Eric Todd and other firefighters, to be on the lookout for a burly stranger doing yard work.
Beth entered from the back room. “Lakota is still sedated. It’s probably better that way. I guess we can leave, if you’re ready.”
“You betcha. Thanks for your help, Rainn.”
Back in the Jeep, Aiden said, “I apologize for spouting off earlier. You don’t have to answer any of those questions.”
“It’s all right. You have every reason to wonder about my past. Memories last a lifetime in a small town. I only hope you can put my past out of your mind and are able to someday see me the way I am today. With the Lord’s help, I’ll be a better person tomorrow. And in time, the town will see me as changed.”
“You are quite fine just the way you are, Beth Phillips. You’ve told me enough that I think I can fill in the pieces of your background. And you’re right, it doesn’t matter.”
“What matters is focus on spiritual things.”
He let that one slide. Then again, maybe he did need to address it, but later. “Well, here’s my biggie. I’ve mentioned high school trouble. And you know my dad lived with wolves in Alaska. I’ve told you about my Aunt Elgene. But I didn’t tell you I slept with my cousin.” He studied Beth for her reaction. No expression on her face. He had to hand it to her. Her first thought was accepting him no matter what. He needed to follow her example.
“Don’t most of us have a skeleton in the closet?”
He turned off the highway and onto the road leading to the cabin. Only then did he answer. “I suppose. Mine shames me. I’d like to blame my cousin and say she introduced me to sex. But those activities take two. She ended up getting pregnant. I borrowed money from my aunt and paid for an abortion.”
She didn’t speak right away. “I’m sorry you had to go through that pain. And I’ve been there, in your cousin’s situation. It’s a scary thing to be young, pregnant, and unmarried. Every once in a while, grief over losing my baby gets the best of me.” Beth covered her abdomen in memory. “I think it’s one of the reasons I went wild. All the partying kept me from facing the miscarriage.”
“How do you handle it?”
“I used to turn to drugs to numb the pain. Now, I turn to the Bible.”
He dug his fingers into his scalp. “Not that again.”
“But it’s who I am. When my life revolved around sin, I became an expert at defending it, especially to myself. I had to embrace that flamboyant past in order to put it behind me. I’ve forgiven myself and faced the truth. God has a plan for my life. Since I met Grace, even Lakota, I believe I can be used to help others.”
“You make it sound so simple.
”
“It’s the simple truth of belief. Jesus was born. He lived as a man. He was crucified. He defeated death and rose from the grave. He resides in the hearts of anyone who believes. His finished work has changed my life. Now I want to live for Him alone.”
Aiden parked at the cabin and shut off the engine. Neither one moved to get out of the Jeep.
Beth turned to face him. “Just one more thing. I reached the point when I came to the end of myself. It was decided long ago. There are only two choices when it comes to our lives. Believe and live forever. Or don’t believe and spend eternity someplace I don’t want to think about any more than I have to.”
He recalled what the woman on the radio said. She and Beth had similar stories. They’d endured abuse at the hands of bullies. Turned to drugs, thinking they lacked something inside that deserved such treatment. Rehab and religion had reformed their sordid backgrounds into beautiful lives.
“In the same way paint covers a multitude of sins on the walls of a house, a sinner uses the cover of darkness to hide. I was once friends with the dark. Barton is still in that dark place.”
He grabbed Beth’s hand, and then relaxed his hold to gentle the contact. He ground out, “Please don’t include yourself in the same category as that maniac.”
Yet it was obvious something, maybe it was God, had changed her.
An indescribable clarity suffused through his system, a peaceful washing from within.
“You know what? I’m convinced. All of a sudden, it’s as clear as a new pane of glass. Your change is obvious, based on what you’ve told me and the way I see you with Grace. I want what you have.”
“You mean it?”
“I do mean it. If Jesus is the answer, I guess I want Jesus. I want to be done with blaming my dad. His supposed abandonment and neglect, and what happened when he was gone, belong to my old, messed up point of view.” He pulled her to him, grasping her arms as though he never wanted to let go. She whispered his name, running her hands across his back.
“Tell me what to do,” he said, hearing his own ragged voice.
“It’s a matter of prayer. But I can’t do it for you. Get on your knees and let the Lord hear what you have to say. Talk to Jesus from deep within your soul. Let it all out. You’ll never be the same.” She cupped his face in the palms of her hands.
He wanted to drown, looking into her eyes.
“Let me loan you my Bible. I can use one from Faith Bible’s lost and found.”
Lost and found. That made perfect sense.
11
Lost in sin and found by grace. That’s exactly how I feel.
Aiden sat at the picnic bench, Beth’s Bible open in front of him. Beth. He was more her equal now.
Life had been quiet for three days, no hint of Barton Littlefield.
She stepped through the cabin door onto the porch where she’d been sawing laminate flooring. “Want something to drink?”
“I’m fine, thanks,” he answered.
He was more than fine. And finally OK with not helping her work. She’d told him it was more important for him to read.
I get it. I’m a Christian now. Thank You, Jesus, for paving the way. Thank You for showing me I was born a sinner. Thank you for giving me new life. Thank You for having Beth and her wolf cross my path. And especially for showing me how much I need You.
The heavenly Father had replaced that need Aiden had been unaware of with a peaceful assurance that had no words. Now he was beginning to recognize what he had inherited as a child of God. He no longer had to be so hard on himself, expecting some kind of greatness, always striving to prove himself, always battling for clear truth. And he hoped to goodness he could accept others for who they were, learn to trust them by their actions, forgetting the untrustworthy standard set by his father, Leroy Holt.
As a result, he thirsted for the Word of God as surely as a stranger roaming the desert in need of an oasis. He smoothed a reverent hand over the fine pages of Beth’s Bible, mimicking the motion he’d seen her make, scanning for words to jump out at him.
He stopped at Romans 12:2, and read: “‘Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—His good, pleasing, and perfect will.’”
Aiden had succumbed to the pattern of this world. He’d snuffed out a life before that life could see the light of day. Oh, my Father, forgive me for taking my baby’s future.
If he sat anywhere other than where Beth could see him, he’d fall to his face and cry. Somewhere along the way, he’d heard God could forgive anything. From this day forward, he’d strive to make choices that were pleasing to God.
He willed back the tears. Start with me today, Lord; show me the way. We’ll meet challenges together, Lord. Keep me from ever making such a grave error again. I long for Your pleasing and perfect will.
A peace that could only come from his heavenly Father suffused his system. He might just turn into a good man, after all. With God’s help. The words spoke to his heart and cooled his burning brain.
He felt healed and renewed and just plain like a different man, deep within his soul.
It was possible to become a changed man.
He wanted to leap and dance, his heart was so carefree.
Aiden lifted off the bench.
He had the urge to shout from the treetops, to tell others they needn’t live where he had been, without hope. He fully understood what it meant to be born again.
From the cabin, Beth’s chop-saw whined into silence. It still tickled him that she had refused his help when he offered to give her a hand in finishing the laminate flooring for the back rooms. That had given him time to dig into his hobby of nomenclature. He discovered Beth is Hebrew, meaning House of God.
Please forgive me, Lord. I wronged Beth by passing judgment earlier. Please help me look for the good in others from here on out.
He followed the compulsion to go to her. “Do-it do-it,” scolded a blue jay, flying across the clearing. Aiden never wanted to be as cross as that bird sounded.
When he lowered his head to enter the cabin, he found her in the doorway across the span of the main room. Her beauty sucked the strength from his knees. A stifling pressure punched him the chest. He strode towards her.
When all that separated them was inches of air, he took the measuring pencil from between her teeth and perched it on an ear. His chest rose and fell. He focused on calm, but he was full to bursting with myriad emotions. His muscles twitched with the urge to draw her into himself.
“What?” Beth surveyed his extremities as though expecting to find an injury.
“I thank you that I believe. When you explained about only two choices, I realized I couldn’t make a third choice when it comes to eternity.” He searched the depths of her eyes, so intent on communicating his feelings. “I feel like bursting. Never experienced such a high, simply being alive.”
“Oh,” she sighed, clearly relieved. Her laugh was as musical as a meadowlark’s song. “You’ll be euphoric for a while on your Jesus high. Enjoy the feeling because it won’t last forever. Life has a way of souring our perspectives. Especially when we look at the way of things and what we need to overcome.”
“Doesn’t matter. The old Aiden Holt doesn’t really matter at all, does he?” He answered his own question. “Jesus wiped it all away and used it to point me in the direction of who I am this moment.”
He wiped moisture from her hairline. “And He used you to get me to this point in my life. Who we were before is done away with. It makes sense, Beth. And I’m beyond grateful that you helped show me the way. God’s grace is all I need to enable me to accept my whole life, especially what I cannot change.”
She reached her arms around him and laid her head over his heart. But he couldn’t get close enough to draw her in for a good cuddle. The tools hanging around her middle dangled in the way.
He settled for a lofty comme
nt. “Isn’t it a relief to know God is in control and we don’t have to stress about tomorrow?”
“But people still make choices that can mess up anybody’s plans. And I’m so thankful you made the only choice that has eternal significance.”
“Wouldn’t it be something if we didn’t get in the way of God’s choices?” He ruffled her already messy hair. Something fruity hit his nostrils. “Often the behavior of others impacts our lives more than we care for. Like Littlefield. And my dad.”
“And my stepdad. Talk about reality. People are imperfect, and they’ll always disappoint. But God will never disappoint. He knows what is perfect for us and at the right time in our lives. He knew the days of our salvation.”
His cell phone chirped and died.
“And that’s today’s reality. You better check it out.” Beth tapped his chest and went back to her flooring.
“Excuse me? I know you have work to do, but I’m not leaving you alone again. Come with me to the road so I can try to figure out who called.”
“OK, Mr. In-charge Man. This time I won’t leave my purse, and I’ll lock the door.”
“Took the words right out of my mouth. I’ll wait. Shall we walk?”
Talk about crashing back to earth. Their banter couldn’t cover interruptions from the world outside their woods.
Their woods? He swallowed a chuckle at the idea of remaining there with Beth.
****
They tramped through the woods as quietly as possible. While Beth attended to where she stepped, she let the thoughts flow. Aiden’s new belief was cause for celebration. She tried to picture the angels in heaven rejoicing over his newfound faith.
But for the here and now, she lived on earth and had to make the best of it. Would it be a perfect world once Barton was again contained behind bars?
The thought of Barton brought Lakota’s near-lifeless form to her mind’s eye. Her fault. The wolf’s injury was all her fault.
The cabin renovation neared completion. Where would she go from here? She wanted it to be in Platteville. She had to follow the calling to help girls like Grace.