Freedom in Chains

by Ann Raina

  "Will you…will you accept me another time?"

  "I'll think about it." There was a glimpse of anger in his eyes, but when she blinked it was gone. Yet she could not stop it, her alarm was on. She kissed his brow, hoping he would not notice her uneasiness. "But for now I'm too sore."

  "Oh." Julian could not help the smut grin on his face. "Oh, I see."

  "Yes, you do." She lowered herself and touched his testicles so that he winced. "And you know."

  "Got me." He fought for the grin to return. "Which doesn't mean I couldn't do it."

  Now it was Kyra's turn to grin not really ladylike. It was an effort, but worth it. "Yeah, go all male on me, Julian, make my day." She stood and pulled him with her before she turned off the water. "Better get dressed before we dissolve."

  "I won't."

  Kyra laughed at his boyish tone. However, the moment of anger lingered on her mind like a bitter taste.

  CHAPTER 20

  Though she had enough hectic at work to occupy two managers Kyra handled each crisis of each customer as it appeared, much admired by Sabrina and Ashby, who knew that the weeks close to Christmas were stressful. It was the same every year. Customers found their gifts on last minute excursions and the dealers had to be prepared for sudden runs on items they thought would be out of fashion. Greeting cards with music had returned. They were old fashioned, back from the eighties, but since some TV smart talker had announced he would use them people started to think of the old days and bought them as a joke. Now the shops needed supplies and Kyra handled the demands as best as she could.

  Nevertheless she drove to her mom for a visit. The garden in front of the Jennings's home was already decorated for Christmas, which meant that everything that did not move fast enough was gleaming with red, green and silver lights, electric candles, plastic Santas and red and white sticks. Kyra thought it to be exaggerated, but, hey, it was not her garden and when her mom asked how she liked it, she managed a friendly Nice, as always and moved into the heated living room. Only to be confronted with more Christmas items, colorful and plenty. Kyra wondered if there was an annual competition going on between the bingo ladies who had the most, the brightest or the funniest decoration. Lara enjoyed this special time of the year and, while other people had little time to spend for decorating, Lara had not much to do at home.

  "Have you already put up a tree?" Lara asked as they settled for a cup of coffee. Fresh roasted Colombian coffee. Even Kyra, used to drinking tea, could not resist the smell and taste. Of course, the little cakes Lara had baked, knowing that her daughter would come, did their share. So Kyra munched on the tasty rolls and shook her head. "Oh. But you should. Those few weeks ahead are so…full of spirit. And we have snow this year." She beamed with happiness.

  "Very good cakes," Kyra said and sipped coffee. "Just great."

  "We could help you. You know we would. We know that you've got little time because of the shop and all that."

  The slightly huffish tone let Kyra take a deep breath. Parents were helpful, but sometimes their help was neither wanted nor necessary. And, Kyra thought with a hint of bitterness, this year help was not offered solely because I have a lot to do at the shop. "Julian will help with the tree," she said, hitting home hard enough to make her mother wince over the coffee mug. "I already bought one. It's in the garden."

  Lara took a deep breath, put down the mug carefully and found the strength to look into her daughter's face. All motherly, soothing and caring. "Your father and I wanted to talk with you about Christmas this year. I suppose you'll come over and we celebrate here?"

  "Then I will bring Julian along." The matter-of-fact voice was not to Mrs. Jennings's liking. Kyra made it worse. "Is there anything wrong with it? Do you expect me to leave him alone? All day?"

  "Kyra…this is our home. Our Christmas. It's a family feast, not one open to strangers. And since Mr. Bithrell is a convict and a stranger we don't want him to be around, not here."

  "What tells you that he's a stranger?"

  Lara's face fell. She looked slapped and she took Kyra's question the way it had come. Honest. Seriously indicating that Mr. Bithrell was no longer just a convict who worked at the shop. "I thought him to be a stranger, as opposite to being a friend or a member of the family."

  "Now you know better."

  Lara nodded, slowly. "Very well, but still neither your father nor I want that man in our home. You are welcome, but he is not."

  "Fine. So there will be no Christmas at your place."

  Lara swallowed her utter disappointment and Kyra realized that mom and dad had spoken about Christmas at length. They had not thought of her daughter's stubbornness. Now the collision of interests backfired. "So we…shall come over to your place?"

  "Sure. I'd be delighted," Kyra said, willing to ignore her mother's reluctance. "I'll bake cake and prepare dinner, no problem."

  "I can bring something, of course."

  "Yes, if you want to." There was an unpleasant silence and Kyra said seriously, "Julian saved my life, mom, and he saved me from being harassed by Chris." Lara grimaced, unable to hold back her feelings. "It was Chris's own fault that Julian kicked him out."

  "My child, you completely misunderstand his intention!" Lara only said my child when she was upset so Kyra was warned. "Chris is a good man. He cares for you. And his love for you is honest. He's a very honest man."

  "Fine. He can care for someone else, not me."

  Again Lara seemed about to cringe on the chair while Kyra narrowed her eyes and closed her face to the pleading that was about to happen. "That day it seemed the best solution, believe me. You were so sick I could hear it across the miles. You needed help and it must not be that criminal."

  "I thought we had this settled, mom. I really don't want to have the conversation again." She put the coffee mug a little further to the middle of the table. "I don't mind you being buddies with Chris, but I want you both to understand that there's no way of us coming together again. He wants to control me, wants to put me under his heel and I'm not willing to be his little something he can order around."

  "He knows so much, my child! He's so learned. You could profit from his knowledge!"

  "If he wants to offer advice he should change jobs."

  "You loved him so much, that can't be over so suddenly."

  "It wasn't suddenly, mom, it was the necessary consequence of him being obnoxious!" She bent across the table. Her mother frowned, unhappy and unable to change her daughter's mind though she had only good intentions. "He bought me clothes and insisted on me wearing them."

  "But why not?"

  "Because they weren't my style, that's it! He wanted me to change my haircut to look more like a business woman! He wanted to redecorate my house to make it more representative to customers though I never do business at home! He wanted to teach me trade though I knew exactly what I was doing!" She was angry now and her voice carried. "He tried to live my life as if I were only a doll he could dress up and put on a shelf! I would look nice and never bother him with questions or my own ideas! Don't you get it? Chris Balfour needs a person without brains and I'm not it!" She yelled the last words, upsetting her mom strong enough to make her reach for her cross, which dangled from a thin golden chain around her neck. "And if he comes for a visit…if he's here by chance or on purpose before I get here, I leave. I'll tell you this, mom, don't try and arrange meetings and pretend that it was all oh, so accidental. I'll know. And if you want to have him here, fine with me, but without me. He makes me sick."

  "And that Julian doesn't?" If contempt could be poured in bottles Lara Jennings would have filled one to the brim.

  "No, he doesn't." Even if it had been otherwise Kyra had stated it like a fact. Every man was better than Chris Balfour and her mother had to accept that. "He treats me nice and gentle. He asks me what I want. He's polite, unobtrusive. That's really, really good for a change."

  Lara Jennings's face paled and the birth marks stood out like dark dots. "Do
you…" She swallowed, but could not utter the words.

  Kyra was angry enough to say it. "Fuck him? Yes, I did." Lara's face was ashen now, her hand covered her mouth and her eyes were wide. "I slept with him and it was great because he respected me and did not solely use me to satisfy his desire."

  "Honey…" Lara wet her lips, fighting for control. "It is your life, Kyra, and you are old enough to make decisions, yet…I do advise you to be more careful. You never know…what kind of person he really is." She tried for dignity and, since she was close to fainting, managed it quite well. She being not utterly mad and accusing helped Kyra gain her composure.

  "I did not come here to fight, mom, but I can't stand that you both or all three of you, if you want Chris included, treat Julian as if he's a hardcore criminal, who's just out to fight, rape and murder someone. He was convicted for one crime, which--and I agree with him--he might not even have committed. So he's serving for nothing. If he had had a smarter lawyer and a better defense, no one could tell if he would not be free by now. So no one has the right to treat him like dirt. And Chris and dad had no right to send him to Palmentry. He suffered a lot that day." Lara stared at her. "If you want to come for Christmas I'll be happy, but I won't tolerate you picking at Julian the whole time."

  "You treat him like…like a boyfriend." The word stuck square in her throat.

  "Yes…yes, what's so bad about it?"

  "You should not have kept him at your place. All other shop owners keep the convicts at the halls or in lockable rooms."

  "Are you implying that I only like him because he's around? That's quite unfair."

  "Where is he now? In your car?"

  "I would not have left him there to wait," Kyra replied, anger returning to her voice. Her mother did not cease searching for stones to throw, it was annoying. "He's at the shop and Ashby will bring him to my place."

  "You let…"

  "Mother," Kyra cut her short, "you already stated that it's my life. Remember that." She stood and faced her. Mixed emotions surfaced at the same time. She loved her mother and her father with all their character treats. But she did not love their way of trying to influence her in the name of her better future or happiness. "Give me a call when you talked with dad. I don't want to spend Christmas without you both."

  Lara put her disappointment aside and hugged her daughter. "Take good care," she said with feeling and added hastily, "and not only with that man, but also on the streets. Lots of accidents due to the weather."

  Kyra smiled. "I'll be careful."

  * * * *

  Ashby's pickup truck stopped at the curb and Kyra was at the door a moment later. Her smile of anticipation dimmed when she saw that her shop manager had chained Julian's hands on his back and had also used the foot chains. According to the treatment Julian looked unhappy and, when he became aware of her, angry.

  "Was everything okay?" she asked Ashby when he brought Julian to the doorstep.

  "Aside him bumping the loader into a pile of boxes, yes." Julian's head spun around, and Kyra gasped, "What?" Ashby had the laugh on his side. He slapped his thigh while Kyra let go of her breath and Julian fought to stay quiet. He inhaled sharply and would have started an argument if Kyra had not lifted her hand. "Sorry, just a joke. No, Kyra, everything was fine. The last truck left an hour ago and I closed the shop."

  "Thank you." Kyra took the key and let Julian pass into the hall. She closed the door. "So you ruined a pile of boxes." She thought of making a joke, but Julian did not take it. "Hey, what's eating you?" She opened the cuffs.

  "Couldn't you have told him that it's not necessary to chain me like that?"

  Kyra stepped back involuntarily, hit by his resentful tone. "I did not…"

  "He did it in front of everybody! Just like I was back to being the hardcore, dangerous criminal!" He shed the belt that it rattled and clanked on the ground. "You could've told him!"

  "Calm down, Julian," Kyra said, avoiding to be in his reach. She walked into the living room, but did not turn her back to him. "He did not mean harm. I'm sure it wasn't his purpose to humiliate you."

  "But he did!" Julian took off shoes and coat. He clenched his teeth hard so that his jawbone stood out prominently. "He didn't even listen that you do it differently. He wanted it this way!"

  "Julian, please…"

  "No, Julian, please!" He dropped the coat, swiveling toward her. "Your manager knew what he was doing. He doesn't like me around. And I so don't like him. You gave him the perfect excuse of ruling over me."

  "It was not my intention to give him leeway with you." Kyra was close to the emergency box now. Maybe Julian's anger is just directed at Ashby, but what if it is not? She reached for it and put her fingers on the small plastic box with the red button. She swallowed her heart down again and all warnings of his temper and strength rushed her and made her cautious. She usually trusted Julian, but seeing him so full of anger she was willing to be careful first and trusting later.

  "Maybe not, but obviously you didn't give him instructions either." He lifted the coat, put it on a hanger and exhaled. Only then did he see her in the living room and his look turned cautious. He frowned. "What are you up to?"

  "That's my question, Julian." Her voice wavered. She did not take her eyes off Julian while her heart beat in her throat and her mouth was too dry for words. "My question exactly."

  "Don't be afraid." Julian pressed air out of his lungs, his eyes wide with recognition. "Don't…Kyra, I'm not harming you."

  "You look as if you would."

  He swallowed, hands down at his sides, shaking his head. "No, I won't. I would never hurt you. I'm just so…upset. With Ashby. He liked to order me around while you weren't looking."

  "And you accused me of not telling him not to." Her fingers were sweaty on the box. If he made one more step into the room she would press it. Maybe she would claim later it had been accidental, but right now she was afraid. Julian looked stronger and plainly intimidating when he was blowing a fuse.

  "Kyra, listen…" He looked at her, pleaded with his big brown eyes that could hold so much emotion. The strain to calm down made him shudder. "I'm unable to be always calm and…relaxed. Ashby made a show of chaining me! Playing big white chief with me!" He stepped forward.

  She had her right hand up before thinking. "Stay where you are."

  "Kyra…I'm trying to explain."

  "Yes, from where you are."

  He shook his head. "Do you want me chained before we have this conversation?" She was about to say yes when he already nodded. "Go on. Give me the handcuffs, I'll do it myself." She had to let go of the button to reach for the drawer and push the handcuffs across the carpet, but she took the risk. He turned so she could see when he closed the cuffs around his wrists at his backside. He faced her again, willing a calm expression on his face and failing miserably. He stepped closer. "Nothing to fear now, okay?" She gave a small nod. "Everything was okay until it was time for leaving. I got off the loader and he told me he was ordered to bring me here. Your manager had the upper hand and I didn't do shit to protest. Still he made it a show." He shrugged. "Like bull wrestling or something. I don't know if he did it for the men in the packing area or whatever. They had a good laugh altogether. And maybe I shouldn't care. But I do care that he used the moment you were out to humiliate me. That's way out of line. Like his jokes. It wasn't the first one he made. Having me shackled in his truck was…great for him, I think." He shrugged again. "He's got me up a tree, I tell you. And then did everything he could to bring me to heel." He shook his head. "After that he just dropped me off at your doorstep. With another stupid joke. So I'm not mad at you. Just at him."

  "Okay," was all Kyra managed to say. Her heartbeat had not slowed.

  Julian blinked and worry took the place of lingering anger. "Do you believe me or not?"

  "I want to."

  He exhaled and dropped to his knees. "All right, beat that anger out of me. Do what you want."

  "You scared me, J
ulian."

  "And I so didn't mean to. I'm sorry." He looked up to her. "It's all right that you've got control over me. But not him. Not for an hour or even less. I won't stand that a second time. Not like this."

  "I put him in charge, Julian, and you have to obey. You've got no choice."

  "I obeyed, Kyra!" His voice was pleading now, higher than usual. "I did what he said and he misused my obedience! I could have fought him, but didn't. It cost me a lot, believe me. And he knew!"

  "Even if…"

  "Push out my anger or it'll burn me up. Chain me and overrule me."

  "Sounds to me like you thought about that for some time."

  He shook his head, closing his eyes for a second. "You can't imagine."

  Kyra swallowed, and slowly, still ready to jump and react, eased away from the emergency button. "So if I overrule you you'll calm down?"

  "Wipe out my anger."

  "Like channeling it into…what? A game?"

  "Sex."

  "You've got an attitude, Julian."

  Anger was back, a short blinking, the tightening of his lips and clenching of teeth. Kyra realized he fought hard not to yell. "I'm trying to calm down, but I don't know how. Your manager got me. Drove me over the edge and I bet he knew. He was so self-satisfied when he knew I couldn't do shit about his babbling."

  "I never thought him to be unfair."

  "Not until you fired Kevin."

  "What about Kevin?"

  "He's his friend's son and it pissed him off that I could stay and he had to go."

  "But…"

  "Kyra, the reason doesn't matter. Do something that I stop thinking about Ashby and how it would feel to beat the living daylights out of him."

  "You can't solve a problem with violence."

  "And not every mockery can be ignored." He looked up to her, urging. The need is his eyes was raw, stressed by the overwhelming anger he fought. "Don't go into psychiatric mode, just…" He shook his head. "Help me out."

  Kyra was about to give words to her puzzlement when the door bell rang. "It's Wednesday," she said flat voiced. She locked eyes with Julian. "The friendly neighborhood cop shows up on time."