Wild

by Jill Sorenson

  “Yeah,” Mitch said, brimming with anger. “You should run while you can.”

  Josh didn’t budge an inch. “I don’t think so.”

  The nurse returned with the suture materials a second later. “Is there a problem?” she asked warily.

  “We can take it outside,” Josh said to Mitch.

  Helena made a sound of protest, but Mitch loved that idea, and the nurse nodded her approval. Helena couldn’t follow them and lose her chance to get treated. She could only watch, helpless, as they walked away, hyped up on testosterone.

  The nurse placed a stainless steel tray on the table, offering Helena a tired smile. “Man trouble?”

  Helena extended her numb arm, miserable. “I prefer animal trouble.”

  The woman laughed, snapping on a pair of gloves. “Looks like you’ve had more than your share of both. This is a lucky wound, though.”

  “It is?”

  She wiped the area with disinfectant solution. “A few inches higher, and I’d be tagging your toe instead of stitching you up.”

  ***

  JOSH DIDN’T REMEMBER Mitch being so…big.

  Or animated.

  In his mind, Helena’s boyfriend had been a cardboard cutout, a tall statue in the corner. Expressionless and bland. He rarely deigned to attend their work parties. When he did, he didn’t interact with anyone, not even Helena. He was a nonentity.

  Now that they were up close, Josh had to reevaluate his opinion. Mitch was a flesh-and-blood man, more than capable of showing anger. He was older than Josh by at least five years. He had severely short brown hair, thinning on top, and a nondescript style. He looked like he lifted weights.

  Josh didn’t lift weights. For all his military training, he wasn’t a tough guy. He didn’t want to fight Mitch.

  And yet, here they were.

  Josh had suggested going outside for a couple of reasons. If Mitch was planning to take a swing at him, he’d rather defend himself in an open space. Fighting inside a hospital was rude. They had personal issues to discuss that strangers didn’t need to overhear.

  Josh also had Helena’s welfare to consider. She was injured and in distress. He couldn’t stand the thought of Mitch yelling at her or calling her names. Josh was happy to step in and bear the brunt of Mitch’s wrath.

  He was also happy to be alive, to be honest. He was happy that Helena was alive, along with Chloe and Emma. This dispute with Mitch didn’t matter much to him. If Helena decided to reconcile with her boyfriend, Josh would be heartbroken, but he’d have no regrets.

  They passed Mateo and Emma in the hallway. Josh didn’t pause to explain. He walked through the main doors and out to a courtyard, where a few dozen people were milling around. There was no private space to conduct their business, no secluded corner. When he reached a grassy area underneath a tree, he stopped and turned around. Mitch already had his hands clenched into fists.

  “I just want to talk,” Josh said, raising his palms.

  “You think I came out here to talk?”

  “Give me a chance to explain, and then you can take a free shot.”

  Mitch wasn’t interested in this deal, judging by how fast his fist flew into Josh’s face. Josh’s head rocked back and pain exploded in his jaw. He stumbled backward, rattled. Mitch had a hell of a right cross.

  Damn. Josh was already getting his ass kicked.

  “Okay, that was your free shot,” Josh said. “The next one won’t be.”

  “Good.”

  “I didn’t mean to take her away from you—”

  Mitch punched him again. It wasn’t a direct hit, because Josh got wise and sidestepped. He also lowered his shoulder and drove it into Mitch’s stomach, taking the fight to the ground. Josh was lighter on his feet than Mitch, but Mitch was a better wrestler. They traded a few more blows, tumbling across the grass. After Josh’s run-ins with various wild animals, Mitch’s heavy fists felt like hammers on his skin.

  Josh maneuvered Mitch into a choke hold, breathing hard. When Mitch finally broke free, they were both winded.

  Mitch socked Josh once more in the gut, for good measure. But it didn’t carry the same heat as his first strike. Josh moved out of range and sat upright, holding a hand to his aching stomach. Mitch didn’t come after him again.

  It was a draw.

  “I remember you,” Mitch panted. “I’ve shaken your hand, motherfucker.”

  Josh couldn’t deny that they’d met before.

  “You’re that…security guard.”

  Josh was a certified law enforcement officer, not a security guard. It rankled that so many people had contempt for his profession.

  “You knew about me,” Mitch said.

  “I knew you left her.”

  Mitch’s mouth twisted at this charge.

  “I’ve always had a crush on her,” Josh admitted. “I asked her out once and she said no. Did she tell you that?”

  Mitch squinted into the distance, uncertain.

  “It was a long time ago,” Josh said. “The important part is that she wasn’t interested because of you. But then you moved away, and the earthquake hit, and…things changed. We’ve been through a lot in the past few days.”

  Mitch closed the distance between them, grabbing Josh by the front of the shirt. “There’s only one thing I need to know. Did you fuck her?”

  Josh didn’t want to lie. He had fucked her, whether he’d used his cock or not. Admitting it might be a game changer for Mitch. A lot of men wouldn’t take back a woman who’d had sex with someone else. Even so, Josh was reluctant to share the intimate details. He couldn’t betray Helena’s confidence.

  “I’ll tell you this,” Josh said. “I love her.”

  Mitch let go of Josh’s shirt, appearing stunned. Mitch seemed to realize that this was the bigger issue. He might be able to forgive a sexual affair, but Helena’s feelings for Josh were paramount. Would she continue to deny them?

  “I haven’t told her yet,” Josh said. “If she picks you over me, I’ll walk away. I won’t interfere in your relationship.”

  “You won’t interfere in our relationship, really? That’s great, man. You’re a real saint.”

  Josh revised his opinion of Helena’s boyfriend again. He wasn’t a robot. He was more of a sarcastic prick.

  Mitch got up and dusted off. “If we weren’t surrounded by injured, suffering people, I’d beat you to a pulp.”

  “Be my guest. Just don’t lay a finger on Helena.”

  “Fuck you,” Mitch said tiredly. “Fuck you for even saying that.”

  After Mitch left, Josh rose to his feet. They hadn’t drawn a big crowd, but there were a number of curious onlookers. It was pretty embarrassing. Josh crossed the courtyard, his jaw aching. There was nothing more he could do to prove his love to Helena. Fighting with Mitch hadn’t solved anything.

  She had to make her own decision.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

  HELENA GRITTED HER teeth as the nurse placed the final few sutures.

  Although the local anesthetic had numbed the affected area, the lacerations on her shoulder went deep. She could feel the needle piercing her skin and the sutures pulling through her wounds. It was uncomfortable, to say the least.

  Mitch returned to the cafeteria without Josh. He didn’t look much worse for the wear. His clothes were dusty and he had a red mark on his left cheekbone. She was irritated with Josh for suggesting they go outside, and with Mitch for taking him up on the offer. It was pointless. She wasn’t a prize to be bandied back and forth.

  To his credit, Mitch’s demeanor wasn’t exactly victorious. If he’d won, he’d taken no pleasure in it. He was a competitive person, physical in many respects, but more of a thinker than a brawler. She couldn’t have guessed how he’d react to her affair with Josh. Although his aggressive response didn’t surprise her, a cold dismissal seemed more like him.

  He didn’t say anything, and the nurse continued working. When Helena winced in pain, he reached out to hold her h
and. She accepted the gesture, swallowing hard.

  After months apart, his hand felt like a foreign object. It was large and strong, pale from the cold Denver winter. His knuckles were scraped, like Josh’s.

  The nurse finished the sutures and placed a bandage over Helena’s shoulder. Then she left them in the overflowing cafeteria, moving on to the next patient.

  Helena let go of Mitch’s hand and straightened her clothing. When she was decent, she met his gaze warily. “Did you fly in?”

  “No, I drove straight through as soon as I heard.”

  She nodded, feeling miserable. “Long trip.”

  “Yeah.”

  “Have you slept?”

  “I got a few hours last night. They wouldn’t let civilians into the city, so I volunteered at one of the evacuation centers. Gwen was there. She left earlier today.”

  Helena was relieved to hear about her friend. “I’m glad she’s okay.”

  He asked about her injury, and she gave him an abbreviated version of this morning’s events. It was awkward to talk about Josh after Mitch had walked in on them together. “I don’t know what to say.”

  “I think that’s why we’re in this position.”

  He was referring to their lack of communication. She couldn’t argue. “I’m sorry.”

  “So am I.”

  She couldn’t believe he’d driven all the way from Denver. Her betrayal must have felt like a slap in the face.

  “I can’t blame you for…whatever happened with that guy,” Mitch said. “I don’t like it, but I understand. I’ve been gone for months. Even before I left, we were struggling. I wasn’t providing for you.”

  “I didn’t care about that—”

  “I wasn’t satisfying you.”

  She fell silent, unable to disagree.

  A muscle in his jaw flexed. “I knew you weren’t happy, and I knew the long-distance thing wasn’t working out, but I didn’t expect this.”

  “Neither did I.”

  “I feel like a fool.”

  “No,” she said, guilt-stricken. “You’re not.”

  “I am. I left a beautiful woman alone and unfulfilled.”

  She shook her head in denial. He was killing her—and she deserved every word.

  “I thought you’d miss me.”

  “I did.”

  “You have a funny way of showing it.”

  Her stomach clenched in regret. There was nothing she could say to make this better. No amount of apologizing would ease the hurt she’d caused.

  “You didn’t ask me to come back,” he said.

  “You didn’t ask me to move to Denver, either.”

  “Would you have considered it?”

  “No.”

  “You always loved your elephants more than me,” he said with a wry smile.

  “That’s not true,” she said, but it was a weak protest. When the going got tough between them, she’d retreated into work. Because, as dangerous as elephants could be, interacting with them felt safer. She could love them from afar. They didn’t expect her to communicate or provide emotional support. They didn’t count on her for anything but basic care.

  He rubbed a hand over his mouth, pensive. “My boss has been looking into a new job site in Southern California. If everything works out, I might be able to transfer.”

  She stared at him in shock.

  “I was hoping to surprise you with the news in person.”

  They’d scheduled a visit for early summer, because he hadn’t been able to get away over the holidays. She’d been planning to talk with him then. If she’d known he was considering a return to the area, she might have felt better about their relationship. So much for her selfish wishes that Mitch would be relieved by the breakup.

  “I can see that I shouldn’t have waited,” he said.

  “Why did you?”

  “I wasn’t sure you wanted me back, to be honest. You’ve been distant. We haven’t talked about staying together.”

  “We haven’t talked much, period.”

  “I know,” he said. “I take responsibility for that.”

  She didn’t like the way he was maneuvering her into a passive role. She wasn’t a dog who’d escaped and roamed the neighborhood because of a derelict owner. She was a woman who’d made a conscious choice to disregard their commitment. He had every right to be angry.

  “This is my fault,” he said.

  “It’s not your fault.”

  “I left you unattended.”

  “And I dug under the fence?”

  His determined gaze met hers. "You made a mistake. I can overlook it.”

  She inhaled a sharp breath. “You can?”

  “I still love you.”

  The words were like a dagger, straight through her heart. His forgiveness was so much harder to accept than his anger. She believed he meant what he said, but she also knew him. He was stubborn and competitive. He couldn’t stand losing her to another man.

  “Do you remember when I took that pregnancy test?” she asked.

  “Of course.”

  “I was disappointed when it turned out negative.”

  He seemed baffled by this news. “Why?”

  “I guess I changed my mind about having kids, after Mbali.”

  “You’re kidding.”

  “No.”

  “I had no idea.”

  She hadn’t told him for the same reason they hadn’t talked about their other problems. Some differences were impossible to overcome. “I was going to say something about it, but then you lost your job, and we drifted apart. Instead of reaching out to you, I withdrew.”

  He didn’t understand. He was the type of person who preferred to fix things on his own. Taking responsibility for her affair was his way of staying in control. “Why are you telling me this?”

  She struggled with her answer. It didn’t matter if Mitch came back to San Diego or reversed his stance about having a family. He was a good man, and she’d always care about him, but she didn’t want to reunite with him. They couldn’t salvage their relationship. “I should have been honest about my feelings back then. The only thing I can do is be honest now. I’m not in love with you anymore.”

  He flinched at those harsh words. “Maybe you never were.”

  She couldn’t blame him for lashing out at her, but his lack of faith hurt. They hadn’t been the most affectionate couple, but she’d loved him. She still loved him, in a way. It was like a fading pulse, almost indiscernible.

  When she was with Josh, her heart galloped wildly.

  Her feelings for Josh weren’t going away anytime soon. She realized that now, and she was starting to adjust. The intensity of emotion scared her. It was the difference between riding the aerial tram and dangling from the side. That second experience had made the first seem tame.

  She couldn’t say she wasn’t afraid of what the future might hold. Josh was more of a challenge than Mitch. He’d probably annoy her as often as he made her laugh. The highs would be higher and the lows would be lower. But he’d be a true partner, sharing his soul with her, working alongside her without taking over.

  There were no guarantees, of course. They might burn out as fast as they’d flared up. Even if they did, she wouldn’t regret her decision to end her relationship with Mitch. She wasn’t right for him; they were too similar. He’d be an excellent match for someone else. When he found a woman who suited him, he’d recognize that.

  For now, he was just pissed off. He walked away from Helena and strode through the cafeteria with his hands clenched into fists. Josh was waiting by the door. As Mitch passed by, he shoved Josh into the hallway, sending him sprawling.

  Then he kept going and didn’t look back.

  ***

  Josh couldn’t believe it.

  She’d picked him over Mitch.

  He’d watched their entire conversation from a distance, and he could read body language. Mitch was no dummy. He wanted to keep Helena for himself. Who wouldn’t? She was a
fine-ass woman, strong and smart and sexy. She managed elephants and wrestled lions. She was basically a dream come true, better than any comic-book fantasy.

  And she wanted him, Josh Garrison.

  Hoo-yah.

  He didn’t even care about Mitch’s late hit. Josh scrambled to his feet, his blood pumping. Nothing could knock him down right now; he was high on emotion. He straightened the chair he’d tipped over in a clumsy rush.

  Helena approached him with a smile. She was holding her jacket under one arm. Her left shoulder was bandaged, her tank top bloody and frayed.

  He was suddenly unsure of himself. She might have told Mitch to take a hike, but that didn’t mean she was ready for a replacement boyfriend. Mitch hadn’t signed over her ownership papers in the process of trading punches.

  “You need some ice,” she said, touching the side of his face.

  “You should see the other guy.”

  “I did.”

  “How’d he look?”

  “Like the winner.”

  “I went easy on him.”

  She rolled her eyes at this lie.

  “He wasn’t the winner,” Josh pointed out. “I’m the one here with you.”

  “Maybe that was his choice.”

  “No.”

  She glanced away, shrugging. She looked a little sad. Her conversation with Mitch couldn’t have been pleasant.

  “Is there anything I need to know?” he asked.

  “Like what?”

  “I won’t stand for him calling you names.”

  “He didn’t.”

  Josh was glad to hear it. “How’s your shoulder?”

  “Fine. I’ll get the stitches out next week.”

  “You’re lucky that swipe didn’t hit you in the neck.”

  “That’s what the nurse said.”

  He rubbed his sore jaw, contemplative. “Let’s go find some ice.”

  They spent the next hour with Emma and Mateo while Chloe recovered from surgery. Volunteers passed out drinks and snacks in the waiting area, which was nice. The woman sitting next to Mateo chatted with him in Spanish. She had four children with her of various ages, and they all spoke English.

  “Can you translate for me?” Josh asked the oldest boy. He had a lip ring and long bangs that he kept flipping to the side.