Breaking the Cycle

by Tricia Andersen

  “So I can throw it back up?”

  Max shook his head as he straightened himself and walked into the kitchen. He came back out with his bowl, settled into the couch, and began to eat.

  The day wore on. The passage of time was marked by the next program on the television. Max worked new training schedules on his laptop in the morning then made sandwiches for the afternoon Cubs game. Liz did crossword puzzles from one of the many books she had received while in the hospital. Chloe still wanted nothing to do with food. She sat perched in her chair, a frown firmly etched on her face.

  Max stood as the game ended. He stretched his cramped muscles then tugged his shoes on for a run. “Chloe, do you want to come with me?”

  “No,” she grumbled.

  He sighed as he stepped outside. He felt a knot in his stomach. If luck served them as it normally did, he would find Chloe retching when he got back. He stared at the front door and exhaled. The first step of freeing Chloe from the grasp of this disease was not allowing it to have a hold on him. Teach her by example not to let it take control of her. He slipped his ear buds in and started his run.

  Afterward, he held his breath as he reached for the knob on the front door and pushed it open. He smiled as he found Chloe still in her chair. However, her demeanor had changed. She was no longer mad. She seemed confused.

  “If you ladies let me take a shower, I’ll grill up some chicken,” he volunteered.

  “I don’t—” Chloe began.

  “Oh, come off it,” Liz interrupted.

  Max kneeled before Chloe then took her hands in his. “Have you ever gone this long before an episode started?”

  “No. It should have started by now.”

  “Do you have any stomach pain? Any headaches? Do you feel bad at all?”

  “No. I feel fine.”

  Max smiled. “The meds are working. I’ve noticed you feeling better. I know you’ve gone your whole life being sick. Being well will take some adjusting. Enjoy it. I know I am. And I haven’t been doing this near as long.”

  Chloe carefully smiled. She flung her arms around his shoulders, burying her face in the curve of his neck. He returned the embrace. “Thank you, Max. Thank you so much,” she breathed.

  “What for, baby?”

  “For talking to Mark. For hunting for an answer. For not giving up on me.”

  Max looked deep in her eyes. “I would never give up on you. Now, I’m starving. I know you have to be. I’m going to go take my shower so I can start the chicken. All right?”

  “Sure.”

  Max rose to his feet and jogged up the steps. He smiled to himself as he heard Chloe say to her mother, “He’s my hero.”

  »»•««

  Max kneeled next to the mat as he analyzed Rico and Mark sparring. He squinted his eyes as he studied them. “Mark, you’re still not keeping your hands up to defend yourself. You’re leaving your face wide open,” he critiqued.

  “Rico wouldn’t hit such a work of art.” Mark preened as he proudly propped his chin on his gloved hand. Rico playfully shot his fist across Mark’s cheek. “Hey, man. Would you punch a Michelangelo?” Mark protested.

  Rico laughed. “Dude, you’re not a Michelangelo.”

  Max laughed at them. “Guys, seriously. Can we get back to work?”

  “Max!” He looked up to the walkway above. Jack motioned to him. “A word, please?”

  Max slowly climbed the steps to Jack’s office. He shut the door behind him.

  “You need to speed up Mark’s training. Turn it up a few notches. I need him at Rico’s level now,” Jack ordered.

  “I can spend some more time with him. But to improve him that much that fast will injure him. I won’t risk that.”

  Jack rubbed his fist with his other hand. “I brought Rico in to win us a championship. He can’t do that without the proper training.”

  “Then recruit someone of his caliber.”

  “Train me one. That’s why I hired you. Maybe I made a mistake when I did that.”

  Max snarled as he threw open the door. He stormed back down the steps. “Mark, off the mat.”

  “What? Why?” Mark protested.

  Max grabbed a spare pair of gloves off the rack and tugged them on. He faced off with Rico, crouching into attack stance.

  “Max, what are you doing?” Rico demanded.

  Max’s voice was low and dangerous. “Jack wants someone of your level to work with you. Welcome to your new sparring partner.”

  “Max, what about…?”

  “Just attack me.”

  Rico answered him with a series of punches followed by a low kick. Max avoided it all, responding with a volley of his own. The gym faded away. All Max felt, saw, breathed was this fight. Nothing else came into focus until he stood over Rico, who groaned from the final kick Max had delivered to his head.

  “Holy crap,” he heard Mark mutter.

  Max scanned the room. Every set of eyes in the gym were locked tight on him in disbelief. He noticed one pair of eyes missing. Chloe’s. Where is she? He reached his gloved hand down to help Rico to his feet. “You all right, man?”

  “Yeah,” Rico answered. “Not the first kick I’ve taken to the head. How are you going to explain this to Chloe?”

  Max clenched his hands to his hips. “I don’t have to worry about it. She asked for the afternoon off but wouldn’t tell me what she was doing. We drove separately. She asked to have all Tuesday afternoons off from here on. Right after Jack promoted her to a full time trainer.”

  Both men turned as Jack clapped them on the shoulders. “That, gentlemen, was impressive. Now show me more.”

  Max snorted as he followed Rico to the mat. He didn’t need to worry about his secret being blown. Chloe wasn’t here to see it. However, he was going to find out where she went on Tuesday afternoons.

  That night, Max watched Chloe bustle around the kitchen as she cooked. Liz was gone with Al, testing her new freedom now that Chloe’s episodes were under control. It was Liz’s first date since her divorce. She had been nearly a nervous wreck when she had left.

  His eyes drew to slits as he studied Chloe. “So, where did you go this afternoon?”

  Chloe stopped and looked at him, startled. “Oh. I just had an appointment.”

  “Two weeks in a row?”

  “Umm…yeah.”

  “With who?”

  “The doctor.”

  “Two weeks in a row? Are you all right?”

  “Yes. Of course.”

  Max sat back in his chair. “You’re keeping something from me. Haven’t I proved you can trust me?”

  Chloe set a full plate of roast beef before him. “It’s nothing to worry about. Really. Eat up before it gets cold.”

  He stared at her then picked up his fork. He would stop dwelling on it and focus on her and the meal she made him. For now.

  The week crawled by. Max kept Chloe close to him, rarely letting her out of his sight. It was really no change, and she never noticed. They always spent time together.

  Max fought the way he felt. There was something about her that she wasn’t telling him, something that drove a wedge between them. He wouldn’t rest until he found out what it was. He wasn’t going to give her up easily.

  He watched her like a hawk on Tuesday, having spent all week plotting this very day. He carried his keys with him. The minute she left, he would follow. He would bust her with her secret and then he would demand the reason she kept him in the dark.

  Then, Max noticed her slip out the front door of the gym. He stood at the glass as she pulled from her spot and drove down the street. Max ran to his car to follow.

  Chloe sped down the interstate toward the looming downtown Minneapolis skyline. Max kept close on her tail as she wove through the city streets until she pulled into the lot of a small office building dwarfed by the skyscrapers around it. Max found a parking space and turned off the engine.

  He felt his heart pound as he watched her hurry inside. This
was it—the moment he had been anticipating. He peeled himself from the seat and stormed after her.

  He quickly scanned the frosted doors in the hallway. These weren’t apartments. They were indeed medical offices. But the two doors on the first floor belonged to a pediatrician and an optometrist. Certainly not doctors Chloe needed. He quickly jogged up the steps to the second floor.

  He froze at the first door he came to. It was open a crack, as if the last person to enter hadn’t closed it all the way. Max growled. This is the doctor she’s seeing? Why the holy hell does she need a sexual therapist?

  Max stormed inside, startling the poor young receptionist sitting behind the desk. “Where is Chloe Davis?” he demanded.

  “Sir, she’s in with the doctor…” the girl objected.

  The office door opened. A tall, slender man in his sixties with salt and pepper hair stepped out. “Michelle, what is the problem?”

  Michelle gestured toward Max. “This gentleman is looking for Chloe Davis.”

  The man slowly studied Max from head to toe. He smiled. “Max Thomas, I presume?”

  “And you are?” Max spat.

  “Doctor Abraham Spencer. Why don’t you step into my office?”

  Dr. Spencer ushered Max inside. Chloe half rose in surprise when she saw him. “Max! What are you doing here?”

  “I’m here to find out what doctor you’re sneaking off to see every Tuesday,” Max snarled. “You don’t trust me. I can’t accept that. And now I’m really confused. Why do you need a sexual therapist? Who are you doing this for? What are you doing here?”

  Max hated the helpless, confused look in Chloe’s eyes. He hated even more that he had caused it. But he had to know the truth. Now.

  “Max, maybe you should sit down, and we can all talk,” Dr. Spencer suggested.

  “I don’t want to sit,” Max fumed. “I want an answer. Chloe?”

  Chloe dropped back into her seat. “Chad told me to get rid of the stress in my life. I talked to him about this when I asked you to call my mom. I have problems being intimate with men. It sets off my CVS. This was never a problem before. I was never interested in a guy. But I am now. I really want to be with him. I really love him. Dr. Spencer is helping me get over my fear, so I can be with him.”

  “Really?” Max sneered. “I’d love to meet the guy. Who is this guy you’re so madly in love with? I want his name.”

  Chloe stared at him, looking dumbfounded. Max turned toward Dr. Spencer. The therapist was just as stunned. Max glanced from one to the other as a thought slowly penetrated the jealousy. “You mean me?”

  “Yes, Max,” Chloe’s voice was soft as air. “I mean you.”

  Max ran a strong hand through his dark hair as his bravado deflated like an old, worn balloon. “Chloe, baby, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have lost my temper.” He sunk into the sofa beside her. “I just got so insanely jealous because I love you, and the idea of you with another man was eating me alive. Please, forgive me.”

  Chloe smiled as she touched his cheek. “Of course.”

  Doctor Spencer sat gingerly on the edge of his seat. “Chloe, maybe you should explain to Max what happened to you that makes you so nervous around men.”

  Chloe suddenly went pale. Her eyes were full of terror. She shook her head. “I’d rather not.”

  Max frowned as he took her hands in his. “Chloe, you can tell me. I can’t help you get past it if you don’t. I promise nothing you tell me will make me feel any different about you.”

  Tears filled Chloe’s eyes. “This will.”

  “No, it won’t.”

  Chloe glanced from Dr. Spencer to Max. She let go a shuddering breath. “By the time I was a sophomore in high school, my Mom had to home school me. I had too many absences. But my high school did agree to let me do the senior things, like prom and graduation. One of the jocks asked me to prom. I was so excited. I, of course, had three episodes before it, but the night of prom, I was fine. It was a dream come true—to be beautiful and somewhat normal around other kids my own age.

  “Then, we left the dance. But instead of driving me home, he drove me to some rural farm field. He started kissing me. Then, he undid my dress. I told him to stop. I slapped him. I kicked off my shoes, opened the door, and ran away as fast as I could. He caught me. And then…” Her voice trailed off to silence.

  Max felt his blood boil in rage. He stood and paced to the other side of the room. He wanted the son of a bitch’s name. He would find him. And when he did…

  “Max, I’m sorry,” Chloe whimpered.

  Max shook himself from his murderous thoughts. He berated himself. You numbskull. She thinks you’re mad at her.

  He crossed the room to her and dropped to a knee. “Chloe, you have nothing to be sorry for. You did nothing wrong. You were right. This does change how I feel about you. What you just told me makes me want to wrap you tight in my arms and never let anything else near you. It makes me want to protect you with my dying breath. I won’t let anyone hurt you again. Never. I love you, Chloe.”

  She smiled through her tears. “I love you too, Max.”

  Max turned toward Dr. Spencer. “What if I came with Chloe to her appointments? That way, I know what we need to work on. Would that be all right?”

  “I was just about to suggest that,” Dr. Spencer admitted. “What do you think, Chloe?”

  “That would be great,” she sighed.

  “This time next week?”

  Chloe stared deep into Max’s eyes. He grinned. “Absolutely. We’ll be here.”

  Chapter Eight

  Max followed Chloe toward home. He thought about the appointment and Chloe’s revelation. His heart broke. This is why she’s skittish around men. Who could blame her? After the nightmare she lived through. I have to make it so that she can trust me.

  He smiled to himself. She said she loves me. He pondered harder on his situation. Suddenly, an idea came to him. He took the next turn and headed for the nearest store. His cell phone rang. He slid his finger across its face to answer it.

  “I thought you were coming home,” Chloe pried.

  “I am, baby,” he answered. “I just have to stop for something. All right?”

  “Sure.” Her voice was uneasy. “See you in a bit. Love you.”

  “Love you, too.”

  Max hung up then turned into the parking lot. It took a while for Max to find what he wanted. Once he gathered the five items in his hands, he directed himself toward the card and party section. It didn’t take long for him to find a baby pink gift bag with mauve flowers and rope handles. He shook the bag open and dropped the things he held inside. He strode to the check out to pay for everything.

  He set the bag in front of Chloe as soon as he stepped inside the house.

  “What’s this,” Chloe questioned as she examined it. She crossed her legs beneath her on the sofa.

  Max sat next to her. “Now that we’ve pretty much admitted we want a relationship with each other, things will eventually heat up between us. But I want to go at your pace.”

  “You have high hopes,” she scoffed. “If I’m dictating the pace, we won’t get anywhere.”

  Max shot her a dirty look. “There are five items in this bag. When you’re interested in that step of our relationship then you hand them to me. Take a look.”

  Chloe stared at him uneasily then reached inside the bag. She pulled free a tube of cherry-flavored lip balm. “Lip balm?”

  “When you’re ready to kiss me.”

  “We’ve already kissed.”

  “Not a sneak attack kiss, hoping I don’t set off your CVS. Long, slow kisses. Anytime we want. I want to kiss you good morning. I want to kiss you good night.” He could have sworn he heard her moan at the thought. His smile held a hint of evil.

  Next, she pulled out a teddy bear. “And this?”

  “When you want to cuddle with me. And before you protest that we cuddle, we don’t cuddle. We hang out together like buddies. We don’t hold each ot
her for hours for the sake of being close.”

  Chloe set the bear next to the lip balm. Next came a pair of stretch, woven, winter gloves. “Let me guess. Holding hands?”

  “Exactly. Accompanied with letting the world know we’re Max and Chloe. Together. Lovers, not friends. By the way, do you know how hard it is to find gloves in the summer in Minnesota? The girl had to get them out of the back for me.”

  “This all seems pretty innocent to me.” Chloe set the gloves next the other two items. She reached into the bag again. In her hand this time was a small, red candle in a clear glass holder. She gave Max a quizzical look.

  “That’s the end of the innocence. It means romance. It’s to encompass all the things that happen between the three items on the table and the last item in the bag.”

  Chloe took a deep breath. Her voice trembled. “So, in short, making out.”

  “Yes. That’s a way to put it.”

  Chloe set the candle on her lap and dug in the bag. She gasped as the final item fell out of her fingers onto the floor.

  A box of condoms.

  “You know we’re never going to get there, right?” Chloe asked in a panicked tone.

  Max picked up the box and set it back in the bag. “I got them so I don’t ever misread your signals. I don’t want to think you want to make love to me and realize too late you didn’t. This way I know for certain if that day ever arrives.”

  “But what if it doesn’t? Are you really going to want to stay with me if I never have sex with you?”

  He took her hands in his. “If I grow old with you, and we’re never intimate, I will die the happiest man alive just because I have you.”

  “You can’t seriously mean that.”

  “I do.” Max gently took the candle from her lap and set it back in the bag. Then, he scooped up the rest of the items and dropped them in also. “You’re in the driver’s seat, babe. I’ll take my cues from you.”

  Chloe shook her head. “You can’t be serious about all this. You need more from a girl.”

  “I need you. I’m content reveling in the fact that you said you love me. That’s all I need right now.” He stood and kissed her forehead.

  “I do love you,” Chloe whispered.