by Alicia Rae
“Fine.” I sighed deeply, unable to resist her endearing charms. For now, I needed to lighten the atmosphere, so I teased, “You know, I’m beginning to think friends are as much of a curse as they are a blessing.”
She pursed her lips at me and made a smacking kiss noise. “Love you, too.”
“Uh-huh.” I laughed.
By noon on Sunday, I found myself in awe that I was driving down the curvy country roads en route to my parents’ home in Shelbyville.
This would be my first trip home in three months. After thinking things through, I knew Ashlee was right. I’d been away from home for a long time, and I missed everyone. I needed to stop making excuses to stay away. I was going to try my best to be myself around my family. I hoped they could see past my slight limp and still love me for me.
I planned to stay with my mom and dad. My younger sister, Kayla, was attending her first year at The University of Tennessee in Knoxville on a volleyball scholarship. She had left for college early to begin summer classes and get a head start. Since it was more than a three-hour drive from the ranch, I prayed she would have the time to come home for the weekend, or I could always make the trip to visit her on campus for a day.
I was rather nervous to return to the small town, especially since my parents’ ranch backed up to Colton’s parents’ home. Each property was roughly one-hundred-and-forty acres, and most of it was pastures. Both our families raised horses and cattle and also trained and bred the horses.
I reduced my speed to make a left turn into my parents’ long gravel driveway, passing between two old willow trees that had been there for as long as I could remember.
Once I came around the bend, my parents’ white ranch came into view. Neatly trimmed bushes and an array of flowerbeds outlined the house. Dad’s American flag was still proudly hanging right in the center of the front yard with Mom’s marigolds planted in a perfect circle around it.
I parked my car in front of the double-wide garage, exited my vehicle, and strode along the cobblestone path toward the front door. I found Mom kneeling in between two giant green bushes as she pulled weeds out of her rose garden lining the front porch.
When she noticed my presence at her side, she rotated her head and beamed up at me. After stopping a few feet in front of her, I noticed she had purple earbuds in her ears. She pulled them out, and smiling broadly, she tucked the cord into her pocket while rising to her feet.
“Oh, Paige!” she cried, embracing me. “You made it!”
“I did.” I smiled, hugging her back with all my might. Gosh, I missed my mom. When we parted, I teasingly asked, “So, you listen to tunes now while gardening?”
“I do.” Mom chuckled. Her brown eyes glowed with amusement as she reached into her pocket and pulled out her iPhone attached to the earbuds. “Your father insisted that I have this high-tech gadget. Except for a few of the apps, I don’t know how to make much sense of it, but I can stay out here for hours while listening to my music!”
“That’s great!” I scanned the yard, wondering where my dad and our black Labrador were. “Where are Dad and Sadie?”
“Sadie is at the groomer’s, and you know your father never strays too far from the barn.” She pointed behind the house. “He is out back in the arena, teaching E.B. some new roping techniques for the cattle.”
E.B. was a gentle gelded quarter horse that we had bred and raised. He was as sweet and loving as could be, and he had always been afraid of the cattle.
“Oh, I bet that’s been interesting.”
“I’m sure E.B. would agree with you.” Mom chortled and then eyed me curiously. “Your father is very excited to see you, and I’m sure E.B. will be, too. Would you like to walk out to the barn together?”
I was just as eager to see my dad, but I had not been around a horse in nine months. As heartbreaking as it had been for me to stay away, it was equally as terrifying to think of being near one again. I was not ready. I wasn’t sure if I would ever be emotionally prepared to ride a horse again even though I’d eventually be medically cleared as long as my physical therapy continued to progress as my therapist expected it to.
“No, I don’t want to interrupt Dad,” I replied, knowing he diligently took his time with training his horses. I could only pray that would be enough for my mom to let the subject go.
Mom seemed to hold in her reservations. “All right.” She pointed to the roses. “Would you like to help me with the garden until supper?”
“I think I can manage that.” I grinned happily.
Together, we walked the few short steps over to the flowerbed. I kept my movements slow and steady, so she wouldn’t notice or comment on my slight limp.
I folded my good leg beneath me as I lowered to the grass, and my opposing one was partially bent as far as it would go off to the side. Flexibility was still the main focus of my physical therapy, and I had been working hard at getting better.
From the corner of my eye, I could see my mom observing me.
“Sweetie, I don’t want you to hurt your leg. Maybe we should go inside for some tea instead.”
I loved to be outdoors, so I shook my head from side to side. “I’m fine, Mom.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, I’m positive. It’s a beautiful day out, and you know how much I enjoy being outside with you.” I scanned the flowerbed in front of the porch.
It was evident where Mom had already been working. The left side of the flowerbed was neat and clean whereas the right side had green patches of weeds growing throughout. It appeared she hadn’t been keeping up with her garden as she had usually done so over the years.
Another reason I’d left earlier this spring was because everyone around me had done nothing but make sacrifice after sacrifice for me, and it hadn’t seemed fair in my eyes. I didn’t want my loved ones to suffer because I’d made a bad choice on the river last fall.
“Wow! Where did all these thistles come from?” I asked in shock.
“I don’t know. They just kind of took over this year.” Mom snatched her brown-and-pink gardening gloves from next to the small black bucket she used to dispose of the weeds. She handed the gloves to me while rising to her feet. “Here, you can use these. I’ll grab another pair from the garage.”
“Thank you.” I put on the gloves to protect my hands. Then, I picked up the mini shovel, and I started pulling weeds out of the dirt, one by one, before tossing them into the pail.
Mom quickly returned with a second set of tools, and we worked side by side for the next several hours. It didn’t take long for me to realize how much I’d missed spending time with her, no matter the task at hand.
“So, how are you enjoying your job at the bakery with Ashlee?” Mom asked, raking a small section of the dirt before breaking apart the clumps with her fingers.
“I love it,” I answered, tilling a new patch within the flowerbed. “I never really thought that learning how to bake could be so much fun. It’s nice not to burn everything I touch anymore,” I added with a laugh.
“Yes, baking skills definitely come with lots of practice,” Mom responded affectionately. “Lord knows, I had my fair share of messing up countless dinners after your father and I first met, and we’d end up going out to eat in town.”
“Ashlee had to throw out about the first hundred dozen cookies or so that I’d baked, saying they were either under- or overcooked.” I chuckled again. “Now, I have the ingredients and baking times down to a science.”
“Well, it sounds like you are having a fun time with her, and I’m glad to know you are doing well on your own.” I could hear the upcoming question brewing in her mind right before she asked, “Are you planning on staying in Murfreesboro and working at the bakery permanently? Or will you be coming home to help your father around the ranch?”
I knew she was actually asking if I intended on using my bachelor’s degree in Equine Studies. I’d earned it at a local college the spring preceding the accident last September. So, mo
ving to Murfreesboro was the first time I had ever left home.
Feeling uncomfortable in more ways than one, I shifted my position on the ground. The sun was extremely strong today, and it was beaming directly down on me. My normal love for jeans was failing me, and the fact that I was sweating profusely because I was wearing them to conceal my horrific scars did not help the situation.
I lifted my arm to wipe my brow with my three-quarter sleeve, and then I peered over at my mom. “I honestly haven’t made any concrete decisions about the future yet. I’m still trying to figure things out.”
“Okay, sweetie.” Mom outstretched her hand and rubbed it up and down my arm in a reassuring gesture. “I just want you to know that your father and I both love you, and we’ll support whatever decision you make.”
“Thanks, Mom. I greatly appreciate you not pressuring me.” I withheld a sniffle at the overwhelming emotions flowing within me. “I love you both, too.”
Since leaving my parents’ home and the country lifestyle behind, I’d truly missed the sunsets beaming across the open fields. The way the rays shined through the golden prairie grass, lighting it with its vibrant colors, was stunning to witness, and it always took my breath away. From my parents’ back porch, I could watch the sun descend every night, and the view would never get old. But even more, I missed sharing them with Colton in our tree fort that he had built for us.
Just before the sun was about to dip behind the west tree line, I saw my father heading toward the house. The familiarity of his cowboy hat and boots outlining his form brought memories to the forefront of my mind. When I was a little girl, I’d yearned to be out there with him all the time instead of completing my homework at the kitchen table. I used to plead and bribe Mom in hopes of getting out of doing my assignments, so I could spend extra time with our horses. Yet, today, here I was, hiding on the porch in a wooden rocking chair.
One at a time, my dad’s boots hit the steps, clunking against the wood. “So, my little girl has finally decided to come home and see her old man,” he said in his Southern accent.
I gradually rose from my seat and opened my arms wide, eager to greet him. “Yes,” I answered with an affectionate smile.
Once Dad neared, he bent down and gently wrapped his arms around my back, hugging me. “It’s about time.”
“Missed you, Dad,” I said, reciprocating the affection pouring off of him. “It hasn’t been that long,” I teased, hoping three months wasn’t considered a lengthy time to go without seeing my family. Since this was my first time returning to the family nest, I had no idea how these things went.
“I know, I know. Your mom said you’ve been busy working six days a week. I can understand that.” He took a small backward step and stared down at me with a smile spreading across his features. “But that doesn’t mean that we don’t miss seeing you around here. How was your trip home?”
“Good. It was a quick drive,” I replied.
Just then, Sadie came barreling out of the screen door, and I knew Mom must have just come home from the groomer’s. Sadie ran right up to my side and started licking my hand.
I gazed down at her. “Hey, girl. I missed you, too,” I said, petting her.
Dad laughed, making me glance at him. “Yes, she sure does miss having you and your sister around all the time.” He tipped his head down at me. “Apparently, your mom and I aren’t exciting enough for her since you left and Kayla moved into the dorms at school.”
“Aw,” I cooed back at Sadie. “Did you run out of squirrels and birds to snatch up around the farm?”
“Nope. She still catches them and drops them right in front of the door, and your mom still steps on them and screams.”
“Naughty, Sadie.” I chuckled under my breath, remembering all the times I’d heard Mom’s loud squeals.
Dad sat in his favorite rocking chair as I continued petting our dog.
“So, how long are you visiting for?” he inquired, taking off his cowboy boots and setting them to the side.
“I don’t have any official dates set,” I answered.
Dad linked his hands together in front of his chest, and I was met with his fatherly silence.
I took it as a cue to be more specific. “Maybe a week or two.”
“That should give you a good solid visit,” Dad replied thoughtfully. “I’m sure you have a few friends in town you’d like to see while you’re here.”
“Yes.” I nodded. My thoughts filled with a few people I would like to maybe have lunch with, but my intentions were to spend most of my time with my parents and sister. “I’m hoping that Kayla can find a few hours to come home one day from college, or maybe I can make the drive to see her.”
“Kayla would love to see you. I know she really misses you. This first year away at college has been an adjustment for her.” Dad leaned back in his chair and crossed his left foot over his right knee. “Have you stopped by Colton’s barn and seen Foster yet? He sure has turned into quite a magnificent horse. He’s a smart one, too.”
Foster was a beautiful saddlebred horse that Colton had bred with my horse several years ago, intending for him to be mine. Since the day that colt was born, he’d shown a great mix of spunk and intelligence. Colton had just started Foster’s training a few weeks before my accident.
My heart seized and sank into my stomach. Nowadays, everything in my life revolved around that one day. It was hard not to despise something that had affected me so profoundly.
I took a deep breath and redirected my focus. I was pretty sure my dad had brought up Foster to pique my interest in horses, and I’d be damned, it was working. “Oh, yeah? How is Foster doing? Gosh, I miss him.”
Dad let out a low chuckle. “You’ll have to go and see him for yourself, kiddo.” He lifted his hand and ran his fingers across his mouth as if closing a zipper. “My lips are tightly sealed.”
“Huh,” I murmured.
Dad rose from his chair and came to stand in front of me. “Well, I’m off to bed.” He leaned forward and gave me a swift kiss on the cheek. “I’ll see you at breakfast?”
“Of course.” I smiled. “I wouldn’t miss Mom’s pancakes for the world.” Then, it dawned on me that Mom hadn’t mentioned having breakfast tomorrow. “Wait—Mom is making pancakes, right?” I asked with an optimistic tone.
“I hope so. I live for that woman’s pancakes.” He snorted.
“Me, too.” I laughed.
“Good night.”
“Night, Dad.”
He opened the screen door, and it squeaked on its hinges. Suddenly, he paused and looked over his shoulder at me. “Oh, and Paige?”
“Yeah?”
“Your Gator is still in the shed if you need it. The gas tank is full.”
“Ah, thanks, Dad,” I murmured, remembering my off-road utility vehicle. Growing up, that thing had been so much fun driving around the property. It had saved me from walking endless miles back and forth from Colton’s house to mine over and over again throughout the years. Plus, it was the only way to get around hundreds of acres unless going on horseback.
“Anytime, kiddo.” He winked and walked off, letting the door lightly close behind him.
In slow motion, I let my body fall against the backrest of the chair, and I stretched my legs straight out in front of me. As I sat on the porch, I gazed up at the sky in hopes of clearing my mind. The stars were now in full effect, each a different size and brightness, contrasting against the dark blue sky.
No matter how hard I tried, thoughts of Foster and Colton continued to plague me. I wondered how far along Foster was in his training and how much he had changed since I last saw him.
I was pretty sure my dad’s intentions were winning me over because I wouldn’t be able to sleep until I saw that horse. I had to know how he was doing. After all this time of being away, I owed it to Foster to see him again even if it was just one last time to say good-bye.
My decision to be near a horse was an instant change of heart. Then again
, Foster always did have a special place in my heart. Colton and I had raised Foster since he was born, and he was my favorite.
I slowly rose from the chair, ignoring the ache in my leg. It had reached its limit for the day. I walked over to the red wooden shed my dad had built. I slid the large double doors across the metal track to see that my Gator was in its usual spot. I climbed on and turned over the key. It fired right up, making me smile.
After backing out of the confined space, I briefly stepped off the utility vehicle to shut the barn door. Returning to my former seat, I flipped on the headlights and began cruising the short distance over to Colton’s barn. Our parents’ properties were large, but the houses and barns were actually fairly close together.
Since it was late and Colton was an early riser, I had an excellent chance of sneaking into the barn to see Foster, remaining completely undetected. I believed this was the best way to go until I was ready to face Colton.
Getting closer to the building, my heart rate spiked to an unnatural rate. I found myself unbelievably nervous to see Foster, but I was excited at the same time.
From what I could see on the outside, every detail was just as I remembered. The metal barn was brown and white with tall lampposts lining the sidewalk, which lit up during dusk hours. The north pasture gate was closed, meaning all the horses were in for the night.
I parked the Gator next to the walkway, and I gingerly rose from the utility vehicle. As I’d expected, the large barn door was open in the center of the building. Two large silver industrial fans pushed fresh air through the confined area at all times to help keep the horses cool during the hot summer months.
A few small neighs sounded as I neared, and several horses poked their noses through the metal bars of their stalls.
I slowly moved onward. “Hey, guys,” I whispered, creating a few more neighs.
Indescribable emotions flooded me as I entered. Part of me was filled with anxiety, and the other was thrilled to be here after being away from the animals I had passionately loved throughout my life. I felt conflicted to say the least.