Nameless

by Claire

  When Seth returned to the bed, he was rather quiet. He lay on his back and stared up at the ceiling.

  Kind of surprised that he didn’t pull her into his arms, Erin rolled over and draped herself against his side, feeling like she wanted to cuddle a little. “Hey.”

  He turned his head to look at her. “Hey,” he murmured with a slight smile.

  "You weirded out?"

  "No."

  "Unsettled?"

  "No." He paused. "Not by the milk, anyway. In fact, it’s an excellent means of assessing whether a woman's orgasm is genuine."

  Erin snorted. Then realized what he'd said, and she felt a little pang that something had unsettled him, even if it wasn't her leaking all over him. “You okay?”

  “Of course. It was incredible.” He made a face. “It would have been nice if I could have made it a little long—”

  Erin’s groan of exasperation interrupted him before he could finish. “For God’s sake, Seth. That was amazing sex. Why would you think you needed to last any longer?”

  He shrugged with one shoulder. “Well, our previous experiences have set the bar at a certain level, so my expectations in terms of how much I please you are unusually high.”

  “Pompous idiot.” She caressed his chest, trailing her hand down to his flat belly. “One orgasm was more than enough for me. You pleased me...a lot. And what else would you expect? It’s been a long time, since we’ve...I mean, for me, it’s been...” She cut off her words, feeling a little awkward all of a sudden. Wished she hadn’t brought the subject up.

  Seth met her eyes evenly. “Six months,” he finished. “It’s been six months, for both of us.”

  Erin had to look away. Couldn’t handle the intensity and depth in his eyes. Couldn’t believe he hadn’t had sex in six months.

  Couldn’t believe he hadn’t had sex with anyone since her.

  Felt overwhelmed and like she might suffocate on a strange ache in her throat, in her chest, in her belly.

  There were a lot of questions and reflections lingering on the borders of her conscious mind, but she wasn’t quite ready to deal with them yet.

  To distract herself from the overload of feeling and confusion, she stared down at her hand as it stroked the softer flesh of Seth’s lower belly. Then, without any conscious decision, her fingers slipped even lower. Caressed his sated cock—aware of something strangely protective, possessive, and tender as she played with his him almost idly.

  When she found the courage to glance up at his face again, she saw that he was watching her with fond amusement. “Having fun?”

  She grinned, her hand shifting to fondle his balls. “Yep. I never get to have any fun with it when it isn’t hard.”

  Seth made a sound that suspiciously resembled a snort. “In general, it’s more fun when it’s hard. Which is why it’s a shame when it doesn’t stay hard for as long as it's supposed to.”

  “You aren’t going to start bemoaning your lack of control again, are you? I like that you came when you did.” Although her tone was grumpy, she recognized that she was speaking the truth.

  Seth arched one eyebrow. “Is that right?”

  “That’s right. It made me feel...” She couldn’t think of the right word. What she wanted to say was “special,” but that sounded far too stupid to voice. When she realized Seth was waiting expectantly for her to complete her sentence, she scowled again. “And, furthermore, only an arrogant clod would think that he—”

  She stopped again, this time because something flared up in Seth’s eyes. Something familiar but completely unexpected.

  She was still holding his cock in her hand, stroking it with her thumb, and her fingers tightened slightly as she recognized what the look in Seth’s eyes must mean.

  “Would you call me arrogant, pompous and egotistical,” Seth began, speaking in a luscious, husky drawl, “if I say there’s a chance I might be able to make up for the control I lacked before?”

  “Uh,” Erin mumbled, gaping at him in surprise.

  She felt his cock twitch in her hand.

  “Oh,” she said at last, her befuddled mind finally realizing the new possibilities. "Already?"

  It wasn’t even midnight yet.

  Her eyes were wide as she gazed at his face, and her mouth wobbled a little—in excitement, in anticipation, in irony. “Oh, goodie.”

  ***

  It wasn’t long before Seth was fully erect again.

  Erin had continued fondling him, strangely delighted by the feel of his hardening beneath her hand. When he was fully erect and had started sucking in his breath with harsh hisses every time she stroked up the length of him, she reached over for another condom packet and ripped it open.

  Seth’s face was slightly flushed, but he managed to arch one eyebrow in dry inquiry. “Are you going to put that on with your mouth again?”

  “I don’t know. Probably not. I don’t want all my good moves to get boring too soon.”

  “That would be a shame. When did you learn that particular skill, anyway?” He sat up and reached out for the condom. Started to roll it on himself.

  Erin wasn’t sure if Seth was just in a hurry or if he actually thought she hadn’t wanted to use her mouth this time. Either way, his assumption didn’t seem worth countering. Instead, she simply answered his question. “Oh, I don’t remember. You pick things up. There was a time when I actually had a social life, you know.”

  It seemed ages ago now—the time when Erin had dated a lot, when she’d had sex more than twice a year. Even now, in the antique bed of a suite in an expensive inn with Seth Thomas, she felt far removed from that kind of life.

  Seth smiled quietly. “There was a time when I did too.”

  She wasn’t sure if she felt tender, or amused, or a little nervous about his comment and about the silent understanding in his gaze.

  So she decided she’d just concentrate on the matter at hand instead. She adjusted herself on the bed until she was stretched out beside him. “You know, my thighs are kind of tired, so I think I’ll let you get on top this time.”

  “Sounds good to me,” Seth agreed, positioning himself between her parted thighs. He reached his hand down to explore her intimate flesh. “How are you doing?”

  She knew exactly what he was asking, and—although he could obviously feel the answer for himself—she replied, with a quick intake of breath as his fingers slid inside her, “Ready to go.”

  Without further ado, Seth reached down and, holding his cock with one hand, lined himself up. Then Erin bent her legs and pulled her knees up as he slid in.

  Seth inhaled in pleasure as he sunk into her, but his eyes remained opened, and he planted his hands on either side of her shoulders, straightening his arms to hold his upper body above her.

  Erin arched beneath him, the sensations from the penetration filling her tightly and making her squirm. “Have I mentioned,” she began breathlessly, her arms reaching up to stroke his shoulders and neck, “that I really enjoy doing this with you?”

  Seth gave a grunt of amusement and eased his pelvis back a bit before thrusting forward. “Likewise.”

  Her fingers tightened reflexively into the hard muscles of his shoulders, and she couldn’t hold back a moan of languorous pleasure as the friction sent shudders pulsing out. “I can’t figure out,” she continued, determined to keep up her end of the conversation for as long as she possibly could, “if you’re particularly talented in this or...”

  He pulled back and then sunk into her again, his time levering up with his hips. Her words were cut off with an involuntary gasp as a jolt of pure sensation caused her to buck up her hips and flail one arm out to clutch at the sheets.

  Seth’s face was now set with concentration, and his eyes were fixed steadily on her face. She saw again that deep, disturbing expression there. “Or what?”

  Erin had to summon all of her control to keep from pumping her hips frantically beneath him. Determined to match his leisurely rhythm, she forced her
self to only move her hips to meet his thrusts.

  After two more thrusts from him, several broken gasps from her, and a few helpless tosses of her head, Erin managed to complete her earlier thought. “Or if we just happen to be particularly in sync in bed.”

  Seth’s body was tight, the muscles in his arms and shoulders rippling as he held himself up, as he pumped into her with steady strokes. “Very likely both.”

  Erin—dealing with a number of feelings between her legs and in her heart—was really glad that he sounded breathless too.

  His speed didn’t accelerate, but he’d added a roll of his hips to his lever up on each thrust, which was really working for her. She had let go of his shoulder by now, since it took too much concentration to keep reaching up. Instead, she clung to the nearest bedpost with one hand and clawed at the sheets with the other.

  Her body felt like it was swelling with the lush friction and motion, but she used the last of her focus to grit out, “Or maybe I’m...really...talented...at this.” Her feet had flattened on the mattress, and she was thrusting her hips up urgently to meet him in an effort to get as much pleasure as possible.

  “Definitely...that,” Seth agreed, his words coming out more like grunts.

  On his next in-stroke, Erin intuitively squeezed her inner muscles around the hard substance of his cock.

  Seth let out a muffled exclamation, and his rhythm picked up immediately.

  Crying out in relief, Erin matched the faster tempo as she rocked beneath him. She clung to the bedpost for stability and tossed her head against the pillow restlessly, causing her hair to fall into her mouth the way it always did.

  Seth was panting above her, but he wasn’t saying anything now. His eyes...his eyes never looked away from her face. Their expression was that nameless one—the one that spoke so much, even without any words.

  When Erin looked up blurrily, trying to focus through the rising haze of her deepening pleasure, she saw more in his expression than she’d ever seen before.

  There seemed to be everything there—a rich, overwhelming flood of feeling—all of it visible, tangible in his gaze. All of the feelings he always suppressed, that he hid behind his cool control. More than he’d ever admitted to. More than she’d ever dreamed possible. All of it—there—in his eyes.

  Erin closed her own eyes against it, the depth and magnitude of the emotion terrifying her. She wondered how she’d ever thought this man was cold and unfeeling.

  Wondered if anyone else had ever seen what she'd just seen in Seth—all the raw, naked power of it.

  She turned her head to the side and squeezed her eyes shut, but even then she could still feel him watching her. Could feel how much this meant to him.

  It was too distracting. And too overpowering. If she dwelled on it she’d lose the building pressure of her orgasm. So she kept her eyes closed, tried to block out his gaze and all that it implied.

  Thought about how their bodies were moving together in urgent rhythm. Thought about how his hard cock was sliding inside her, stimulating her in the most intimate of ways. Thought about how her body was rocking and shaking beneath him, about how she was whimpering now in pleasure.

  Found herself close to coming again.

  The sensations had built up inside her until the pressure was overwhelming, so—with a sobbing sound—Erin stopped clutching the bedcovers and moved her hand down in between their bodies. She squeezed her fingers into position, until she could reach her clit. Rubbed at it frantically, needing release from the peaking sensations.

  Needing release from the entire experience.

  “Yeah,” she choked out, as the clumsy massage of her clit pushed her closer to climax. “Yeah!”

  Her body writhed desperately until the tension finally shattered. She released a breathless, wordless scream.

  Seth was still thrusting into her—making hard little pushes into her clenching pussy. His eyes had closed for the moment, but his expression still revealed his effort and pleasure.

  When the intense throbbing of her orgasm faded into a rich, lingering spasms, Erin realized that her breasts had leaked again. She grabbed the towel once more, clumsily wiping herself off as Seth continued to move over her, inside her.

  Then his eyes opened, and he met her gaze as the tension in his body reached its limit.

  “Erin,” he rasped.

  For a moment, the intensity in his eyes was blinding, suffocating. Erin literally couldn’t breathe.

  Then, with two more hard pushes, he froze. Then came, once more choking out her name.

  Erin watched—couldn’t look away—as his face transformed and his eyes fell shut at last. His body finally began to relax, and his elbows buckled before he caught himself.

  And Erin was scared again—wasn’t sure she could handle this kind of intensity, wasn’t sure if she could stand to be needed so much, especially since she wasn’t even sure why.

  Part of her thrilled at it, longed for it. But that was a small, clinging part of her soul that she rarely gave any attention to. The rest of her—the cynical, ironic self—couldn’t take it, needed to break the rush of feeling before it drowned her.

  So, as soon as Seth started to relax, she squirmed beneath him. “Condom.”

  He opened his eyes and pulled out of her.

  “I’ll throw it away,” she offered, rolling out of the bed and taking the damp towel with her. “I want to clean up a little anyway.”

  He nodded silently. Tied the condom off and handed it to her.

  Erin hurried to the bathroom, relieved to get away for a moment.

  She cleaned herself off, wiping off her breasts, her belly, and between her legs. Then she washed her hands with soap and splashed cold water on her face. Stared at herself with hazel eyes that were almost wild.

  Her heart beat frantically, and it wasn’t just from the exertion of their lovemaking. She felt like a cornered animal, like she was momentarily frozen from the shock of a threatening danger.

  Was so scared of what might happen when she returned to the bed, returned to Seth. Was scared he would take her in his arms, that he would say things she wouldn’t know what to do with, that part of her might actually want to hear them.

  Really wanted to run away. To grab her clothes and run out of the room, without talking to him, without looking at him.

  As she dried her face though, she shook herself off. She wasn’t about to do that. She wasn’t going to hurt Seth again—certainly not in any way she could help. While she wasn’t in the same place that he was—and part of her felt horribly guilty because of it—she did care about him deeply.

  And she wasn’t going to mess things up between them again. Not if she had a choice.

  So she screwed up her courage and went back to the bedroom. Found Seth lying on his side, his back in her direction.

  Something about the tense lines of his body made her gut clench with an entirely different kind of anxiety.

  She got on the bed and scooted over toward him. Pressed herself against his back and draped an arm over to stroke his chest and belly.

  “Hey,” she said softly.

  “Hey.” He didn’t turn his head back to look at her.

  He seemed different now somehow. Not the careful, reticent father. Not the suave, cosmopolitan sex-god. Not the cold, hard lawyer.

  He was something else—something almost young, almost vulnerable.

  Erin swallowed hard. “Are you...I mean, you look...do you regret this after all?” She was really scared of hearing his answer, but better to get things out in the open so that he wouldn’t feel like he had to withdraw from her again.

  He finally turned to look at her over his shoulder. “No. I don’t. Do you?” His eyes were sharp and observant, and she suddenly wondered how much of her panic a minute ago he had recognized.

  “No. I feel a little...strange and confused. But I don’t think I regret it. It was...good.”

  Something softened in his eyes and his body, but his expression still
looked rather wary. “Do you think you might want this to continue?”

  Erin was silent for a long time, trying to be honest and considerate both. “I...don’t know. It all happened in such a rush. I think I need a little time to work through the implications of everything. I’m sorry.”

  Seth rolled onto his back so he could look at her more easily. “Don’t be. It's entirely up to you. There’s no obligation. You don’t have to feel guilty, even if you decide against it.”

  She squirmed a little and burrowed into his side. “Honestly, I do feel guilty, a little.” Before he could object, she went on, “But I won’t let it affect my decisions. What happens between us is going to affect Mackenzie’s future, so I really want to make sure we do the right thing. I'm not going to keep jumping into bed with you if it's going to later cause problems between us. So I hope you don’t regret this, after all.”

  He nodded silently. He must have found his cool defenses again because he smiled without a hint of conflicted feeling. “No chance of that.”

  Erin exhaled deeply, relaxing beside his warm body, relieved to once more see the Seth she was used to.

  ***

  The drive back was quiet and thoughtful, but not awkward as Erin had feared.

  When they finally arrived at Erin’s apartment, it was nearly four o’clock in the morning. She realized that she was going to have to confront Liz—who she was pretty sure would immediately discern what had happened.

  So Erin tried to steel herself as Seth walked her up to her apartment door.

  He looked drained and a little tired, and his clothes were uncharacteristically rumpled from how they’d been wadded up on the floor for several hours. As Erin pulled out her key, he said mildly, “I suppose Mackenzie will be asleep.”

  Erin was about to give an automatic assent, when she realized why he was asking. She suddenly felt for him deeply. She couldn’t imagine what it was like for him to not be able to see his daughter all the time.

  So she said, “Probably. But she’ll likely need to be fed pretty soon anyway. So if you want to come in and say hi, you can.”

  Seth just nodded, and the two entered the dim apartment quietly.