Nameless

by Claire

  When she returned to the dining room, Seth was sitting on an upholstered bench. The bench was against the wall, but Seth was turned almost sideways on it, ostensibly to look out the window. His back and shoulders were hunched, and his head was propped up on his hands.

  He looked burdened, lonely, so sad, and Erin’s heart lurched when she saw him. All of the emotions that had already risen to the surface from discovering that picture flooded up helplessly into her chest.

  He was Seth Thomas—high-profile, ever-articulate, ruthless in court, absolutely untouchable.

  And Erin wanted to cradle him. To comfort him. To protect him from whatever was tearing him apart today.

  She wanted so much to make him feel better.

  Didn’t care that he’d never asked for her to do so.

  Moving across the room, she stood beside the bench—behind him because of the way he was positioned—and she placed her hands on his shoulders. “Are you all right?”

  Seth straightened immediately, his face composing itself automatically until it was characteristically unreadable. “Of course.”

  Erin frowned, knowing very well that he was lying. He sat stiffly on the bench now, still staring out the window, but it felt like he was shuddering, like he was damaged beneath her hands. She kneaded his shoulders, just on either side of his neck, but he jerked away the instant her fingers tightened around his flesh.

  “Hey,” she objected, keeping her voice casual and choosing her words precisely. “Why are you pulling away? I can’t believe how tight your muscles are.”

  Seth became even tenser as she massaged his shoulders again. This time, he didn’t jerk away, but his body coiled up painfully. “Erin, I’m fine. You don’t need to do that.”

  “Stop whining,” she replied blandly, feeling her heart flutter with inexplicable nervousness. Her fingers squeezed his muscles tentatively, as she waited to see if he’d allow it. “Why can’t I give you a backrub?”

  He would have risen, but her hands on his shoulder held him down like a weight. “I don’t need a backrub. I’m not unusually tense. How’s Mackenzie?”

  Erin ignored his objections, intuitively realizing that something was wrong with him and that he would resist her help unless she insisted. “She’s fine. She’s asleep. And you are tense. Really tense. You’ve given me backrubs before. Why can’t I give you one now?”

  Seth stopped trying to pull away, but he still hadn’t relaxed. Glancing at her from over his shoulder, he said, “There is a difference. I’m not carrying your child.”

  “I suppose I can’t argue with that, but it’s entirely irrelevant.”

  Seth inhaled sharply when her thumb found a particularly tender spot at the base of his neck. One of his hands was fisted on his lap, and the other hung down near the side of the bench.

  “How did you get this tense?” she asked, working on the tender spot as best she could. After a moment, he made a choked noise in his throat and then released a textured exhale.

  He didn’t answer her question.

  Something was going on with him today, and she wondered how much of it had to do with the fact that she’d found him standing beside Mac’s grave.

  Mac was one chance he’d had for family, and he’d blown it.

  She and Mackenzie were one more chance he’d had for family, and he thought he’d blown that too.

  She knew he wouldn’t really open up to her—at least, not in the way she’d always understood it. If she pushed him too far, he would close down for good.

  But her shifting moods this evening had coalesced into something deep and powerful and focused entirely on Seth.

  He didn’t have anyone...except for Erin and Mackenzie. And she wanted to give to him—as much as he’d given to her.

  She couldn’t do much, so she channeled the need to care for him into her massage.

  After a few minutes of silence, Seth’s muscles began to loosen up beneath the strong kneading of her fingers. He breathed slower, deeper. Started to lean back into her hands.

  Something about the feel of his body relaxing beneath her touch affected Erin’s own body.

  This wasn’t about sex. But the fact that she could do this for him—that she could feel the tangible result of her ministrations through the transformation of his body—was the most potent sensation she could remember. She felt a warm throbbing develop inside her—not just between her legs, but everywhere. And the more he relaxed, the stronger it grew.

  She eased Seth forward some, so she could gain access to the lower part of his back, and her breath kept hitching as something came alive, quickening inside her.

  Her fingers and palms stroked over the smooth planes of his back and the rippling ridges of his spine and ribs. His body kept softening at her touch. His skin, even through the t-shirt, was getting warmer—hotter—as each minute passed. His breathing had slowed down to a series of long inhales and exhales, which were often no more than helpless groans.

  Finally, she felt like she might drown in the thick, sensual air of the room.

  “Seth,” she asked, very softly, almost afraid to say anything. “Why did you come out here today?”

  He tensed slightly. Her hands were low on his back, her fingers curling around his sides, so she could feel every shift in his body.

  Erin gulped, wondering if she was going too far. This was brand new territory for her—probably for Seth as well. “Were you thinking about Mac?”

  “Obviously.” Seth’s voice was hard and dry, but somehow she knew the cold anger wasn’t aimed at her.

  She ached for him so much that she actually felt a little sick. It was so much easier when he was cool and controlled, much easier than this churning angst he never exposed to anyone.

  But he didn’t have anyone else, so she was determined to see this through.

  She slid her hands up to his neck again, kneaded the muscles. “Do you want to talk about it?” she asked carefully, wishing he could just open up, let go, release his clutching hold on the world.

  He sucked in his breath with a hiss when she stroked her hands up to rub his scalp through his hair. “No.” His hand was gripping the bench now, so tightly his knuckles were white.

  Then he added, “But...thank you.”

  She didn’t push anymore. There was no reason to expect such a guarded man to open up so easily, just because she’d decided to give him a backrub. She’d done what she could for today.

  She would keep trying.

  Erin was still working on his head when she realized that she’d become rather aroused over the last few minutes. It had happened unexpectedly and without her conscious knowledge. She’d been so focused on her emotions—and Seth’s—that she hadn’t noticed her physical response.

  But she gradually recognized that she was really turned on. She didn’t act on it. She was trying to help and comfort him—not to satiate any random urges of her own.

  Despite herself, her fingernails scraped lightly against his neck as she slid her hands back down to his shoulders, feeling the irrational urge to primally mark him.

  Without warning, Seth jerked to his feet. “Thanks. That helped.” Then he left the dining room abruptly and turned down the hall.

  Erin was stunned and a little hurt by this obvious rebuff, but she followed him, not knowing what else to do. He’d gone down the hall to check on Mackenzie, who was still sleeping soundly, and then he ended up in the bedroom, where he was stuffing a few files back into his leather case.

  “Seth?” Erin murmured, walking up behind him. She twined her arms around him from behind and pressed her body into his back.

  She wanted to cradle him. Could hardly wrap her mind around the feeling.

  “Seth?” She spoke without thinking, prompted only by waves of tenderness and concern. “Baby, are you all right?”

  He tensed up even more in front of her, his fingers closing around the top of the desk chair. “What?” he asked thickly.

  Erin furrowed her brow, more worried than
ever at his extreme reaction to her innocent question. “I just asked if you were all right,” she explained, rubbing his chest with one of her palms. “I hope I didn’t make anything worse. I just wanted to help you.”

  Seth let out a breath. “I know. I’m fine.”

  She rubbed her cheek against his t-shirt. “But I don’t think you are. Seth, you’re scaring me a little.”

  “I’m all right. Really, I am. I understand what you’re trying to do, and I appreciate it.”

  He was still tense, his body shaking almost imperceptibly.

  “Then why won’t you let me help you?” Her question was almost a plea, her own heavy anxiety from the last week entirely forgotten in the face of his ruthlessly suppressed need.

  Seth took an odd, shuddering breath. “Because,” he began, each word obviously forced out unwillingly, “I can’t seem to accept help or comfort...from you...without turning it into...something else.”

  A thick intensity had entered the room, and for a moment Erin couldn’t understand it.

  Then she let out a long breath of recognition. Recognized the mood from what she’d experienced in the dining room earlier, before Seth had pulled away. “Oh. I see.” She slid her hand down the front of his body, past his chest, past his belly, until she palmed the hard bulge of his groin. “I didn’t realize—”

  “I know,” he interrupted roughly. “I know you weren’t coming on to me. You were being...kind. I just can’t seem to control the reaction.”

  She gently massaged his erection through the fabric of his pants. “Then don’t. No reason to control it.”

  Seth groaned and planted his hands firmly on the desk, as if he had to keep them from doing anything else. “I don’t want you to fuck me out of pity.”

  Despite the dark mood, Erin actually snorted at this. She tried to turn Seth around in her arms, but he resisted. Stood stiffly, facing the desk.

  “Seth,” she chided, standing on her toes so she could press a kiss on the back of his neck. “Seth, do you actually think I would fuck you out of pity? I want this too.”

  Finally, he released the desk and turned around, holding himself very carefully. His hot, aching gaze devoured her face, as if he were desperately searching for some kind of truth there. “I don’t want to take out my mood on you. I don’t want to use you that way.”

  “You still don’t understand how this works. You won’t be using me if it’s mutual. I need this too. I need to feel better too.” Erin’s heart seemed to have risen into her throat, and her whole being quivered. She wanted him. Wanted to feel him in every way.

  But she was still kind of scared.

  None of the previous times they’d made love had been anything like this. They’d been hot and wild and sometimes tender, but never this raw and intense.

  Her strongholds felt treacherously shaky.

  “Are you sure?” Seth asked, his hands dropping down to clench at his sides. “I won’t be very controlled tonight.”

  Erin pushed aside the part of her that panicked at his words—ever since Marcus, control had meant everything to her—and she gave into all the rest of her that wanted, that needed Seth. Every part of him.

  Even this wounded, angsty, dangerous stranger she’d never encountered before.

  “You don’t have to be,” Erin whispered, staring up at him and feeling like the world was throbbing with her heartbeat. “I want this. Don’t you?”

  Something broke inside of Seth. He released a hoarse groan and finally pulled her into his arms. “God, Erin.” His lips brushing against hers, he spoke against her mouth. “I do.”

  ***

  Erin crawled under the covers of the bed in the master bedroom, thinking about the first time she’d been in this bedroom, after getting drunk with a man she hadn't seen in years, and never dreaming the spiraling consequences of that one random night with Seth Thomas.

  She would have laughed at anyone who had told her back then that she would end up where she was at the moment, with a six-month-old daughter and a deep and nebulous relationship with Seth. About to fuck him again this evening, for reasons that made no rational sense.

  Except that both she and Seth were needy tonight and found something in the other that could help.

  They’d kissed for a minute or two—passionate and desperate—until he’d pulled away abruptly and had gone to look for some condoms. Erin had been aroused and a little confused, and she'd felt stupid standing in the middle of the floor so she’d decided to get into bed while she waited.

  She pulled the bedcovers up over her, having put on the little nightgown she’d brought with her, and she began to ask herself exactly why she was here, exactly why she was doing this.

  Seth returned before her reflections could lead her to question whether or not she was doing the right thing.

  Seth was walking a little awkwardly as he moved toward the bed. His face was damp and slightly flushed, and his body was radiating suppressed tension. “Sorry,” he muttered, dropping a couple of condom packets on the nightstand and then kicking off his shoes and pulling off his socks. “I had to hunt to find any.”

  Erin smiled, glad for the diversion, however brief it happened to be. “And I thought you were always prepared.”

  “I returned with the condoms, didn’t I?”

  “Where did you find them?” Erin asked, watching as he pulled the t-shirt over his head.

  Tossing the shirt on the floor, Seth started unfastening his trousers. “You don’t want to know.”

  “Yes, I do. Where did you find them? Had you stashed a few away in case of emergency fifteen years ago and they were still in your hiding place? Because I’m not sure how effective they’ll still be.” Despite her light tone, she watched hungrily as Seth rid himself of his pants, feeling her briefly interrupted desire spring into life again at the sight of his trim hips, long legs, and hard cock.

  Seth released a breath of laughter and lowered himself onto the bed beside her, completely naked and almost fully erect. “I had to requisition a few from—”

  “Don’t tell me.”

  “Okay,” Seth agreed, rolling over until he was on top of her, positioned between her parted legs. He lowered his face until his warm breath wafted across her flushed skin. “I won’t.”

  Erin waited for him to kiss her, but he didn’t immediately. He just looked at her, his eyes deep and endless in the dim light of the room.

  “Seth?” she breathed, her voice catching in her throat and her body rocking up toward him instinctively. The ache at her center suddenly started to throb as their ironic banter faded into silent intensity.

  He seemed frozen, his darkened eyes swallowing her and his body held rigidly in check.

  “Seth,” she said again, somehow understanding what might be holding him back. “I want this too. I do, even if it’s different than before.”

  Seth captured her lips with a helpless sound in his throat. The undeniable chemistry that had always existed between them blazed into tangible heat at the first touch of their lips.

  Erin’s mouth opened for his immediately, and her tongue slid and dipped and plundered as much as his. She could feel the heat of his firm body through the soft fabric of her gown, and her bare legs rubbed against his, relishing the feel of the strong muscles and coarse hair of his calves against her smooth skin.

  Seth was barely controlled, his body tense as he pressed down into hers and ravished her mouth. After a minute, he broke away from her lips with a breathless huff of effort, and his skillful mouth trailed down her neck instead, pausing at the throbbing pulse in her throat and pushing aside the strap of her gown so he could bite down on a tender spot just beside her shoulder.

  Erin cried out softly at the feel of his teeth against her flesh, and her pelvis started to rub against him.

  Seth had moved lower down her body, so his cock was pressing against the inside of one of her thighs. He seemed almost possessed, like he couldn’t control his frantic mouth and restless hands, although he
was still managing to hold himself back from fucking her.

  “Seth,” Erin gasped, arching up into his hands, as he fondled her sensitive breasts through the thin fabric of her gown.

  He didn’t say a word, didn’t make any noise except the accelerated sound of his breathing. His eyes crawled from her swollen mouth to the swell of her breasts under his hands.

  She understood why he was still holding back, despite how much they both wanted and needed this, so she stroked one of her hands from the smooth planes of his back to the firm muscles of his ass. After squeezing him there—mostly because she couldn’t resist—she edged her hand forward until she was able to find his cock.

  He was fully erect now—his flesh hard and hot beneath her palm. She tightened her fingers around him carefully, causing him to choke on a groan.

  “Seth,” she said, her voice breathless but determined. “Stop being noble. I’m ready to go. Put the fucking condom on.”

  Seth released an odd, strangled sound, but the corner of his lips lifted irresistibly. “Right.” He heaved himself up and fumbled with the condom packet, tearing it open and then rolling it on.

  Instead of lowering himself over her again, he remained kneeling in between her legs. The bedcovers had been pushed down now past her knees, and Erin was stretched out on the sheet, her hair spread out on the pillow and gown wrinkled and pushed up around her hips.

  She felt vaguely anxious and deeply aroused, and she was starting to get impatient with his slowness. She began to pull her gown off over her head. Before she could say anything to hurry him up, however, he reached down and trailed the fingers of one hand up the delicate skin of her inner thigh.

  Erin sucked in a breath, her foot twitching slightly and the gown bunched up around her armpits, revealing her breasts. And then she moaned softly and arched her neck backward as Seth’s fingers found her pussy. “Seth,” she began, not even knowing what she wanted to say.

  He still didn’t answer. Didn’t make a sound. Simply gazed down with hungry eyes and plunged a finger inside her.

  Erin’s whole body jerked, and she whimpered at the feel of his finger. Her hands dug into the mattress on either side of her body as Seth pumped in and out, soon joining the first finger with a second.