Reluctant Widow

by Georgette Heyer

  ‘Very true: we agreed, did we not, that my disposition is overbearing? But you will own that my way is in general more reasonable than yours.’

  ‘Not while I still retain the possession of my faculties!’ she declared. ‘Indeed, I do not know how you dare make such a claim! It quite takes my breath away! When I consider in what a position you have placed me, and then am obliged to listen to you talking as though you had done nothing out of the ordinary, but on the contrary had acted in the best possible manner –’

  ‘Well, you know, ma’am, given a situation which you will allow to have been excessively awkward, I think I did,’ he said.

  Mrs Cheviot sank into a chair, and covered her eyes with one hand.

  Carlyon regarded her in some amusement. ‘Still regretting Mrs Macclesfield, ma’am?’

  ‘Oh, no! How could I, sir?’ she retorted. ‘How dull I must have been in her house! I dare say she had never a French agent within it, let alone a distraint upon the furniture!’

  ‘I am sure hers is a most respectable household. I should be surprised if her husband has ever done anything as mildly reprehensible as to look for a keg of brandy by his back door.’ He broke off. ‘Yes, that puts me in mind of something else,’ he said. ‘It is the season when we may reasonably expect to find a few such kegs. I am sure Eustace had his brandy from the free-traders. If you should come upon any kegs, in some unexpected place, such as an outhouse, for instance, just tell me, ma’am! Do not raise an outcry!’

  ‘This only was needed!’ said Elinor. ‘I am now to enter into dealings with a pack of smugglers! Perhaps, after all, you had better leave some money with me, for I dare say they will wish to be paid for their trouble! And though, to be sure, life at Highnoons has been a trifle flat these past two days, I should not care to be at loggerheads with a set of desperate persons who would not, I dare say, boggle for an instant at murder!’

  ‘Oh, I do not think they will murder you!’ he replied cheerfully. ‘I will set the word going, however, in the proper quarters, that any consignment ordered by my cousin may be delivered up at the Hall.’

  ‘And I have no doubt whatsoever,’ stated Mrs Cheviot, ‘that you are a Justice of the Peace!’

  ‘Yes, certainly.’

  ‘I wonder you should not be ashamed to own it!’ she said virtuously.

  ‘My dear ma’am, there is nothing in the least derogatory in being a Justice of the Peace!’ he replied, at his blandest.

  Mrs Cheviot sought in vain for words adequate to the occasion, and could only regard him in speechless dudgeon.

  Thirteen

  The next day, the eve of the funeral, passed in much the same busy but uneventful style. The piles of rubbish grew higher yet; Miss Beccles was made happy by being permitted to make the still-room and the linen-cupboard her particular concerns; Elinor began to think that in time the house might be made very tolerable; and Nicky beguiled the morning by taking Bouncer to a neighbouring farm, and engaging in a rat-hunt which might have been more successful had not Bouncer jumped to an over-hasty conclusion that his first duty was to rid the world of the flea-ridden terrier who should have assisted him in his work of destroying all the rats in the big barn.

  Returning from the day’s sport midway through the afternoon Nicky strolled up to the house by the short cut that led through the surrounding woodland in time to see an elegant post-chaise-and-four drawn up before the front door. As he paused, in surprise, a very obvious gentleman’s gentleman jumped down from it, a dressing-case in his hand, which he tenderly set down in the porch before turning back to assist his master to alight.

  A slim and exquisite figure descended languidly on to the drive, and stood with the utmost patience while the valet straightened the numerous capes of his great-coat, and anxiously passed a handkerchief over the gleaming surface of a pair of well-cut Hessian boots. A high-crowned gray beaver, with a curling brim, was set at a slightly rakish angle on the gentleman’s head of glossy chestnut curls. He wore one gray glove, and carried the other in the same hand, together with an ebony walking-cane. From under the brim of his hat, a pair of weary, blue eyes gazed in insufferable boredom at nothing in particular. Their expression of worldly cynicism made them sit oddly in a face decidedly round, with a nose inclined to the retroussé, and an almost womanishly delicate mouth and chin.

  ‘Hell and the devil confound it!’ uttered Nicky, under his breath, recognizing the visitor.

  Bouncer, who had been standing with his tail up, and his ears on the prick, needed no more encouragement than these muttered words to send him forward like a bolt from the blue to execute his clear duty. Barking like a fiend, he launched himself upon the intruder.

  The exquisite gentleman whirled about at the first bark, and as Bouncer came at full-tilt across the ill-kept lawn, his ungloved right hand grasped the ivory top of his cane, deftly twisted it, and drew a thin, wicked blade hissing from the ebony stick that formed its sheath.

  ‘Heel, Bouncer!’ Nicky roared, terror for his pet lending such ferocity to his voice that Bouncer checked in mid-career, dropping tail and ears, and cowering to the earth in startled dismay.

  Nicky came striding up, his eyes sparkling with wrath, his countenance flushed, and sternly admonished Bouncer.

  The visitor kept his sword-stick poised, but raised his eyes, suddenly very wide open, to Nicky’s face. He was breathing a little fast, but his lips smiled, and he said smoothly: ‘I do not – like – dogs!’

  ‘By God, Cheviot, if you so much as touch my dog with that blade of yours I’ll ram it down your gullet!’ swore Nicky, glaring at him.

  The smile grew, the arched brows rose; Francis Cheviot restored his blade to its sheath. ‘What, Nicholas! Determined to purge the world of Cheviots?’

  Nicky’s colour darkened, and his fists clenched themselves involuntarily. Francis Cheviot laughed softly, and patted his shoulder with one white hand. ‘There, there!’ he said soothingly. ‘I was only funning, dear boy! I am sure you would not really ram my blade down my throat.’

  ‘You harm my dog, and you need not be so sure of that!’ said Nicky pugnaciously.

  ‘Oh, but I am, Nicholas! I cannot help but be sure of it,’ Francis said, in dulcet accents. ‘But tell me, dear boy, is it quite – quite in the best of good ton for you to be here? Under the circumstances – and pray do not imagine that I blame you for them, for nothing could be farther from my thoughts! – but under these circumstances, do you not feel – No, I see you do not, and indeed, who am I to presume to set myself up as arbiter? The situation is something quite out of my line.’

  ‘I am staying here,’ said Nicky curtly.

  ‘Ah, indeed? How very piquant, to be sure! Crawley, I do trust that you have rung that bell, for if I stand in this disagreeable wind you know I shall take cold, and my colds always descend upon my chest. How thoughtless it was in you to have handed me down from the chaise until the door had been opened! Ah, here is that deplorable henchman! Yes, Barrow, it is I indeed. Take my hat – no, Crawley had best take my hat, perhaps. And yet, if he does so, who is to assist me out of my greatcoat? How difficult all these arrangements are! Ah, a happy thought! You have laid my hat down, Crawley! I do not know where I should be without you. Now my coat, and pray be careful! Where is a mirror? Crawley, you cannot have been so foolish as to have packed all my hand-mirrors! No, I thought not: hold it a little higher, I beg of you, and give me my comb! Yes, that will serve. Barrow, you may announce me to your mistress!’

  ‘Ay, just about I may!’ said the retainer, glowering at him. ‘It queers me what brings you here, sir, but I’ll tell you to your head you ain’t wanted!’

  ‘Ah, and now that you have told me, announce me, Barrow!’ replied Francis affably. ‘And pray do not bring that dog in, dear Nicholas! I have the greatest dread of dogs, and I know you would not wish to upset me. Really an antipathy, you know! Is it not strange? They say that a
liking for dogs is such an English characteristic, and I am sure I am quite English. Cats, now! There is something so admirable in a cat, don’t you agree? No, of course you do not! Barrow, am I to be kept standing in this draughty hall for very much longer, because if so I must have my coat on again?’

  Barrow gave vent to his feelings in a snort, but walked over to the parlour, and flung open the door, saying with bitter ceremony: ‘The Honourable Francis Cheviot, ma’am!’

  Elinor, who was seated at the escritoire by the window, turned a startled face, and rose quickly. ‘The – ?’

  ‘Yes, it’s Francis Cheviot,’ said Nicky sulkily. ‘But what he wants here I don’t know!’

  Francis trod delicately across the room towards his hostess, a hand held out, and his countenance wreathed in smiles. ‘My dear Mrs Cheviot, how do you do? Ah, what a foolish question! How can you do in this sad hour? Allow me to offer you my sincerest condolences upon this unhappy event!’

  Rather bewildered, she gave him her hand, curtsying slightly. He bowed over it with punctilious grace. She said, stammering a little: ‘How do you do? I beg your pardon – I was not expecting –’

  ‘Not expecting me?’ he said, in a shocked voice. ‘My dear Mrs Cheviot – or may I call you cousin? – my dear cousin, who can have been giving you such a false, unkind portrait of me? I am sure it was not Nicholas! That little rusticity of manner, which I am persuaded will be polished away in time, hides a heart of gold, you know! No, no, I must hold the dear boy absolved! But my poor Cousin Eustace – you cannot have supposed I should absent myself from his obsequies! I never neglect those gestures which cost one so little, after all! But I am quite put out of countenance by finding Nicholas here! It is not that I am not delighted to meet him: in fact, I am transported: but I do not know just how I should conduct myself towards him. You see, I am a mourner, and he – dear me, what delicate ground I seem to be on!’

  ‘I wish you will stop humbugging on for ever!’ snapped Nicky. ‘You never cared a button for Eustace!’

  ‘Now, this is not just, Nicholas! This is not like you! Poor dear Eustace! Such a deplorable character! The very worst of bad ton! Always a source of pain to me, but do not let us speak ill of the dead! Death makes the worst of men instantly respectable, you know. Ah, dear Mrs Cheviot, I should have explained that I am here in a dual role! Yes, indeed: cousin and uncle combined. How odd it seems! I do trust I can carry it off with grace.’

  ‘Lord Bedlington – does not come to the funeral?’ Elinor faltered, quite dazed by all this gentle eloquence.

  ‘Alas! His kind compliments, dear cousin – his deepest regrets – I am the bearer of his most heartfelt apologies! Prostrate!’

  ‘Eh?’ gasped Nicky.

  Francis sighed. ‘I left him laid upon his bed, in the greatest anguish. His old enemy, you know: gout, dear boy! The agitation he has suffered – or perhaps it may have been that horridly cold drive: who can say? – brought on one of his most severe attacks. Impossible for him to venture out of his house! So here I am, in my dual role. I do trust – not unwelcome?’

  ‘Oh, no!’ Elinor said quickly. ‘How could you think – Pray, will you not be seated, sir? You are staying – that is, I expect you are putting up at –’

  ‘You are all goodness, cousin! My father did indeed encourage me to hope that I should find a welcome at Highnoons. But do not put yourself out, I beg of you! I dare say I shall be very comfortable in whatever bedchamber you choose to bestow me, as long as the chimney does not smoke – yes, I retain the most hideous memories of my last visit to this house – and the aspect is not north. My physician warns me particularly against cold rooms, you know, for my constitution is not at all robust.’

  She knew not what to say, for the dictates of civility forbade her to utter the only reply that rose to her mind. Nicky, whose notions were not so nice, said bluntly: ‘You will scarcely stay here, Cheviot! The inn at Wisborough Green has several decent rooms.’

  Francis answered him with unshaken urbanity: ‘I should not dare to take so great a risk, for you must know that I have not brought my own sheets with me, and I make it a rule never to stay at an inn without them. One can never be certain that the beds have been properly aired. Dear me, I am quite overcome to think I should be putting Mrs Cheviot to inconvenience!’

  Elinor felt herself obliged to disclaim, and to say that she would give instructions to have a room prepared for him. He thanked her, and said that he should be happy in the Yellow Room.

  ‘Well, you will not!’ said Nicky incorrigibly. ‘That is Mrs Cheviot’s room!’

  ‘Ah, then, on no account would I wish her to remove from it!’ Francis said. ‘It really makes not the smallest difference to me, so do not, I beg of you, cousin, dream of giving it up! That would put me quite out of countenance. Put me in poor Eustace’s chamber! It is a trifle sombre, perhaps, but I shall not regard that.’

  Elinor found Nicky’s eyes fixed on her face with so much meaning in them that she felt the colour rise to her cheeks, and got up out of her chair, murmuring that she would tell Mrs Barrow. Nicky at once followed her, saying hastily that he must take care Bouncer was safely inside the house. He carefully shut the parlour door behind him, and said to Elinor in an urgent under-voice: ‘We must not leave him alone on any account, Cousin Elinor! By Jupiter, Ned was right! He has come here to find that paper: there can be no doubt! But we shall be a match for him! Did you ever see such a frippery fellow?’

  ‘Oh, Nicky, I own I cannot like him! He quite frightens me indeed! I wish you will persuade him to remove to the Hall!’

  ‘Frightens you? What, a fellow that would screech if a mouse crossed his path? You cannot be serious! I am sure Ned would say we must allow him to remain here. Only fancy, cousin, if he should know where Eustace hid that paper, and lead us to it! I should not at all wonder if it is in Eustace’s bedchamber, for you must have remarked his suggestion that he should have that room. Doing it rather too brown, I thought! I’ll tell you what! Do you lock up that room, and have the chamber next to mine prepared! Then if he tries any of his tricks during the night I must hear him. It would be beyond anything great if I should catch him red-handed, and before ever Ned hears of his being here!’

  ‘Nicky, I shall go distracted! I wish you will send a message to your brother, informing him of this arrival! Not,’ she added bitterly, ‘that he is likely to be of the least comfort to me, for he is as bad as you are, and will very likely say it is a happy circumstance, or something just as heartless!’

  ‘Well, I should not wonder at it if he did. The only thing is that I shall be hard put to it to be civil to the fellow! Do you know he would have killed Bouncer with that sword-stick of his if I had not been there? A fellow that likes cats above dogs! Cats!’ Nicky uttered, with awful scorn.

  ‘He is like a cat himself. Oh, I wish he had not come here! Or I either!’

  ‘Fudge! It is famous sport!’ Nicky said, and went back into the parlour.

  The guest, so far from searching the room, was still seated gracefully beside the fire, one slim, gray-swathed leg crossed over the other. He smiled sweetly at Nicky, and made a gesture with his long-handled quizzing-glass towards the silver tassels on his Hessians. ‘Observe!’ he said. ‘I should not say so, for it is an inspiration of my own, but really I am quite lost in admiration. Silver tassels, dear boy, not gold, thus delicately preserving the mourning-note. I shall wear black pantaloons for the ceremony, of course. I hesitated for long before I permitted Crawley to help me into these gray ones, for one would not wish to betray the least disrespect, but I think the relationship just remote enough to allow of my wearing them, do not you? I do flatter myself that my black neckcloth strikes precisely the correct note, however. Or do you think it makes me look like a military man?’

  ‘No,’ said Nicky frankly. ‘Nothing could!’

  ‘Ah, how delightful of you, dear boy! Really, you have
so much relieved my mind!’ Francis said, beaming upon him. ‘Now, tell me! Must I look my last on Eustace’s face, or do I not indulge my optimism too much in trusting that his coffin is already nailed down?’

  ‘Of course it is!’

  ‘I am so thankful. Death is extremely painful to me, and although I am determined not to omit the least – Ah, not, I do trust, in this house?’

  ‘No. It lies in a chapel.’

  ‘Again you relieve my mind. I brought my vinaigrette with me, of course, and Crawley knows how to revive me, but I confess I should have been excessively loth to have slept under the same roof with a coffin. My sensibilities have always been extremely acute, and I dare say I should have suffered a spasm. But now, unless I should have taken a chill on the drive, I do trust we have nothing to dread. It is not to be, I collect, a lengthy cortège?’

  ‘Carlyon has arranged for it to be as private as may be,’ replied Nicky.

  ‘One cannot but sympathize with him,’ murmured Francis. He watched Nicky colour up, and added apologetically: ‘I have never known myself to be so maladroit! Really, I intended not the smallest offence, dear Nicholas! Poor Eustace, alas, was not beloved in this neighbourhood! But I do hope sufficient carriages have been bespoken, for he had some friends, you know. I feel persuaded that they must honour his obsequies with their presence. Indeed, I have myself advised Louis De Castres of this sad event, and I do not doubt of seeing him here tomorrow.’

  Nicky fairly gasped at this effrontery, and could only gaze at him open-mouthed.

  ‘You must be acquainted with Louis?’ said Francis, mildly surprised. ‘A charming creature! One of my oldest friends!’

  ‘Yes,’ said Nicky. ‘Yes, I fancy I have met him!’

  Elinor came back into the room just then, with Miss Beccles, and under cover of the necessary introduction Nicky escaped, to cool his heated head in the gardens. Since town hours were not kept at Highnoons, it was soon time to be dressing for dinner, and the uneasy party separated, Francis to deliver himself into the hands of his valet, Miss Beccles to superintend the laying of the table so that they might not all be shamed before such a fine gentleman, and Elinor to seek out Nicky, once more to implore him to send the groom up to the Hall with a message for Carlyon.