(Glory St Clair 11) Real Vampires Say Read My Hips

by Gerry Bartlett

  “Your handmaiden came to me with a request for an elixir. I thought I should come see about this myself. The sorcerer’s world is abuzz with your presence here. And I certainly remember your friend Blade and how he suffered from Waldo’s ineptitude the last time we met.” He folded his hands in his lap. I noticed his perfect manicure. Which made me remember that Waldo’s hands had been less than clean, his nails ragged as if he chewed them off and spit them into his potions. Yuck.

  “Um, yes. I hope you know how grateful we both were for your rescue that night. As for now? Well, I thought you were like doctors. That anything that happens in your offices would be confidential.” Had Waldo blabbed about my requests from him? And Flo’s?

  “Oh, it’s supposed to be. But I was concerned that you went to that idiot Waldo instead of coming straight to me, Gloriana. You know how incompetent he can be.” He leaned forward, his eyes that uncanny shade of orange I remembered from the last time we’d met. “Will you really trust anything you buy from him? After the fiasco that almost killed your lover?”

  “What the hell, Gloriana?” Jerry stood in the doorway. He wore the casual clothes Mars had told him were standard in Olympus. Unfortunately, my father was old school so that meant something from before America had been discovered. Not that Jerry looked bad in the short toga, but, seriously, Cornelius was giving him the eye, like what the hell indeed?

  “Jer, you remember Cornelius the sorcerer, don’t you?” I stood and gestured for Jerry to join me on the loveseat. “Cornelius, Jeremy Blade, my fiancé.”

  “Of course I do. He saved my life.” Jerry strode over and extended his hand.

  Cornelius smiled and accepted the handshake then we all settled in our seats. “Yes, I was proud of that. Quite a close call but we managed. I was just reminding Gloriana here of the dangers of working with Waldo. He’s the fool who almost killed you, Blade.”

  “You went to see a sorcerer?” Jerry stared at me. Of course he couldn’t read my mind but he still tried. “Why?”

  “Birth control.” I sighed as if this was embarrassing but a woman’s burden.

  “Yes, I’d heard that was your mission.” Cornelius glanced at Jerry. “It’s his specialty here. I must say he seems to manage it fairly well.”

  “You mean you have to be careful here? About that?” Jerry looked shocked. “Why didn’t you tell me? I would have--”

  “What? Do you have some condoms in the nightstand I don’t know about? You sure haven’t bothered to pull one out if you do.” I ignored Cornelius or I’d have been embarrassed discussing this in front of him. “What would happen if I got pregnant here? Do you want to take home a baby?”

  Jerry picked up my hand. “I wouldn’t mind.” He squeezed my fingers. “But I’m not sure how that would play with Zeus.”

  “Really, Gloriana, Blade is right. You were very wise. You don’t want to imagine what your grandfather would do if you were to ruin his plans to marry you off to a god with something like an unplanned pregnancy.” Cornelius narrowed those pumpkin-colored eyes at me. “But then maybe you don’t care about upsetting Zeus.”

  “Sending Zeus into a meltdown?” I shuddered. “He’s scary when he’s in a good mood.”

  “Well, you’d be wise to remember who’s in charge here.” Cornelius pulled a vial of amber liquid from his breast pocket. “I’ve brought what you requested. I understand, Blade, that you were recently held in the cells. That can take quite a toll on a man’s health.”

  “It was a nightmare. But I’m getting back in shape. Training every day.” Jerry kept my hand in his. “I admit I tire easily.” He nodded toward the vial. “If that poison is for me, forget it.”

  “Jerry, please. I asked Cornelius for a tonic. Something to help you get your strength back. Mars recommended it.” Tears filled my eyes and I didn’t try to hold them back. “I can’t take a chance that Kratos will kill you in that fight. You must win.”

  “Kratos is a formidable opponent.” Cornelius set the vial on the coffee table between us. “This elixir is fairly harmless. It will give you a boost that will help you be stronger, faster. Consider it similar to the vitamins that mortals take. Why not give it a chance?”

  “Because the last sorcerer’s potion I took almost made my brain boil?” Jerry dropped my hand and stood. “Thanks for dropping by, Cornelius. I will always be grateful that you saved my life back on Earth. But I’m going to win this fight without performance-enhancing drugs.”

  “You think Kratos won’t take something to increase his strength before the fight?” Cornelius rose gracefully. “He’s already put in his order. This will just level the playing field. It’s one reason why I came here personally.” He frowned and pulled four more vials from his pockets. “Take one every few days until the day of the fight.” Then he pulled one last bottle from his pocket. This one was bigger and made of brown glass. “Then on the morning of the fight, swallow this down. It should make you able to do your best.”

  “Sounds dishonest to me. I’m a Campbell and a Highlander.” Jerry hit his chest. “We don’t cheat. We win on our own merits.”

  “Then die on your own merits. This isn’t supposed to be a fight to the death but I’ve heard Kratos has a vendetta against you.” Cornelius left all the drugs on the table. “Gloriana, talk to him. And don’t worry about payment. I have a score to settle with Kratos myself. Calista is my granddaughter and he has treated her poorly. They were supposed to wed but, when this opportunity to marry you came along, he discarded her without a second’s thought. Her heart is broken.” Cornelius stalked to the door. “Beat the son of a bitch, Blade. Kill him if you can. I’ll be placing my money on you.” And with that he left, closing the door behind him.

  “That was a surprise.” I stared after the sorcerer.

  “Good to know someone powerful is on my side.” Jerry picked up one of the vials. “But I’m not taking--”

  “Listen to me. I will die if you die. Because I’m not marrying Kratos.” I wrapped my arms around Jerry’s waist. “Those drugs aren’t cheating. What was cheating was making you suffer in the cells until you lost weight and strength. Kratos is in the prime of life, in top condition. And still plans to use a drug anyway.”

  “I’m a warrior, Gloriana.” Jerry’s jaw was tight.

  “Who has spent the past centuries fighting with a vampire’s advantages. A vampire’s special skills. Where are those now?” I ran my fingertips over that hard jaw, trying to coax it to soften. “Do you even remember how a mortal fights? What it means to stand and battle without the chance to read a man’s mind or leap over his back? Tear out his throat?”

  “Stop it.” He pushed me away but I noticed he didn’t fling the vial to the hard marble floor. “You think I’m not haunted by that fact? Mars puts me up to spar with a servant who is also mortal and I still can’t best him.” He turned his back on me. “Shit, Gloriana, I am less than a man here. How can you still love me?”

  “You are my heart, Jeremiah. I never loved you for the way you swing a sword or use your fists.” I slid my hands over his back, feeling how the muscles were taut and yet not as hard as they once were. “I love you for the way you always look out for me, always put me first. You are my hero, my lover, my soul mate.”

  He whirled to face me. “And you ran to a sorcerer for fear of having my child.”

  I knew these walls had ears so I said what I had to say. “It’s not smart to bring a child into this place, Jerry. Surely you can see that.”

  “Of course. Because you expect Kratos will kill me. Then where would you be?” He gave me a long look that broke my heart, then set the vial he still held on the table and stormed out the door.

  “Jerry!” Where was he going? Would he be safe? I gestured and Alesha came running. “Get a soldier to follow him, no, two soldiers. I want him guarded. Understand?”

  “Yes, mistress.” She nodded and took off.

  I sat down and began gathering up the vials. He’d take the damned stuff or I would slip
it into his food. He had to win the fight. Had to.

  I’d been walking the floor for more than an hour when Flo burst through the door.

  “Glory, you must help me.” She wobbled over to the sofa and sat down.

  “What is it?” I sat next to her. “Great shoes.” I had to comment. They were five inch heels in red leather with open toes. They set off her black and white dress with a red belt perfectly.

  “Pah! Torture shoes. I am a disgrace to women everywhere. I hate being a mortal.” She kicked them off and rubbed one of her feet. “But that’s not why I’m here. It’s our men. Jeremiah came by our place just as I was about to make Ricardo very happy if you know what I mean.” She added a gesture that made it clear what she meant and I was sorry to have that picture in my head. “Anyway, I think Ricardo was glad to leave me. He claims I am wearing him out.” She used air quotes for that. “That birth control.” She leaned in to whisper. “It makes me hungry for him all the time.”

  “Yes, sure. But about the men. Where did they go?” I had no idea if Jerry even knew Olympus well enough to find a place to blow off steam.

  “A sleazy bar I think. I bet it’s one of those that has naked waitresses or strippers.” Flo’s eyes filled. “I won’t have it, I tell you. If Ricardo wants to drink and look at half naked women, he can do that at home.” She hit her own substantial bosom. “What am I? Nothing? I have a nice rack. Ricardo says so.”

  “You know men, Flo. Sometimes they like to have a drink and just chill.” Which made me crazy. “And looking at a new rack makes them happy.” And me mad. “Where is this place?” I got up and snapped myself a short leather skirt and red lace bustier that would give a cocktail waitress a run for her money. I gave myself my own pair of red high heels. “We’re going to drag them out of this place.”

  “Now you’re talking, girlfriend.” Flo jumped up then grabbed her shoes. “Can you make shoes for me? Maybe something with a lower heel?”

  “Seriously? You love high heels.”

  “I can’t walk in these things without falling down here.” She sighed, looking ashamed. “I know, it is horrible. Maybe I practice.”

  “No, let me try.” I concentrated, picturing some cute espadrilles for Flo in her size and snapped. Nothing. I guess my powers weren’t as advanced as my mother’s.

  “I love it when you realize you need me, darling.”

  Speak of the devil. “Mother. Can you help Flo? Her feet are killing her.” I smiled at my mother. “And we need directions. Our men went to some sleazy bar to drink and look at topless women. Do you know where it is?”

  “Of course.” She glanced down at Flo’s feet and my pal was suddenly wearing some mid-heel espadrilles just like I’d pictured. It was a serious reminder that Mom’s mind reading skills were off the charts. “As to the bar, there’s one that is known for its strong drinks and loose women. Are you sure you want to go after them? Sometimes men need a chance to cool off.”

  “Jerry’s mad because I told him I’m using birth control.” I glanced at Flo. “He took Richard as his wingman I guess. Also I want him to take a strengthening elixir before the big fight. He’s being stubborn about it.”

  “I must say I approve of the birth control.” Mother smiled. “The elixir may or may not help but we want to have a fair fight. Zeus does like good entertainment.” Mother nodded. “I’ll take you there. With an armed guard. It’s not in the best part of Olympus and I don’t think we should teleport there. We’ll take a carriage.”

  “A carriage? What century are you people stuck in anyway?” I couldn’t help it. This whole realm, I guess you’d call it, was so out of touch with modern times. Most of the time the people even talked like they were stuck in a Victorian novel.

  “Gloriana, we are above modern ways. This is Zeus’s kingdom. We aren’t going to bring in a Maserati or a Porsche just because you’d prefer it. Zeus doesn’t care for the noise or the pollution. And our beautiful roads would be ruined.” Mother sniffed. “Our ways are gentler.”

  “A Maserati can be gentle. You should feel the leather seats.” Flo had quit test driving her new shoes and now came up to us, smiling. “But I understand and respect this, yes? Now let’s go before some bimbo gets her claws into my man.”

  “Relax, Flo. Richard is true to you and madly in love. But maybe he needs a little break from your enthusiasm.” I steered her toward the door.

  “Hah! He never needed a break before. It is this place. He has nothing to do except help Jeremiah train and make love to me.” Flo turned to my mother. “He is bored, Hebe, can you understand that?”’

  “Too well. It is why we have so much gossip and indulge in affairs here.” She turned when we got outside. “Here’s our carriage. If the men are drunk, we can bring them back in this.”

  I gawked at what seemed straight out of a Cinderella movie. The white carriage had open sides and silk covered plush seats. Everything was trimmed in gold and silver. The horses were white, too, and had silver bridles. I didn’t ask what they did about horse poop. Guess that didn’t hurt their beautiful roads paved in gold. Soldiers in white uniforms with gold epaulets helped us up the steps and soon we were on our way down one more glittering path.

  “When we get there, we’ll wait in the carriage. I’ll send one of the soldiers in to see if they are there. This may be a fool’s errand.” Mother leaned back against the silk pillows. She looked beautiful as usual, this time in a green blouse tucked into navy pants. Her navy sandals had silver buckles. There were emeralds in her ears and on her fingers.

  “If they aren’t here, where could they be?” I couldn’t relax.

  “Maybe they went back to the training area. Mars has a workout room set up for your lover. He might be lifting weights or hitting one of those bag things.” Mother sat up when the carriage stopped. “Elias, go inside and see if two mortals are in there. You know the ones. If they are, come back out before you make contact.”

  A soldier bowed and took off, pushing inside a large white stone building that looked a lot like most buildings in Olympus. The only way you would know this wasn’t a private villa was the discreet sign above the double doors. Bacchanal. Oh, I did not like what that implied. And the music that I heard when the door opened had the kind of throbbing beat that hinted of a mating dance. The insulation must be great because as soon as the door swished closed, all we could hear was the noise of restless horses and the sounds they made as they waited to move on.

  “Does Dionysus own this place?” I had to ask.

  “Of course. If it involves decadence and a party, he’s involved. I have no idea how many such clubs he runs but this is the one most likely to be mentioned in Blade’s hearing. It’s one of Mars’ favorites.” Mother frowned. “Maybe we should go in after all. I wouldn’t mind taking a look around.”

  “Now you’re talking, girlfriend.” Flo’s mouth snapped shut at the icy look from my mother. “No disrespect intended.”

  “I should hope not.” Mother gestured and a guard hurried over to let down the steps and give her his arm as she got out of the carriage. “Come on, girls. We might as well enjoy this too. Men and women both come here. My brother does know how to show people a good time.” She snapped her fingers and wore a low-cut green cocktail dress. Looking Flo over, she snapped again and put her in black with high heels. I took care of my own dress, a take on the toga look except in gold with shoes to match. Then we strutted into the club.

  Well, Mother and I strutted, Flo wobbled and staggered and almost turned an ankle. She hadn’t been kidding about not being able to walk in high heels. I hid a grin as I offered her my arm to lean on when we got through the door.

  The music was loud, the lights were dim and the place was packed. Scantily dressed women worked the poles set up on the corners of the stage. Actually, they were topless. Eye candy for men. And then there was eye candy for women. Men in G-strings writhed in the middle of the cat walk stage, doing a combination of gymnastics and bump and grind. I admit I had a
flash of heat go through me at the sight of their perfect, oiled bodies.

  When I could tear my eyes away from the show, I remembered to look for Jerry and Richard. At first I didn’t see them. Mother stalked through the crowd, which parted for her like she had a gun in her hand. Not necessary. Daughter of Zeus. You don’t mess with the hierarchy. Anyway, I saw where she was headed. Mars had a corner table and had several men with him. Each guy, including Dad, had a beautiful woman draped over him. When he saw Mother coming, he jumped up, dumping his date on the floor. She was on her way to being indignant until she saw who was approaching. Then she scurried away on all fours. It would have been funny except there was a little heat lightning flashing above the table.

  I decided to steer clear and grabbed Flo, helping her hobble over to the bar. I ordered two of the drink specials, whatever they were, and then dug for some of my father’s coins I’d stuck in my bra. A deep voice spoke from behind me.

  “Put it on my tab.”

  I whirled around, afraid I was going to have to face Kratos again. But it was a man I didn’t recognize. “Thank you.”

  “You are Gloriana, aren’t you?” He leaned against the bar, his smile charming.

  I appreciated the fact that he didn’t focus on my cleavage like most men did. Oh. Forgot. I was now a B-cup, not the old double D. I snapped on a pushup bra. Better. His eyes moved there. I was shameless as I smiled.

  ‘“Yes. And you are?” I jerked when Flo grabbed my arm.

  “There they are. At the table against the wall. Come on, Glory, help me walk over there.”

  “Someone who hopes Kratos goes down. Tell your friend from Earth to quit drinking and go back to training. Some of us have money on him.” He nodded toward the table Flo was eager to get to. “Welcome to Olympus, Cousin. We will meet again.” He nodded and walked away.

  “Glory, now! They haven’t seen us yet.” Flo was strong for such a short woman. “Pick up our drinks. Who was that man?”