(Glory St Clair 11) Real Vampires Say Read My Hips

by Gerry Bartlett

  “What?” I put my hand on her shaking shoulder. “Alesha, talk to me.”

  She finally looked up with reddened eyes. “Oh, mistress, if you choose to kill me it is only what I deserve. Throw a lightning bolt at me. Please.” She bowed her head, like she was waiting for it. “I should suffer for what I’ve done.”

  “Why would I want to do that? What have you done?” I was feeling really nauseated now. This was not going to be good. Whatever had her crying was a secret I didn’t want to hear.

  “I’ve betrayed you, mistress.” She sobbed again, pulling up her long skirt to hide her face. She wore a plain white slip under her simple dress but it was embroidered with pink flowers. Lovely.

  I shook my head. I was losing it if I could be distracted by her underwear. “Betrayed? How? Spit it out, Alesha.” I was getting mad now. This girl had become like a friend to me. I’d trusted her and now… Why hadn’t I bothered to read her mind? I started to then but she began to talk before I could concentrate enough to do it.

  “You are not pregnant, Lady Gloriana.” She started to hide her face again, then seemed to think better of it. She lifted her chin and took a shuddery breath. “I know that for a fact.”

  “Oh?” I stood, pretty sure I knew what was coming. “How?”

  “Your mother made me put the birth control elixir in your chocolate every day. If you didn’t drink chocolate, then I put it in something else you ate or drank.” Tears ran down her cheeks. “I’m so very sorry, my lady, but you have been on the potion since the day your lover arrived here.”

  I was about to shake her silly when I stopped myself. This was a handmaiden, a slave. I knew she probably hadn’t had a choice when my mother had ordered her to do this. I just stared at Alesha and her words poured out.

  “Mistress, believe me. I didn’t want to betray you. Your mother is terrifying. She threatened me and I knew she meant every word. If I didn’t do it and you got pregnant?” Alesha sank to the floor, “I would be dead or worse.”

  “I can’t imagine worse, Alesha.” Yes, my voice was cold but I was pissed.

  “Can’t you?” She wiped her eyes and stared up at me. “You know Demos-one-ear, the man who drives your mother’s carriage? How do you think he lost that ear? Your mother caught him listening at one of her doors. She sliced it off herself, with a knife she borrowed from a passing soldier. Demos would have bled to death but she cauterized the wound with a hot iron while two other servants held him down. She wanted him to live as an example to the rest of her slaves. His screams were heard throughout the kingdom.” Alesha sobbed.

  I swallowed, about to throw up. Did I believe her? Unfortunately I knew my mother very capable of such meanness.

  “I’m so sorry, mistress.” Alesha choked out the words. “I should have refused and taken my punishment.”

  I looked down at her bowed head. Of course she’d had no choice. Even I was afraid of Hebe and she was my mother. A slave would have to do her bidding no matter what other loyalties she felt.

  “Get up, Alesha. I don’t blame you for this. My mother didn’t want me to have Jerry’s child and she always gets her way, doesn’t she?” I looked around, surprised Mother didn’t appear on the spot. No, my mother was too smart for that. She didn’t want to land in the middle of her daughter’s rage and I was shaking with it. Plus with sick disappointment. “Go tell my guests I’ll be out in a few minutes. Serve them something nice.”

  “Yes, mistress.” Alesha straightened her skirt. “Please don’t tell your mother I told you about the birth control. It was supposed to stay a secret.”

  “Oh, I’m sure it was.” I looked around the luxurious room. I stalked over to a vase, priceless I was sure, and threw it to the marble floor. It shattered with a satisfying crash. Next came a candy dish, porcelain and very fine. I crammed the chocolate truffle it held into my mouth before I aimed it at the Venetian glass mirror across the room and got a twofer. Then I realized who would have to clean up the mess. Destroying priceless objects wasn’t making me feel better anyway. I took a breath and headed for the bathroom. Alesha scurried out of the room to take care of my company.

  No baby. Probably just as well. What did I know about being a mother? If I had turned out to be like mine, the kid would have had issues. Not a legacy that needed to be passed on. I stepped into the shower and let a few tears fall. Running a washcloth down my flat stomach made them flow faster. Damn that witch to hell. Why couldn’t she have left my dream alone?

  Of course she’d sneaked around and read my mind. Figured out I wasn’t taking Waldo’s elixir and decided to bully Alesha. That was my mother leaving nothing to chance. At least not now. Too bad she hadn’t been as vigilant when she’d left me with Achelous a thousand years ago.

  I stared at my swollen eyes in the bathroom mirror. A snap and some makeup fixed that and soon I looked good enough to head into the sitting room. Flo and Charis were enjoying a sampler platter of pastries and a pot of coffee. No alcohol so early in the morning though I could have used a stiff drink. Both of them gave me a searching look.

  “What’s the matter, amica? You look upset.” Flo stirred sugar into her coffee. She knew me too well.

  “Just the usual. It’s getting close to the big fight and I’ve tried everything I could think of to get it cancelled. Looks like it’s going on anyway.” I sat across from my new sister and poured a cup of coffee, adding cream and sugar. No use denying myself caffeine or anything else from now on. I wasn’t pregnant and had to get used to the idea again that I was never going to be. I made a big deal out of tasting my coffee, hoping Charis was too polite to read my mind.

  “I’m sorry, Gloriana.” Charis set down her own cup. “Calista has been working on Kratos, throwing herself at him. He’s still in love with her if that helps.” She touched my arm and I realized my cup was rattling in the saucer.

  “Not really. He can’t call off the fight. Zeus wants it and that’s that.” I set down the coffee. I didn’t have the stomach for it anyway.

  “Perhaps he’ll lose on purpose. Calista told him she won’t be his mistress if he marries you and she means it. She’s even tossed around names of men her father can arrange for her to marry instead. Kratos is jealous of course.” Charis patted my hand.

  I gave my sister a look. A warrior throw a fight? I couldn’t imagine it.

  “Well, sitting here worrying about it won’t help matters, will it, Glory?” Flo jumped up. “Charis tells me there’s a store where I can find clothes that fit me. Let’s go shopping!”

  I couldn’t believe I really wasn’t in the mood since shopping was usually my go-to when I was depressed. But then Flo started in about her wardrobe and how tight everything was. I knew we were going no matter how I felt. I owed it to my best friend.

  “Look at this.” Flo pulled up the gathered top she had on. The pants lacked an inch from buttoning and the zipper wouldn’t pull all the way up. “If this top wasn’t long, I wouldn’t be able to go outside at all. And I can’t lift my arms.” She pulled at the tight armholes and we all heard fabric rip.

  “You could always ask my mother for more clothes in a bigger size.” I shook my head. “Never mind. I know your answer to that. I don’t want to ask her for anything either.” I smiled at Charis. My acting ability was coming in handy. They’d never know I was trying not to crawl back into my bed. “Tell us about this shop. Who goes there? Don’t the goddesses just make their own wardrobes?”

  “Sure. But some of the gods have favorite mistresses, women they brought back from their wars as trophies, I guess you’d call them. The women are mortal so they need to buy their clothes. Some clever handmaidens have earned their freedom and make things to sell. They copy some of the designer fashions the goddesses wear and put them in this shop. All sizes, I think. I’ve never been, but my handmaidens have told me about it.” Charis laughed when Flo ran to the door, clearly eager to get started. “My handmaiden is outside, ready to lead us there.”

  “Come, Glory. You
know I can’t go around like this. Or do you wish for me to turn into un eremita?”

  “What?” Flo and her Italian. Maybe someday I’d learn more than a few words.

  “She said a hermit or recluse.” Charis laughed. “Poor Florence. Couldn’t you find anything in your closet with an elastic waistband?”

  “No, or I’d have it on right now.” Flo made a face. “I could make a tent out of my purple bedspread and wear that, I guess. Florence the giant eggplant, they’d call me. Aye, how did I get so big?” She stuffed the blueberry scone in her left hand into her mouth.

  “I think you’re eating the answer, pal.” I got up and walked to the door. “But we need an escort. I’m not going anywhere without some soldiers.”

  “There are four posted outside your door.” Charis shoved it open and pointed. “See? And they have a list of people allowed entry here. I guess Dad gave it to them. Luckily, I was on it. So was Florence. I bet if my mother showed up, she’d be denied entrance.” Charis patted one of the beefy soldiers on his shoulder. “Good luck keeping the goddess Roxana out of any room where she wanted to be, soldier.”

  The man paled but put his hand on his sword. “We are here to protect the Lady Gloriana. Anyone who tries to harm her has to go through us.”

  “Hopefully, we won’t have to fend off any attacks. Brace yourself, though. We’re going shopping. With any luck you’ll be stuck carrying shopping bags.” I didn’t want to think about what would happen if Hercules himself stormed my rooms. These soldiers would be sliced and diced.

  Charis dragged a handmaiden away from a handsome soldier. “This is Elena. She’s going to take us to the shop.” She turned to the girl, who was beautiful in an exotic way with dark skin and a voluptuous figure. The soldiers had certainly noticed.

  “It’s not far. We can walk. Unless you’d rather call for a carriage.” She glanced down at our feet. “You might want to change into more comfortable shoes, except for the little lady. She’s good to go.”

  “I can’t help it, Glory.” Flo looked insulted. “I told you, I can’t walk in high heels. I trip, I fall, and I twist my ankle.” She leaned against me. “Look at me. Popping out of my clothes and wearing,” she shuddered, “clogs.”

  “They certainly look comfortable.” I laughed when she gave me a gesture that needed no translation. “At least there’s no one here who knows you, Flo.” I patted her back and was horrified to realize I felt muffin top above her jeans. My buddy had never had extra fat in her life. “Well, no one but me. And I swear that, once we’re home, I’ll never tell anyone how you’ve sunk so low.” I grinned when she jerked away and swore at me in a spate of Italian.

  “Whoa. Do you know what she just called you, Gloriana?” Charis had changed her footgear for some cute flat heeled boots. Which called for designer jeans tucked into them and a different top. I followed her lead and soon had on leggings, ballet flats and a long blue knit top.

  “No, but I’m sure I deserve it.” I knew using my goddess powers in front of my friend was rubbing salt in her wounds.

  “You do!” Flo stared at us, her eyes watering. “Look at you, littler than me now and changing clothes with a snap. I hate both of you.” She wiped her cheeks. “Let’s go. And I will not eat another bite today. If I so much as look at a scone, you hit me. Swear it, Glory.”

  “Okay. Charis, you’re my witness.” I linked arms with Flo and we followed the handmaiden down a path. The soldiers flanked us, keeping a watch over the group. We walked for about ten minutes before we came to a large pink building with picture windows. Manikins were posed in the center of each one and the outfits they wore made Flo sigh. We’d come to the right place.

  “Glory.” Flo stopped me before we went inside. “I must say something.”

  “Yes?” I realized she was serious and dragged her over to sit on a bench next to the shop’s entrance. “What is it, pal?”

  “Mi dispiace.”She shook her head and grabbed my hand. “I mean to say I’m sorry. I never understood before how you felt. All those years with extra pounds you couldn’t lose.” She sniffled. “The newspapers were cruel, amica, when you were with Israel. They called you a blueberry.”

  “Yes, the tabloids had a field day with their headlines. Famous rock star Israel Caine engaged to chubby ordinary Gloriana St. Clair.” I squeezed her hand. “It hurt. But Ray loved me, curves and all. Jerry’s always loved me as I was.” I took a moment to appreciate that and my special man. “So I got over it and I’m the first to admit it wasn’t easy. But I learned to accept how I look and love myself, no matter what shape I’m in. I hope you can figure out how to do that too, Flo.”

  “You are brave.” Flo wiped her wet cheeks with her free hand. “Me? What do I have to offer a man besides my beauty, I ask you? Without it I am nothing.”’

  “Stop it.” I shook her. “This isn’t like you. You are smart, strong, independent.” I materialized a hanky and gave it to her. “Dry up and stop this pity train right now.”

  Flo blew her nose. “You are the best friend a woman could have. You are right. I stop whining now.”

  “Not such a good friend. I dragged you up here. Into my mess.” I pulled her up to stand beside me. “But we are going to figure this out and get home better than ever, together. Am I right?”

  “That’s my line!” She sniffed and actually worked up a smile. “But naturalmente.” She hugged me for a long moment. “Better than ever.”

  “Hey, you two. Get in here. They’re having a sale.” Charis stood in the doorway. “Florence, you’d look great in this red dress.” She held up a sheath that was a style Flo loved.

  “It is my color.” Flo smiled and headed inside.

  We spent the next couple of hours finding clothes for Flo. When it came time to pay, Charis insisted our father wouldn’t mind putting it all on his account. I didn’t ask why he had one at this store for mortal mistresses. I was pretty sure my mother wouldn’t like to know about it either. I rationalized the expense by remembering that it had been Mars’ idea to bring Flo and Richard up here in the first place. After he’d brought Jerry too.

  My father and his good intentions. The least he could do was buy a few, okay, a lot of clothes for my best friend. Charis and I were sworn to secrecy as to the size Flo now wore. She was definitely going on a diet.

  We arranged for the new wardrobe to be delivered then started back to my rooms. The soldiers kept pace with us, though one of them was busy chatting with Elena. We were laughing and relaxed when a dark cloud in the sky above us made us all stop in our tracks.

  “Leave us. I wish to speak to Gloriana.” The booming voice could belong to only one man. When lightning cracked next to the soldier beside me, he gestured and the squad saluted and hurried away.

  “Glory?” Flo trembled next to me.

  “Go with Charis, Flo. I’ll be all right.” I hoped that was true.

  Charis dragged Flo down the path. She darted a few anxious glances toward the sky and then back to me. “Good luck, Sister.” Then she whispered in Flo’s ear. My pal crossed herself and broke into a run. They were soon out of sight, Charis’s handmaiden leading the way.

  “Grandfather.” I bowed as I’d seen the courtiers do in his presence. You didn’t mess around when Zeus sought you out.

  He appeared in front of me. Then he looked to his right and a golden throne appeared. He took a seat and nodded. A small bench was suddenly in front of me.

  “Sit. We need to have a talk, you and I.”

  “Yes, sire.” I collapsed on the bench and folded my shaking hands in my lap. “How can I serve you?”

  “You can stop trying to stir up trouble in my kingdom, Gloriana.” His deep voice was deceptively soft, but I couldn’t mistake the steel beneath the words.

  “Trouble, sire? I don’t know what you mean.”

  Thunder boomed over my head and lightning sizzled mere feet from my bench. “Think, Gloriana. You’ve been a very busy girl, have you not? Going to your grandmother about th
e plight of the handmaidens. Poor things. Now Hera is in a froth, determined to stop the gods from having relations with them.” He slammed a fist on the arm of his throne and my bench almost toppled over. “Do you have any idea what a problem that will cause here?”

  “No.” I realized my chin was trembling but I wouldn’t look away from his hard gaze. “Sire, how can you condone rape? The girls have no rights. No say in how they are used.”

  “They are slaves, Gloriana. Spoils of war. Of course they have no rights!” His voice made the leaves on the tree beside me rattle.

  “Do you hear yourself?” I covered my mouth. Had I really just called out the lord of all Olympus? “I’m sorry, sire. But slavery is an abomination in my world. I, I can’t believe it is still commonplace here. Accepted.”

  “You may be of my blood, but you are out of bounds, girl. I dictate how things are done in my kingdom. Is that clear?” Zeus raised a hand and I braced myself for a lightning bolt or fire. Instead, he threw a flame at that poor nearby tree and watched it burn down to a pile of ash.

  “Yes, sire. I know you dictate everything here. That’s why I find it hard to accept that you would wish to let such a practice go on. To make innocent women serve men in such a fashion.”

  “The slaves are compensated. With pleasure and with coin if the god is feeling generous.” He leaned forward. “Have you asked one of them about that?”

  “So they can prostitute themselves? Is that the choice they are given?” I leaned forward too. So far he was listening. I couldn’t believe it but had to give this opportunity all that I had. “Surely you know that not all men, even gods, care whether a woman gets pleasure as long as he gets his rocks off.”

  “His rocks. You do speak plainly. But it’s true.” Zeus sat back. “Coin is given so the women can eventually buy their freedom.”

  “Can they? Did Grandmother tell you they are charged for birth control by the sorcerer who makes it or must take their chances at bearing a bastard?”

  “That’s not right. I have no wish for the hierarchy to breed with slaves.” Grandfather was so sure of his superiority.