Cold Comfort

by Isobel Hart

  Exhausted after all the exertion he turned us around and we slid to the floor, a sweaty heap. “Mind the glass,” I reminded him from my position on his lap, giggling at the thought of us needing to go to hospital to get glass taken out of his butt.

  “I’ve wanted to do that all day,” he groaned. “You looked so hot today, and then when you sang…”

  “Thank you again for helping me through my nerves,” I said, kissing him.

  “You’ve got nothing to be nervous about. You’re what they call a natural… and you’re all mine,” he said, heaving both himself and me off the floor and chucking me onto the bed, where he proceeded to show me what he’d been thinking about all day.

  *

  When we finally emerged, the room downstairs was heaving with people. “Finally,” Wayne complained when we walked in. “I thought you were going to take all fucking day about it.”

  “Good idea,” Cat said, spinning around and pretending to walk back out the door.

  “Cat, seriously, mate, don’t do this to me. You’ve lit the fucking touch paper with that performance earlier. People want to see you.”

  He rolled his eyes. “Okay, so what are we talking about?”

  “The label’s speculating you’ll be a chart entry by tomorrow.”

  “After one day? We’ve only played it once.”

  “But it’s already been picked up everywhere. I’ve been contacted by Falk’s Talks, the BBC chat show, to see if you can be available tomorrow night. The chart results will be out just before the show. It could be a good fit. I’m thinking we’re talking maybe a number one by a week tomorrow, judging by the buzz.” He looked at me. “People want to know more about you too. Who you are, where you came from, how you two met. I’m thinking maybe a newspaper article.”

  “I don’t really want to.”

  “What? Why not?” Wayne looked completely bemused that anyone would turn down the chance to be in a paper. “What about a glossy mag, then? You could get dressed up in some posh frocks and stuff. Girls like that, don’t they?”

  “Some girls,” I muttered. “Not me, though. Why do I have to do anything? Can’t they just look at Cat and the band?” Cat looked at me fondly.

  “Look, sweetie,” Wayne said in his most patronising tone. “You have a choice; either you release information to the press to satisfy their need to know more about you, or they’ll start digging and either print what they dig up or make up something more interesting. I’m betting like most of us you’d rather they leave some stuff alone. People will start crawling out the woodwork claiming they know you. All the kids you went to school with, whoever popped your cherry… you get the idea?”

  “Shut up, Wayne,” Cat growled. “You’re frightening her.”

  “Yeah, well, she needs to grow some balls. You two started this shit. Now we need to make sure we grow roses from it.”

  “I’ll do a magazine. Let me know if any are interested and I’ll choose,” I decided. I didn’t particularly like him, but his advice made sense, and I didn’t want them crawling around Mama. I needed to call her.

  The conversation rolled on, and I sat listening as they talked about all the offers that had already come in for performances. When they started talking about interest in the US I slipped out the room. It was all a bit overwhelming. I sat on my bed and called Mama, and she answered on the first ring. “Oh, honey, I hoped you’d call. I saw you on the computer singing your song. You sounded so beautiful.”

  “Oh, Mama, I wish you could have been there. I was so scared, but Cat helped me through.”

  “Is Cat the boy you sang with?”

  “Yeah, he is. We’re kind of seeing each other.”

  “And is he good to you?” I loved that she was more interested about vetting my potential boyfriend than she was about the fact we had been trending on Twitter.

  “He’s been so kind to me. I really like him,” I admitted.

  “Well, he’s very handsome. You make sure he stays being kind to you, or he’ll have me to deal with,” she said in a mock stern voice.

  “I’ll tell him. I wish I could see you,” I said, my voice small now.

  “I miss you too, baby. You’ll have to make that rock star boyfriend perform that song with you for me sometime soon.”

  “He will. I’ll tell him. He has a house in Cambridgeshire...”

  She cut me off. “Don’t tell me. Hardy has been here. He was angry about your photo. He went to that house, and they wouldn’t let him see you. That made him even madder. He’s watching me to see if I can get to you. It’s better if he thinks I can’t.”

  “You can watch us on Falk’s Talks tomorrow night,” I told her. “We’ll be singing the song on there. I’ll blow you a kiss.”

  “I’ll be watching, honey. You make sure you take care, and tell that Cat to look after my baby.”

  “I’ll tell him, Mama. I miss you… I love you.”

  “I love you too, darling. So much.” We parted then, the goodbyes hurting more than ever. I needed something familiar at this time of momentous upheaval. I resented Hardy and his father even more for taking that away from me.

  “Baby, you okay?” Cat asked from the doorway, before coming in and sitting down beside me on the bed. “Was that your Mama?”

  “Yeah. She watched us. She liked it.”

  “Of course she liked it. She has a very talented daughter.”

  “She thought you were handsome. Told me to tell you to be good to me or you’d have her to deal with.” He smiled at that.

  “Oh, I’ll be good to you. You know I will,” he said suggestively, waggling his eyebrows, which made me laugh and pulled me out the dip I’d been in. “The guys think we should go out and celebrate a bit. You up for that?”

  “What were they thinking? Is Eddy going?”

  “Yeah, Eddy’s going. Dinner, then probably a club. You up for it?”

  “Yeah,” I said slowly, “I suppose. I can’t wear this, though. I’ve had it on all day, and I sweated when I was nervous earlier, so it stinks. I’ve only got some shorts with me otherwise. I didn’t think we’d be down here long, so I didn’t bring much. Will that be okay? Or maybe I should stay here and you should go out with the band.”

  “Firstly, I’m not going out without you. Secondly, you’ll look great whatever you put on – I couldn’t care less what you wear. Thirdly, the club will be hot anyway. It’s a warm night, so shorts will be great.”

  “You don’t think I’ll be underdressed?”

  “Delilah, most of the girls don’t wear much more than their bras and knickers in the clubs. There’s not a chance you’ll be underdressed,” he insisted. “You have a shower and get yourself ready, then I’ll call the cars,” he said, pulling on a clean t-shirt from out of his bag. It was so much easier for boys.

  Thirty minutes later I had showered and applied a little make-up, just some lip gloss and mascara. My shorts were at least comfortable. I’d paired them with some cute trainers and a floaty white halterneck top that meant I had to go bra-less again, but I looked okay. I’d left my hair down, just plaiting the top so it formed a band and held some of the hair off my face, which would hopefully keep me cool in the club. I was getting excited about being able to dance with Cat later.

  I walked into the basement room, and the group went silent. It seemed to happen a lot. I immediately felt anxious that I was underdressed and started fiddling with the hem of my top. “Is this okay?” I asked Eddy, trusting he would tell me the truth.

  “Delilah, you look stunning. Absolutely gorgeous. You really have no idea,” he said with a laugh. I looked at Cat for confirmation, but he seemed uncomfortable.

  “Don’t you like it? I don’t have much else with me that isn’t dirty,” I said nervously.

  “Do you have any longer shorts?” he asked, which made the rest of the group burst out laughing.

  “No…”

  “Delilah, you look stunning,” Eddy butted in. “He’s being an ass because he hates that
everywhere you go tonight men are going to be looking at you. Particularly your legs, which look frankly awesome in those shorts.”

  “Is that the reason?” I asked Cat.

  He looked down at my legs again and nodded. “I might lose it,” he admitted.

  Finally I relaxed a bit and smiled. “You’re the only one I wrap them round,” I whispered in his ear.

  “Fuck, baby, now I don’t want to go out at all,” he moaned.

  “Get a couple of these down you and you’ll soon change your mind,” Henry said, laughing and handing Cat a mirror with a couple of lines of coke on it and a rolled-up bank note. Cat quickly snorted a line, and then offered the other one to me. When I shook my head he did the second. I tried to quell the feeling of disquiet that simmered within me at the sight of him so casually snorting cocaine. I knew he was around it all the time, but I hadn’t seen him do any before.

  “Let’s go then,” Henry said, jumping up. “Time to party.” And the next thing I knew I was being herded out the house with everyone else and into the waiting cars.

  Chapter 21

  Dinner was a bit of a waste of time. The band had all been doing cocaine, so none of them had any sort of appetite by the time our meal was served. Similarly, I was feeling off-kilter after seeing this new side of Cat, which had killed my appetite too. Only Eddy remained unaffected. Where drink was concerned, though, the band had no issues. They started with champagne to celebrate the single and had rapidly moved on to whiskey. I’d had a couple of glasses but then slowed up my drinking; however, Cat seemed to be consuming enough for the pair of us. As a group we were loud, and I cringed as people stared disapprovingly across the restaurant at the cause of all the racket.

  When we finally stood to head for the club I was relieved. Cat immediately looped his arm round my shoulders and pulled me into his side as we walked outside. But when we reached the pavement the cars had been forced to circle the block again to avoid causing traffic problems. By the time they returned we had acquired a large group of fans who had started to become overexcited at being so near their idols and were jostling against us to get even closer. I was gradually pushed aside as the women tried to get closer to Cat. I watched, standing quietly beside Eddy at the back of the crowd, as Cat lapped up the attention.

  When two of the women managed to persuade someone they should join us in our car I started to get annoyed. I didn’t begrudge them trying their luck with rock stars, but they were meant to be with Henry and Dougie. Instead, as soon as they stepped in, they made it very clear it was Cat they wanted. Henry and Dougie seemed completely unconcerned that the women they were groping were making eyes at another man.

  Henry got the coke out again and they all did some more, including the women, by which time everyone was talking complete shit. They made poor company. “You’re so freaking beautiful,” Cat told me for about the seventh time, before he started to talk about the beautiful album he wanted to write with me. It was the usual bullshit of those high on drugs, caught up in the momentum of their high, planning big, only to forget everything the next day. I hated his glassy expression and the lack of his usual intellectual sharpness. I just wanted to go home.

  We reached the club, W1A, piled out the car and went straight inside. The two hangers-on each grabbed one of Cat’s arms and escorted him into the club while I hung back. He was too blitzed to notice or care by this point, unused to the expectations of a girlfriend. Anger rose within me. I nearly turned on my heel and went home, but then I thought ‘sod it, two can play at this game’. Instead I lifted my head and marched into the club with Matt and Eddy, ignoring the photographers who were snapping photos as we walked past.

  Inside I ignored the others as they all headed for the VIP area. I knew what they’d be doing, sitting round a table, drinking and allowing groupies to hang all over them, letting them offer sexual favours which they may or may not choose to accept. Instead I headed for the dance floor, found myself a corner and started to dance. The music was great. I danced away the jealous bile that sizzled within me at the thought of what those women would be trying to do to Cat. I didn’t think he’d actually fuck someone else, but just the fact he’d let them paw him like that irritated me. And then there were the drugs. I didn’t like the person he was when he took them. I needed to think about what that meant for the future of our relationship. It was still early days, but I knew I couldn’t share him. I just didn’t know if he could commit to one woman.

  The tracks flowed from one to another, and then one of my favourite Daft Punk tunes came on, and I forgot about Cat and just enjoyed dancing to it. I could feel there were men looking at me, but I ignored everyone, deliberately not allowing anyone to catch my eye, moving to the music and singing along. When arms went around my waist I prepared to lash out until I recognised the familiar grip of Cat’s arms and the scent of him wrapped itself comfortingly around me. Instead I allowed myself to be pulled back against his chest.

  “I couldn’t find you,” he whispered in my ear. “I didn’t like it.”

  “You seemed to have enough on your hands,” I said waspishly, even as I let him grasp my hips and grind against my buttocks. He pressed his face into my neck and breathed me in.

  “I was surrounded by all the same old shit again, but without you… without your light… I can’t…” He struggled to express himself, his brain still full of chemicals.

  “I was here. I am here,” I assured him. “If you need me, I’m here,” I promised, a little rashly given how dark my thoughts had been. “But don’t expect me to stand and watch other women fawn over you. I don’t like it. I’m not a doormat.”

  He led me to the side of the room, away from the crowds that were forming around him, opening a door marked ‘Private’ that revealed an unlit corridor beyond and pulling me into the darkness. The only light as the door closed was a faint red glow in the distance from what looked like a fire exit sign. The sudden drop in noise engulfed me, disorientating my senses and leaving my ears ringing.

  “I don’t even notice them doing it most of the time,” he said, spinning me so I faced him. “I’m numb to it. I hadn’t felt anything for anyone for a long time until you walked into my life. You really have no idea how different you are… and I can’t lose that… I can’t lose you.” He ran his hand through his hair, the coke making him even more agitated than usual. “I’m going to fuck up, I know I am. I’m selfish and thoughtless, and I’m going to hurt you at some point, but I can’t lose you. Promise I won’t lose you.”

  “I promised someone before, and they hurt me so badly. They let me down. It nearly destroyed me. I… I don’t know if I can promise that, because I don’t want to be hurt like that again. I need to know I can trust you, and I don’t know that I can yet.”

  “But you have to…” he cried out, kissing me fiercely until my body betrayed me and I returned the kiss. “I’ll prove it to you,” he promised, his expression full of fervour. I wanted to believe him, but the sheen in his eyes made me doubt him still. He was full of never-never promises, fuelled by cocaine and about as reliable as a chocolate fireguard. But he was here with me now. He had looked for me until he found me, despite all the other distractions on offer. That had to count for something.

  “Can we go home?” I asked, feeling a wave of exhaustion. All the emotion of the day had finally caught up with me.

  “Just one dance first? I haven’t had a chance to dance with you yet. I want the world to see you in my arms and know you’re mine.”

  “I’m not sure the world is very bothered about what I do.”

  “I think you’d be surprised,” he said with a smile, leading me back through the door and into the club. The sound hit like a wall, and the heat followed a second after. The beat of the music was fast, but Cat just led me into the middle of the floor, ignoring all the calls of his name from every side. He placed my arms around his neck and his own around my waist as we moved to the music. He pressed a kiss to my forehead. When I looked up at him h
e pressed a second to my lips. And then we were kissing again, and nothing else mattered.

  One song passed, maybe two. “Get a room,” someone shouted from the side as Cat began to run his hands all over me. I pulled away embarrassed as Cat scowled at the guy.

  “Let’s go home,” he whispered, and I nodded, glad to be leaving. We had another big day coming up with the T.V. performance. I just wanted to be in bed, in his arms, and forget about the things that had been worrying me.

  “Do we need to say goodbye to anyone?”

  “No, I’ll let security tell them where we are. Let’s go.” I let him lead me across the room, back out the doors and towards the waiting car. I ignored all the phones and cameras directed at us, hoping that I didn’t look too sweaty, praying the photos would not be too horrible. I couldn’t expect to hang out with Cat and not get some attention too.

  “Delilah,” a voice called, “can I have your autograph?” It was a girl’s voice, one lone voice in the midst of all the shouts for Cat. He heard it too and stopped, looking for whoever had called.

  She was about my age. I smiled at her as Cat led me over. “Did you call for Delilah?” he asked. She blushed, and I sympathised – his beautiful face addled my brain too.

  “Yeah. I saw the Live Lounge recording. I think she’s amazing, and her voice is so beautiful… when I saw on Twitter you guys were here I came down. I didn’t mean to be a nuisance.”

  “You’re not a nuisance,” he reassured her. “You have good taste.” He pulled a Sharpie out his jacket pocket. “What have you got for her to sign?”

  “Do you mind taking a photo of me with her?” she asked, blushing even more. He laughed, tucking the pen away again.

  “Hand me the phone,” he said. About thirty people handed phones out to him, but he took only the girl’s. “Get next to her, Delilah,” he instructed. I did as I was told and moved beside her, putting an arm around her shoulders while Cat took about three photos of us.