by A. J. Downey
“I hate you,” I said, gasping for breath, “But I deserved that.” He did not disagree.
Chapter Four
Tabbris
There was shock on her face as we arrived in the morning air of Tibet. Adelaide clutched at her mouth and stomach simultaneously. After a moment, she released her mouth. “I think it’s getting easier, but it still sucks.”
“You’d prefer flying?”
“You can fly?”
“Sure, I just buy a ticket.” I started walking toward the Temple.
“Wait, did you just…? Was that a joke?” Receiving no answer, she crawled to her feet and asked instead. “Is that where we’re going?”
The Temple was surrounded by monks who lived in a state of balance between Heaven and Hell. They were untouchable by either side, in ways, and vulnerable to both in ways. It was not a given that our request for asylum would be granted, especially since we were both bathed in the blood of Demons and Fallen and reeked of trouble.
The tiny girl that walked down the path toward us suggested to me that they would reject our request. If they were to honor us, they’d have sent one of the elders.
I must have sighed when I noticed the young girl, because Adelaide leaned onto my shoulder and whispered, “What’s wrong? Is that…”
“Yes,” I said, and she tensed. “That’s a no.” Once again I felt the quizzical look.
As the young girl arrived directly in front of us, she handed me a blossom. I’d seen it before, used as a test to see if I was truly whom I appeared to be. I took the flower and it opened up, sizzling on the edge where it touched the Demon’s blood on my hands. She took the flower back from me and turned to go back up to the Temple. She never stopped smiling, and I couldn’t help but feel that the use of a young girl as a test to see if something horrible was at your door was somehow wrong. But then, I also supposed that sometimes maintaining a balance between Heaven and Hell required leaning Hell-ward, now and then.
She passed one of the elders as she made her way back up, and soon he was standing in front of me. “Tabbris. It must be very bad.”
I nodded. “Not the end of the world, yet, but yes, very bad.”
He raised an eyebrow. “Oh, so not like last time.” He turned toward Adelaide. “I assume you feel like you are out of your element, confused, frustrated, maybe even scared?”
“Good to know I look how I feel.”
“No, dear, you look lovely, but a bath and some clean clothes could not worsen your day. Perhaps some food?” He put his hand under Adelaide’s and led her up the path while I followed behind.
She softly wrapped her fingers around his frail hand and smiled. “I think I might be in love with you, sir. You could learn a lot from this gentleman, Tab.”
“My name is Yin, and I am one of the elders of this Temple. We are aware of some of the elements of your struggle and would gladly offer you hospitality. The forces of Heaven and Hell will not find you here for a long time.” We walked up the path, seeing monks toiling in the garden, and carrying water from a nearby stream.
“A few days,” I said.
“I like his version better.” Adelaide shot me a glance. I guessed from her expression that she thought my response was a bit rude.
Master Yin was amused by our interaction, not annoyed. “You will have to forgive Tabbris. He’s been through a lot for humanity. He seldom sees any gratitude or warm feelings from us, and I think that makes him a little grumpy.”
Adelaide didn’t speak for a moment, staring at me until I looked back at her. Then she turned her gaze away. Master Yin led her into the Temple, then guided her hand to the hand of one of the four women who stood in the entryway.
The Temple itself was entirely gray stone on the outside, except for the giant red wooden columns arranged out front on the walkway that went around it. Inside it was wood, with red cloth hanging from the ceiling and red glass around each torch, candle, or lantern. The wood of the furniture was polished with a reddish stain, to somewhat match the general color scheme of the place. Even with the doors open to the Tibetan chill, the place was surprisingly warm. There was a hint of a chilled breeze through the open doors and huge, glassless windows, but the worst seemed as if it might possibly be deflected by the cloth hanging outside them, or the engineers who built the place just studied how the wind behaved atop this mountain. As soon as we were far enough inside that the smell of mountaintop snow faded, the smell of wood smoke and tanned leather, with a hint of incense, took over.
“You should go have a bath; we have some clothes that might fit you.” Master Yin looked like he’d suddenly remembered something. “Are you hungry, dear?”
“Yes.” She seemed distracted. “Thank you.” It looked like it was almost an afterthought. The girl led Adelaide away, and Master Yin and I stood there and watched them go. When they were definitely out of earshot, he spoke, not looking at me. “You don’t have any idea what you’re going to do, do you?”
“No.” My answer was simple and honest. Honesty was the least I could trade for asylum right now. Adelaide had been right, back in Chile: I needed time to think.
“Well,” he said, putting his hand on my shoulder. “It is still good to see you, Tabbris.” Master Yin began walking with the gait of a younger man toward the Temple’s planning room. “Come,” he called back to me. “Let us think up a plan, like the old days.”
“Like the old days,” I mumbled, following him.
Yin waited until we’d had tea and a chance to settle in before speaking again. “So, that’s her?” he asked.
I shook my head. “That’s her Grace inside her, making itself at home. But Adelaide is definitely her own person. At least I hope so.”
He paused for a very long time, possibly sorting out how vessels and hosts and the rest worked within the best of his knowledge. Finally, “You hope? I thought you and Iaoel were friends?”
“So did I.”
“What happened?”
“She had another vision. This time, she trusted that more than she trusted me, or mortals.”
“She is the Angel of Visions. Maybe she just couldn’t fight her nature any more than you can. You haven’t exactly gotten a lot out of being the so-called Angel of Free Will.”
I bristled at that, but quickly calmed down. Faced with an Angel, Yin was just playing devil’s advocate. “I have purpose. That’s all I’ve ever wanted. It’s what I was made for, to safeguard mortal’s right to choose their own destiny. Free will was the greatest gift God gave you. It shouldn’t be squandered.”
“That’s a heavy statement, my friend. Gave to us, but not to you? I’ll get to the rest later, but some of your kind sort of resented that, didn’t they? You deal with us more than most. Don’t you?”
“If that was one of my problems, I’d have fallen a long time ago.”
He glanced at my wings. “You’re sure you haven’t?”
“I have plenty of things to account for, but jealousy of mortals isn’t one of my sins.”
“I heard you accounted for some of them. Not that I’m particularly well connected, but we get occasional news here, even when you’re away.”
“I spent some time in Hell, yes.”
“Over Iaoel?”
“And the whole situation, yes. But I hid her Grace away, as soon as I was extracted. Piorre volunteered. I wanted to know what she’d seen that led to… a lot of things. But so, it seems, did Michael. Piorre was a young man, but already a dedicated scholar, too curious for his own good. He was only too happy to make it his life’s work to unfold Iaoel’s Grace.”
“Michael, right. So, if he wanted to know what she’d seen, why did you take it to him in the first place, exactly? It seems like you’d be in a lot less trouble if you’d kept her hidden.”
“It had taken Piorre a lifetime, with limited progress. She never much comprehended mortals. I didn’t think there was any chance she’d bond with Adelaide, at least not so quickly.” I could not be certain Iaoel hadn’t d
one it out of spite, to be honest, but I kept the idle thought to myself. It was better to think of the Grace as clinically as possible. It was already difficult enough to not let this get personal.
“I understand that, but taking something to Michael is something of the opposite of keeping it hidden.
“Yes, but now there was a human at stake who hadn’t volunteered. Moreover…” It was difficult, for a moment, to say it, but I had to explain what he’d brought into his home. “I didn’t realize the vision Iaoel had betrayed me over was about the keys to the Gates and a way to possibly bring about the Judgment.”
“I thought you said this visit wasn’t the end of the world this time.” He was smiling as he said it, at least.
“Just the opposite. It’s about preventing it.”
“Nice sophistry. All right, go on.”
“Giving Iaoel to Michael meant keeping her out of reach of Rahab, Lucifer, and plenty of others curious about whatever information she might have. If something turned out problematic as Michael worked Iaoel’s Grace through the celestial bureaucracy, I figured I’d have time to make it disappear again.”
“But she had bonded, and you figured Michael might care more about the Grace than one life.”
“Yes. I had to get her out.”
“And since then, you’ve discovered just how much more he wants it than any lives.”
“Yes. A visit with Hadad was rather informative.”
“Lovely.” Yin paused. “The entire world is at stake. You could have just killed her yourself and pulled Iaoel’s Grace out, found somewhere else to hide it. It would have solved the problem. Not like you have any shortage of blood on your hands.”
“Their choices. Adelaide didn’t know what she was being dragged into. She should have had a right to choose for herself before becoming a part of this.”
“And for that, she’s probably going to die anyway. You certainly don’t ever make things easy on yourself. Are you sure she’s worth it? Are you sure we are worth it?”
“The principle is worth it. That’s part of the point. It’s not for me to decide who’s worthwhile and who isn’t.”
“Michael seems to think differently, if he’s that eager for Judgment Day.”
“Michael doesn’t think much of anything about humans, one way or another. He’s focused on a bigger picture. Doing his job. That’s why he wants to know what Iaoel saw. He’s hoping she saw a time when Heaven would win, when he’d win.”
“Speaking against self-interest, of course, but that seems sensible of him, in his position. Besides, isn’t that what you want, to see Heaven win?”
“That’s not for Michael, or me, to decide. Humans need to determine that outcome for themselves.”
“Quite the stand on principle, even in the face of losing everything your side stands for, Tabbris.”
I glanced aside at one red wing. “I’m on God’s side. He gave mortals self-determination, his greatest gift. I exist to see that the gift isn’t taken away due to anyone’s agenda.”
“Even in the face of damnation?”
“Especially in the face of damnation. Free will is nothing without the freedom to make the wrong choices, if it comes down to it.”
“Looking at the forces arrayed against you, I’d say you may have made some questionable choices of your own. Michael, Hadad…”
“Lucifer will be involved, too.”
“You’re sure?”
“I’m absolutely sure. We’ve spoken. I’m just less worried about that one, for the moment.”
“Excuse me? Less worried about the Devil himself getting involved?”
“For the moment. He won’t try to kill her or steal the Grace. That’s meaningless. As long as Michael doesn’t have her, he’s in it for the bigger game.”
“Bigger than Judgment Day?” Yin looked intent. “Help me understand here.”
“Iaoel taking a vessel is an opportunity. If he can tempt Adelaide, he has a chance to cause Iaoel to fall, too. A vision of Heaven winning is one thing. Causing the Angel of Visions to join his side is another victory entirely. But he can’t kill her, or force her into anything under duress. It has to be Adelaide’s choice to turn, and bring the Grace with her. Eventually, that makes him one of the most dangerous enemies out there. He’s not playing the same game as everyone else. But it also means he’s the least immediate threat.”
Yin paused us there, to contemplate that, and perhaps get some other perspectives. As much as he was the one who’d been here long enough to know me, from before my time below, he still needed to share the information about their guests with the others of the Temple. It was entirely possible they’d choose not to shelter us any longer, with the odds what they were. If so, he’d want to be told nothing further, so he could properly claim ignorance of our plans going forward. While I appreciated the idea of having someone to help plan, and to provide perspective I might be missing, it had to be by his own choice, regardless of where that left Adelaide and myself.
Half-expecting Yin again, I was surprised when the first interruption came from one of the Temple’s younger members. “You want food?” he asked, in heavily accented but solid English. “Girl is waiting.”
I shook my head, switching to his native tongue myself for ease. “No, she should see this place, experience it for herself. She’s seen enough of me for a while.” He looked confused but accepted the refusal. Food could wait. Instead, I found a place Yin could locate me easily enough, and meditated for a while. The past day left me with a lot to contemplate, after all, and I needed to clear my thoughts.
While I sat there, eyes closed, trying to focus, I found my thoughts drifting to Adelaide. How much had she seen? Even a brief glimpse into Hell, however focused it might have been, was a lot for a mortal mind. I know she mentioned the torture, and I found myself hoping that that was what she’d remained fixed on. The torture happened and certainly wasn’t pleasant, but that I could endure. The worst part of Hell is being out of God’s sight, out of God’s Grace, outside of all the natural parts of creation. Even as locked away as he’s made Himself, that, ultimately, was still what separated the host and the Fallen. Some of the former could be as driven and single-minded as any of the Fallen, while some of the Fallen were, in their own ways, perfectly acceptable, if self-interested beings – but they’d turned their backs on their Creator and rejected His will.
Crimson wings, feathers edged in black, time in Hell, facing Lucifer’s temptations, or no, I never lost my sense of purpose. By the end of it, when I wouldn’t be broken or turned, but before I was extracted, I suspect that, after all of his own time outside of the Grace of God, Lucifer was getting agitated just looking at me. It was difficult to say, however, what form his or the other Fallen’s agitation would take, were I to be brought back there. If we got caught, I could only hope that it was by Michael and his cohorts. Either way, I might be sent back below, but if she lived, at least Adelaide, much as she faced an uncertain and unpleasant future either way, wouldn’t end up in Hell with me.
I tried to clear my mind of thoughts of Hell. They certainly weren’t going to help me concentrate, and I needed focus. I had plenty of inspiration without needing to try to avoid a return trip. My thoughts wandered back to Adelaide again. Why had she been chosen – and taken to so quickly? Iaoel was not particularly attached to mortals. Piorre had worked a lifetime trying to gain that same acceptance, working with everything I’d told him of her, along with his own sins and regrets. There shouldn’t have been any way Iaoel would take to Adelaide that quickly, unless there was something I wasn’t seeing. Clearly, there was a long way to go in order to unfold the Grace, still, but the first steps had been taken. Typically, even those took years. Adelaide didn’t seem like a typical choice, either, with all her conflicts and strong emotions. Perhaps that was the difference. I was never good with emotions, and Piorre was a more focused sort, while Iaoel always had a more vibrant edge to her.
There were too many questions I couldn’t a
nswer, and, ultimately, irrelevant to the situation at hand. I shifted from that, to trying to figure out how best to keep Adelaide alive and myself out of anyone’s hands, without endangering too many people who had no part in the war. Once again, my thoughts kept drifting to Adelaide herself. I told her to keep her feelings out of the situation. They certainly weren’t going to help us, and could make it all the harder to unfold the Grace or think rationally. Similarly, the more times she had the visions, and the more time she spent with the Grace, the more I could see of Iaoel, at least here and there. We’d been friends a very long time – until she betrayed my trust, and forced my hand. Adelaide complained about my being cold, distant, and rude – without any kind of perspective. She may have been right, anyway, but I didn’t want to let myself get attached beyond the situation, either. I had a job to do, and any reminder of who had me sent to Hell certainly wasn’t going to help objectivity.
That was the time that I had. Yin returned, and I still had more questions than answers. Only one mattered right away, though. “So?”
“So, the masters of the Temple have met, and so far, unanimously decided not to decide. We agreed that you’re in a dangerous position. Some don’t want to be caught in the middle of it, others, understanding the stakes, are pretty certain we already are.”
“And you?”
“I think I’d rather not know your plans until we’re more certain of our stance. I agreed we’re already involved, but our earlier conversation revealed to me that I don’t begin to understand some of the things I thought I had a good handle on. Before I gave them my full recommendation, I suggested we take some time to think about it.”
I couldn’t help but smile. The conversation hadn’t been going well. When so many of their souls were carefully placed at a precarious balance, they didn’t want to draw any attention from the likes of Hadad or Lucifer. So he’d bought us time. We’d meet to make plans, like the old days, but not yet. Because as soon as we had, they’d want us out. Adelaide wasn’t likely to be recovered enough to leave just yet. “Very wise of you. Going to sleep on it, and meet again with them tomorrow?”