For Our Son: A BWWM Parenting Romance For Adults

by Nia Anderson

  "Don’t worry though," Morgan had been speaking during Grace’s self-evaluation, "I’ll keep you from dating the losers of the world."

  "Morgan," Grace began curtly, "You know I love you right?"

  "Of course."

  "So, it’s with love that I tell you that you don’t have to rub it in my face that the only guys who are interested in me are losers."

  "Grace, that’s not what I’m saying. I just meant that—"

  "Because I know that compared to you, I’m not exactly ‘Dating Disneyland’, but it’s not like I have all that opportunity. I’m really busy with school and…I’m just busy."

  "Okay, I’m going to pretend you didn’t just say the dating Disneyland thing. And Grace, you’re not that busy. You’re just stuck.”

  "Stuck? I’m not stuck."

  "Grace, you are." Morgan paused while she and Grace climbed in the car. Once situated, Morgan turned to Grace. "You still have feelings for Ryan."

  "Yeah, feelings of hatred."

  "Well, even still…don’t you think if you were over him you wouldn’t love him or hate him?"

  "What are you saying? I’m supposed to feel nothing when I think about Ryan?"

  "No…" Morgan eyeballed the ceiling of the car as she searched for an illustration that would explain her position to Grace. "Take Dylan and I for example. He put me through hell when we were together and I hated him for a long time. But after I got over him, if I thought back on the times when we were together, I could recollect the good times, too. Even now, I can think about the bad times without a flash of anger. I can almost laugh at them."

  "It doesn’t hurt at all?" Grace eyed Morgan for a sign of contradiction.

  "Not at all. I’ve moved on. And that’s exactly what you need to do. It’s been a long time, Grace."

  "I know, I know. And I thought I had moved on, but when I saw Ryan…when I talked to him…he made me so mad."

  "And anger isn’t the only feeling you had, is it?”

  Grace sighed. "You’re right. I am stuck."

  "Yeah, well Ryan has a girlfriend. He’s gotten on with his life. Now it’s your turn." Morgan started the car and headed for home, thus ending her evening of saving Grace from herself.

  Chapter eleven

  Ryan’s mother’s words had been haunting him for days. When things get a little rough, you run. Ryan tried to think of a situation that would prove her wrong, but he couldn’t. When all was said and done, Ryan avoided conflict like the plague. He didn’t like to face anything that required any effort or change on his part. It was why he’d had several jobs, or like his current job, several supervisors. His charisma had afforded him the luxury of moving around.

  Ryan stared at Sophia as she walked ahead of him into her house. Four months ago he didn’t question his relationship with Sophia. They got along fine. But he also kept her outside of the deep issues of his personal life. There was a part of him that only his mother and one girl whom he’d loved in high school knew about.

  Now, with the situation with his son, Ryan had found Sophia more on the inside of his intimate loop and he didn’t like that. But according to his mother, that was Ryan’s nature. Whenever someone got too close, he was ready for flight. In her opinion, if Ryan wanted to be happy, he was going to have to change.

  For that reason, and that reason only, Ryan lugged a box of his belongings into Sophia’s apartment. He was moving in with her.

  "This is going to be so much fun," Sophia gushed as she ran her hands along Ryan’s waist. "It’ll be like a slumber party that never ends!"

  "I hope not. You know how I am if I don’t get any sleep.” Ryan tried to conceal his doubt about the situation. He didn’t tell Sophia, but he planned on maintaining the lease on his apartment for three months just in case.

  "Oh, I know, Mr. Grumpy, but don’t worry, I plan to take great care of you." Sophia waltzed into the bedroom to make room in her closet for Ryan’s clothes.

  The fact that Sophia wanted this so badly also bothered Ryan. He knew that it made her feel more confident in how he felt about her. He was happy that she was happy, but the truth was, if someone told him that Sophia was the last woman he’d ever be with…that wouldn’t make him very happy at all.

  Ryan pushed the negative thoughts aside and tried to focus on the present. However, when he walked around Sophia’s house, he realized that was always going to be what it was: her house. There was nothing that even remotely resembles him anywhere. The curtains in the living room were floral, for Pete’s sake. Floral! It was going to be like living in a dollhouse.

  "I feel like I’m moving in with my mom,” Ryan said to what he thought was an empty room.

  "What’s that supposed to mean? I decorate like an old lady?" Sophia came up from behind him.

  "No, that’s not what I’m saying. Everything’s just so girly, that's all."

  "That’s what it’s always like when a guy moves in with a woman, silly. Decorating is a woman’s prerogative. Didn’t you know that?"

  "Well does every room have to be decorated? Can’t we have something without flowers and…what are those?"

  "Sconces. And I paid a lot for them. They’re staying."

  Ryan was convinced that, despite his objections, everything was staying. He continued throughout the house, depositing boxes of his belongings. When he got to the bedroom, he simply stood in the middle of the room and stared, much like he had in the living room.

  More flowers.

  Ryan sighed and went into the walk-in closet to put away some boxes of memorabilia he’d brought with him. As he was stacking the boxes on the top shelf, one box slid down and came cascading down around him on the floor. He scooped to pick up the mess he made. While putting the contents back inside the box, he came across one of the few pictures of Matthew that he had. As he looked at the young boy in the picture, for the first time, he saw his own features in his face.

  It was surreal.

  "I thought you said you didn’t have any pictures of him." Sophia had come to inspect what Ryan was doing. She looked over his shoulder to see what he was looking at.

  "I said I don’t have many pictures of him." Ryan quickly put the photo back inside the box and put the rest of the contents in the box on top of it.

  "Oh." Sophia seemed disinterested by the entire topic. "Well, I just came in here to tell you my brilliant idea."

  "Which is?" Ryan turned to look at her.

  "I think we should christen every room in the house…wha’dya say?"

  Ryan pondered the thought. Though he wasn’t in the mood, he was sure he might appreciate it some other time.

  "Something to look forward to,” he held her off. "But we’d better concentrate on getting me moved in for now." Ryan stood up and walked out, ignoring the confused look on Sophia’s face.

  Sophia looked at the boxes that were staring at her from the top shelf. Even though they were simple inanimate objects, they irritated her. Or rather, their contents irritated her. It was like Ryan had a whole other life, and when that life collided with this one nothing good ever came of it.

  Sophia hated how somber and moody Ryan became anytime something about his ex or that baby came up. Sophia hoped that the contents of those boxes remained tucked away and out of their lives. She closed the door of the closet and left the room.

  The phone rang. Sophia stopped to see if Ryan would pick it up. When it went on to the third ring, she went to the hall phone and answered it.

  "Hi. I was calling for Ryan Stewart. When I called his home number a recording referred me here,” said the voice on the other line.

  Sophia was happy to hear that Ryan had already forwarded his home phone service. She called out for him to pick up the phone, but there was no answer on his part. Sophia looked out the window and saw that he was outside at his truck getting more boxes to bring in.

  "He can’t come to the phone right now. May I take a message?" Sophia asked politely.

  "Yes. Can you tell him I’m calling on
the behalf of the adoptive parents from the Family Services Department. They’ve found a donor and they’d like Mr. Stewart to be present for the transplant surgery. I have a date and location for the surgery. Do you have a pen and paper?"

  "Uh-huh."

  The representative from Family Services rattled off the information. Sophia pretended to write it down.

  "Okay. Got it,” she said.

  Sophia ended her phone call just as Ryan was coming into the house.

  "Who was on the phone?" he asked.

  "Wrong number,” Sophia answered him.

  "I forgot to tell you that I forwarded my phone calls here. So you might get a few people who think they’ve called the wrong number for awhile."

  "No problem. I’m just so happy you’re here!" Sophia squealed as she wrapped her arms around Ryan and gave him a kiss. The kiss was so passionate he couldn’t help but kiss her back.

  Chapter twelve

  Grace pulled up in her parent’s driveway with a few boxes in the trunk of her car. The term had ended at school and she had to move out of her student apartment until the next semester. Actually, she and Morgan had talked about getting another apartment together, but Grace decided she’d discuss that with her parents later. There were bigger issues to discuss this weekend.

  The adoptive parents had phoned. They had found a donor. At first Grace was relieved, but then an entirely new set of worries began to plague her. What if there were complications in surgery? What if Matthew’s body rejected the transplant? If Grace allowed her mind to go all the places it threatened to, she’d make herself sick.

  Grace’s mother had suggested she talk about what she was afraid of, just so she didn’t keep things all bottled up. But after awhile, talking just fell flat. No one she was speaking to could fully understand what she was feeling. There was only one other person on the planet who was in the same exact situation as she was…only he didn’t give a damn.

  When Grace had inquired as to whether or not Ryan would be present for the surgery, she’d been informed that Ryan hadn’t returned any of the agency’s phone calls. The letters they’d sent him went unanswered as well. Grace wasn’t sure if that news surprised her, but it did disappoint her greatly.

  Hercules, the golden retriever puppy that Grace’s parents had recently purchased, scratched at the front door.

  "It’s potty time," Mrs. Thompson said as she hurried into the room carrying a leash. "I usually take him for a walk in the morning, but Gladys called me. She sure can talk."

  "I’ll take him, Mom." Grace offered. It would be nice to take a stroll around the neighborhood of her youth. And a dog didn’t expect much conversation, something she wasn’t really up for at the present moment.

  Mrs. Thompson was more than willing to relinquish the reigns to her daughter. She held out the leash and Grace took it. She clipped the end to Hercules’ collar and the two were quickly off for an afternoon walk.

  Summer was quickly approaching and the temperatures were rising. Grace lifted her long hair off the back of her neck for a quick moment of coolness. Hercules, for a small dog, walked very rapidly and Grace’s heart-rate was beginning to elevate. She didn’t discourage him, though. She liked the exercise.

  As she walked, Grace looked upon the homes that she’d often visited as a child. Games of hide and seek, freeze tag and Red Rover had been played in just about ever yard on the block. Grace turned the corner. Before her was the path she took to junior high and high school. It was also the path she’d taken for rendezvous with her high school sweetheart. At the thought of those memories, Grace felt her cheeks tingle. She pretended it was the heat.

  Grace felt herself being drawn down the street of Ryan’s mother’s home. For old time’s sake she walked and watched and took in all the scenery that she knew so well. When she got within a few yards of Ms. Stewart’s front door, the older woman came outside. She recognized Grace immediately and waves. Grace waved a brief hello, but Ms. Stewart started walking in Grace’s direction. As soon as her arms could reach she embraced Grace in a hug.

  "How’ve you been, dear?" she asked.

  "Great. How about you?" Grace asked in return.

  Ms. Stewart went on to answer Grace’s question. It took about five minutes for her to tell Grace all that was going on in her life. Surprisingly, it was a lot.

  "Are you living back in town now?" Ms. Stewart asked when she’d finished her lamentation.

  "I’m just here until the school term starts back up. I had to move out of my apartment for the summer so I’m staying with my parents,” Grace answered. She looked down at the dog who was now turning circles on the lawn. Uh-oh. "I’d better get him going. I don’t want to leave any doggy treats on your lawn."

  "Oh don’t worry about it. It’s just fertilizer." Ms. Stewart laughed. "So…have you seen Ryan since you’ve been back?"

  "I actually just got back today, so I haven’t seen him yet. I don’t know if I’ll be seeing him though. I’m going out of town in a few days."

  "Oh really? Where are you going?"

  Grace wondered if Ryan had even told his mother about the surgery. Did she know her grandson was in such a risky situation?

  "I’m going to California,” Grace answered.

  "California? That’s wonderful! I’ve always wanted to go there…but I never got around to it. It’s so nice that young people travel so much these days. I wish I’d done more. Well you have a great time."

  Grace nodded. "It’s not really a pleasure trip." Grace could have kicked herself for adding that last statement. Why didn’t she just leave it alone?

  "Oh? Is something wrong?" Ms. Stewart picked up on the lack of enthusiasm in Grace’s voice.

  "Didn’t Ryan tell you?"

  "Tell me what?"

  "About Matthew? How sick he is? And his surgery?"

  "He told me that Matthew needed a bone marrow donor and you and Ryan weren’t matches."

  "Yeah, well they’ve got a donor now. Matthew’s parents wanted us to be there for the surgery…I’m going. They haven’t heard from Ryan."

  Ms. Stewart looked completely mystified by this. "He didn’t say a word about it..."

  "Well the agency told me they left several messages for him and sent him letters but he hasn’t responded. I think Matthew’s parents even tried to contact him."

  Ms. Stewart stared at Grace in quiet amazement. "That doesn’t sound like Ryan,” she finally said softly.

  Grace knew Ms. Stewart wanted to see her son in the best light, but the truth was, that sounded exactly like Ryan. He had wanted nothing to do with the baby from the very beginning. Within minutes of finding out Grace was pregnant he had inquired about an abortion.

  Grace contemplated telling Ryan’s mother how truly disinterested Ryan was. She didn’t have to say a word though. All that she was thinking was conveyed on her face and Ms. Stewart read it clearly.

  "He’s still having a hard time with the decision you guys made." She nodded.

  "It didn’t seem that way to me,” Grace disagreed.

  "Yes, well, things aren’t always how they seem." Ms. Stewart smiled even though there was an edge to her voice. She understood Grace’s cynicism, but she also knew her son.

  Grace shrugged and smiled. It wasn’t her objective to have Ryan’s own mother view him in a negative light. But still, she was certain of Ryan’s feelings about Matthew.

  "I’d better get him home," Grace pointed to Hercules. "It’s getting hot out here and he’s going to need some water." Grace offered Ms. Stewart a quick hug and started back towards home.

  "Grace?" Ms. Stewart called after her.

  Grace turned back.

  "I have something for you. Can you wait here for a moment?"

  Grace nodded, expecting to be given muffins or even a bottle of cold water for her walk home. She was a little surprised to see Ms. Stewart return with a DVD.

  "I’d appreciate it if you didn’t tell Ryan I gave this to you. I don’t think he even knows I have it,”
Ms. Stewart said.

  "What is it?" Grace asked.

  "Just watch it and give it back to me. I think you’ll be surprised at what you see."

  That got Grace apprehensive, but her curiosity was peaked.

  Grace wasted no time in watching the DVD. She went into her parents’ living room and slid it inside the player sitting atop the television set. The amateur documentary filled the screen.