Beyond the Hurt

by Akilah Trinay

  "Okay. I see you, Miss Sassy!" Lance chuckled a bit at her attempt to be forceful. To him she seemed so delicate. Her sophisticated appearance and aura made it difficult for him to believe that she even got into verbal spars with anyone. Yet he was impressed by the way, she maneuvered the car and had his back when she barely knew him at all. "I like your style."

  He reached over and put his hand on the back of her neck massaging and rubbing her smooth soft skin. He stared at her with his soothing brown eyes, captivating her attention, attempting to look deep into her eyes to read her energy. She was such a beautiful woman, Lance thought to himself. Any man would be lucky to have her in their arms. He thought about how he reacted to his mom earlier and how she had done him a solid by requesting her to meet him down at the bar. The moment was magical. He could feel that she was into him, but he knew it was best to take things slow. He was always so hasty with getting intimate with the women he entertained. In fact, the only reason he entertained the women in his life thus far was for the sex. It was his release, his getaway from the trials and tribulations of life. Yet and still an obvious weakness.

  Jamie couldn't help herself; her blushing and slight jitters gave it away. She was digging him. For her it was more of a treat because he was desired by other women and in her eyes, he was choosing her, even if only for the moment. She was a reserved type of girl, but in the hands of the right man, she would transform to be his every fantasy.

  Her value and worth was important to her, so she was hesitant to jump in the bed with men she was not in a committed relationship with. She had seen so much in her lifetime that it made her cautious when dealing with men. Her father never married her mother and he brought around woman after woman with no desire or intention to live in holy matrimony. He revealed to her the mind of the man and the manipulation that they were capable of. Men only want one thing and if they tell you otherwise, it’s a lie. His words constantly rang in her mind. Although she was abreast of the game, it was still difficult to deny her emotions, her desires. His touch made her comfortable. For some reason, he calmed her soul. However, she remained committed to her game plan.

  "What's on your mind?" Lance broke the silence as if he could read her thoughts still caressing her hair and neck.

  "I'm just hungry. Let’s get in this diner so we can eat." The moment was too good to ruin it with talk about his previous relationships and poor taste in women. She tabled the conversation for another day and didn’t press the fact that he avoided her questions all together. Jamie Lynn motioned to open her door. When he stopped her, promptly hopped out to be the newly revived, chivalrous man and open the door for her.

  His personal cell vibrated in his pocket. He closed her door and took a quick glance at the caller ID. Seeing it was Charles, he sent him to voicemail. He couldn't afford any more interruptions this evening. His time profited him to be occupied with his new lady. He gracefully slipped his hand into her hand, locking fingers as he escorted her into the restaurant as a message to any eligible bachelors in the vicinity that this woman was off the market; even if he had not purchased yet. He didn’t want to give her any more ammunition to blow off this evening before it had truly gotten started. He vowed to give her his undivided attention for as long as possible.

  Once more, his phone vibrated, this time his alternate phone. The Metro PCS phone he gave out to the hoodrats he met. Charles again. Charles had a rule about being on the phone with another man. If it didn’t involve moneymaking or hustling, it was an emergency. Lance took the risk, sending him to voicemail again, hoping he would just leave a message for him to check later once they got settled inside or at least after, he secured that the evening would not bring about a nightcap. The phone chirped alerting him that Charles did, as he preferred.

  They found a nice quiet booth in the diner and made themselves comfortable. The diner wasn't too fancy, more urban chic. The reviews described the place as a late night hot spot for good food at a decent price. Lance was a stickler for good food. If his mama wasn’t the chef, it had to be Grade A. The price was not a concern of his, as he made it a point to treat his ladies to the finest of dining.

  There were a few couples scattered about the place engrossed in conversation over half-eaten meals, waiting the chance to devour the remnants once they reached their key point. In order to expedite the ordering process, Jamie Lynn excused herself to the ladies’ room to freshen up. She instructed Lance to order her something he thought she would like with an ice water and lemon. Now alone, Lance counted this the perfect opportunity to check his message from Charles.

  "Lance, they shot him! He's dead. Elijah is dead! Bruh, where you at? I can't believe this is happening…Meet me at the crib when you get this message…Gone." Click. You could hear the outrage and desperation in his voice. He was fighting back tears, gagging on his words. The message didn’t provide answers. It was broken in meaning. There were too many unanswered questions.

  Lance froze. He replayed the message repeatedly to ensure he was not having a nightmare. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Each time the message produced the same outcome. A tingling shot up his back, in his hands and feet. He didn't know how to receive the news he was hearing.

  Straightaway, he got up and started pacing back and forth. He was shaking his head switching his hands from his head to his side with balled up fists swinging through the air. He grabbed glasses, silverware, napkin holders, salt and peppershakers; one by one from his table as well as nearby tables and flung them across the room. His anger was out of his control. He no longer had a grip on his emotions. He located the wall and hammered his right fist through the drywall, leaving a melon-sized hole.

  The patrons in the restaurant just stood back and observed. They kept their distance sensing that he was capable of destroying anything that came his way. You could hear their whispers of disgust for a black man misbehaving in this manner in a public restaurant, without knowledge of the motive fueling his outrage. The owner of the diner wasted no time getting the local police on the line to assist in defusing the situation. With each toss of the table decorations, he shouted expletives, still punching the air space that stood in his path. His confusion overtook him. He was just with his friend moments before. He was his ride to The Shadow Bar to release his stress and just like that, he was gone. No goodbye or farewell. He was stripped of his opportunity of life. And just with a snap of a finger, he stopped. He dropped the contents that lay waiting in his palm for release. He had nothing left in him.

  As soon as Jamie Lynn returned from the restroom, she sensed his change in demeanor. The fact that he had his back turned, standing with no movement startled her. She surveyed her surroundings. She cautiously approached him, but she stayed far enough to manage a safe distance away from his awkward behavior.

  “Lance, are you okay? What’s wrong?” Lance didn’t speak any words to her. He stayed put with a blank stare. She ran to his aid, hoping he would answer and remove the distress she was experiencing on his behalf. He stood silent, his fists stilled balled. She had no other choice but to embrace him. His body instantly folded in her arms. His body weight overwhelmed her as she gently buckled to the floor with him still in her arms. He cried for the first time in years.

  Most situations he was able to overcome without a flinch. This time was different. Elijah was one of his closest friends, his mentor, confidant, and brother. He was the last person he imagined something like this happening to. He didn’t have enemies. He worked too hard in the community to build relationships with the people around him. He was their protector though. He made sure that the enemies that wanted their blood, kept their distance. Jamie kept him in her embrace whispering everything will be ok as she caressed the crown of his head and wiped away his tears.

  The police sirens were loud outside the diner. Three officers barreled in the establishment headed in his direction under the advisement of the owner. One officer had his gun drawn slowly moving in his direction, while the other officers trailed b
ehind, ready for the command of the leading officer.

  “Excuse me sir? Is there a problem we can help you with? We received a call that there was a disturbance.” The leading officer requested.

  Lance didn’t budge. He remained in her arms hoping that they would get the hint that he had calmed down and depart to handle more important business.

  “Excuse me sir, but I am going to have to ask you to leave. It looks like you have done some damage here and by the request of the owner; we need you to vacate the premises.” The officer was patient. He lowered his gun in recognition that he was not an imposing threat and provided wait time for Lance to comprehend his request and comply.

  “Where were you when my boy got shot, huh? Did you even show up to the scene? But yet you are here giving me a hard time and I haven’t done anything to anyone,” Lance replied as his anger begin to well up inside of him.

  Jamie Lynn interjected. “I’m so sorry, officer; but he is grieving. I will pay for whatever is damaged. Can you just give us a moment and we will be out of here? All of these officers are unnecessary. He is harmless.” She gave a look to the owner hoping he would honor her request and call off the dogs. The owner saw the sincerity in her and obliged.

  “Thank you officers for coming down and responding, but I think everything is okay now.”

  It was obvious the leading officer wanted to make some form of an arrest. It was written all over his face, but since the owner decided that he didn’t want to press charges they had no jurisdiction and evacuated the premises.

  Lance still lay helpless in Jamie’s arms, as she remained clueless to the event that led to his breakdown.

  “You gotta talk to me, babe,” she whispered to him. “I want to be able to be here for you.” Lance slowly lifted his head to meet her eyes head on.

  “My boy Elijah just got shot. They shot him! He’s dead. He didn’t do anything and they killed him.” Jamie Lynn was even more confused. So many thoughts ran through her brain. What was he really into? Was someone after them? Did she get herself involved in some mess?

  “Who shot him?” she requested trying to get some answers that would provide clarity to the situation.

  “I’m not sure, but I think I know who it was.”

  “Who? Lance you have to talk to me.” Jamie Lynn was a bit frightened; it was more than she really bargained for. Multiple women in his life she could deal with, but death and violence was all too reminiscent of her childhood that she fought so hard to distance herself from.

  “I don’t want to get you caught up in this!”

  “I’m already in it. I’m here!” she pleaded.

  “I don’t want to talk about it. Just get me out of here. I need to get to my boys. I wasn’t there when it went down. I wasn’t able to protect him like he has always protected me. Nah…I’m too busy tryin’ to smash.” He was beginning to work himself up again. The owner of the diner kept a close watch on him periodically glancing at the clock on the wall and the phone as if he was sending a telepathic message to Jamie that her grace period was about to run out. She was well aware and kick started “Operation Get Ghost.”

  “I know that you are upset, but there is nothing that you could have done. Let’s just get out of here while we still have a chance. I’ll take you wherever you need to go, but you gotta tell me who did this. I may be able to help.” She held his face in the palm of her hand reassuring him that she was on his team.

  Lance just stared blankly back at her. What could she possibly do to help? He had already put her through so much and they had just met hours ago. The simplicity of his evening became tarnished with one phone call. He couldn’t help but place the blame on himself. Had he not called Elijah to pick him up, he would still be alive. Yet, again the vibration of his phone suspended his thoughts. Wrapped up in his thoughts, he didn’t recognize the number and just picked up the call. At this point, it could have been anyone. He couldn’t risk missing an opportunity to be present this time around.

  “Hello. What’s up? Who is this?”

  “Lance, it’s me Darnise. I heard what happened. The block is real hot right now. Baby, come home. You know I got you. I don’t care about the girl you are with. I know us. I rocked with Elijah too. I’ll be up waiting.”

  “Bet. Gone.” He hung up the phone. He proceeded to give the directions to Jamie of where to drop him off. The ride was silent, no music, no conversation. There was too much tension in the air. Lance couldn’t trust Jamie. He had just met her, but Darnise was familiar, he knew what to expect. She understood her role and for him that was his best and only option.

  Chapter 9

  The hospital was still fairly busy, although the evening was winding down. Ana was completing her necessary paperwork to end her shift, when Charlene came strolling in. Her hair was disheveled and she was wearing the same outfit from the day prior. She was too tired to care what anyone had to say about it. She was still disappointed that she had to take another turnaround trip down to Riverside. Nevertheless, she was concerned about her baby girl.

  She received the unwelcomed call from Dr. White while at Big Mama’s house, where she only planned to stay for a few days while she cleared things up with Edmond. Spending a day away from her loved one was grueling to her soul. However, she had to tough it out, if he was to have any clue of the impact his actions had on her. She was making her stand through her pain, hurt and frustration. Through it all, she found her voice and she felt empowered.

  Big Mama was displeased in her actions and wanted her quickly to go back and apologize to her husband for stepping out of line. Big Mama believed that when a man is chastising his son, a mother is to stay out of it and in her place. She basically held on to the sentiment that women were to be submissive at all times, especially if the man was financially supporting the household. Her daughter didn’t have a stream of income that would support her if anything were to happen. Housing her adult daughter due to her own admission was not what Mrs. Anita White-Whitfield was going to tolerate.

  The call from the doctor did not alleviate her situation. It caught her by surprise. She thought just as her husband believed, that their little girl was still pure, not broken like them. They attempted every means to keep their children away from suffering; and even so, life had its way of creeping in without warning and causing havoc. She informed the doctor that she would be on the next flight out to see about her daughter. She knew it was long overdue for her to share some things with Debra. As her mother passed along jewels of wisdom to her in her time of transition from adolescence to adulthood, it was time for her to do the same.

  Charlene hesitated before walking into the room. She took in a deep breath and released it slowly, not knowing how Debra would receive her. The flight measured long enough for her to devise the perfect entrance, or so she thought. She previously missed her call as she fought to preserve the life of her first child. At the moment when she was needed most, she was bickering, at odds with her husband, creating a deeper wedge in their already toxic relationship. She was absent, not there in the way that she needed her to be. She even wrestled with the thought that maybe everything that had transpired with her daughter was her own fault. If she had only been there for her a little bit more, to speak with her about boys, the birds, and the bees. Instead, she left her alone, abandoned to make sense of the world through the lens of her peers and her personal encounters. She grabbed a bouquet of white lilies on her way in from the hospital gift shop, as a peace offering, with the intention of striking a chord that would lead to harmony.

  She tapped lightly on the door, not to startle her, but to notify her daughter, she had arrived, coming to her rescue. Without a response, she decided to let herself in. She placed the flowers on the small table that lay adjacent to her daughter’s bed. Debra was asleep. Charlene could not wait a moment longer to get all of this hurt, pain and animosity shared between the two of them out into the open and put it all to rest. She rolled over a chair to sit and wake her. Debra was normally
a light sleeper, so it didn’t take much for Charlene to get her up.

  “Debra? Baby? I’m here. Mama’s here for you.” She stated with a bit hesitation nudging her lightly on her side.

  “Mama? Is it really you? You came for me.” I have to admit, I was shocked. I knew she would come, but I had my doubts, and she was alone. My mother didn’t travel alone. Then I remembered the phone conversation the previous night with Samson. “Is everything alright with you and daddy?” I could see the hurt in her expression as soon as I finished the question; in a way I almost regretted asking.

  “That is what I would like to talk to you about. I spoke with the doctor and she informed me about everything. The 9-1-1 call, the pregnancy and the miscarriage.” She waited a moment before continuing to keep herself from crying too soon. “I should have been there for you. I’m sorry. I hope that you can find it in your heart to forgive me.” Tears began to well up in her eyes. She couldn't help herself. She gently wiped the corners of her eye with the back of her index finger knuckle to keep her makeup from running, although it was too late.

  “Mama, it’s okay. You are here now and that is all that matters.” I hated to see her cry or anyone else for that matter. It always gave me this weird feeling, as if I was going to cry too, even if I was unable to relate or empathize with the pain. The time I spent lying in the hospital bed allowed for me to think several things over about life and family. Life is entirely too short to spend at odds with my own mother. I know she did the best she could within her ability.