For a moment, he wondered what had prompted that. “Where did you go?”
“Just to the bookstore.”
He wanted to ask if she’d met someone there, but didn’t know how to do so without sounding like an idiot. She was entitled to meet whomever she wished, wherever she wished.
Jase ate his own bagel, wondering how much damage he’d done to their relationship by going out last night. He hadn’t even enjoyed the evening. It was nothing against Salina, but he’d wanted to be with Shannon. Because he felt guilty at the thought, he’d done his best to make sure Salina had a great evening, staying out far longer than he’d wanted. It wasn’t her fault his attention was elsewhere, however.
Shannon had gone to bed by the time he got home. He’d noticed the light was off when he’d passed her door on the way to bed. What had she done last evening—after eating the nice dinner she’d prepared? What had made her take off her ring?
He wasn’t one to look back. The evening had gone as it had gone. He wasn’t going to regret the lost opportunity to spend time with her. He hadn’t known when he invited Salina out that Shannon would again be living with him. Or apparently ready to move on. Was that an indication to him?
Shannon was living with him. It sounded more intimate than it was.
Maybe he should change that. Show her that living with him was good. If he could talk her into staying while they repaired her apartment building, he’d have an open line directly to her social life. She had to be ready to test the waters. He was certainly ready.
“Are you all right?” Shannon asked.
He looked at her, bringing her face into focus. “Of course, why?”
“You haven’t eaten in five minutes and you have a faraway look on your face.”
“Just thinking about things,” he said, taking a bite. She had already finished her bagel and was sipping the last of her coffee.
“Like what?”
He looked at her. “Like, do you ever think about getting married again?”
The look of horror on her face was almost amusing. What was wrong with the question? he wondered. It was perfectly logical in light of her removing her ring.
“Alan didn’t tell you to marry me, did he?” she asked.
It was Jase’s turn to be surprised. “No, of course not!” He studied her expression; it was a mixture of relief and wariness. What on earth was going on? Then it clicked.
“He told you to marry me?” he exclaimed. Alan, you idiot!
She took a sip of coffee, and carefully replaced the cup on the table. She looked at him, then away, then back again. “He was worried about me going on after he died. I told him I’d be fine, but he insisted you needed to be involved.”
Jase nodded once, remembering having a similar conversation with Alan.
She took a deep breath. “Once, he said it would solve everything if I married you.” She tried to smile, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “He was joking, of course.”
“Was he?” Jase pressed.
“Yes. I’m not going to marry someone because it solves problems. I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself. I don’t need to marry to do that. If I marry again, and I don’t know at this point that I will, it will be because I’m wildly in love, not as an expediency.”
Good going, Alan, Jase thought in frustration. Another roadblock. What were you thinking, my friend? Didn’t you know your wife better than that?
“Then I guess I won’t be proposing to you today,” he joked, wadding his napkin into a ball and tossing it onto the table. “You ready to go?”
“You won’t be proposing ever. I’m not getting married as a matter of convenience,” she said firmly.
“If I haven’t married by now, it’s unlikely I’ll do so at my age, don’t you think?” he said, rising. This conversation wasn’t going at all like he wanted. It was time to change the subject.
“We can see the Conservatory first, then I know a quiet glade that would be perfect for lunch,” he said, heading for the door. The crowd hadn’t diminished, and they wove their way through the people.
“I’m not hungry after that breakfast,” Shannon said when they reached the sidewalk.
“That’s why I thought the Conservatory first, then it’s a bit of a walk from there to the spot I’m thinking of. We’ll have time to work off breakfast.” And maybe give him some inkling of what he was going to do about Shannon Morris.
Shannon loved the Conservatory. The flowers were exotic and lovely, still blooming even late in October. There was a butterfly room and she was enchanted by the fluttering creatures. She’d come again, she knew.
The walk along the pathway that wound through part of Golden Gate Park was more pleasant than she expected. The air was full of the scent of eucalyptus. The tall trees shaded the walkway, making it cooler than she expected. Jase set a brisk pace, however, so she was soon warm.
“If we go any faster, you’ll have that run you missed earlier,” she commented at one point, getting out of breath.
“Too fast?”
“Faster than I want, I can’t really enjoy what I’m seeing. But it helps keep me warm.”
“You should have worn more than a sweater,” he said. “It’s cooler here near the ocean than at the apartment.”
“I’ll know for next time,” she murmured.
They passed others walking in the opposite direction, but there were few people on the path. Sometimes it opened up and she could see a meadow, and the tops of building surrounding the large natural park. Other times she felt as if she were in an enclosed walkway, with only Jase—the two of them alone in a world of their own. It was hard to believe the hectic, frenetic pace of San Francisco was only a few hundred yards away. Here it was peaceful and quiet.
Alan would have liked it, she thought.
“Did you stumble?” Jase asked. He seemed acutely attuned to her every action.
“I was thinking Alan would have liked this.”
“Would he?” Jase had never gone on nature walks with Alan. They’d played tennis, gone sailing a couple of times.
“What was it like being married to a man so much older than you?” he asked.
“I loved Alan,” she replied quickly. She knew at one time Jase had questioned that. “I didn’t marry him for his money.”
“I know. But he was so much older than you. A different generation, actually. It had to make some kind of change in your life. In the way you probably once thought about being married.”
Shannon didn’t know how to answer without sounding disloyal to Alan.
“Things were a bit different, but it wasn’t as if he were an invalid or anything. He was already established, and had that huge family trust fund, so money worries weren’t there. He had his house, I moved into it and brought little with me. I guess if I’d really thought about it, I would have liked us to have a house that was ours. I always felt it was his.” She bit her lip. There was more, but she didn’t want to tell Jase. Alan had loved her, had done his best to make her happy. When she’d voiced disagreeing opinions, he’d always had a logical reason for choosing his way over hers.
The house had only been one example. Why move and incur additional expenses when that house was already there, he was already living in it, and it was fully funded by the trust, Alan had said. It was logical. But sometimes, Shannon didn’t want to live only by logic.
“I can see that would be a problem—most women like to have a home of their own,” Jase said.
“It was fine. It was his family home and I was a part of his family, despite what Dean thinks.”
“He still giving you trouble?”
“Not anymore than he’s been doing since Alan died. My attorney requested a copy of the family trust, and sent a formal notice to stop harassing me until he reviews the trust to see if there is any violation. I’m sure Alan didn’t do anything wrong.”
“Dean’s a man who needs a life.”
Shannon laughed. “You’re right. Oh, this is lovely.”
They had reached a small open area, full of sunlight, surrounded by trees and shrubbery. It was deserted. They stepped off the path to the grass and wandered to the center of the clearing.
“I’m glad it’s empty. Not many people know about it,” Jase said. He slung down the backpack. “Did you bring a blanket to sit on?”
She nodded. “It’s under the food, I didn’t want it crushing anything. Let me unpack.”
Shannon knelt on the grass and opened the backpack, withdrawing the food she’d carefully packed. Then the throw she’d thought to use when she’d planned a solo outing. It wasn’t as large for two as she could wish. They’d be sitting very close.
In only moments they were enjoying the cold fried chicken.
“While I’m sorry I missed your dinner last night, this is so good today, I’m glad it turned out this way,” Jase said. “You’re a good cook.”
“Thanks. I like to cook, if it’s for more than one. It’s hardly worth it for just me.”
“Did you cook for you and Alan?”
“Of course. Most of the time, anyway. Whenever we entertained, he insisted on having the dinner catered. He wanted me available to mingle, not be tied to the kitchen.”
“Sounds nice.”
She shrugged. Once again, it had been a point Alan had insisted upon. She would have liked to cook some of her special recipes for friends.
Looking around the glen, she smiled. “This is so peaceful. It’s hard to believe San Francisco is just beyond those trees.”
“It’s a good place to get away when things get stressful,” Jase said. “I bet you’ll love the Japanese Tea Garden, we’ll go there after we eat.”
“Or we can just stay here for a while,” Shannon said, growing sleepy with the food and the warmth from the sun. She wouldn’t mind taking a nap in the fresh air.
“If you like,” Jase said.
Jase told her of the history of the Park, and some other stories of San Francisco from the early days.
When she finished eating, she cleared a place and lay down.
“Going to sleep?” he asked.
“Keep talking, I like listening to you,” she said. “Tell me more about the Barbary Coast.”
His voice soon grew faint, and she drifted to sleep.
When Shannon awoke the sun was no longer overhead. Shadows were creeping across the glade. She turned her head and almost bumped into Jase. He was asleep.
Probably because of his late night, she thought, frowning and sitting up. It was so quiet she could hear birds rustling in the trees. She caught a glimpse of a couple strolling along the path, then they were lost from view.
Turning, she looked at Jase. She’d never seen him asleep before. His face didn’t look much softer in repose than when he was awake. He was taller than Alan, and in better physical shape. Of course, he was twenty years or more younger than Alan had been.
She shifted a little, gazing into the past. What would have happened if Alan had not asked her out? Would Jase eventually have asked her?
She would have gone out with him without hesitation. Even married happily for years hadn’t completely erased the awareness she always felt around him. If she had to explain it, she’d call it chemistry. Would it have led them anywhere? Or after a few dates, a few kisses, would the attraction have worn out?
She would never know. Because how would she ever be sure any attention to her from Jase wasn’t a result of Alan’s last request?
“Ready to go?” Jase asked.
She looked at him. His eyes were watching her. How long had he been awake?
“Sure, let’s find that Tea Garden.”
He sat up, closer than she expected. His shoulder brushed hers. Her eyes were locked with his. Slowly his head came closer. Did hers move to close the distance?
When his lips covered hers, she gave up any pretense of resistance, moving to meet his kiss.
Shannon felt herself falling. Jase pulled her down with him on the blanket until they were lying side by side. His mouth moved against hers, his tongue teasing her lips until they opened for him. He deepened the kiss, his hands pulling her closer. She felt every inch of his hard body against hers. Excitement made her heart race and her skin tingled every place he touched it. She wanted more, then was shocked to realize how alive she felt. Alive and young and carefree. She forgot about the past, and the future. Only this moment mattered.
She gave into temptation and let her hands caress him, feeling the warmth of his skin through the cotton shirt he wore, the strength of his muscles playing against her palms.
Shannon could have kissed Jase forever, but a finger of shade blocked the warmth of the sun. The coolness surprised her, and broke the spell.
She pushed him away and sat up, breathing hard. He was too dangerous to be around. She had absolutely no willpower to resist, and who knew what kind of trouble that could get her into? He was her partner, her late husband’s partner. He could be nothing more.
“You okay?” he asked.
She nodded. “Fine. I think we should go now.” She scrambled to her feet and repacked the remnants of lunch. She couldn’t fold the blanket until Jase got off it. But she wasn’t looking at him just yet. She couldn’t depend on her own good sense. What if one look at him and she threw herself into his arms and demanded he kiss her until it turned dark?
He rose easily and reached out to capture her chin, turning it up until she faced him.
“It was only a kiss, Shannon. You’re single, I’m single. What’s a kiss?”
“It’s too soon.”
“Because?”
“Alan hasn’t been dead a year yet.”
“And a year is a magic number?”
“Don’t people mourn for a year before moving on?”
“I don’t think there is a set time. On one level, I think I’ll mourn his passing until I die. On another, I’ve adjusted to his being gone from the business. Gotten used to not being able to call him on a question about the company, or just to talk. He didn’t want you to remain a widow all your life. You’re young, Shannon, not even thirty. You can’t mourn him forever.”
“Maybe I can,” she said, wishing it was easier to know what she wanted. But with Jase’s hand against her skin, she was having trouble thinking at all. She tried to hold on to Alan’s memory, but she couldn’t bring his face into mind. She could only stare at Jase, feel the sensations his touch caused. How could she be so unfaithful to a man she’d loved for years?
“You can’t mourn forever,” he repeated, and leaned in for another kiss.
Shannon closed her eyes and held on. His kiss was all she’d ever wanted in an embrace, exciting, erotic, and full of promise. Had she ever felt so strongly for Alan? She couldn’t remember. She could hardly remember her own name with Jase’s mouth moving against hers. Being with Jase brought her to a new height in awareness of her own femininity. She wanted to explore those new feelings, see what being with Jase would be like. Would he be an ardent lover? One whose skills would be all a woman could ever hope for? Or was it all an illusion?
Voices sounded from the path and Jase ended the kiss. He smiled slightly, brushing his thumb across her lips. “You look beautiful,” he said.
Shannon turned away and bent to retrieve the backpack. She wasn’t sure if she was glad for the interruption, or regretted it. But at least it gave her time to think, and decide what the next step should be.
“Let’s go to the Tea Gardens,” she said, avoiding his eyes. She felt her heart pounding as if she’d been running a race. Her skin felt sensitized as the breeze floated over her. The colors surrounding her looked brighter, sharper.
Jase fell into step with her. “It’s a bit of a walk.”
“I planned to spend the day here. Lead on.” After those kisses, the last place Shannon wanted to be was back at the apartment—alone with Jase. She needed to fill the day with activities, and grow tired enough to sleep without dreaming at night.
Tomorrow was Monday and
she could get back to her normal schedule.
There were more people in the park now, or they were moving into a more popular area. Couples, families and the occasional jogger crowded the pathway. Several times they had to walk single-file to avoid running into someone.
When they reached the Japanese Tea Gardens, Shannon was delighted. Jase had been right, the setting was spectacular. Traditional Japanese gardening techniques had been showcased to perfection. She knew she’d come back time and again.
She sat on a stone bench, at looked at the various shades of green, the simple design of rock, plants and gravel. Jase sat beside her. He didn’t say anything and she was touched by his sensitivity. Had he picked up on her need for serenity after that disturbing interlude in the glade?
Or was she the only one disturbed? To him she was just another woman. He’d gone out with someone last night. Had he kissed her the same way?
Shannon frowned, disliking the thought of Jase kissing anyone else.
“Don’t like the view?” he asked lazily.
“It’s spectacular.”
“Why the frown.”
Like she’d tell him her confused thoughts. “Just thinking of things.”
“If you’re thinking about the kisses, don’t. It happened. You are a beautiful, single woman. I’m a single guy. There’s no harm done.”
Except to make Shannon wonder how being married to Jase would be compared to Alan. She’d been happy in her marriage, but a few kisses from her late husband’s partner and she wondered if she’d experienced all she should have in that union. Her husband had been older, not nearly as virile or passionate as Jase. She had had no one to compare him to and so had enjoyed their life together.
But she couldn’t remember a single day when she felt as stirred up with Alan as she did with Jase. What did that say about her marriage? About her?
“It’s getting cool, ready to head back?” he asked a few moments later.
“Yes. I have some work to do before tomorrow,” she said. That would give her an excuse to remain in her room this evening and not be tempted.
Jase watched the expressions cross her face and almost kicked himself. He’d moved too fast again, but patience wasn’t a strong suit of his. She had thrown up barriers once more and seemed to grow more remote the longer they sat together.
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