Northern Lights

by Michelle Cary

  “On those days, when I’m face-to-face with my own mortality, it’s reassuring to know if the end does come, they’ll be waiting for me on the other side.”

  Brooke stood behind his chair and contemplated his statement. She’d spent all her life fearing death, trying to survive. She’d never considered the idea of an afterlife. If there really was such a thing, it meant her father might be waiting for her. “That’s a very interesting perspective.”

  He shrugged. “Maybe, but mostly it makes the idea of dying out here not quite so scary. I mean, let’s face facts. There are a lot better and less painful ways to go out than by drowning or freezing to death.”

  Brooke shivered at his remark. “I suppose you’re right about that. I guess you do whatever helps you get through the moment.”

  “Isn’t that what you do?”

  “Yeah, I guess it is.”

  * * *

  They pulled into port at the processor with a couple of hours to spare. Once inside the safety of the harbor, Nathan granted her permission to be on deck. Eager to get a good look at the offloading process, she donned her wet gear and headed outside.

  Zach spotted her as she emerged on deck. “Well, well, Brooke, did Nate finally reinstate your deck privileges or are you making a run for it?”

  She laughed at his obvious dig and decided to play along. “Yeah, the warden gave me time off for good behavior, so I thought I’d spend it watching the offload.”

  Zach wrinkled his nose. “I can think of a lot better ways to spend your day than watching a bunch of men haul crab off to be butchered.”

  She leaned against the wall and smiled. “You have to remember this is all new to me. So while you might thing this process is boring, I’m going to find it fascinating, at least for a little while.”

  A cable was attached to the crane and the giant lid covering the aft holding tank lifted off. Careful to make sure she didn’t get in anybody’s way, Brooke inched closer, hoping to get a better look. “They’re really big,” she murmured from a distance.

  Zach glanced between her and the tank, then walked over and snagged a crab that had managed to escape onto the deck. He brought it up to her, careful to keep a cautious grip on the claws. “Have you ever seen one up close and personal?”

  “Yes, but not right out of the sea like this.” She studied it with a critical eye. “Ugly creatures they are. Kind of remind me of giant sea spiders.”

  “Ugly?” Zach scoffed. “Honey, these are beautiful. Each one looks just like a giant dollar sign.”

  Her smile widened. “You would think that.” She reached out tentatively, then drew back. “When I worked at the restaurant, they came packed in ice and were usually dormant. That one is moving around an awful lot. It’s not going to pinch me if I touch it?”

  Zach shook his head. “No, I’ve got the claws. Go ahead and touch it if you want.”

  She brushed her fingers over the shell. “Being right out of the water like this, I half expected it to be slimy or something, but it’s not.”

  Zach let out a laugh. “Do you realize you’re petting it like you would a dog?”

  Heat rushed to her face and she couldn’t help but grin. “Well, how am I supposed to touch it?”

  “Zach!” Nathan’s voice boomed from above, causing Brooke to jump back.

  She turned her head and looked up to see him standing on the catwalk above. A hard gaze radiated from his tired eyes, landing directly on Zach. The pallor in his face served as a nasty reminder of how difficult the job could be.

  “What in the hell is going on out here?”

  “I was giving Brooke her first close up look at a red king crab.”

  “Well, she’s seen it, so toss that crab back in the tank and get to work.”

  Zach nodded. “Looks like your parole’s revoked. Good luck,” he whispered to Brooke as he turned to leave.

  She continued to stare up at Nathan while he looked out over his men, obviously avoiding her gaze. What had she done now?

  Her first urge was to return to the galley and hide until his mood changed, but the anger in her shouted for satisfaction. Why should she cower away and feel guilty when she didn’t even know what she’d done? He might be captain, and she might have agreed to follow his orders, but, by God, it was time he gave her some answers. Without waiting another second, she stomped across the deck and climbed the ladder leading to the catwalk. “Can I ask you a question?”

  His jaw clenched as he stared out over the work below. “I suppose.”

  “What did I do this time to piss you off? I mean you did say I could go outside and watch.”

  “She noticed his hands braced on the top railing, his knuckles white, and she followed his gaze to where Zach stood below. “Is this about Zach?”

  “He knows there’s work to be done and instead he’s cavorting around with you.”

  She shoved her hands against her hips. “He wasn’t cavorting as you called it. He was showing me what a red crab looked like.”

  “I saw you two laughing.”

  She frowned. “So what?”

  “You like him.”

  “Of course I like him. He’s a nice guy.”

  “Fine.” He threw his hands in the air, turned and stomped up the steps to the wheelhouse door, leaving her alone on the catwalk.

  She glanced between the wheelhouse and the deck, then marched up the steps behind him. No way was this conversation going to end like that. Nathan was pacing like a caged tiger when she entered the cabin.

  “I don’t understand you. First, you tell me I need to be more trusting, then you kiss me and now you’re mad because I’m doing what you said. I can’t win.”

  “This isn’t a competition,” he snapped.

  “You’re right—it’s not and when you decide to stop pouting like a little boy who’s had his ball stolen come find me. Until then, don’t bother. I’ve got enough damn drama in my life without adding you and your mood swings to the list.”

  She turned on her heel, but before she’d taken a solitary step, Nathan’s fingers wrapped around her bicep. She looked over her shoulder at him, caution coursing through her veins. He wouldn’t hurt her. Deep down she knew that, but it didn’t erase the fear she still harbored.

  His eyes were dark with anger and something else. It was the something else that had her turn back to face him.

  “I’m sorry,” he finally said after several long seconds. “You’re right. I’m just…confused.”

  “What are you confused about?”

  “You,” he replied looking her straight in the eye. “I won’t deny I have feelings for you, Brooke. They’re deep, powerful and make me act stupid sometimes.”

  He released her arm and scrubbed a hand over her face. “I know you’re not ready for a serious relationship, so I’ve been trying to deal with my feelings on my own. Trust me. I don’t want to feel this way and it’s infuriating. After Casey died, I never wanted to fall for another woman, but then I see you with Zach and…” He shook his head, letting the end of his sentence trail off.

  “You thought I was interested in Zach?”

  Nathan shoved his hands in his pockets and shrugged. “I’m not proud of myself, Brooke, but you need to know that even now I want to drag you to the wheelhouse floor and make you mine.”

  His words conjured memories she wanted very much to forget. Fear pulled hard at her, forcing her to take a step back.

  He winced when she moved away, but didn’t try to step toward her. “Aw, shit, honey, that was a poor choice of words.”

  “I know what you meant,” she replied, hoping to appease some of his guilt. It wasn’t his fault she was still so sensitive.

  “Still, I didn’t mean to scare you. I’d never ever do anything to hurt you. You know that, right?”

  His remorseful look made her smile and she nodded, bridging the distance between them. “I know you wouldn’t. And I’m glad you told me how you feel.” She raised a hand to his cheek and felt the warmth r
adiate down her arm when he turned his face into her palm. “But I’m not sure I can ever give you what you want.”

  He took her hand and gently kissed her palm. “I know.”

  CHAPTER 9

  For an hour, Brooke sat in the wheelhouse while Nathan pulled the Northern Lights away from port and headed back to sea. With their first offload complete, she knew it marked the halfway point in the season. She watched Nathan from the corner of her eye, noting how tired he looked.

  Weeks on end of little sleep combined with an out of control coffee habit showed in his features. Eyes, wide and spirited at the beginning of the season, now looked sunken and dull, while his hair, tied in a haphazard tail, had loose strands hanging around his face.

  While the rest of the crew took their respective watches at the helm, giving him a few much-needed hours of sleep, Nathan still shouldered the brunt of the responsibility.

  She wished there was something she could do to help. If nothing else maybe she could stay up and keep him company during their jaunt back to the fishing grounds. Yes, that’s what she’d do. Without confirming her plans with him, Brooke first headed to the galley to pour him a fresh cup of coffee before returning to the wheelhouse.

  “More coffee?”

  He shot her a tired smile that made her want to wrap him in a huge hug. “Thanks, hon.”

  She stuck her thumb in her jean pockets and rocked back on her heels. “So, would you like some company?”

  He shook his head. “I’d love some, but you should really bed down and get some sleep. I know getting up at odd hours to cook for the men must be messing with you.”

  “What about you? When was the last time you had any appreciable sleep?”

  “I’ll get some when the season is over.”

  “But that’s still at least a week away. Nathan, you can’t go a week without sleep.”

  “I won’t, but I’m the captain and I have more responsibilities than everyone else, which means I have to deal with less sleep.”

  “But it’s not healthy.”

  Now he did turn to look at her. Knowing she challenged him when she shouldn’t have, Brooke expected to see anger in his tired gaze and was more than a little surprised when all she saw was a smile.

  “I appreciate your concern, hon, but I’ll be fine. You need to sleep.”

  Her gaze shifted from him to the window. Ominous skies in the distance foretold the coming storm. “Are you sure? It looks like it’s going to get bad out there. I’m not sure I could sleep anyway.”

  “It probably is going to get bad. With the tanks now empty, we’re a little on the light side and waves like these could toss us around like a tub toy if I’m not careful. I’m going to need all my concentration to focus on the storm.”

  She nodded. “I understand. Well, I guess I’ll see you in a few hours.”

  Casting one last covetous glance his direction, she descended the steps and walked toward her bunk. His not sleeping was definitely one thing about this job she didn’t like one little bit. Everybody but him seemed to be able to rest at some point. It hardly seemed fair.

  She crawled into the bunk, reached above her head and turned out the light. The best thing to do would be not to think about the storm and fall asleep quickly. With any luck, she’d sleep right through it and wake up to calmer seas.

  * * *

  A loud noise pulled Brooke from her sleep. There was movement—her own she believed—but it was the pain rocketing up her arm that finally brought her fully awake. For a brief moment, disorientation claimed her thoughts while the steady hum of the engines slowed and whined to a stop. A shiver of awareness raced up Brooke’s spine. The vibration and low whirr of the engines had become a soothing white noise, lulling her with a certain level of comfort. With the engines not running, every hit of a wave, every tiny noise amplified against the hull.

  The men yelled to each other, and the sound of people scurrying about had Brooke fumbling to get to her feet. In the pitch black, she couldn’t tell what exactly had happened, but she did know she’d been thrown from her bunk and something very bad was taking place.

  A loud pounding on the door caused Brooke to jump. “Brooke, are you okay?” Adam’s voice carried through the wood.

  “Yeah, I think.” She struggled to her feet and worked her way over the scattered contents of the room to the door. When she opened it, she came face to face with the reality of the moment. They were listing heavily to one side. “What happened?”

  “We took a rogue wave and it knocked us on our side. Are you sure you’re okay?”

  Brooke glanced at her arm. “I think so. I hit my forearm on something when I fell from the bunk, but I think it’s okay. What can I do to help?”

  “Adam, is Brooke okay?” Nathan’s voice yelled down from the wheelhouse.

  “Are you sure you’re okay?” Adam asked a second time.

  “I’m fine,” she yelled loud enough for both men to hear.

  “Good. Find your survival suit and keep it handy just in case.”

  Her eyes widened and she looked at Adam. “Just in case what?”

  “In case we have to abandon ship because we can’t get her to right on her own.”

  Minutes passed while Brooke stood frozen in the doorway holding the bag containing her survival suit under one arm and her injured arm against her. She wanted to do something to help, but with her arm throbbing and fear tumbling around in her stomach she decided staying out of the men’s way seemed the way to help.

  Without warning or reason, the boat began to straighten. Within seconds, the engines roared back to life and Brooke’s shoulders began relax. Her relief was short-lived as she got a look at the mess the wave had caused. DVDs and video tapes peppered the floor of the common area. The few pictures adorning the walls lay intermixed with other items of the room. Locks on the cabinet doors had buckled under the pressure, spewing the contents all over the galley floor. Brooke raised a hand to her head to rub at the beginning of a headache only to quickly yank it away in pain.

  She looked down at her wrist and noted how quickly it was swelling.

  Zach paused on his way outside. “What’s wrong?” He took a step closer. “Whoa, I think we need to get some ice on that.”

  “I didn’t think it was that bad at first, but now I’m not so sure.” She took a long look around the room and pushed back the frustration beginning to mount. “How am I supposed to clean up this mess if I’m injured?”

  Zach scanned the room, then turned his attention back to her. “To hell with cleaning, Brooke. First things first.” He tiptoed his way into the kitchen, avoiding the landmines of DVDs along the away, pulled a bag of vegetables from the freezer, which thankfully hadn’t lost its contents during the wave.

  He returned to her. “Here, let’s try to get that swelling down so we can get a better look at the injury. Don’t worry about the mess in here. We’ll help you clean it up when we’re done outside.” His gaze flicked up to meet hers. “You okay?”

  She nodded. “I think so. I just wish I could help somehow.”

  “Just sit and stay out of the way. We’ll take care of the rest. Now I have to go help the guys. Are you sure you’re okay?”

  “I’m fine.”

  She sank into the booth seat and rested her arm on the table as the men raced between the deck and the engine room. The tension in the air was palpable, and she wondered if they really were out of danger.

  Finally, a tired and battered crew slowly trekked back into the galley. Zach flopped into the seat across from her as Adam knelt at her feet. “Let’s see that arm,” Adam ordered.

  She raised the bag of peas and winced at the large bruise starting to form. “It looks worse than what it is,” she said, hoping to play off the injury.

  “Can you move your fingers?” Zach asked his head resting in his head on the table.

  Brooke forced her fingers to move and fought to ignore the pain that raced out in all directions. “See, not broken,” she announce
d.

  “Hmmm…”Adam moved in for a closer inspection. “I’m not so sure about that. You could have a fracture and still be able to wiggle your fingers. Either way, from the looks of it, you damaged something.” He replaced the frozen vegetables and patted her shoulder. “Keep the ice on it a while longer and we’ll have another look later.”

  Footfalls on the steps had Brooke turning to see Nathan. He looked even more battered and worn than he had hours ago. “The storm has passed and the seas are calming. Kyle’s on watch while I survey the damage.”

  He turned to look at her and that’s when Brooke saw the dried blood above his right eye. She pushed up from the seat and rushed to him. “What happened to your head?” she asked lifting her hand from the bag of frozen peas she was holding on her opposite wrist. The bag slipped off her arm and dropped like a lead weight to the floor.

  He caught sight of her wrist and his face contorted with emotion, finally landing in a frown. Anger flared in his eyes as took a closer inspection. “What the hell is this? I thought you said you were okay?”

  “I am okay. I just banged up my wrist a bit.”

  “Honey, it’s swollen and turning black and blue even as I’m looking at it. That’s a little more than banged up.”

  “It’s nothing,” she replied trying to deflect his anger. “Let’s talk about you for a minute. How did you get that cut above your eye?”

  “The water blasted out a piece of one of the wheelhouse windows. I think we need to have that arm of yours x-rayed.”