The Imperfection of Swans

by Brandon Witt

  Kevin groaned. “Mom, I didn’t have time to go to the gym today, and I’ve already had two platefuls.”

  She waved him off, dipping up more sauce to pour over his plate. “Nonsense. One of those was salad. And this is a celebration.”

  Kevin looked at his watch, then followed his mother’s directions and began to slice into the food.

  “Oh, leave him alone.” Noelle grinned at her son. “Anything you don’t want, Kev, just slide it onto my plate. I’ll happily take care of it for you.”

  Renata turned her attention away from the pair. “So, Casper, I’m surprised you didn’t bring a girlfriend along with you tonight.”

  “Renata, don’t start that.”

  She waved Noelle off, keeping her attention missile focused on Casper. “You’re a very cute man, surely the girls are lining up.”

  From the corner of his eye, Casper noticed Kevin drop his head into his hands. “Actually, no. I’m single at the moment. And when I’m not, it’s a boyfriend that I’d bring. Not that they are lined up around the block either.”

  “I knew it!” She clapped her hands and angled toward her son, who still wouldn’t look up. “He’s single, Kev. Cute, good glasses, young. And he’ll be around. Too busy with work to get into trouble. Could be a nice change, don’t you think?”

  Kevin groaned. “Mother. Seriously?”

  Renata gave a coy expression and then tried to look innocent. She failed utterly. “Just a suggestion.”

  “You’ll have to forgive my wife, Casper.” Noelle gave Kevin and Casper an apologetic look. “She can be a little….” She seemed to ponder for the correct word.

  “A controlling bitch is what she can be,” Donna spoke up from a few seats away.

  All the sisters hooted and catcalled their agreement.

  Donna continued, “If I have one more new fad diet whispered in my ear by my littlest sister, I’m going to sit on her!”

  The laughter of the sisters was nearly overwhelming. Even Renata chuckled along good-naturedly.

  “Welcome to the family, Casper.” Donna winked at him. “Stay on her good side.”

  More laughter.

  Casper glanced over at Kevin, but at some point, he must have slipped away. His chair was empty, a red napkin folded neatly where he’d been seated.

  At that moment, the room grew still as if on cue. Casper followed where all the gazes were directed. A handsome man, probably in his fifties, had entered the room. His face was flushed, and he looked nervous.

  He actually looked a little like Kevin. At the thought, Casper realized who the man had to be. The uncle who’d not been able to qualify for the loan.

  Raising his voice, he addressed his family. “Oh for crying out loud, people. Don’t stop eating on my account.” His gaze searched the room briefly before coming to rest near where Casper was seated. “Renata! Please tell me you saved me some Chianti!”

  She raised her glass. “Hurry over! Noelle has nearly drained the place dry!” Casper had noticed that Noelle was the only family member not drinking.

  As the uncle made his way over to where they were seated, the room gradually began to buzz with conversation. Though subdued, Casper was certain the quiet would be short-lived.

  Noelle stood and pulled an empty chair between Renata and herself, causing everyone to bunch up. She patted the seat. “Get over here, Anthony. Pull up a plate.”

  After kissing each of his sisters and Noelle on the cheek, he sat down and immediately began to eat off Renata’s plate. “God, I’m starving. I haven’t been able to eat for days.”

  Donna tossed her napkin at him. “Don’t brag. It’s rude.” Her tone was teasing, but the stress was audible behind her forced humor.

  Anthony grinned at her, his cheek bulging slightly with the mound of spaghetti he’d just stuffed in.

  Before anyone could say anything, Kevin returned and sat down before seeing the new addition.

  Casper narrowed his eyes as he saw Kevin’s face. He lowered his voice to not be heard by anyone else but Kevin. “Are you okay?”

  Kevin looked at him, startled. “Yes. Why?”

  “Your eyes are bloodshot and your face is flushed.”

  Kevin’s cheeks grew even redder as he pulled his chair forward, not looking at Casper. “I’m fine. I just rinsed my face off in the restroom. It was getting warm in here.”

  “Are you sure?”

  Kevin met Casper’s gaze, his eyes flashing. “Yes, I’m fine. Just a migraine. Probably the stress of closing.”

  Casper felt oddly guilty at Kevin’s reaction, although he wasn’t really sure why. Before he could apologize, although for what he wasn’t sure, Anthony had grasped Kevin’s hand and pulled his attention away.

  “Kev, I’m so sorry I couldn’t help. I hate that I almost ruined this for you. Thank God for your new partner being able to save us all.”

  Kevin’s angry tone vanished. “It’s no problem, Uncle Tony. It all worked out.”

  Anthony motioned over Kevin’s shoulder. “And is that our savior?”

  Kevin leaned back in his chair, clearing the path. “Yes. This is Casper.”

  Anthony stuck out his hand, and Casper took it. “I don’t think I’d qualify as a savior. This is helping me just as much as anyone else.”

  The look Anthony gave him was so sincere and so pained that it made Casper ache. “Thank you. Seriously.”

  Casper just nodded.

  The two men held gazes before Renata cut off the moment. “So are you going to tell us or what?”

  Noelle clasped her hand over Renata’s. “We don’t need to do this now. Tony hasn’t even had a chance to eat yet. He can tell us when he’s ready.”

  “Thanks, Noelle, but it’s okay.” Anthony took a bite of bread, seemingly more for something to do rather than out of any real desire. He didn’t wait to swallow before continuing. “I’d actually like to just get it over with.” As he spoke, he didn’t meet any of his sisters’ faces, just kept staring at his hands, and he twirled spaghetti around his fork. “Turns out, Rick has an addiction and has spent all of our savings and taken out credit cards and maxed them out. We have to take a second mortgage on the house to cover the debts.” His voice cracked and trailed off.

  Donna leaned forward, heavy breasts resting on the table, and whispered so only the circle of siblings could hear. “Prostitutes?”

  Anthony barked out a laugh. “Jesus, Donna! No, not prostitutes.”

  Renata shrugged. “That was my guess too.”

  “No.” Anthony smiled and at last began to meet his family’s gazes, even going so far as to include Casper. “I actually kinda wish that was it. I’d understand that. To some degree at least.”

  He quit talking once more, and everyone waited with bated breath. Finally Noelle broke the silence. “Well, if you’re going to tell us, Tony, do it!”

  Another partial laugh. “Fine. It turns out….” Tony paused, then stuffed the fork of twisted pasta in his mouth. He chewed for a moment, maybe gaining strength. “Rick has a gambling addiction. Mostly online. I guess he’s been getting up in the middle of the night, doing it at work… basically, whenever I wasn’t looking.”

  Everyone was silent.

  A tear slipped silently down Tony’s cheek, running through his dark stubble. Casper’s chest constricted as he watched the man’s pain. “Rick’s been in a hotel the past couple of nights.” He snorted bitterly. “Probably gambling away more of our money, not that there’s any left.”

  Donna chimed in again. “Well, still better than prostitutes. At least he didn’t bring home warts or something.”

  Anthony gave a sad chuckle. “No, remember, that was me.”

  “Oh, right. Maybe that’s where my brain got that from.” Donna shuddered. “Gross.” She reached across the table and pulled a buttered roll from a cloth-covered bowl.

  A few more quiet moments drifted by before Renata spoke up, her voice chipper. “Well, we have work to do. I say as many of us that can go
down to Kevin’s new store tomorrow….” She glanced at Casper and smiled. “Kevin and Casper’s new store, I mean, and start cleaning. It’s going to take weeks for—”

  Noelle cut her off. “Oh no. Tomorrow is Christmas Eve. We are not working.” She glanced at Kevin. “That includes you. For the next two days, it is nothing but food, singing, presents, and Christmas movies.”

  Renata groaned.

  Noelle ignored her, looking at Casper instead. “Would you like to join our Christmas? Your family’s not from around here, isn’t that true?”

  “I actually signed up to work a double on Christmas, but thank you so much. As much as I’d like to, I can’t abandon them on Christmas. It’s always a hectic day.” He wished he could join the Bivantis. He bet Christmas with them would be quite the show and probably consist of even more food than they’d had that evening.

  “Working on Christmas? I think that’s the saddest thing I’ve ever heard!” Noelle genuinely looked like she meant it, and then her eyes grew wide, and she glanced at Anthony. She patted his hand sympathetically.

  KEVIN

  EXHAUSTION HAD set in, and he should go straight home or to the brownstone and clean a little. His brownstone. The thought made Kevin smile. No, home. He should be going home and going to bed, so he could get up early and spend the entire Sunday cleaning. The past two days had been fun, but he was ready for some time to himself. The realization that he only had a few more nights in his apartment, in his own space, was beginning to set in. If he hadn’t realized it before, spending Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with his moms and the rotating family members was ushering in some reality. It was during Noelle’s second viewing of Elf that Kevin had taken his leave, claiming he was officially Christmased out. Noelle put up a complaint, wanting him to at least stay until they sang “Baby It’s Cold Outside,” but his mom had seconded his need to sleep so he could begin the cleaning process the next morning.

  His bed was calling, it really was. Yet here he was, heading to the last place he should go. He blamed his car. It was the one driving.

  In what must have been a Christmas miracle, he found a prime parking spot on Devonshire Place, bundled up, and walked to the luxury apartment complex. The doorman greeted him, then called once Kevin told him who he was there to see. Less than five minutes and an elevator ride later, he knocked on the door.

  It only took a moment before the locks clicked and the door swung wide.

  “Kevin! I couldn’t believe when they said you were downstairs.”

  “Hope it’s okay that I came.”

  “Of course it is. Come in.” Scott stepped aside with a sweeping gesture, let Kevin past, then shut the door before wrapping Kevin up in a hug.

  He’d like to blame the mix of emotions on alcohol, but Kevin wasn’t even buzzed. He hugged Scott back until one of them broke the embrace. He wasn’t certain which one of them it had been.

  “Not that I’m not thrilled, but why are you here?” Scott walked down the hallway, heading toward a large modern living room.

  Kevin followed. “Honestly, I’m not sure. I just left my moms’ and was going to go home and go to bed, but ended up here instead.”

  Scott’s smile was genuine. “I’m glad you did.”

  “I, ah, know it’s Christmas. Is this a good time?” He glanced around, searching. What did he think? That Scott had a horde of horny twinks dressed up like elves waiting to serve him?

  The smirk that crossed Scott’s face suggested he could almost read Kevin’s mind. “Christmas is over for me, and nobody’s here.”

  “No tree?”

  “Nah. Just me. Too much of a hassle.” He motioned to the couch in front of the fire. “Take a seat. Can I get you some wine?”

  “God yes. Anything but Chianti.”

  Scott laughed. “Ah, Renata. Some things never change.” He moved into the kitchen, which was open to the living room.

  Kevin watched him as he prepared the glasses. Scott was so gorgeous it hurt. It was no wonder he’d not been able to keep Scott from wandering. Kevin had never measured up. Although he’d seen Joe. The kid had more acne scars than a war zone had land mines. That had almost made it worse. It would have been one thing if the other guy had at least been hotter than himself.

  “You okay? You look kinda mad.” Scott held out a glass of red wine.

  “Oh, yes. Sorry. Lost in thought.”

  “You know, I’m not going to ask. Seems wise.” Scott sat down on the couch, close but not uncomfortably so.

  They sipped their wine, the quiet pleasant for about ten seconds, and then it moved into awkwardville.

  “I should go. I don’t know what I was thinking.” Kevin stood and placed his glass on the coffee table. “Sorry to waste your wine.”

  Scott reached and grasped Kevin’s wrist, stopping him. “Wait. Please.”

  And he did. His heart pounding, his stomach churning. He wished he’d taken another Aciphex.

  Scott stood slowly, as if he were afraid he might scare Kevin off. He placed his own glass down. “Kev, there’s not a day that goes by that I don’t miss you. It’s not been the same since you left.”

  Kevin turned partially back toward him. Run. Fucking run, you moron.

  “Then seeing you these past couple of times….” Scott’s breathing had grown heavy. Heated. “I fucked up, Kevin. I threw away the best thing that had ever happened to me.”

  He turned the rest of the way around and looked up into Scott’s eyes. And really, what chance did he have after that? Those ice-blue eyes looked too otherworldly to be real. He couldn’t think of what he should say. Not even what he shouldn’t say. No words came.

  Scott lifted his hand to Kevin’s cheek, applying just enough pressure to tilt his jaw farther upward. Slowly, he lowered his face toward Kevin’s.

  Slow enough that Kevin could have pulled away. His brain screamed for him to pull away. To run.

  He pushed against the pressure of Scott’s large, familiar hand on his cheek, leaning in.

  Then Scott’s lips were next to his. Waiting. His wine-flavored breath warmly caressing Kevin’s skin. Waiting.

  Kevin leaned in farther, closing the little space between them. The kiss was slow and heated. Achingly familiar. Filled with promise of all he had missed.

  The kiss lasted a long time before Scott moved his hands slowly down Kevin’s back and then around his waist toward his flat stomach. With a gentle tug, he pulled Kevin’s shirt from his slacks. Their lips never parting, he unbuttoned each button from the bottom up, then slid the fabric over Kevin’s shoulders, letting it fall away. He caressed the planes of Kevin’s chest. Only then did Scott pull his lips away, moving down Kevin’s throat.

  A sound, half groan, half anguished cry, escaped Kevin’s lips, and then Scott was back, covering them once more.

  The kisses stopped being slow, their heat building to a frenzy to match the roaring fire a few feet away.

  Then all thought was gone. Only sensation. Only lust and the remembrance of love returning.

  KEVIN LEFT Scott’s apartment around three in the morning. Scott had kissed him good-bye, then rolled over and fallen back asleep. Kevin tried not to think on his drive back to his apartment. He couldn’t let himself consider what had happened, what it meant. What came next. In a strange act of mercy, his acid reflux decided to kick into overdrive and took away Kevin’s ability to focus on anything except the burning sensation.

  Three hours later, no sleep, a double shot of espresso, and more pills of Aciphex than he was supposed to take, Kevin got back into his car and drove to the brownstone.

  He knew that Casper had to work that day, so he wouldn’t be able to help, but Kevin was glad. Cleaning soothed him, and a day alone sounded nice. Actually, the act of cleaning didn’t soothe him. Having a place spotless did. Knowing how long it was going to be before the brownstone was halfway clean, let alone spotless, made his stomach churn all the more.

  With a half-warm cup of coffee from a nearby 7-Eleven,
Kevin let himself into his new store.

  He hadn’t been there by himself since the closing. Either Casper or one of his mothers had been with him. This time, as he shut the door behind him, the realization hit. All of it at once. His dream was coming true. It was his. He could see the floors gleaming, the white wedding gowns reflected in the polished blond planks. He could see the space divided up into designers, see the heavy fabric of the dressing room curtains. He could almost smell Casper’s cakes baking above him.

  Kevin’s breath caught in his throat. What if the cake smell got into the dresses? He’d never thought of that. Then all the brides would smell like cake. What designer would approve his shop if he was going to make their whole collection smell like cake?

  Fuck.

  Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

  What had he done? Why hadn’t he thought of that? It was so obvious. So fucking obvious. Not to mention the sounds of the mixers and timers. The clanking of pans and running of water.

  What the fuck had he done?

  Kevin moved to the window ledge, trying to grab hold of something. Something to steady himself. He made it to the banister and latched on.

  No bride wanted to pay thousands of dollars to smell like cake! Much less shop with a shit ton of noise above them while they chose the perfect dress.

  Fuck!

  He’d totally fucked up. This wasn’t going to work. No way it would. His moms and his aunts would lose everything. Their businesses. Their homes. Everything. It would be his fault, because he was too stupid to realize brides didn’t want to smell like fucking cake!

  It took a long time for Kevin to realize the wheezing noises were coming from him.

  Right. He wasn’t breathing.

  What was it the doctor had said to do?

  To breathe.

  Sure. Like he could fucking do that.

  In through the nose. Out through the mouth. Hold.

  Was that when he was supposed to hold?

  In through the nose.

  He choked.

  Another wheeze.

  He dug in his pocket. No way he’d remembered when he left his apartment. No way.