George Knows

by Mindy Mymudes

The Horrible Hodag moves a leg and shuffles Joey closer into him. Whatever was under them crackles. I crinkle my nose. Cheese puffs? Potato Chips? Would he share?

  The monster growls at me.

  Um. No, that isn’t a growl. It’s purring. Cats purr. Cats are monsters! “Grrrrr.” Back off from my Boypup, Horrible Hodag.

  “Arooo. Arf. Barkbarkbarkbark.”

  “Auntie Heather, make George stop! He’s scaring Harry,” Joey The Creep says. He’s a creep again. He’s in the arms of a big, ugly cat.

  I roll my eyes at Auntie Heather and continue challenging the monster. The Boypup is insane from the stench of the thing. Roquefort climbs down from his perch and crawls onto my back. I snap at him. What is he doing there? He puts his hands on my muzzle.

  Karly takes my leash from under Auntie Heather’s foot. I try to pull, but she’s gotten strong. Must be the Wheaties. “How can he be your friend?” My Girlpup asks.

  Roque chatters his teeth at me, lets me go, and paces near Auntie Heather. Did he just tell me off?

  “He just is. I found this place. Stuff was all wrong. I felt all stuffy, like I had a cold. My eyes didn’t work right. Then I fell into a hole. He flew down and got me. I coulda died an’ no one else came when I yelled,” The Creep whined. “I hurt my ankle an’ he fixed me.” He works his foot out from under the monster and wiggles it to show us. It’s missing a shoe.

  Oh, I believe that. The Horrible Hodag fixed him. No way can that thing heal anything. Well, at least that explains the shoe we found. The bed the monster and The Creep are on crunches with their movement. What are those? I strain my eyes. My nose is my main tool, vision isn’t important. Smelltastefeel is what it’s all about. They look like bags. Of course! Potato chip bags. Cheese puff bags. Corn chip bags. The shiny kind of bag hard to tear. Shiny like aluminum foil food is cooked in. Lots and lots of bags.

  I am jealous. Where did he get all the treasure? There aren’t any crumbs on The Creep’s face and he’s a messy eater. The Horrible Hodag didn’t share.

  “Joey, can you come here? We won’t hurt your friend, but your mom is very worried about you. There are a lot of people worried and they’re looking for you. You don’t want them to find your friend, do you? He’s probably shy if he likes to hide,” Auntie Heather says softly. As if she could scare the monster off if she talked normally. “Grrr.” Let The Creep go. Karly and Auntie Heather give me “that” look. I break off my warning.

  The Creep pets The Horrible Hodag, carefully stroking the sharp needles back, avoiding getting stabbed. The monster rubs its big head against the Boypup’s chest. Like an ugly stupid cat. “Aroo!” Cat! The Hodag looks at me and draws his lips over pointy narrow teeth. I can show him teeth…

  Karly pulls back on her leash. “You’re not helping. If you can’t be nice I’ll...I’ll… take you back to the car.” As if she would. I have the power here. I growl again. She glares at me and pulls her leash toward the car.

  I give her my patented “basset eyes.” No one can resist them.

  Except her.

  She continues to pull, even though I dig in my rear paws.

  “Karly, it’s all right. Just keep him from looking the Hodag in the face. It just sets him off. Dog instincts are trumping his common sense. I think I know one reason why the Hodag is protecting your brother.”

  Roque climbs on my back—again—and puts his hands over my eyes. I shake, but he’s sticking like a burr. Karly tightens her leash.

  I’m trapped.

  “The Hodag isn’t protecting Joey.” Karly sounds panicky. “He’s trapped him.”

  If she’d let me go, I could do something to take her panic away. The link is still between us, but she is ignoring it. No. She’s scared and not thinking about the bond. I lick my lips to appease her. She doesn’t notice.

  Or doesn’t get it.

  She needs to learn dog. She will learn dog if I have to bite her.

  “I’m not trapped.” Joey lifts The Horrible Hodag’s paws from around his middle. How can he stand the smelltaste? Peeps have no senses at all. The Boypup stands up next to the monster and pets his head. Wait, The Boypup never pets my head like that.

  “Karly, give me my shoe,” The Creep demands, holding out his hand, feet planted.

  My Girlpup tosses it to The Creep. A long tongue unrolls from behind the pointed teeth and snags the shoe.

  “Hey, that’s mine.” The Boypup tries to get his shoe back from the monster. The Horrible Hodag peels it off his tongue with his paw and tucks it into the wrappers. There are other things in there as well. All sorts of shiny things—chains, cans, foil balls. More. I can’t smelltaste if there is anything good baked on the foil. Sometimes there is. I can’t smell anything except for gassulfurdrysnakecatstink. I look at my Packmates. Why don’t they smelltaste its grossness? Peeps. Said it before, and I’ll say it again: Peeps, no common senses.

  Maybe there are chips in one of the bags? I try to pull closer. Karly pulls me back. I need to put a collar on her. See if she likes having her neck yanked around. It’s not my fault I can’t hold onto her leash. She doesn’t need to jerk me around. It’s like the leash is for me or something.

  The Horrible Hodag puts a big paw back around the Boypup and…it looks like it’s snuggling him in. No way. No way is that monster snuggling with my Packmate. “Arfffaroooarrrg.”

  Auntie Heather steps closer to them. “Joey, I think I know what your friend wants. He’s like a magpie. There are stories that dragons hoard shiny things. That’s what it looks like he’s doing.”

  Joey kicks his feet and tries to get The Horrible Hodag’s front legs off him. “Stop it. I want my shoe. I want to go home now. I’m hungry.” He stops kicking. “What’s a magpie?”

  “It’s a bird that likes to collect shiny things and hide them. Everything in that pile you’re on is shiny.” Auntie Heather rubs under her chin. “In fact, you’re shiny. Can you slide off the helmet and your other shoe?”

  “I don’t wanna.” The Boypup turns to his “friend.” “Let me go. I want to go home.” I recognize that look. He’s about to pitch a fit. I eye the monster. It might eat him. I would if I was a monster and Joey was acting like that. The smelltaste of the Peeps’ bones rolls through my mouth. I shake out the thought. Note to self: never make a joke like that again.

  Must think.

  I sit and scratch an itch on my chin with a rear paw. What to do? I keep scratching until I’m afraid my Packmates are going to think I have fleas. Then they’ll give me an awful bath with pennyroyal.

  Ick.

  “Puff the magic dragon,” Auntie Heather murmurs.

  Was that an old familiar of hers? I’ve never seen a dragon.

  Shudder.

  If they look like this I’m glad I haven’t. How could Auntie Heather live with one?

  “I’m betting the Hodag only wants the shiny helmet and maybe the shoes.” Aunt Heather whispers. I don’t think it was for us. “Joey, slide off your shoe and remove your helmet. Drop them on the pile as a present to your new friend.”

  “But they’re mine. Mom won’t let me ride my bike without my helmet and my tennies are new,” The Creep is whining. I hate it when he whines. My ears feel like one of the Hodag’s needles is piercing it.

  “I promise, we’ll get you new ones. See his nest?” Auntie Heather points to the not very-interesting-garbage pile. “See how much he likes bright sparkly things? He’ll like your gift and he won’t miss you so much.”

  Snort.

  More like he won’t miss you.

  Auntie Heather looks back at me. I return with patented basset “innocent” eyes.

  “When he lets you go, we’ll get you home for dinner. Your mother is very upset that she couldn’t find you.”

  Joey bites his lower lip. He does it when he’s thinking something over.

  “Is she mad at me? I don’t wanna be grounded.” He looks at the paw wrapped around his tummy.

  “She’s understandably worried. You didn’t come ho
me or call her to tell her you’d be late. We’ll tell her the truth; you made an important new friend. Your mom will understand. Now, can you remove your helmet and shoe?”

  Roque bends toward the Boypup and Horrible Hodag and makes a crooning sound. As if that will make anything better.

  Joey wiggles his foot. The shoe bounces off a hubcap and lights up. The Horrible Hodag whips out a forked tail and scuffs the shoe closer to his front paws. He settles his head on it and tucks my Boypup closer to his chest. He purrs.

  “Grrr.” That worked well, didn’t it? I lick my front paw. Roque and I can rush him. The monster will chase us and Joey can escape. I growl low in my throat.

  Karly grabs my collar and shakes me a little. Fine. You do it. You rush in and save Joey.

  “Stop it. Give Auntie Heather a chance.”

  Why does Karly only use our mind link when she wants to?

  “When you take off your helmet, toss it further away. He needs to let you go before we can get you.”

  Joey nods to Auntie Heather and I know what to do. Wish I could tell Roque to follow my lead.

  My Boypup undoes the strap under his chin and pulls the helmet off with his free hand. Boypup’s more coordinated than I gave him credit for. He flings it at me. Nice. Missed. Creep. Just when I’m starting to like…

  The Horrible Hodag unwraps from around Joey, stretches front legs to back, and then lopes over to the helmet.

  I back up and slide my head out of the collar. Always a useful trick. I rush in and grab the Boypup by his collar. Roque is pushing him from behind. Joey struggles until he sees his “friend” coming back. Joey’s tummy rumbles and mine rumbles back in sympathy. His tummy wins. He stops fighting us and runs to Auntie Heather. She catches him on the fly. Both of them almost land on the ground from the impact. My Boypup is growing up.

  Wings pop out of the side of the monster. He looks from Joey to his pile of useless trash. I decide there is nothing tasty there. He makes a creakyrustygate sound and goes back to bed. He gives us all a hard unblinking stare, turns around a few times, smushing down the garbage, and settles in with his shiny toy.

  White fogcloud streams from his nose.

  “Aroo!” We need to get out now! Nownownow! Must keep my Pack safe. I dance around, better at herding everyone away from the danger than a border collie.

  Chapter Eighteen

  We run as if the fogcloud is following us out of woods. A quick scan shows it’s not, but I don’t trust magic fogclouds.

  Um. Where is everyone else?

  “George, the Hodag has no interest in us. You don’t need to run away,” says my auntie with a laugh.

  Huff, huff, huff.

  I’m not running away. I’m worried about my Pack and want to show them the way to safety. I slow my pace anyway. They could’ve gotten lost. I have superior senses and never get lost. Yep, that’s it. Basset hounds may not be built for speed, but we can sprint when necessary. Like when game is getting away.

  “Surrrre that’s it,” Karly draws out the sure. She’s using our link against me. “Come here and give me your head. You can’t be without your collar and leash when we see the police.”

  I amble over to my Girlpup and raise my head so she can put my collar on. I admit, I feel naked when it’s not on. She snaps her leash to the ring and my Pack and I walk to the parking lot.

  Auntie Heather must’ve called the police earlier because all the Peeps that were looking for The Cre…Joey are in the parking lot. They shout and stampede over when they notice us. I strut, with my head held high. Yep, I found the Boypup. It’s my duty to protect my Pack.

  They pass Joey around. He doesn’t like the attention and squirms away the best he can.

  Finally Packdad and Packmom are able to get through. Packdad picks the Boypup up and spins him around.

  “Aw Dad, don’t do that. The guys can see us.”

  Packdad stops spinning, but doesn’t put him down. Packmom puts a hand on Joey’s face and kisses him. Packmom and Packdad are hugging, with Joey struggling to get free between them.

  “Where have you been all day? Why didn’t you call me?” she scolds him and then kisses him. So wrong. Kissing scent marks someone is yours, a part of the Pack. Peeps kisses are usually too dry. Useless. No wonder why Peeps don’t know who belongs to what.

  “What happened?” she finally asks.

  This should be good. I sit and watch, comfy, slouching on one hip.

  “Nothin’. I found a friend and we played. I’m sorry. Can we eat now? I’m hungry.”

  Makes two of us. I give patented “basset eyes.” No one notices. Sigh.

  Packmom eyes Auntie with a cocked head.

  “That would be about right. We found him safe with a new friend.” Auntie Heather stresses “new friend” and the Packparents look confused. No surprise. I’ve been confused since we found The Horrible Hodag didn’t have the Boypup for dinner.

  The Badge Dude pushes though the crowd. He ruffles Joey’s hair. How can the Boypup stand that? Ick. I want to shake my own fur into place in sympathy.

  “You caused your parents a lot of worry today little man. We searched every inch of this park and couldn’t find you anywhere. You’re lucky your dog was able to lead your aunt and sister to you. Why didn’t you call?”

  Wait a minute?

  Whose dog?

  As if.

  Joey looks between the Badge Dude and the Packparents. He stretches out to his full height. Only about three of me tall. He needs to grow. “I’m eight and a big boy. See, I’m fine. ‘Sides, my friend wanted to look at my phone. I tried to call, but it didn’t work after she licked it.”

  Augh. That’s just gross. The monster licked the phone? Apparently, the group agreed. Their eyes were huge, round, and white, the way they get when they hear something unexpected.

  The Badge Peep clears his throat. “Where’s your friend? I’d like to talk to him.”

  “She’s hiding. She’s shy.” Joey struggles and slides to the ground. “Can we go home now? I’m starving to death,” he whines.

  Aroo! Yes! Time to eat! I get up and dance in circles. It’s suppsuppsuppertimetime.

  Badge Dude bends to get closer to Joey. “Why is she hiding? Where are her parents?”

  “She doesn’t have any. Mom, puhleeeeeze can we go get dinner. Puhleeeeze?” The Boypup tugs Packmom’s shirt.

  Auntie Heather puts a hand on the Boypup’s shoulder and looks down at the Badge Dude. She has shiny eyes and a goofy smile on her face. Ack! Spring! The dance continues. Wrong, but they don’t seem to notice they’re missing the important steps. Heck, they won’t even let me sniff crotches and butts and that’s the best way to get to know someone. They don’t even have the body language right.

  For example: their ears can’t move to show their interest, they don’t have tails, and rarely wag their butts. They only have smiles, which mean a lot of things, and shiny eyes. Which could be from allergies.

  “I didn’t see Joey with anyone Officer James. He was curled up, sleeping in a pile of leaves. Poor guy was exhausted from hiking in the woods.” She pats Joey on the back.

  “Was not! You saw! I was with…”

  “Your invisible friend. Yes, of course you were.” Auntie Heather winks at the Badge Dude. “Very smart kids have special friends. I think we’ve all had enough excitement for the day, don’t you, Doreen?”

  Packmom gives Auntie Heather a confused look. “Yes. Um, yes. I’d like to get Joey home. He’s had a very busy day. Thanks so much, everyone, for helping find my son. I don’t know what…” Packmom sniffles a little.

  “Go home. We’ll get in touch with you if there any questions.” The Badge Dude turns to the crowd.

  “Thank you everyone. It makes my job much easier when the community pitches in to help as you all did.” Badge Dude heads for his car.

  The crowd breaks up, some stopping over to give the Boypup a kiss, a hug, a pinch on the cheek, or a scolding.

  There should be more sc
olding and less petting. Why would the Boypup run off with a monster and call it his friend? I wouldn’t have thought the Boypup would like girls yet. Hmmm. It is spring. Ick. I shake my head at the stupidity of Boypups and follow the Packparents to the car.

  Auntie Heather is talking to them. Blah blah blah, nothing worth listening to. Lived through it. Chapter done.

  The Boypup should go without dinner. Since I am the hero, Packmom should give me his share. I drool and lick my lips. Peeps’ food is tasty. Kibble is nummy, but Peeps’ food is for special occasions. I’m sure saving the Boypup from The Horrible Hodag is a special occasion.

  In the meantime, if they’re going to yap outside the car, I’m going to sleep. With a yawn, I circle the magic three times and make myself comfy on the ground. I use Karly’s foot for a pillow.

  She won’t mind.

  My eyes barely close before Karly pulls her foot out and toes my side.

  Oof.

  What is that for?

  “We’re going blockhead. Can you get into the car or do you need a boost?” She smelltastes impatienthungrytired. The back door is open. The Boypup is sitting in my seat, shotgun. I hop into the rear and plaster my face against the window. “Roo,” I speak softly. I get yelled at if I’m loud.

  Packmom is in the driver’s seat. She twists around to see me. “Heather told me it isn’t safe to let your head hang out. You could get something in your eyes. Sorry, no ears flapping in the wind for you.”

  How unfair. I love the smelltastes as they blow through my cheeks and ears. The feeling of speed and power. I’m all for energy saving, but it doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy it when it’s someone else’s.

  “You need to move George. I need some room back here.” Packdad pushes me to the middle. Now there is no space for me. I push my nose under Karly’s legs and kick my rear paws out to make room. Karly lifts her legs. Packdad pulls me onto his lap.

  Sigh.

  That works for me.

  The smelltaste of The Horrible Hodag fills the car. The Boypup is covered in it. No way can I go home filling my mouth and nose. Pffffffart. Long. Low. Pleasing. Now the car smelltastes right.