The After of Us (Judge Me Not Spin-off)

by S. R. Grey

  I nod.

  Will appears torn on whether to stay or go, but he eventually says, “I guess I better go.”

  He starts to walk away, but I don’t want him to leave, not like this. Seeing each other for the first time after all these years shouldn’t end all icy and up in the air.

  Why does everything between us always have to feel so, well, unfinished?

  “Hey, Will.”

  He spins around. “Yeah?”

  I take three steps toward him, narrowing the gap, and he cocks a brow.

  Reaching for his arm, then re-thinking and dropping my hand back down to my side, I release a breath. “Look, I’m sorry. Really, I am. I didn’t mean to jump all over you before.”

  I almost confess everything right there. How I purposely tried to avoid this meeting with him, how I still feel kind of embarrassed over our non-kissing incident all those years ago. How I think he’s one of the best-looking guys I’ve ever met, how I wish I wasn’t still so insanely attracted to him, and how he makes me crazy with all these conflicting feelings.

  But before I get out a single word, Will reaches out and cups my face in one large hand.

  I’m rendered speechless, immobile. Ooh, his touch feels nice. But what the heck is he doing?

  Gently, he moves the pad of his thumb over my cheek. “There’s a tiny dab of dirt right here,” he whispers as he swipes it away softly. “It’s been driving me crazy.” He chuckles and brings his free hand to my other cheek. “And there’s another smudge over here.”

  With my face in his hands, I peer into his emerald-green eyes. “Will,” I whisper.

  “Emma,” he says softly, and then, “Look, I made a stupid mistake all those years ago. We were just kids…”

  He trails off, and I realize we are practically pressed against one another. “Just kids,” I murmur as I close my eyes. “But we’re not kids anymore, are we?”

  “No, we’re not.” His warm breaths are a gentle caress as he lowers his lips to mine. “Maybe it’s time we make things right?”

  “Mmm, yeah, maybe it is.”

  I am so ready for this kiss. I don’t care that we’re on church grounds, in the back of the school. I don’t care I was just irritated with him, and I don’t care he confuses the hell out of me. This kiss is seven damn years in the making. And I just know it’s going to be so good.

  But then, just as our lips are about to touch, a little voice filled with curiosity rings out, “Daddy, whatcha doin’?”

  Will

  I am generally not this assuming or forward, but damn, Emma looks so good. And the connection is still there. There’s this pull I can’t deny, a gravitational force that’s compelling me to just go for it and kiss her.

  For this one awesome moment, I feel like we’re the only two people left on the planet—the last man and the last woman. But that couldn’t be further from the truth, which I’m reminded of just as I’m about to right a seven-year wrong.

  Lily’s little voice shatters the illusion and sends me straight back to reality, as I hear, “Daddy, whatcha doin’?”

  Emma and I jump away from one another like we’ve been caught doing something bad. Kissing isn’t bad, though, right? I don’t know, ‘cause when I turn to face my daughter, I feel so busted.

  How can such a tiny little person dole out such a look of consternation? Or is that curiosity? My kid-radar isn’t too finely honed yet.

  “What’re you doing, Daddy?” Lily repeats, much more softly this time, like she knows she’s interrupted something meant for adults.

  “Nothing, sweetheart,” I reply. “I was just talking with Miss Metzger.”

  I look past Lily, but see no signs of Chase. He, Lil, and I walked over to the school after church when I noticed Emma’s car parked off to the side of the building. Chase was supposed to wait out front with Lily, while I spoke with Emma in the back. Kay had abandoned us by that point, having taken their kids to the minivan shortly before mass ended when Jack starting acting up.

  “Where’s Uncle Chase?” I ask Lily.

  She points to around the side of the school. “He on his way. We coming to see why you take so long to come back.” Lily giggles, and then adds, “I run way ahead of Uncle Chase, though.”

  Crouching down, I beckon her to come over to where Emma and I are standing. A respectable distance from one another, I might add. “Come on over, sweetheart. I want to introduce you to someone really nice.”

  Tentatively, Lily approaches. She tucks her chin in as she walks and by the time she reaches me, her eyes are glued to the ground.

  I introduce her to Emma, and she looks up curiously.

  “Miss Metzger runs the daycare,” I say. “It’s this really fun place where kids can play with other children. And you know what?”

  “What?”

  “I was just talking with her, and I think I fixed it so you can hang out there a couple of mornings each week, while Daddy’s up in New York. Doesn’t that sound like fun?”

  Lily nods. “Uh-huh.” Glancing up at Emma, she adds, “You know my daddy?”

  Emma smiles down at us both. “Yes, honey, I know your dad.”

  She was about to know me better, till Lil interrupted.

  My daughter’s curious gaze jumps from Emma to me, and then back to Emma. “My daddy likes you, doesn’t he?”

  “Uh…”

  Emma blushes, looking far too cute for words, and I suppress a chuckle.

  Lily is not deterred. “Daddy was giving you a kiss, like he gives me. I saw him.”

  “Uh, it’s not exactly like that,” Emma mumbles, her cheeks turning from pale pink to flaming red.

  Not only is Emma cute, she’s fucking hot. I probably shouldn’t have tried to kiss her back here behind the school, but it felt so damn right.

  While Emma fumbles around nervously, shifting from one sneakered foot to the other, I save her from further embarrassment by answering Lily’s question. “Yes, Lily, Daddy likes Emma. But in a very different way than how Daddy cares for you.”

  I leave it at that. After all, Lily is only five.

  “Okay,” she mumbles, already losing interest in the subject.

  “Hey.” I stand, hoisting my daughter up to my hip in the process. “What do you think is taking Uncle Chase so long to catch up?”

  Just then my brother rounds the corner, looking completely exasperated. “Sorry,” he says. “I had to detour over to the minivan. Jack was starting to give Kay a hard time again. He’s more than a handful this morning.”

  “No problem,” I tell him.

  Chase nods a hello to Emma. “Hey.”

  She gives him a little wave. “Hi, Chase.”

  Jack was great on the way to church, but he grew restless during mass. The kid has a lot of energy, reminding me of how Chase and I were when we were kids.

  With that thought in mind, I say, “Girls seem so much easier,” Giving Lily a squeeze, I add, “Isn’t that right, Lil?”

  I receive no reply, as Lily has fallen asleep. Her arms are draped loosely around my neck, and her head rests on my shoulder, her thumb in her mouth.

  God, she’s a doll.

  Chase jerks his chin to Lily’s sleeping form and agrees. “Girls sure are much easier. Sarah’s out, too. Just like Lily.”

  Emma makes a scoffing sound. “You two are just too funny. Wait till your girls are teenagers. I bet they both give you a run for your money. Oh, and would I love to be there when they bring home their first boyfriends.”

  I clutch my daughter protectively. “Hey, there will be no boyfriends for Lily for a long, long time.”

  “Sarah’s not dating till she’s thirty,” Chase chimes in nonchalantly, like this is just a given fact.

  Emma laughs. “Ha, riiight. I’m sure your girls might have something to say about those silly rules.”

  “Silly?” Chase scoffs. “I think not.”

  “I’m with you, bro,” I’m quick to add.

  My brother and I bump fists, and Emma rol
ls her eyes at our shenanigans. After a few additional parting words, Chase and I leave Emma to her gardening and head over to the minivan.

  On the way, with Lily sleeping in my arms, I lean down and sniff her hair. The kid always smells so good to me.

  Chase raises a brow and asks me, “You sure you want to leave tonight?”

  I let out a groan. The truth is I don’t want to leave Lily, not really. My heart is telling me to stay, but my head makes me say to Chase, “I have to go, bro. I can’t blow this new position. It’s everything I’ve ever dreamed about.”

  Is it, though? I ask myself. My real dream has always been to strike out on my own, freelance my graphic skills, get that comic book published as a graphic novel.

  Chase knows all this, and he knows me, so it’s no huge surprise when he says, “If the big city and the corporate fast track are what you really want, Will. Well, then I say go for it. But if you ever change your mind and decide to follow a different path, just know I’ll support you in any way I can.”

  I look over at my brother. He’s thirty-one now, but you’d never know it. He looks pretty much the same as he did at twenty-five, except for a few small laugh lines around his eyes. But that’s okay. Those lines are a subtle reminder that Chase’s life is happy and exactly the way he wants it.

  He followed his heart and found his way.

  Maybe I should take a page from my brother’s book and do the same.

  Will

  When we return to the house, I lay a still-sleeping Lily down in her bed in Sarah’s room. I then head to the bedroom I’ve been staying in.

  I really need to think things over.

  Easing down into a chair by the window, my suit still on, and the blinds closed on the sunny day outside, I place my head in my hands and mull over my options.

  But then I realize there’s no mulling to be done. My fate was sealed the moment Lily came into my life. I just couldn’t see it clearly until today.

  I can’t leave Lily, not this soon. We’re only just now getting to know one another. And sure, she’ll be with me again once I set up child care for her in New York, but it won’t be like this. I’ll be working all the time. We need more time, so that when I do leave, it won’t be so traumatic for her.

  With Emma’s concerns still banging around in my head, I conclude that staying with Lily, for now, even if it’s only for a few more days, is the best thing to do.

  Decision made, I contact the service scheduled to drive my car to New York this week. I inform them that there’s been a change in plans, and promptly ask, “Can you drop my car off in Ohio, instead?”

  I learn that, for a price, everything can be adjusted.

  “For a small up-charge, your BMW can be in Harmony Creek by Wednesday night,” I am told.

  “Great,” I reply as I approve the extra fee.

  I then call the corporate recruiter who hired me, so I can tell him I can’t start the new job tomorrow. He’s not happy, but he makes a few calls and gets back to me within the hour.

  “The best I could do is a one-week reprieve,” he tells me. “But, you absolutely must be in New York City, ready to start work, next Monday. Another delay like this, Will, and you’ll lose this opportunity.”

  “Okay, got it.”

  My head is back in my hands. I hope I’m not fucking things up too badly.

  I head downstairs and inform Chase and Kay of my plans to stay an extra week. They are thrilled. And then I go tell Lily her daddy isn’t leaving tonight, after all. To say she is over-the-moon happy would be a severe understatement.

  “It’s only for a few extra days,” I carefully add, to prepare her for my imminent departure. “We will have to be apart for a short while after that.”

  “Why?” Sad green eyes implore me.

  “Lil, I’m still going to need to get things ready for you up in New York,” I explain. “It shouldn’t take long, though, I promise.”

  Lily loses interest in explanations quickly, and this time is no exception.

  Wrapping her little arms around me, she tells me, “Okay, Daddy. But when you go, you come back fast as you can, okay? You’re more fun than Mommy.”

  I’m taken aback. This is the first Lily has mentioned her mother since day one. I’ve come to the conclusion, though, that Cassie was more like a big sister to Lily. She was always pushing her off on other people, like her daughter was a bother. In addition, Lily’s easy acceptance of staying with me leads me to conclude that Cassie spent very little time overall with our daughter.

  Well, I won’t abandon Lily. I plan to be a great father to her.

  Still, I decide to stick with the Tuesday and Thursday morning daycare plan, knowing it’ll be good for Lily to grow accustomed to a structured environment. That’ll be her life in New York, after all. Plus, like I told Chase and Kay, she’ll have a chance to interact with kids other than Jack and Sarah. Those three get along well, but there are occasional scuffles.

  An added advantage to the daycare plan is it gives me an excuse to see Emma again.

  What can I say? The girl has me intrigued, and I really want to kiss her, at least once, before I go.

  On Tuesday morning, when I take Lily to daycare, I have my first opportunity to take steps toward making that elusive kiss happen. I purposely leave early and reach the school before any other parents or kids arrive.

  A light rain is falling, and since I forgot to bring umbrellas, Lily and I have no choice but to make a run for the school.

  “This is fun,” Lily tells me as she jumps in all the puddles on the way to the entrance.

  “I’m glad I remembered your boots.” I say, nodding to her bright yellow galoshes.

  “Good call, Daddy,” she says, making me laugh.

  Lily heard Chase use that exact phrase last night, but it sounds so funny coming out of her mouth.

  As we near the entrance, we spy Emma unlocking the school doors. She appears fully focused on her task, and mischievous Lily whispers to me, “She don’t see us, Daddy. Let’s sneak up on her.”

  “Okay,” I agree, knowing that when Emma sees me she’s really going to be surprised. “This should be fun,” I add.

  Lily and I go into ninja-mode, moving stealthily. We reach the protective overhang unnoticed, and then sneak up behind Emma, who remains oblivious.

  Oblivious, that is, till Lily screeches out an enthusiastic, “Boo!”

  Startled, Emma spins around till she’s facing me and Lily.

  “Lily,” she breathes out, hand on her heart. “And…wait. Will?”

  “We scare you,” Lily says, giggling.

  “Yes, you sure did,” Emma confirms. Her gaze flitters back to me. “And Will, seeing you here is even more of a surprise.”

  “I bet,” I reply.

  “So, what happened?” Emma says, just as she’s reaching up to push back her hair.

  Her raincoat gapes open, and my eyes are immediately drawn to the hot little purple dress hiding under her coat. It’s not anything overly skimpy, but the clingy fabric hugs her lean curves in all the right ways.

  Tearing my appreciative gaze away, I start to straighten Lily’s askew pink backpack, simply as a ruse to hopefully detract from my blatant ogling.

  “Well,” I reply nonchalantly, glancing up at Emma. “I guess you could say there was a slight change in plans.”

  Emma is trying to hide the blossoming smile on her lips. “Clearly,” she says.

  Hmm, does that sly grin mean she’s happy I stayed, or is she simply glad for Lily’s sake?

  “Miss Met-ger,” Lily interjects, tugging Emma’s raincoat sleeve. “Daddy says I get to stay with you today.”

  In a voice used with little kids, Emma peers down at Lily and says, “Yes, you sure do, Lily. And I, for one, can’t wait. I have lots of fun things planned for you kids to do today.”

  “Coloring?” Lily wants to know.

  “Yes. And drawing and games. Does that sound good to you, Lily?” Emma inquires.

  My d
aughter nods. “Yes, Miss Met-ger.”

  “Hey, you know what?” Emma places her hand sweetly on Lily’s shoulder. “You can just call me Miss Emma if you want.”

  “Okay, Miss Emma”

  Squeezing Lily’s shoulder lightly, Emma says, “You sure look pretty for your first day.”

  I appreciate what Emma is doing—bonding with Lily so she’ll feel comfortable when I leave her for the morning. I also feel a moment of dad pride that Emma noticed Lily’s outfit. Yeah, that’s right—I’m not a total misfit of a father. I managed to dress Lily in one of her prettiest outfits, a snow-white dress with a red roses print. Lil was also patient enough this morning for me to brush out her hair, leaving her platinum locks shiny.

  “What do you say?” I prompt Lily.

  “Thank you,” Lily says as she flips her glossy hair back over a shoulder. My daughter is such a girl already.

  Lily’s cuteness doesn’t go unnoticed by Emma, and we share a smile.

  Turning back to the door, Emma pushes, but the rain seems to have made it stick. And, hell, I am only too happy to help out.

  Taking over, I prop the door open with my body and beckon for Emma and Lily to go in the school.

  Once we’re all standing in the front hallway, Emma turns to me and Lil and says, “Since you guys are a little early I can show you the daycare area, if you’d like. Lily can pick ahead of time which table she’d like to sit at.”

  “Sounds good,” I reply.

  But just as I’m about to take Lily’s hand and follow Emma, the wall across from us garners my full attention. Or rather, the giant mural Chase and I painted on that wall several years ago, back when I was fifteen, has me faltering.

  “Wow,” I murmur. “I can’t believe this thing is still here.”

  Lily stares up at me curiously, and Emma comes to stand by my side.

  With my eyes glued to the wall, I explain why I’m so taken aback.

  Pointing to the mural, I say, “My brother and I painted that scene one summer when I was staying with him. Wow, it sure was a long time ago, though.”

  I smile as I recall the hot summer day when Chase and I created the art in front of us now—a scene of a cartoon kid walking along a trail, on his way to a bright red schoolhouse. Cute and cuddly cartoon forest creatures cheer him on as he makes his way under a bright blue sky.