More Than This

by Shannyn Schroeder

  Ryan stood at her front door clutching a bouquet of daisies.

  CHAPTER 12

  Ryan felt the moment she saw him. She paused and her body language screamed, “Run the other way.” He couldn’t see her eyes to read her expression, but given her pace, she wasn’t happy. She only moved like that when she was trying to get away from something unpleasant. The body language contradicted the easygoing appearance of her dress. She looked ready for a picnic in the park.

  As she neared, he realized she wasn’t pissed off or irritated. Tears streaked through makeup on her cheeks, leaving odd striations on her skin. “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing. I don’t want to talk right now.” Her voice shook and her breath hitched as she inhaled.

  He closed the distance between them and slid her sunglasses from her eyes. Her eyes were puffy and red. She sniffed. “I brought you flowers to apologize.” He handed the bouquet to her.

  She cradled them in her arms. “Thank you.” She stepped around him to get to her door.

  “What happened?”

  “I said I don’t want to talk.” Her hand trembled as she tried to shove her key into the door.

  Ryan reached over and placed his hand on top of hers. “Let me help you.”

  “I’m beyond help.”

  He unlocked the door and held it open for her. She didn’t tell him to leave again, so he took it as an invitation to follow. He braced himself for another elevator ride, but she surprised him by entering the stairwell. They walked up in silence, giving her time to compose herself. He was afraid to say anything that might start the tears again.

  In her apartment, he put her keys on the side table and folded her sunglasses next to them. She walked straight to the kitchen, put the flowers in a vase, and disappeared into the bathroom. He sat on the couch and waited for her to return. Manners wouldn’t allow her to hide from him for long.

  She entered the room, put the flowers on the table in front of him, and sat at the end of the couch. She had washed her face. The makeup and teary streaks were gone, but her cheeks were still blotchy. “Thank you for the flowers. They’re beautiful. If they’re from the same place you got them last time, they’ll last a long time.”

  “So, where were you coming from?”

  She shot him a look letting him know she still wasn’t ready to talk. Pulling a pillow onto her lap, she plucked at its edges. “What have you been up to? Besides organizing a speed dating event?”

  “Mary’s been bugging me for a long time to do singles events. This is her project.”

  Quinn tilted her head and narrowed her eyes. “So this happening right now has nothing to do with my list?”

  He couldn’t lie. Her voice already told him she knew. “Your list was the push I needed to give Mary the green light. Not everything’s about you.”

  She smiled. “Thanks. It seems like the only way I can be successful with that damn list is with your help.”

  “What else have you tried to accomplish?” Part of him feared the answer, but he needed to know.

  One hand tightened on the pillow. Her eyes focused intently on the seam. He waited. She needed time, but she would tell him.

  “After we fought on Friday, I was determined to complete the list without you. I went online and re-created my profile for a dating site. I also called the photographer and made an appointment to pose and have pictures taken.”

  Another long pause. Fingers pulling at threads of the pillow. “I made a date with a guy for coffee. Turns out, he and his girlfriend were looking for a threesome. Mega-false advertising there.”

  Ryan tensed. He wondered what was on her profile to attract maggots. “What about the photographer?”

  She didn’t look up. A fat tear dropped onto her hand. He moved closer to her and lifted her face to meet his. Anger gripped his stomach. “What happened? Is that where you were coming from?”

  She nodded. “It was horrible. Humiliating.”

  His left hand held her chin and his right closed into a fist. “What did this creep do?”

  “Nothing. His job. He took my picture.” She swiped at the fresh tears. At least she wasn’t sobbing.

  He relaxed his hands. “You’re upset because the pictures didn’t turn out well?”

  She shoved him away and stood with her back to him. “Go ahead and make fun of me.”

  “I’m not laughing. Everyone takes bad pictures.” He stood behind her and touched her shoulder. “Even supermodels aren’t perfect.”

  “You weren’t there. You didn’t see. Pictures don’t lie. Airbrushing couldn’t fix that.”

  With his hands on her shoulders, he turned her to face him. “I can’t believe they were as bad as you think.”

  “They were so bad the whole photo shoot lasted only twenty minutes. Then he felt the need to warn me they were bad.”

  “Maybe he sucks as a photographer.” He brushed a tear away with his thumb.

  She shook her head. “I’ve seen his portfolio. Of nudes. Lots of different women. They were all beautiful.”

  The women or the photographs? “You’re beautiful, Quinn.”

  She snorted in disbelief.

  He wished she could see herself through his eyes. “You were nervous, right?”

  She nodded.

  “What did he do to put you at ease?”

  She shrugged. “He’s not a babysitter. I hired him to do a job.”

  “Part of his job is to get the best picture possible. If he let you go through the whole shoot with your guard up and your stomach in knots, how could he get a good shot of you? I’ve seen you smile and burst out laughing and so pissed off you could bite someone. I bet he didn’t get any emotion from you.” He leaned over and kissed her cheek. “You are beautiful through and through.”

  Her tears dried and her eyes reflected something other than sadness.

  She turned her head and captured his mouth with hers. Her glassy eyes locked on his. She sucked his lower lip. This was no friendly kiss. She was definitely picking up where they’d left off last week. All coherent thought left his head as blood rushed south. His fingers threaded into her smooth hair and he changed the angle of the kiss.

  His tongue grazed her teeth and touched hers. Her eyes fluttered closed as their tongues mated. He inched his body to close the slight gap between them, wanting to feel the heat from her body. Her arms circled his waist. Fingers crawled up his back, causing a shiver. He pressed his pelvis into her. His hard-on sought her softness.

  She broke the kiss to whisper, “Upstairs.”

  He looked into her eyes, red from crying, and wondered, why now? She was feeling low and he didn’t want her to regret this later. “Are you sure?”

  She nodded and laced her fingers through his.

  As she led the way up the stairs to her bedroom, he watched the sway of her hips. Does she always walk with the invitation, or is this for me? At the top, he grabbed her body and pulled it back into him, pressing his erection into the curve of her backside. He kissed the side of her neck and she rocked into him. She brought her hand back and caressed his thigh. He propelled their bodies toward the bedroom.

  Unlike the brightly sunlit first floor, her bedroom was dark. She had the two east-facing windows covered with blinds and drapes. He left her standing at the side of the bed, and pulled the drapes open and twisted the wand of the blinds.

  “What are you doing?”

  He walked back to her and wrapped an arm around her waist. “I want to see you. I won’t let you hide in the dark.” He reclaimed her mouth while tugging her dress up. When it was to her chest, he stepped back to pull it over her head. She hadn’t worn a bra and his eyes widened. “Absolutely beautiful.”

  She took a deep breath. Her hands touched his chest. “What happens tomorrow?”

  “I’ll still respect you in the morning,” he said with a smile. He stepped closer to those wonderful, firm breasts.

  “But will you still be my friend?” The question was tentative and fearful.
It tore into his chest.

  “I’ll be whatever you want.” He hoped it was more than a friend.

  He lowered his head and pulled on her nipple with his teeth. The sharp intake of her breath ended the questions. He moved to the other breast. A whimper escaped her lips. He went back to her mouth and walked their bodies to the bed.

  Quinn lay back. “Get naked.”

  He kicked off his shoes while whipping his shirt over his head. His hard-on strained against the zipper of his jeans. He slid his underwear off with his pants in one motion. Before joining her on the bed, he pulled her panties off, leaving her naked.

  She scooted back near the pillow, covering her body in shadows. He wanted to watch her lose control, lose herself in his arms.

  “Uh-uh.” He grabbed her ankles and dragged her body into the sunlight. He covered her body with his and kissed her. He trailed kisses down her neck. “I want to see you.”

  “I like the dark,” she whispered.

  He lifted himself to see her face. Her eyes were closed and her head turned. Still hiding.

  Ryan turned her face to him. “Open your eyes, Quinn.” She complied. “You are beautiful and sexy. I want to be inside you more than you can imagine, but if you’re not comfortable, say so now.”

  “I want this. I’d prefer the curtains closed.”

  He leaned close and pulled her earlobe between his teeth and released it. “We’ll do it your way next time.”

  The little voice in his head pointed out that she didn’t argue about there being a next time. Hope surged through him.

  She reached for his erection, but he pulled away and continued to kiss the soft flesh of her torso. He wouldn’t last long once she touched him, so he had to satisfy her first. Goose bumps rose on her skin under his touch.

  With one nipple in his mouth, his fingers spread her folds. She was already wet and hot. He slid one finger in, then another as his thumb massaged her. Her hips rose instinctively seeking rhythm and release.

  He felt the moan start deep in her chest and he knew she fought to swallow it. Her hands clutched the sheets in her fists. She was near peak. He stroked gently, suckling her breasts, licking her throat. He worked his way back up to her face.

  “Condom?” he asked quietly, hating to disturb the pace.

  She blinked and focused. “Drawer,” she answered, and flopped her arm toward the nightstand.

  He reached across her body and grabbed a condom. Her body continued to wiggle beneath his. He rubbed himself against her center.

  Quinn pulled his face close for a kiss and lifted her hips to meet his.

  Ryan guided himself into her, burying himself in the warmth and wetness. He thrust again and her legs locked around him. She rocked her body.

  “Let go,” he whispered in her ear. “I want to watch.” One hand tugged at a nipple while he trailed his tongue on her neck.

  Her thighs pulled him all the way into her and she created the rhythm of thrusts.

  He knew the minute she lost all sense of self-consciousness. Her nails dug into his back and she leaned up to bite his shoulder. “Faster,” she commanded breathlessly.

  Ryan obeyed. Their hearts pounded against each other. Their bodies became slick with sweat. She tightened around him. Her body went rigid and her thighs trembled. One more deep thrust and he exploded inside her. He collapsed on top of her, mingling his sweat with hers. They both huffed breath, chests heaving.

  Quinn trailed a finger down his back. “God, that was good. It’s been so long, I forgot how much fun it is with a partner.”

  He laughed. “Good to know I’m better than a vibrator.”

  She laughed loudly in his ear and her walls closed tightly around him again. He hardened from his semi-soft state and rocked against her.

  “Mmm. More?” Her breath tickled his ear.

  “Yeah” was all he could muster. It had been far too long.

  She rolled him over, obviously pleased with the prospect. Up on her knees, she came down on top of him and leaned back. He didn’t think it possible to sink deeper into her, but he did.

  He reached up and massaged her breasts as she bounced on his dick to her own rhythm, seeking her own pleasure. She leaned forward and pressed her breast to his mouth. She ground down into him and came again.

  Her body throbbed around him as she lay fully on top of him. As their breathing returned to normal, she slid off his body and shivered.

  Ryan pulled her close and covered them both with the blanket. She curled into him and fell asleep. His hand rested on the curve of her back near her hip.

  How could she doubt her beauty? Every time she walked into the bar, heads turned. Could she be that unaware? He closed his eyes and pictured Quinn entering the bar. If alone, she walked with her head down, purposefully cautious. But she was rarely alone. She came in with a crowd, or she was with Indy. Although uninterested, Ryan couldn’t ignore Indy’s sexy confidence. She was actress-beautiful, where Quinn was everyday pretty. Quinn didn’t know her own beauty because she made sure she was shielded.

  Quinn shifted next to him and stretched. He must’ve dozed off. Shadows bathed the room, though not yet night. She rolled away from him onto her back, gripping the sheet at her chest, and sighed.

  It didn’t sound like a contented, happy sigh either. “What?” he asked, propping on an elbow.

  Her arm lay across her face, concealing her eyes. “It was real. I didn’t dream it.”

  Ryan ran a hand over her stomach and inched her closer. “So you dream about me. This was completely real.” He paused and pushed her arm away. “Regretting it?”

  “I don’t know. I told you I’m not good at the friends with benefits thing.”

  “Trust me. You’re plenty good.”

  She sat up, still clutching the sheet. “I’m going to get water. Want some?”

  “Sure.” He slid toward the headboard and propped pillows behind him. He watched as she cautiously slid off the bed and grabbed a T-shirt to wear.

  What was he doing? Did he think he’d convince her to abandon her mission to get pregnant so she could start a relationship with him? Griff would smack him if he heard what was going on in Ryan’s head.

  Quinn returned, holding two bottles of water. Her short hair was mussed and her skin glowed. Regardless of her mental turmoil, physically, she looked happy.

  He cracked open the bottle she offered and let the icy liquid run down his throat. “So what’s your plan?”

  “For what?” she asked, covering herself with the sheet.

  He lay uncovered and relaxed. “For the photographer.”

  Her face darkened with sadness. Shit. She lifted one shoulder in response and gulped some water.

  Ryan leaned closer and kissed her shoulder. “Want me to beat him up? Then we can destroy the pictures.”

  She chuckled. “He didn’t do anything wrong. The pictures aren’t real. It’s all digital.”

  “What do you mean?” Suspicion crept into his mind.

  “He didn’t print the pictures. I viewed them on his computer.”

  She didn’t see it. Not even the possibility yet. But some guy had naked pictures of her on his computer. He could do whatever he wanted with them. It would destroy her completely.

  Quinn looked fully in his eyes. “What’s wrong?”

  He forced a smile. “Nothing. I’m starving. I was preoccupied at lunchtime. Let’s order food. Chinese work for you?”

  “Sure.”

  “You have a phonebook?”

  “In the drawer to the right of the fridge I have menus for different places.”

  “What do you want?” he asked, getting off the bed.

  “Whatever you order is fine. I’m going to take a shower. Make yourself at home.”

  Ryan didn’t bother with clothes and walked downstairs to the kitchen. She didn’t move from the bed until he left the room. Her reservation and modesty must have returned.

  He pulled a menu from the drawer and used her phone to place
an order. When he returned the flyer, his eyes landed on her list. Number eight—“Have a night of mind-blowing sex with multiple orgasms.”— had the precise X over the number and a smiley face after it. He’d earned the descriptor of mind-blowing and a smiley face and he hadn’t even been trying.

  Quinn started the water, allowing it to warm up. What was she thinking? She looked at her reflection in the mirror above the sink. She couldn’t deny the sex had been fabulous. Her skin tingled at remembering Ryan’s touch.

  This was wrong. He didn’t fit her plan. He couldn’t be her summer romance, and he certainly didn’t want to get her pregnant. They’d had great sex.

  And he’s still here.

  That was the crux of her problem. She didn’t know what to do with the friend who continued to be a friend after sex. There had been guys who were so-so in bed and she couldn’t wait for them to leave so she could curl up with a good book. Then there was Nick, who had skills, but would practically hit the door running as soon as they were finished.

  Ryan had offered to order food. He planned to stay. To hang out like they usually did.

  She stepped under the hot spray and closed her eyes. The warmth spread over her and she realized she was creating problems for herself. What was she worried about? Ryan only wanted this: friendship and great sex. He knew exactly what her plans were.

  Then a new thought entered her head. What if she asked Ryan to be her sperm donor? Sure, he wasn’t ready to be a dad, but he was the perfect candidate. He was a good man. That’s exactly what she wanted for her baby. It didn’t hurt that he was gorgeous too. If they were friends, he could see the kid, but he wouldn’t have to be a dad. Since she wouldn’t be getting pregnant in the conventional way, he wouldn’t feel like a dad.

  But what if he didn’t want any part of it? She might lose him as a friend.

  She considered how to broach the subject.

  When Quinn came down the stairs, Ryan had already opened the white containers of Chinese food and arranged them on the coffee table in front of the couch. The tantalizing smell of sweet-and-sour something reached her nose. She closed her eyes and inhaled, the scent making her mouth water. Ryan had even gotten plates and silverware. She had him pegged for an eat-out-of-the-carton man.