Saving Each Other (Saving Series Book 1)

by S. A. Terrence

  “So, Justin and Lysee seem to have hit it off,” I say, curious as to how he feels about them as a couple.

  “You’re not kidding.” He laughs and shakes his head. “I could have lit up my entire house with the sparks flying between those two.”

  I laugh at the truth to his statement. Their chemistry was off the charts. “I think we could’ve lit up both our homes.”

  “He’s been single for a while. This could be good for him. She seems…nice?” I don’t blame him for phrasing it as a question. Lysee is definitely a handful.

  “HAH!” I laugh. “You have no idea!”

  We walk a bit in companionable silence before he smiles and gestures to all the tents that are already set up and waiting to be filled with great wares. “It looks like everything’s ready for the fair tomorrow.”

  I can’t help but smile. This area is always so pretty and so full of life, but tonight it has an air about it. An excitement of the weekend to come. Fiesta Hermosa has been going on since 1972. It’s one of the biggest arts and crafts fairs in Southern California and brings thousands of people down to our little coastal town over the three days it runs. It’s extremely well known for the music, with two stages set up for bands to play. The music brings an energy that’s only enhanced by the great food and fabulous items sold.

  “I love this fair,” I say when we resume walking. “Are you going?”

  “I am, with Justin and Chance on Sunday,” he says with a smile. “You?”

  Yeah, with E, I think to myself but answer with, “I am. I’m going with Chloe and my in-laws. We’ll be here on Sunday too.”

  We make plans to meet at the beer garden with our friends on Sunday afternoon and continue to talk about the fair the rest of the way home. Once we reach our houses he gives me an affectionate hug and a sweet kiss. When he pulls away he says, “I’m glad I ran into you tonight. This was fun.” The smile he wears reaches his eyes and I melt. He really has such a beautiful smile.

  I had a really great time too and I tell him exactly that. I then hurry inside to text E. I’m so excited about the fair tomorrow, I know it’s going to be a long, sleepless night.

  Hey, babe!

  What are you wearing?!

  Yep! It’s going to be a long night, and in the best possible way.

  I CAN’T BELIEVE I’M HERE—that I’m going to be near Dee. It’s a beautiful day, the sun’s shining brightly in the cloudless sky. Bright like my spirit. There are crowds of people wandering up and down the cramped walkways which are lined with color and I can’t control my smile knowing that Dee, the person who colors my world, is one of them. Still smiling, I take a deep breath and say to myself, “I’m breathing the same air you’re breathing, Dee.”

  I know she’s here. I can feel it. I also know I’m not supposed to be looking and I really don’t want to see her, not that I’d know it if I did spot her. I decide to distract myself and buy something that will remind me of being near her. Having no idea what to get, I look around and spot it. A dreamcatcher, perfect! That’s EXACTLY what she is to me. While I’m shopping I decide to buy gifts for Dani, Chloe, my parents, Riley, Chance, and Justin. One-stop early Christmas shopping—perfect.

  “Holy shit, look at them!” I say this under my breath and laugh.

  Standing in front of me is the perfect couple to reference for Dee. There are always some people who grab everybody’s attention and these two are exactly that. They have to be in their late sixties—and clearly have never left that decade. A walking advertisement for peace and love. He’s wearing the standard tan suede vest with fringe and way too many peace signs to count. His gray hair is balding on the top and tied into a low ponytail. He clearly doesn’t have nearly enough hair for it, but hey, to each his own. “Dee, I hope you’re seeing these hippies,” I say quietly and chuckle to myself. I know these two would make her laugh. His companion is a rather large woman wearing a hideously colorful muumuu—similar to the ones Mrs. Roper wore on Three’s Company. They’re wrapped in each other’s embrace and look deliriously happy. The thought makes me sad because I know I’d be deliriously happy if I were here with Dee. Nope! I’m not going there. I am here with Dee and I plan on staying in the moment.

  Dee, where are you?

  I scan the crowd looking for…I don’t know. Just then I spot another couple and laugh while my ego takes a huge hit.

  “God, Dee. Look at them!”

  Standing in front of me are two people who look like they rarely leave the gym. They’re both wearing way too much spandex and damn—she has more muscles than I do.

  Much to my surprise, I’m having a really good time. Shortly before two o’clock, I head home to text Dee. I was supposed to stay until two but I’m too excited to wait. I’m hoping she saw the same people I saw.

  I didn’t see you. :(

  Me neither. : (

  It makes me happy she’s upset she didn’t see me.

  That was the point.

  I know. : (

  I bought something to remind me of being near you.

  Me too! Wow, E! We really do think alike.

  We really do. But before I have a chance to tell her that, she continues.

  You know what they say about great minds…

  Yes, I know I have a great mind.

  I love joking around with her. Humor is the very foundation of what we’ve built. I’ve grown to know her over the many months and countless hours we’ve been texting and even though we’ve never verbally spoken, I feel like I really know who she is.

  That you do. But seriously, I had fun on our first official date. I couldn’t stop smiling!

  I had fun too, Dee.

  I did what you asked and checked out the people around me. It was really entertaining. I love people watching and it was fun doing it with a purpose.

  We spend the next several minutes texting and laughing about the people we saw and I’m delighted we both saw the hippie couple and the gym rats. When I have us text each other as the hippies I keep having to put the phone down because I’m laughing so hard I’m crying. When I recover enough to text again, I realized I want to be near her again but she beats me to the punch.

  We should do it again.

  Are you asking me out on another date?

  I smile at the thought that she wants to be near me again.

  Yes!

  I accept. When and where? Your pick.

  The Manhattan Beach Hometown Fair is coming up at the beginning of October. I’m thinking then.

  I’ll be there!

  Oh yay! I also want us to buy each other another gift, E. Let’s make it a thing so when we see it, we’ll think of each other. Just make sure to keep it somewhere private; for our eyes only, you know?

  OH! I want to do this too. So I text quickly hoping she’ll like this idea.

  I just came up with another brilliant idea.

  Oh, God, I’m afraid to ask!

  No, Dee, you’ll like this.

  OKAAAY?

  I know the thought of me having an idea always makes her nervous. We keep each other on our toes.

  I want us to leave each other a treat.

  In one of our many texts, we talked about our favorite junk food, which led to what we’d eat if we were at a fair, carnival, or amusement park. She cringed at my choice but I firmly stand behind it. Blue cotton candy rocks!

  You buy me some of the fabulous blue cotton candy I love and I’ll get you a caramel apple with chocolate on it. Let’s hide it behind the caramel apple concession stand. We’re going to be at the fair from 12:00-2:00 so I’ll go first. I’ll buy and hide your treat at noon, while I get one for myself. Then at one, you get your apple and leave me my cotton candy and at two, I’ll pick my cotton candy up. Good idea, right?!

  Why would I leave you a treat if you already bought one for yourself? And look at you buying yourself a caramel apple. Finally developing a sophisticated sweet tooth, E?

  Dee, we both know I already have a sophisticated sweet tooth and
you know very well blue cotton candy is a sophisticated sweet treat. You can never have enough of this perfect dessert. And as far as the caramel apples go, I’m a convert. They really are good.

  You’re delusional and, yes, I’m quite aware of your “sophisticated” sweet tooth. It’s about time you learned what a real treat tastes like. And I love that idea.

  Her sarcasm makes me laugh. I could go on and on about the merits of blue cotton candy but I want this even more.

  Good, then you’ll love this one too. Save your treat until we text each other so we can eat them together.

  It’s going to kill me knowing she’s going to be at a certain place at a specific time. It would be so easy to see what she looks like and to actually meet her in person. So near, yet so far away.

  Absolutely, I can’t wait. The next fair can’t come soon enough, I miss you already.

  I couldn’t agree more.

  She stops texting so I set my special phone down, but before I leave the room, it pings.

  You know it’s almost been a year.

  What the fuck! My mind starts wandering to this time last year and my mood instantly plummets. I can’t believe it’s been almost a year since the accident and I can’t believe she needs to address this. I’m finally in a decent place but her bringing this up—making me think about it—I can feel myself falling back down the rabbit hole. I don’t want to go there so she’s only going to get the bare minimum out of me.

  I know.

  We need to talk about this.

  No, Dee! We really don’t.

  We really fucking don’t!

  Yes, we do! We need to think about packing up their things.

  I took what I needed when I moved out of my house but left everything else exactly as it was. I have no intention of ever going back there. Let alone, boxing up their things. But she’s right. Damn it!

  I know.

  She knows me well enough by now to know when I’m shutting down and I know her well enough to know when she’s about to push. It’s been a long time since she’s done that. She’s helped me through my pain in the past, she got me to have Thanksgiving dinner with my relatives and she got me to start building furniture again. Even though I don’t want to do this, every push has helped me move forward. I trust her and I’m going to let her help me get through this too.

  Babe, I know you’re shutting down. I know you and I’m here.

  Dee, you’re right. This is just too hard!

  We NEED to do this. The end of the month is going to be brutal for both of us but it’ll be worse if their things are lying around.

  I know.

  EEEEE!

  Dee, I haven’t stepped foot in that house since the day I moved out. It’s going to be like walking into a house full of ghosts and I’m petrified!

  Babe, we’ll do this together. Every single step of the way. Like we always do. We’ll start off with my house and see how it goes.

  She told me how her husband’s things are still in her closet, her bathroom, and scattered around her house. How it gives her a sense of comfort and how scared she is of losing that. She’s incredibly strong but everyone has their limit.

  I’m not going to say those two words you don’t want to hear so instead I’ll just say okay.

  Okay?

  Yes, we both know they aren’t coming back and it has to be done but DAMN IT, DEE! This is still so fucking hard!

  It’s just us! Dee and E, and together we can do anything. But, first things first, let’s just be excited about the fair.

  I love you, babe.

  I love how she can sense when I’m struggling. She helps me as much as I help her and I know that together, we can get through anything.

  I love you too, E. Forever!

  We’ve exchanged several texts since Fiesta Hermosa. We both can’t wait for the next fair but we’re both dreading the packing and anniversary. We’ve talked about meeting in person but we’re both too afraid to lose the strong connection we’ve developed. We’ve picked each other up off the ground and put each other back together more times than I can count. We’ve done that since the first text and it only happened because we did it together.

  That being said… I can’t wait to be near her again. I felt her at Fiesta Hermosa. I know we were both in the same place at around the same time because we both saw the same people. So yeah, I’m looking forward to the Hometown Fair and I hope they sell dream-catchers. As far as the rest goes—I hope that one day in the future we can really meet, but for now not meeting is more urgent because I know that very soon, we’re going to need each other.

  My daughter just left with my in-laws for the weekend.

  I can’t believe I’m going to be packing up Scott’s things tomorrow. I know he isn’t coming back but I don’t think I’ll ever be ready to not see his things mixed with mine; I’m still not ready to let him go.

  I know you’re not ready. We’ll be together every step of the way.

  I love how well he knows me. Just seeing his words, and knowing I have his support, makes all the difference in the world. He makes it okay to keep moving forward.

  You’re right. I’m not ready, I’m panic stricken! I know he isn’t coming back but DAMN IT, E! This isn’t right. We shouldn’t have to be doing this!

  I completely agree, and I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be here to hold your hand through the entire thing. YOU’RE SAFE!

  Can you come over tomorrow? Please?! I’ll just text you my address and wait with your bottle of Johnnie Walker, my bottle of Patron, and a couple boxes of tissues… I’ll wait!

  Ahhh, sweetheart, I love you and there’s nothing I’d rather do—

  He doesn’t get to finish his text. His answer is unacceptable. My thumbs fly over the keypad at warp speed. I don’t want his excuses, I want him!

  Don’t say it, E! There is no “but”! You CAN come over to my house. This stupid rule of ours is complete BULLSHIT! I can’t stop crying. I FUCKING NEED YOU!

  You’re breaking my heart, Dee, but you know we can’t. We need each other too much right now to cross that line. We still have harder things ahead of us. Things we can only get through if we’re together. Please know though, I’m here. Maybe not physically but I’m right here with you! Me, Mr. Walker, and that stupid box of Betsy Johnson tissues you made me buy.

  HAH! Only you could make me laugh through my tears. And even though I don’t like it, I understand.

  Try to get some rest tonight, sweetheart. Tomorrow’s going to be a hard day.

  He’s absolutely right, tomorrow’s going to be brutal.

  I didn’t sleep a wink last night—I couldn’t. E and I spent the entire night texting. We talked about what we’ve been through and planned out what we still have in front of us. We set up all the moving boxes and got everything in place. We also discussed our rule about not meeting. I love that he’s here with me and right now I’ll take him anyway I can have him. His love and support is what’s kept me going since the accident. But damn it! It would be so great to actually have him here, in my arms. I know it will happen. One day we’re going to get through this, healthy and whole, and he will end up in my arms.

  I make myself a pot of coffee and check that all the moving boxes are still in place. I make sure there are plenty of boxes of tissues ready; I’m so going to need them. I also have my bottle of Patron open with a shot glass waiting to be filled. I know it’s too damn early to drink but I really don’t give a shit. This is the hardest thing I’ve had to do since the funeral. Though the difference is, this time I have E. I have his love and support and I know he has a bottle of Johnnie Walker ready so I won’t be drinking alone, at least after this shot. I down my first shot. Breakfast of champions and all that. But in reality, it’s been a long time since I’ve had to numb myself. Right after I push the cork back into the bottle, my phone pings.

  Are you up, babe?

  Yes, but you’re supposed to be sleeping.

  I couldn’t sleep. I know you’re upset and n
ervous. I tried to sleep but when you’re hurting, I’m hurting.

  I love you for that, and I know we planned everything out and got everything in place but I’m still not ready to do this.

  Not even close.

  Dee! I’m going to guide you through this. It’ll be just as if I’m standing next to you. I know you won’t be able to say much so when I ask just use the letter “K” so I know you’re with me.

  K.

  Switch your phone to voice command and hold out your free arm and open your hand. Take my hand and hold it.

  I do as he says, then extend my arm and close my fingers, just as I would if I were holding his hand.

  K.

  That’s it, Dee! I’m clasping my hand around yours and squeezing it. I feel your hand in mine. Do you feel mine?

  I can feel your hand but I’m scared, E. I can’t do this. Why are we doing this?

  I know you’re scared, sweetheart. But we both know we have to do this. I’m here holding your hand. Let’s walk into your room. Tell me when you’re there.

  I try to walk into my room. I sleep here every night but right now my legs won’t work.

  I’m here. Oh God, E!

  I know, baby. Are you looking at your closet?

  I’m still frozen by the door as I text to answer him.

  Yes.

  Good job! We have all the boxes we set up last night and I know we put one by the closet. Let’s go in, together.

  K.

  I suck in a large breath and squeeze my hand tighter against his for support. Then I walk into the closet, grasping E’s hand like a lifeline.

  I’m in.

  It’s crazy how many times I’ve been in here over these past horrible months and was okay with it; but now I’m not.

  No, we’re in. I’m in here with you. Feel my presence, Dee. Feel my support. I’ve got you!

  Oh God…

  We’re in.

  Good girl! I’m going to let go of your hand now so you can grab his clothes. Put your phone on the table we set up.

  I take a deep breath and do as he says.