How Sweet the Sound

by Vanessa Miller

  When the choir sat down, Pastor Landon took the podium and began preaching like a man with a cause. Today it felt like his message was for her and her alone, as he preached about God’s spirit departing from King Saul because of Saul’s dis-

  obedience. From the time she belted out her first song of praise, Shar knew that her voice was only meant for gospel music, and now that she had ignored the call on her life, she too felt as though God’s spirit had departed from her. Even though Pastor Landon had cut too close to home, Shar was still grateful that she was able to hear Landon preach. He inspired her in so many ways.

  When the service ended, Shar stayed behind so she could thank him for the words he’d delivered straight to her heart. So she stayed in her seat waiting for him to shake hands and provide well wishes to all of the parishioners who stopped by to talk to him before leaving the church.

  Once most of the church members had filed out of the building, Shar was about to make her way over to Landon, but that’s when Nettie grabbed hold of his arm and whispered in his ear. Landon leaned his head back, looked at Nettie, and the two of them shared a great big old belly laugh.

  Shar wanted to know what Nettie had said to cause Landon to laugh so. And why was she the one to put that smile on his face? Shar could hardly stand to watch the two of them. She got out of her seat and made her way to the door without saying anything to Landon. She would have to thank him for the beautiful sermon on another occasion. Because she truly felt as if she would break down and cry right in front of him and Nettie if she stayed there one second longer.

  As she reached the door, Shar heard Landon call after her. “Hey, Shar, don’t go yet. I wanted to talk to you.”

  She turned and watched him walk away from Nettie as he headed in her direction. Shar’s heart began to race, just as it had in times past while in Landon’s presence. He just had that kind of affect on her. She wished he didn’t, but she hadn’t figured out yet how to tell her heart what to do and who to love. “I was waiting on you because I wanted to tell you how wonderful your sermon was,” Shar said as she glanced in Nettie’s direction. Catching the irritated look on the woman’s face, she continued, “But I didn’t know how long you would be, so I figured I would just get on home.”

  “How are your patients doing?”

  “Daddy is still pretty frail and weak. But Mama seems to be getting better day by day.”

  “That’s good.” Landon stood there, looking as if he didn’t know what to say next.

  Shar said, “You wanted to speak with me about something?”

  “Oh yeah.” He touched her arm, guiding her back toward the sanctuary chairs. “Can you sit down with me for a few minutes? I’d like to talk to you about something.”

  With each step she took, Shar dreamed that Landon wanted to tell her that he was still in love with her and couldn’t live without her one second longer. As they sat down on the front bench, Shar leaned forward, a look of expectation on her face.

  Landon cleared his throat. He appeared to hesitate as if choosing his words carefully. The sanctuary was cleared out, and the only person remaining was Nettie. She was in the choir stand busying herself with a bunch of nothing.

  Go on, Landon. Tell me that you still love me.

  “You know about the project we’ve been working on at this church for the last few years, right?”

  Well, his words didn’t sound anything like, “I love you and I want you back.” But maybe he was doing a little small talk before letting her know what was in his heart. “Of course, yes, I remember. You’ve been trying to get decent housing for people in our community.”

  “Here’s the thing,” Landon began. “The NAACP has agreed to help us with a lawsuit against the city, but first we need to have at least ten qualified candidates for home ownership . . . we’ve got that. But we also need to have the money available for each of those families to be able to purchase their homes. We don’t have enough money yet.”

  Shar’s hand went to her heart, truly feeling pain for Landon’s dilemma. “But you’ve worked so hard on this. Isn’t there some way you can come up with the money needed to get those people into a nice home.” Shar understood firsthand the benefits of not just having a place to lay your head, but also having a nice and decent place. The people in this community work hard night and day. Wasn’t it time for some of those better days to come their way?

  Clasping his hands together, like a man with a plan, Landon said, “That’s why I wanted to talk to you.” Landon looked to the choir stand and began waving Nettie over to where they were seated. “Could you come over here for a moment, Sister Johnson?”

  Why was he inviting Nettie into their conversation? Did Landon not have anything special he wanted to say to her? She knew that Nettie was now working as his office assistant or something, but did that mean he couldn’t carry on a conversation without her? Exactly how close were Landon and Nettie these days? All these musings went through her head, but no answers were forthcoming as she watched Nettie trot over to them.

  Landon smiled at Nettie again, as if he was just so pleased to be in her company. He then turned back to Shar. “Nettie’s father has agreed to help us with promotions and tickets sales for a fund-raiser that he suggested. And I wanted to talk to you about it because we would be mighty grateful if you helped us with it.”

  She could fry chicken with the best of ’em. Bring on the fund-raiser. Maybe helping someone else would take her mind off of her own troubles. “I’d love to help with a fund-raiser. I think what you’re doing to help our people is commendable. And if I can help in some small way, then I’m thankful to God for that.”

  “I’m glad you feel that way, Shar. The choir is going to begin rehearsing for the fund-raiser next week, so that will give you a little more time to get things settled at home before worrying about any obligations to the church.”

  Shar lifted up her hands, trying to back the conversation up. “Wait a minute, I might of missed something. The choir is doing the fund-raiser?”

  “Of course the choir is doing the fund-raiser, silly. Why else do you think we need your help?” Nettie said as if Shar was good for nothing else.

  “I thought we might be doing chicken dinners or a fish fry. I’ve helped Mother Barnett with those kind of fund-raisers at the church,” Shar said.

  “The Mothers’ Board has always been willing to do fund-

  raisers when we’ve needed them. But unfortunately, the most we’ve raised with one of our dinners has been forty dollars,” Landon told her.

  “We’ve made more than that,” Shar declared. She wanted to do anything but get back in the choir and have everyone see that she couldn’t sing the way she used to. “We raised nearly seventy dollars with one of the fund-raisers I helped out with.”

  Nettie had no patience for Shar. She rolled her eyes heavenward and then told her, “The food cost money, the plates cost money . . . forks and spoons aren’t free.”

  Landon’s head whipped around to face Nettie. “What’s gotten into you? This is no way to talk to someone we need help from.”

  Nettie’s head dropped low. “Sorry, Pastor.”

  Landon turned back to Shar. “What Nettie was trying to say is that there is a cost associated with those kind of fund-raisers. And to be honest, they just don’t make the kind of money that we need right now.”

  “How much money do you need, Pastor Landon,” Shar asked as if she could write him a check on the spot.

  “In order to qualify all ten people, we need several thousands of dollars. That’s why we were hoping that if we spread the word that Shar Gracey would be singing at a United Worship Center fund-raiser, we’d be able to at least get a bit closer to what we need.” The look on Landon’s face was hopeful.

  But Shar didn’t have much hope in her heart concerning her abilities. “Nobody’s gon’ pay good money to come hear me sing.”

  Landon’s eyes lit up as he encouraged her, “Are you kidding, Shar? Word has been spreading aroun
d town about you. People who heard you sing in other towns have now moved right here in Chicago, and they always have good things to say about Shar Gracey’s singing.”

  “And the people who’ve heard you sing at the nightclubs will most likely buy a ticket also,” Nettie added.

  Shar’s eyes grew wide as she looked from Nettie to Landon. “You know about that?”

  Landon nodded. “I’ve been praying for you.”

  Oh God, he knows, he knows what I’ve done.

  “We’re all praying for you, Shar. None of us ever imagined that you would lose your religion. But I guess being on that tour without your mama to guide you caused you to do all sorts of ungodly things.” Nettie was smirking as she cut Shar with each unkind word.

  Landon gave Nettie the eye. “That’s enough. No one is accusing Shar of being ungodly.”

  Shar popped out of her seat. “I got to go.”

  “I’ll walk you home,” Landon told her. “But can we talk about the choir event first?”

  Shaking her head as tears formed in her eyes, Shar told him, “I don’t need you to walk me home, and I’m sorry but I won’t be able to help with the fund-raiser.” She rushed out of the church before the tears rolled down her face. Because she now knew why Landon didn’t look at her the same anymore. He was too holy and righteous to ever want a woman who could turn her back on the gospel music she claimed to love to go sing blues and jazz songs. Shar was full of shame and guilt for what she’d done. She wanted to change, wanted to turn back to God, but it seemed like God just kept pushing her away.

  When she arrived home, she sat on the porch trying to get herself together. Wiping the tears from her face, she lifted her face to the heavens and decided to have a little talk with Jesus, because she needed some answers. “When will Your punishments end? I never should’ve gone off on my own and done the things that I did. But why won’t You just let me repent and come back to You?” Wrapping her arms around herself, she then asked, “Will I ever feel or know the love You have for me ever again?”

  27

  The nerve of that Shar Gracey,” Nettie said to no one in particular as she walked into her house and threw her purse on the sofa.

  Her mother came out of the kitchen carrying a bowl of mashed potatoes. “What’s got you in an uproar now?”

  “That Shar Gracey,” Nettie yelled through the house again.

  “Come on in here and help me get the dinner on the table and you can tell me and your daddy all about it,” Nettie’s mama said.

  Nettie followed her mother into the kitchen, put the green beans in a bowl, and took them to the table, while her mother brought the roast and bread rolls. They all sat down at the dining room table, and then Raymond said, “I heard you screaming about Shar Gracey when you came in the house. What’s got you so upset with that young lady?”

  “I don’t mean to be uncharitable, Daddy. It’s just that Landon and I have worked so hard on this home ownership project, with very little help from anyone else.”

  Her father interrupted her, “I offered to help Pastor Landon with a fund-raiser. I know you think we have endless money and I should just write Pastor Landon a check. But the truth of the matter is, I’ve had to spend almost all of our savings on my latest election. My opponent has acquired financial backing from a few of my enemies who want to see me out of public office.”

  “I’m not blaming you, Daddy.” Nettie patted her father’s hand as it lay on top of the table. “But I thought you came up with an awfully good idea about the fund-raiser. And Landon asked Shar if she would help us raise money for our housing project, and she flatly refused to help.”

  “Isn’t that something,” Loraine said while fixing her husband’s plate and sitting it down in front of him.

  “Sounds like little miss Shar done traveled the world and got too big for her britches,” Raymond said.

  Loraine handed Nettie her plate and then sat down with her own. Nettie said, “Well anyway, now we’re going to have to come up with another fund-raiser, even after Pastor Landon told that girl that chicken dinners ain’t making us no money.”

  Loraine pointed a finger at her daughter. “Nettie Johnson, what have I told you about using ‘ain’t’ in this house?”

  “I’m sorry, Mama. I’m just so mad about the whole situation that I can barely think straight. But oh well, I guess we’ll just keep on selling dinners and hope for the best.”

  Raymond said grace over the food, and then while they were eating, he said, “I think you had it right the first time. Chicken dinners ain’t making no money. And they won’t help your daddy with this upcoming election.”

  “How would the choir fund-raiser help you win the State Representative seat?” Loraine asked her husband.

  “Well,” Raymond rested his back against the high-backed chair and used a toothpick to get a piece of roast beef that lodged between his teeth. “The way I see it is if I’m the one printing the flyers and helping promote this event, my name ought to go on those flyers somewhere. That way the good people in our district will be able to see that I’m a man of the people, willing to lend a hand when needed.”

  “That would be wonderful, Daddy, except for one thing. Without Shar we won’t be putting on that fund-raiser. I’m sure we have singers in our choir who are just as good as Shar, but none of us have toured with Thomas Dorsey,” Nettie said.

  “And that’s exactly why Shar Gracey is going to rejoin the choir at United Worship Center whether she likes it or not.”

  Nettie put her fork down and stared at her father. She had a lot of respect for him, but if Landon—the same man Shar had been trading letter with—couldn’t get her to do it, she seriously doubted that her father would have much luck. “She ran out of church, all fired mad because I mentioned her nightclub singing. I’m sorry if what I said to her ruined your plans.”

  “You didn’t ruin nothing. I will get Shar back in that choir, I can promise you that.”

  “And just how do you plan to do that?”

  “Don’t you worry about it Baby-Girl. Your daddy has a few tricks up his sleeve.”

  Shar didn’t work at the beauty salon on Mondays, so she got up bright and early, fixed oatmeal for her parents, and then started on the washing. Once she had that under control, Shar went back in to check on her parents.

  “So how are my patients doing this afternoon? Are you two ready for some lunch?”

  “Girl, you just fixed us breakfast a couple of hours ago. Hold your horses and let me do some work today,” Marlene said as she sat on the side of the bed, feet planted on the floor, but she hadn’t pushed herself off the bed yet.

  Her father was lying on the right side of the bed, his head propped on a pillow as he eyed Marlene. “Your mama’s been hacking all night. She wants me to believe that she’s all right, but I’m not so sure.”

  Marlene waved away his concern. “Stop all this fussing over me, Johnny. I told you that I’m going to keep my heavy housecoat on when I’m walking through this house.”

  “No, no,” Johnny said while hitting the mattress with his fist. That single act seemed to drain him so much that he took several deep breaths before speaking again. “Shar, I want you to go down to that church and tell Pastor Landon that we are mighty grateful for the work them church folks did on the house. But if he could send a few more men here to put the plastic on the windows I’d make sure to pay each one of them something as soon as I can get out of this bed.”

  “Oh, Daddy, please don’t make me do that.” Shar hated denying her father his simple request. Johnny Gracey didn’t like asking nobody to do nothing for him that he couldn’t do for himself. So, for him to ask Shar to get help for the windows, she knew that her father was still feeling poorly. And his concern for her mama’s health was outweighing his never-ask-nobody-for-nothing attitude.

  “What’s wrong with you, girl? You belong to that church don’t you . . . been putting money in the collection plate?” Johnny stopped talking, took a deep breath as
if something was hurting him, and then continued, “Pastor Landon won’t mind providing us the help we need.”

  “Look at you, speaking good about a preacher,” Marlene joked, because her husband didn’t trust too many people outside of his own family.

  “He’s a good man,” Johnny fired back.

  “How would you know, Johnny Gracey? You don’t even go down to that church when you’ve got Sundays off and just sitting around the house waiting on me to feed you.”

  Her parents fussed about one thing or another at least two or three times a week, but the love bond between them was unbreakable so Shar mostly ignored the fussing. Johnny turned back to Shar. “I want to know why you can’t do as I ask.”

  With shoulders slumped, Shar sat down on the edge of the bed to be closer to her parents. She confessed, “The truth is that Landon just asked me to help out with a musical fundraiser at the church by singing in the choir. But I told him that I was too busy helping out at home to sing in the choir.” She didn’t look her parents in the eye as she finished her confession. Her eyes were on her hands as they rested in her lap.

  “What has gotten into you that you suddenly don’t want anything to do with singing?” Marlene questioned.

  “With you and Daddy under the weather, I’ve got a lot that needs to be done right here, Mama. I can’t be concerning myself with no choir.”

  “But you love singing in that choir,” Johnny added.

  Without looking up, Shar said, “Maybe I just don’t love it the same way I used to.” Shrugging her shoulders as she stood back up, she added, “I’m a grown woman now, and I think it’s high time for me to start thinking about getting married and raising a family, like Mama always talks about, rather than chasing a dream that ain’t never gon’ come true.”