Amorous Redemption

by Faye Hall

  Lying on top of her, their desires momentarily sated, he supported his weight on his forearms; the feel of her soft thighs wrapped around him filled him with more pleasure than he knew existed. Lightly he kissed the nape of her neck.

  “You are a beautiful woman, Phoebe,” he whispered as he caressed her skin, tasting her slight saltiness on his tongue. “You are…”

  His words trailed off, the reality of what had just happened between them and the consequences that would follow becoming evident. This wasn’t why he had sought this woman out.

  “Can you get off me now, Duncan?” she asked as her hands slightly pushed at his shoulders.

  Lifting his head, he looked at her confused, his eyes studying her own. “Phoebe—I—I—”

  Again she pushed at his shoulders, a little more persistent this time. “Get off me, Duncan...please…”

  He did as he was bid, though his eyes never left her. He stood and quickly fastened his jeans. He watched as she stood and tried to discretely put her trousers back on. She reached around for her discarded shift and shirt, acting as if nothing had just happened between them.

  Closing the distance between them, he reached out to her, his hand resting on her elbow. Leaning into her, he rested his other hand around her waist, and held her back against him with his lips close to her ear. He knew she was trying to ignore him and what they had just shared, but he would be damned if he would let her.

  “You can pretend to be the proper lady—pretend nothing happened, but I have the bite marks on my chest to prove it did, Phoebe.”

  Duncan kissed just below her ear lobe, not ignorant to the nearly instant shudder that went through her upon his action.

  “You wanted what just happen as bad as I did, Phoebe. You begged me—”

  She turned quickly around, pulled away from his hold, and slapped him hard across the cheek.

  “How dare you!”

  Reaching for her, he grabbed her by the wrist, his hold on her tight, and his irritation at her behaviour obvious.

  “I dare, Miss Porter, because it was you who followed me down here.”

  She held his stare for a minute, and finally pulled herself free from his hold. Stepping away from him, she couldn’t help but wince at the sudden pain the filled her slit between her thighs.

  “I didn’t mean to hurt you,” he said, his tone soft as he went to reach out to her. “I just didn’t expect…”

  Phoebe evaded his grasp. “Don’t touch me!”

  Turning then, she ran back in the direction of their temporary camp.

  * * * * *

  Phoebe was quiet as they gathered their things to again set off easterly toward her hometown. In truth, she wasn’t mad at Duncan, not so much as she was unsure what she should say to him now. What did one say to the man who had taken your virginity? Feeling very ambivalent about the whole situation, she admitted to herself that she had no idea what was expected of her.

  She doubted he expected confessions of love or the like, though surely what they had shared ensured a certain level of intimacy to now exist between them. This was a level of commitment she wasn’t ready for, nor had she planned to share this with the man who was essentially her captor.

  “You can talk to me you know,” Duncan reminded her as he righted himself in the saddle behind her. “I don’t bite.”

  Directing the horse to move on slowly, he rubbed at the slight stinging pain on his chest. “It appears though that you do bite, Phoebe.”

  She hung her head in shame, embarrassed by her actions. “I’m sorry, Duncan. I tend not to make a habit out of biting men I barely know.”

  She felt his arm go around her waist. His hand rested affectionately against her flat stomach as he pushed her back firmly against him.

  “Are you really sorry, Phoebe?” he asked, his tone so soft that it made her stomach flutter.

  She knew she should ignore his question, but still she couldn’t. She found herself shaking her head in reply to his question.

  “No, I’m not sorry, Duncan,” she finally rasped out, her words barely more than a whisper as she looked out across the landscape before them. “I know I should be—but I’m not sorry at all.”

  Silence surrounded them again, and Phoebe’s thoughts drifted back to their shared passions. She had heard talk over the years of the relationships that existed between men and women, both married and common, and she had always dreaded the day she would have to lie with a man. But now, having been held so affectionately in his arms hours before, as his lips caressed every inch of her, driving her to pleasures she never dreamed existed, she found herself aching to again feel such rapture.

  They had been on the road for almost an hour, her thoughts and memories of what had happened with Duncan plagued her mind.

  “Ph-Phoebe—” he stammered behind her, his tone sounding uncertain. “About what happened before…”

  * * * * *

  Duncan sat behind Phoebe, as they travelled steadily east, all too aware as to the closeness of their bodies. He knew he never should have laid a hand on her; he certainly should never have taken her purity. But even now he knew he couldn’t have stopped himself.

  Never had a woman tempted him as she did, her soft scent of Jasmine clung to him like she was now a part of him. He didn’t want this though, nor could he afford it. He needed to get this woman home and back to her family before he became involved with her and her wanting any kind of relationship with him—a relationship he just couldn’t handle at the moment.

  He knew she wouldn’t understand his reasons. He wouldn’t be able to explain them to her either. It wasn’t that he didn’t find her attractive because he did, but regardless of that, he knew he was in no position to be tied to any woman or try to partake in any form of a relationship. All he had to offer any woman was pain and instability, and he needed to make that clear to this woman before she started getting any ideas to the different.

  He needed her to know that what had happened between them, the passions they had shared, could never happen again.

  “Ph-Phoebe” Duncan stammered behind her, his arm still around her waist. He needed to hold her close against him…needed to hold her to him one last time. “About what happened before…”

  She stiffened in his arms and he knew instantly that she was preparing herself for his rejection. He knew of no way to make her understand this was no rejection, rather a gentle reminder to them both about exactly who and what they were, as well as the true reason why they were out here in the North Queensland outback together.

  “I’m sorry I came looking for you down at the waterhole before, Duncan. I was just scared to be left alone out here. I doubt you are the only man sent to try and find me and I’m not yet sure I would be safer in their company or in yours.”

  Though he tried, he couldn’t ignore the slight stab of hurt her words caused him.

  “About what happened after you came looking for me, Phoebe…,” he tried again, needing to explain. “I shouldn’t have...I mean, I should have….”

  Feeling a fool for tripping over his words with this woman like some green youth, he shook his head and took a steadying sigh as he prepared what he should say in his own mind.

  Suddenly he felt her hand rest gently on his own where it sat on her stomach. Lacing her fingers with his, she carefully pulled his hand away from her.

  “Nothing happened, Duncan,” she confessed. “You warned me not to spy on you. That was all.”

  He found himself laughing slightly at what he was hearing. He had made women react many a way after sharing a bed with them, but never had any managed to forget completely what had happened.

  “I seem to remember something other than ‘nothing’ happening, Phoebe.”

  He didn’t mean for his words to come out so harsh, but nor could he stop it. Her dismissal of their joined physical passions angered him.

  “Duncan,” she said again, her tone serious. “Nothing happened, and that’s exactly what I will tell my family.�
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  “And what will you tell your fiancé I wonder?” he asked, spitting the cruel words at her. “What excuse will you give him for your missing innocence?”

  “I hardly see that is any of your business!” she shouted at him.

  He pulled the horse to a halt.

  “Damn it, Phoebe! It bloody well is my business when I’m the one who took your purity instead of him!” Duncan yelled, as his annoyance at her constant denial consumed him.

  Swinging her leg over the horses head, she dismounted the horse and began walking away from him. He quickly followed her knowing he couldn’t allow her to escape.

  “You get back here!” he yelled at her, reaching out to her and pulling her back to him. “What will you tell him?” He again demanded. “How will you explain the loss of your purity on your wedding night?”

  Phoebe glared at his hand where it held her. “I shan’t tell him you took it, if that’s what you’re worried about, Duncan.”

  “Took it?” he asked. “I seem to remember you giving it to me more than willingly!”

  Lifting her free hand, she struck it hard across his cheek.

  “You bastard!”

  He captured that hand too and pulled her to him, their faces a breath apart.

  “You came looking for me, Phoebe” he reminded her. “You begged me.”

  She looked at him then, their stares joined, tears filling her eyes.

  “And you took what you wanted, Duncan.”

  He couldn’t speak, for he knew what she said was not entirely a lie. He desired this woman as he had no other.

  She struggled against his now loosening hold and pulled her arms free. “Nothing happened, Duncan. You have been paid to take me back to my family and that is what will happen. Nothing more. I’m a pay check to you, Duncan. And that is all I am.”

  He watched her then as she walked back to the horse and took her place in the saddle.

  “We need to get going before it’s time to make camp for the night. If I remember rightly there should be a waterhole up ahead an hour or so. Runs off from the Burdekin River I believe.”

  He walked slowly toward her. “Most of the waterholes out here are dried up at this time of year.”

  Waiting for him to sit in the saddle behind her, she glanced back at him. “This one should still be full of water, at least it was on my way through to Ravenswood.”

  Starting the horse moving again, he thought over what she had just said.

  “How well do you know this area, Phoebe?”

  “My family has travelled from Inkerman station to Ravenswood delivering supplies for most of my life. I’m probably more familiar with the area than even you are.”

  “Yet you claim to have come in search of me out of fear of being alone?” he asked.

  Phoebe nodded. “I don’t fear the area, Duncan—at least not so much as I fear the people who live in it.”

  “Do you mean the aboriginals or people like your family?” he asked.

  She didn’t answer him, nor did he expect her to.

  “Honey, why don’t you want to go back to your family?” Duncan asked.

  “It doesn’t matter,” she replied, her tone sounding defeated.

  “Are they the reason you were in that hotel in Ravenswood?” he persisted, knowing he needed to get to the truth behind this woman. She was hiding something from him and he needed now more than ever to find out what that was.

  Phoebe shook her head.

  “What about the fight I saw you in?” he asked. “The one with the bartender.”

  “That was just a misunderstanding that got out of hand,” she replied. “A drunk mistook me for a working girl.”

  Duncan knew he should just leave things at that, but there was something else he knew she wasn’t telling him. There was something about this woman that he needed to know to be able to understand her actions.

  “Why did you run away from your family?” he finally asked, sensing this might be the source of everything.

  She glanced over her shoulder back at him. “Surely they told you when you were hired to come find me?”

  He shook his head. “I was merely told I had to find you as your family were distraught that you had run out on them, not to mention the poor man you ran out on too.”

  “Poor man my arse!” Phoebe spat.

  “Excuse me?” Duncan asked confused.

  “That poor man as you call him doesn’t care about me. I’m just a means to an end for him.”

  He was confused. “How can you say that?” he asked. “I mean, this man is willing to marry you, to share your life...to share your bed. Even if the marriage is arranged, how could he not care about you?”

  She didn’t try to turn back around to look at him. “We’ve shared a bed, Duncan. That doesn’t mean you care about me.”

  “Phoebe, what happened between us…”

  She shook her head. “It doesn’t matter, Duncan. What matters though is that we have shared more with each other both in and out of bed than I ever have, or most likely ever will, with my fiancé.”

  He wasn’t sure what he should say to her comment.

  “Maybe it’s just easier with me because I’m a nobody and you aren’t required to spend the rest of your life with me.”

  Phoebe shook her head again. “No, Duncan, it’s not easier with you. Fact is, I care more what you think of me then my betrothed ever has.”

  Again he settled his hands on her flat stomach. “Yet you will still marry this man when you go back home?”

  She shrugged. “I had thought if I could get far enough away from my home, I would never have to see him again, certainly not marry him. But then you found me, Duncan, and all that changed.”

  * * * * *

  “We need to set up camp,” Duncan ordered a few hours later when they stopped again.

  Phoebe only nodded at him. She didn’t want to talk. In truth she couldn’t because she felt so foolish for having surrendered her virginity to this man, this stranger, so willingly. Feeling him behind her, she dare not turn around. Feeling his fingers rubbing slightly through the thin fabric of her shirt against the back of her arms, she felt her breath catch in her throat.

  “You don’t have to ignore me you know,” he muttered softly from behind her. “We’ve still got to be on the road at least a couple more days and you giving me the silent treatment is going to make that seem like eternity.”

  Despite the feelings she was fighting inside of herself, Phoebe turned and smiled at him. “I’m not trying to ignore you, Duncan. I fear I’m only tired from the heat and the constant travelling.”

  His hand fell away from her. “I’ll fix us something to eat and you can retire for the evening.”

  She shook her head, and turned away from him. She gathered her bedding and began to find a place she could rest.

  “I’m not hungry, Duncan.”

  With that she set up her bed for the night and lying upon it, shut her eyes, her heart aching.

  * * * * *

  Duncan went about building the fire for the night, more to keep the mosquitoes at bay for the night rather than for the heat, the woman travelling with him never too far from his mind. Phoebe had been very distant from him since their lustful encounter at the waterhole, and though he could understand why, it pained him slightly at the distance she had put between them.

  Glancing over to where she lay on her bedding, he couldn’t help but think she looked similar to a wounded creature, and it upset him to know that he was at least partially to blame for her state. After all, he had taken her offered affections and purity then told her it could never happen again.

  Duncan knew she must be thinking he had turned down her affections and, in a sense, rejected her advances but he knew things couldn’t have been further from the truth. Part of him wanted nothing more than to take this woman’s offered affections as often as she offered them, but his logic reminded him that this was an indulgence he couldn’t afford.

  He couldn’t
lay with Phoebe again.

  He had to ignore any and all advances she made toward him no matter what.

  He had to do this.

  He had to return her to her home town and to her family or he wouldn’t get his money, money he needed or he would lose everything he had ever owned. He feared, too, that should he keep bedding her, he would form an emotional attachment to her or her to him. This couldn’t happen for it would only make things worse for both of them.

  Closing his eyes, Duncan found himself wondering though what harm it could do to indulge in a consensual expression of physical attraction with this woman if such was her wish? After all her purity was already gone, so to lay with her again—

  Cursing himself a fool, he reminded himself what had happened last time he had thought to have such a casual relationship with a woman, and what had happened to her.

  Such a fate wasn’t something he thought he could bare to see bestowed upon someone like Phoebe.

  Going to his bedding, Duncan lay down, his shirt unbuttoned, the cool night air refreshing on his skin. Before he shut his eyes, he glanced at her once more, and cursed himself for having hurt her. She was so very beautiful…far more beautiful than any woman he had ever laid with before—far more beautiful than a man like he deserved.

  Letting his eyes drift shut, he wondered how he would make himself ignore Phoebe’s sensuality now he knew just how sweet she tasted on his lips. Feeling heat rushing to his groin, he knew ignoring this woman would be easier said than done.

  Duncan woke up barely an hour later hearing rustles in the leaves under the scrub surrounding them; the sky was still dark around him. Through barely opened eyes, he watched as she carefully scurried away, glancing over her shoulder at him as if checking if she had disturbed him.

  Waiting until she disappeared into the darkness, Duncan quickly shot up out of bed. He knew he had to follow her. He feared that not only was she attempting to escape again, but that she would cross paths with any number of lethal Australian animals that almost certainly surrounded them, anything from snakes to crocodiles to spiders.