by Cynthia Hart
After Rachael tried and failed a few times to see her neck, Blake hopped off the table and located his phone. He opened the camera and passed it to her. She hissed when she saw the love bites scattered around her neck and collar bones. Her fingers followed the same trail that Blake’s mouth did, she was glad it was still winter, and she could get away with wearing sweaters to cover her neck for the next few days until the marks faded. The thought of them fading put a sudden wave of sadness over her.
“What’s wrong?” Blake asked when he noticed the frown on Rachael’s face. She looked up at him felt ridiculous, she thought he’d laugh at her for feeling upset by the fact that the bruises will fade. Rachael hand Blake his phone back, letting her fingers graze his for a moment, the spark she felt put a smile on her face again.
“You will probably think it’s silly, but I thought about how these bruises are going to fade, and that made me kind of sad,” Rachael admitted to Blake, feeling too naked once more but for different reasons this time.
“Don’t let that make you sad.” Blake lifted Rachael’s chin with his index finger. “Once those are gone, it will give us a reason to make more,” Blake promised, leaning in to kiss Rachael. This kiss was sweeter, with less need and heat but the same amount of passion. Rachael grabbed Blake’s phone from his hands, causing him to break the kiss. “What are you doing?” He laughed.
“Googling how to make bruises disappear faster.” Rachael laughed back, handing the phone back to Blake. “That was a joke, just so you know. I don’t need to make bruises to have a reason to have mind-blowing sex with you.”
“I have a lock on it anyway so I know you couldn’t have been doing that.” Blake stuck his tongue out at Rachael.
“Put that thing away until I’m ready to use it again.” Rachael pushed Blake back so she could hop off the table and start collecting her clothes. “Not to make this awkward but I can’t help but remember you saying that you don’t date,” Rachael mentioned as casually as she could manage, using picking up her clothes as a good cover so she wouldn’t have to see Blake’s face.
“Yeah. I don’t date.” Blake confirmed as he pulled his jeans on.
“Where does that leave us?” Rachael asked. “Are we just going to be people that have sex or are we more than that?”
“A little early to be having this conversation, but I get it. I do.” Blake rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. “Can we just agree to meet up at least once a week and see where it goes?” Rachael could see that Blake was actually nervous, possibly as nervous as she was.
“That sounds like a good idea,” Rachael said after some thought. “What day were you thinking?”
“Are Tuesdays okay?” Blake asked. “Those are usually slow business days.”
“There’s that word again, business. What business are you in exactly?” Rachael asked as she put her top back on.
“It’s difficult to explain, it’s better if you don’t know everything completely. Just know that it has to with the bar.” Blake walked up to Rachael, spun her around, so she was facing him and kissed her. He really did not want her to start asking questions, he didn’t know if he could keep from telling her everything. “Do Tuesdays work for you?”
“Yes.” Rachael breathed out, still feeling a little bliss from the kiss. “Tuesdays are perfect for me. Are you also going to help me with Biology every Tuesday?”
“Of course I am, someone has to. It’s so sad to see a mind like yours go to waste.” Blake fixed Rachael’s hair by smoothing strands down. “You’re incredibly intelligent, Rachael. I always feel like a bumbling fool around you.”
“Yeah, I used to think you were a generic jerk then I got to know you, and I realized how smart you are.” Rachael hugged Blake, taking the opportunity to traces the scratches down his back. Now that she knew that he was okay, she felt a rush knowing that she had marked him.
“So, I’ll see you Tuesday?” Blake clarified when they stopped hugging so they could continue to get dressed.
“Yes, you will. You’ll probably see me before then, this is Liz and I’s regular spot.” Rachael reminded him.
“Oh, that’s right. It’s going to be hard to keep my hands off you.” Blake ran his hands down Rachael’s sides as he spoke.
“Well, if you fail to do so I can always just slap you again.” Rachael teased, giving him a quick kiss before backing away.
“Oh, don’t tempt me, Rach.” Blake thought back to earlier, it was embarrassing for him, but she stood up for herself, that was a huge turn on for him. Plus, it meant she was good at handling herself, which took a lot of worry of his shoulders. “That was kind of hot.”
“Oh, don’t tell me one of your forty-seven fantasies was me slapping you and telling you off?” Rachael grinned, Blake rocked back and forth on his heels for a minute.
“Make that number forty-eight.” Blake wrapped and arm around Rachael’s waist. “Come on, let’s pack up your stuff and get you home safely. You have class in the morning.”
“How did you know I had a class in the morning?” Rachael asked in surprise as she walked over to the table she had left her papers on and started packing them up.
“Overachiever mindset.” Blake tapped the side of his head. “We think alike. You should have seen my schedule Freshman year.”
“I’d love to hear about it,” Rachael said as Blake took her bag from her.
“Here, let me carry that,” Blake told her. “And I’ll tell you all about my schedule as I walk you to your dorm.”
“Aw, aren’t you such a gentleman?’ Rachael said with a smile.
“I meant when I said I liked you, Rachael, and when I like someone, I care about them and their safety.” Blake planted a warm kiss on Rachael’s lips before pulling her close once more as he locked up the bar. “Now, how would you like to hear about my schedule?”
“Oh, yes please!” Rachael pumped up her excitement for laughs, but she was genuinely interested. As the two walked away from that bar to Rachael’s dorm, Rachael’s bag was safely in the hands of Blake along with her heart. Every step Rachael took she pulled Blake’s heart closer and closer into her hands. The two both knew, but would never say, that this night was the start of forever.
Chapter 6
Rachael found out a lot about Blake that night, he was an only child, he wasn’t close with his mother, he hasn’t spoken to his father since he was eight. With each new fact, Rachael’s heart grew more fond of Blake. She loved the fact that he trusted her with all these deeply personal secrets but she still had so many unanswered questions. Rachael wanted to know what he did for a living, what it had to do with the bar, why he dropped out of University in his senior year, was he caught up in a cheating ring. The questions swirled through her mind every time they were together but time and time again she convinced herself not to ask those questions. She knew when the time was right, when Blake was ready, he would tell her everything. At least that’s what Rachael hoped.
She had gotten to more about Blake’s so-called “friends” after an incident where Rachael thought she was going to be attacked. A man had been following her from all the way from her dorm to the bar where Blake was waiting to meet her. Rachael basically ran the last block and a half only to find out the man worked for Blake and was following her to protect her.
Rachael demanded to know why in the world she would need protection and Blake explained that a rival had been overheard making threats. Blake calmed Rachael down enough for her to forgive him, but she was still pissed that she was kept in the dark from something that apparently requires her to need protection. Blake assured her that the rival was done with and no one would hurt her. She was too afraid to tell Blake she thought that by keeping secrets from her, he would be the one to hurt her.
Other than the questions that still ran through Rachael’s head, the weeks after their first night together went by swimmingly for Rachael and Blake. They had mastered the art of flirting and dropping hints when they were in the bar, and there were o
ther people around. It seemed that the only person that suspected anything was Liz and she was increasingly unhappy.
Liz talked to Rachael less and less, made fewer attempts to hang out, even at places other than the bar. When Liz looked at Rachael her eyes stung with betrayal, Rachael didn’t understand what she did wrong. Whenever she tried to explain to Liz that Blake wasn’t as bad of a guy that they originally thought, Liz would cut her off.
The entire situation left Rachael feeling alone six days of the week. The only time she didn’t feel alone is when she would meet with Blake on Tuesdays for “Biology Tutoring”, which wasn’t a complete lie. Thanks to Blake, Rachael had managed to bring her grade up to a D, if she kept up at the rate she was going she’d have it to a B by the end of the semester. It was on one of their Tuesdays that Rachael brought up her loneliness, when she was laying in Blake’s arms it was hard to feel alone, but she managed to approach the topic.
“Do you ever just feel alone, Blake?” Rachael asked, staring up at the bar’s lighting fixtures.
“Not when I’m with you.” Blake kissed Rachael’s forehead.
“I don’t feel alone when I’m with you either. I was referring to the times when we aren’t together, the other six days of the week.” Rachael chose her words carefully, not wanting to make Blake think she wanted more out of their relationship. She wanted more out of her and Liz’s friendship.
“Yeah, it does feel a little lonely some days. Is something specific bothering you?” Blake looked at Rachael when he asked the question.
“Yeah, sort of. It’s my friend Liz, she doesn’t like you a lot. It’s kind of put a wedge between us.” Rachael shifted in Blake’s arms.
“Friendships are important, Rach. They should always come first.” There was a deep sadness in Blake’s voice, a kind of sadness that Rachael had never heard before. “You should talk to Liz next week sometime, maybe she’ll be open to what you have to say.”
“I’ve already tried that.” Rachael groaned and sat up before being pulled back down by Blake.
“Try again and keep trying. If she’s your friend, don’t let her walk away without a fight.” Blake rubbed Rachael’s shoulder’s getting her to relax.
“All right, I will.” Rachael sighed. “Let’s talk about something else.” Rachael curled up on her side facing Blake as they talked. It was another night where they talked about everything and nothing at the same time. A night like all the rest that they spent together, magical and so wonderfully theirs.
Blake dropped Rachael off at her building with a kiss goodnight. Before he left, he reminded her to talk to Liz. Rachael couldn’t take hearing the sadness in his voice any longer, so she asked about it.
“What happened that made you so sad, Blake?” She stood on tiptoes to gain height and give the illusion of height.
“If you were anyone else I’d say nothing happened,” Blake told her with honesty.
“Since I’m me what are you going to tell me?” Rachael asked, tired of being shut-out.
“That it’s a story for another night.” Blake gave Rachael a kiss once more before walking away. “Good night.” He called when he was a safe distance away from Rachael’s questions.
Rachael sighed and walked into her building, up the stairs to her room which was, thankfully, empty. Rachael collapsed on her bed, and for the first time in the weeks since she first started seeing Blake, she fell asleep feeling cold and unfulfilled.
Chapter 7
Rachael went through her days in haze waiting for Tuesday or for Liz to just grow up and speak to her, she felt more disconnected than she had in a long time. When she showed for Biology to find Liz’s seat empty she got worried. Liz was a stickler for attendance, she wouldn’t miss a day unless something was terribly wrong.
Biology felt extra long that day as Rachael waited for the class to end so she could go to Liz’s apartment and check on her. Rachael tried to remain calm as she walked the ten-minute journey from the university to Liz’s apartment. Rachael had called multiple times, but Liz didn’t answer, she didn’t ignore them either. They were ringing out.
Rachael started banging on the door when no one answered after her first three knocks. Eventually, the door was thrown open by a devastated looking Liz.
“When someone doesn’t pick up the phone that usually means they don’t want to talk to you.” Liz wrapped the blanket tighter around her shoulders as she spoke to Rachael.
“Thank God, you’re okay.” Rachael rushed forward and wrapped Liz in a hug. Rachael didn’t care that Liz obviously did not want to talk to her, she was just relieved to see Liz was okay. Well, physically okay. Emotionally, Liz looked completely wrung out. Her eyes were red and puffy from tell-tale signs of too much crying, her hair looked like it hadn’t been brushed or washed in days, Liz had obviously been wearing the same clothes for a few days.
“What are you doing here, Rachael? I want to be alone.” Liz demanded to know what was causing Rachael to act so strangely. Liz pried herself out of Rachael’s tight grip and took two steps back inside her house.
“I was worried about you, you never miss any classes or anything really.” Rachael started. “I’m so glad to see you’re okay, Liz. You have no idea how worried I was for a minute there.” Rachael took a step towards Liz, who took half a step back.
“If you must know, I am not okay, and I do know how worried you were.” Liz moved to close the door on Rachael, but she slipped her foot through just in time to keep it open.
“Please, Liz just listen to me for a minute.” Rachael pleaded and, to her relief, Liz opened the door fully.
“All right then, I’m listening.” Liz crossed her arms as she waited for Rachael to talk.
“I can’t leave you like this. I know you’re mad at me, but you’re still my friend, and I care about you. Please don’t make me leave when you are hurting this badly.” Rachael made sure that she was closer to the so she could dive into the house if Liz tried to shut her out again. Both of the girls were surprised when Liz opened the door wider and decided to let Rachael in. Rachael hugged Liz again with a warm “Thank you” as she walked in.
“What did you want to talk about?” Liz asked, running low on patience as Rachael seemed to have a hard time picking the right words. “I haven’t got all day.”
“When I was thinking about what to tell you I never imagined I would find you looking so broken. Everything seems insignificant now, I just want to know what happened. Please tell me, if it’s not too much trouble.” Rachael walked closer to Liz, wanting to give her another hug in hopes that it would improve her mood and/or mental health.
“It’s something that happened a long time ago, actually.” Liz seemed closed off on the subject, but she turned around and handed Rachael a photo of a woman that looked similar to Liz. “That’s Katherine, my older sister. She died four years ago today.” Liz told Rachael, her voice lacking any emotion.
“Oh, Liz. I’m sorry. I had no idea.” Rachael’s eyes filled with sadness after she handed the photo back to Liz and watched as Liz stared at the photo.
“It’s not something I talk about a lot.” Liz shrugged. “It’s too painful.”
“I would say that I understand, but I could never understand,” Rachael said honestly, she was shocked when Liz grabbed her hand.
“Do you want to sit down?” Liz asked, already leading Rachael to her couch. “My roommates won’t be getting back until later, they all went to class today.”
“Don’t feel ashamed that you didn’t go to your classes, Liz. It’s better that you take a day when you need one.” Rachael patted Liz’s shoulder.
“It’s weird because I know that mentally but there’s a part of me that thinks that a death that happened four years ago isn’t reason enough to stay home and miss class.” Liz was quiet for a moment then she started to tear up, Rachael handed her a box of tissues you found on the floor. “It’s just so hard, you know? Everyone seems to have moved on from Katherine’s death, and sometimes I f
eel like I have too, then something like this happens, and I’m still right in the moment that it happened.” Liz said through tears.
“That’s grief, I don’t think it’s anything to be sad about, Liz. I think it means you’re human.” Rachael wrapped an arm around Liz, giving her a warm squeeze every time Liz started to cry again.
“I was a freshman when Katherine died, she was a senior here, and at the time everyone was talking to me. Everyone had something to say about Katherine, how wonderful she was, how they loved her, how they would miss her.” Liz broke off to cry. “At first it was nice, I felt like I was understood. I wasn’t feeling my pain by myself, then eventually it got to the point where I wanted to scream at everyone. I realized most of the people didn’t even know her, they were just latching onto my pain.” Liz started to cry again. “Everyone moved on, the entire school seemed to forget about Katherine as soon as the weather changed and I had to go on. I chose this university because my sister was here and she made it incredible. Without her everything felt so empty, I only stayed because she loved this place.” Liz laid her head in Rachael’s lap to cry.
The two sat there for a few minutes, Liz cried the whole time, and Rachael sat there occasionally rubbing her back so Liz would know that she wasn’t alone. Rachael knew that in times like this sometimes all you needed was a friend to be there, they didn’t have to say anything for you to know that aren’t alone.
“Sometimes you remind me of Katherine.” Liz turned her head to give Rachael a tear-streaked smile. “Just in the way you and I act together, sometimes it feels like she’s back laughing with me when I’m laughing with you.”
“Wow.” Rachael was at a loss for words, she couldn't think of anything meaningful to say back to that. “I’m glad that I can give you that.”
“You’re my closest friend, Rach. I’m sorry that I’ve been so distant lately. It’s just.” Liz didn’t have to say it, they both knew that the word Liz wouldn’t say was Blake’s name.