Rush Revere and the First Patriots: Time-Travel Adventures With Exceptional Americans

by Rush Limbaugh

  With a smile on his face and a steely gaze in his eyes he said, “If this be treason, make the most of it!”

  As if on cue the door burst open again and Tommy stood in the doorway. Panicked, he said, “Mr. Revere! You better get out here. Cam’s in trouble. The Redcoats are back and they’ve arrested him!”

  Patrick and I sprang from the table and followed Tommy out of the tavern. It was nearly dark outside, and one of three British soldiers held a torch. Patrick was the first to reach the second soldier, who was nearest to Cam. His hands were cuffed and he shrugged when I looked at him. Tommy and the messenger boy were watching close by.

  “What’s the meaning of this?” shouted Patrick. His voice did sound like thunder and the second soldier took a step back.

  Feeling threatened, the third soldier unsheathed his sword and held it in front of him. The first soldier did the same.

  “It was an accident,” Cam said, defending himself.

  Tommy leaned close to me and whispered, “Liberty was tired of chewing his gum so Cam told him to spit it out and I sort of dared him to try and hit one of the soldiers as they walked by the tavern. The soldier was at least twenty yards away. I didn’t think he’d actually do it!”

  The second soldier, who must have put the cuffs on Cam, stepped forward and said, “Your slave threw a wad of pink sap and hit me in the side of the head.” The soldier turned and, sure enough, a sticky mass of gum looked like it had been pulled from his hair, but it was still a gooey mess.

  “He’s not a slave!” shouted Tommy.

  “Shut up, colonial dog!” yelled one of the soldiers. Before Tommy could react the soldier closest to him swung the butt of his gun into Tommy’s head and knocked him down.

  “Enough of this!” I screamed as I rushed over to make sure Tommy wasn’t hurt. Tommy pulled his hand away from where the gun had hit his head and found blood on his fingers. I quickly examined the cut and said, “It’s not bad. It barely broke the skin. But you’re going to have a goose egg on the side of your head.” I looked up and saw Patrick ready to make his move. He remained calm, but I could tell he was also worried about Tommy and nervous for his young friend, Cam.

  Cam nervously laughed and said, “I didn’t throw it!” His eyes darted toward Liberty, who was doing an excellent job at pretending to be just a horse. Cam firmly said, “You didn’t see me throw it. You didn’t see any of us throw it! I have rights! Where’s a lawyer when I need one?”

  “I am a lawyer!” said Patrick Henry. He walked closer to the soldier near Cam but the two soldiers with swords stood firm.

  Hearing the shouts and yells, the men from the tavern came outside to see Tommy bleeding and Cam in cuffs. Their expressions turned from concern for the young boys to anger at the soldiers.

  Patrick shouted, “England will always consider us inferior! I have seen the way you Lobsterbacks laugh at how we talk and the way we dress. You have forgotten that we are still British subjects. Now, you believe we are dim-witted farmers and ill-suited merchants. You would sooner keep us in a barn then invite us into your chambers as equals.”

  “You will never be our equals, colonial scum,” said the soldier in the middle. “Now get out of our way before we lock you up with the slave. You are no better than filthy rats! We should lock up the whole lot of you and let you rot in chains.”

  The men from the tavern started murmuring and cursing the soldiers. These were blacksmiths and carpenters and farmers—men with burly arms and itching to fight. The Redcoats knew they were outnumbered but they stood their ground.

  The soldier holding a torch in one hand and his sword in the other sneered at Patrick and said, “We are taking our prisoner and he will be judged according to his crimes. Now get out of the way!”

  Cam’s jaw dropped in desperation and he said, “Uh-oh. Guys? Help me. Somebody?”

  Patrick Henry looked as determined as ever and bellowed, “Crimes? You dare speak of crimes? I will tell you who the criminals are. The men who sit in Parliament and a king who burdens his people with unfair taxes.”

  “Your words convict you of treason!” said the first soldier. “You could hang for that!”

  “As I’ve said before, if this be treason, make the most it!” said Patrick. “I spit on your stamp tax!” Patrick spit to the right.

  “You are lucky to be walking freely in these streets,” said the first solider. “We have direct orders from the King to put you in jail for any disrespect to the Crown.”

  “The King is the one disrespecting our freedom!” said Patrick, taking a step closer. “How dare he demand that we open our homes to house Redcoats like you! You are not our guests! You don’t even like the people of these colonies. You just want to keep control of us. We worked hard to build these colonies. How dare the King force us to take you into our homes! This law is absurd! I spit on what the King is calling the Quartering Act!” Patrick spit again. “You Redcoats will not step foot inside of my home!”

  “Watch your tongue, Patriot, before we cut it out,” said the third soldier, who now pointed his sword directly at Patrick Henry.

  But Patrick did not back down. He turned to the men from the tavern and shouted, “If we do not oppose the Quartering Act, the Redcoats will soon be tossing your families from their bedchambers in order to move in! Your wives and your children will be out in the streets and all because the King is an oppressive, arrogant, and selfish tyrant who only cares about three things: taxes, taxes, and more taxes!”

  The colonists behind us shouted and jeered at the injustice in front of them. “Let them go!” said a large colonist with the neck the size of Rhode Island.

  And that’s when I noticed Liberty behind the soldier with the torch. While Patrick Henry was speaking he must have slipped behind unnoticed. Before the soldiers could react, Liberty turned his hind legs toward his target and gently kicked the unsuspecting soldier in the rear end. Even a gentle kick sent the Redcoat four feet into the air. He landed with a thud in front of us, his torch and sword rolling to our feet. I took the torch and Tommy took the sword. As if to prove a point, the third soldier raised his sword and attempted to strike down Patrick. The blade was deflected as Tommy parried with his own sword. Again and again the two swords clashed and remarkably it looked like Tommy had the upper hand. As the soldier stumbled backward, Liberty conveniently tripped him and the soldier fell to the ground. The colonists cheered at the momentary victory and pressed forward against the three Redcoats, who quickly retreated, leaving Cam standing alone and handcuffed.

  “It would be wise for us all to leave this place for a time,” said Patrick as the men dispersed from the tavern. “We can expect more Redcoats and they will want revenge. Do you have a place to go?”

  “Yes, we’ll be safe,” I said. “And thank you for your help today.”

  “No kidding,” said Cam. “You basically saved my life!”

  “I try to save at least one life a day.” Patrick winked. “Lucky for you, I had not yet filled my quota!”

  We all laughed and Patrick finally said, “Cam, you are a remarkable young man. It took me a long time to have the confidence to stand up for what I wanted to do, who I wanted to be. But I have found that I am happiest when I am defending freedom and helping others find liberty and justice.”

  “Me, too!” said Cam. “When I was younger I was a military brat. My family had just moved to a new city, and it’s never easy starting over at a new school. And to make it worse, I was this little runt of a kid. These bigger kids at my old school used to bully me. They did some really mean things. One time they tossed me into a trash can upside down. But one summer I had a huge growth spurt. I grew seven inches and gained almost ten pounds. That’s the year I decided to act and not be acted upon. So now whenever I see someone being bullied I don’t stand for it. I can’t help it. I like defending the little guy. I like helping others find liberty and justice, too!”

  Patrick smiled and said, “The truth is you remind me of me when I was younger.
You have a gift for words, a clever mind, and a sense of humor. No wonder I feel like we are kindred spirits.” He reached out to shake Cam’s hand but the handcuffs made it awkward.

  Cam laughed, “Oops, forgot about the cuffs.”

  Patrick smiled and gently placed his hand on Cam’s shoulder. He looked Cam straight in the eyes and said, “And I will not forget about the evils of slavery, I promise. As God is my witness, I will give my life for the cause of freedom for all men.”

  “Goodbye, Mr. Henry,” said Tommy.

  “Goodbye, Tommy,” Patrick said, beaming. “You are quite the swordsman.”

  “I had a good teacher,” said Tommy. With all the practice he had with Myles Standish, the Pilgrims’ military leader, it’s no surprise that he fought like he did. Myles would be proud!

  “Safe travels, Rush Revere,” said Patrick. “Until we meet again!” He turned to enter the tavern for his fiddle and coat.

  I turned back to Tommy, Cam, and Liberty, and said, “That was quite the adventure! But I’m ready to return to modern-day.”

  “Me, too!” they all said in unison.

  As we walked to the back of the tavern, I took a deep breath and said, “There’s a chance we’ll run into Elizabeth when we return to the school.”

  “Why do you say that?” Tommy asked.

  “Because when we time-jumped to visit Patrick Henry she was chasing after us and nearly jumped through the time portal before it closed.”

  “What!” Tommy exclaimed.

  “Hey! Maybe we can get Elizabeth to shoot laser beams out of her eyes,” said Liberty.

  “How is that going to help us?” complained Tommy.

  “Well, somebody’s got to get those handcuffs off Cam,” said Liberty.

  “Now we’re talking,” Cam said with a chuckle. “But laser beams really aren’t my first choice.”

  “No worries,” I told him as I reached into Liberty’s saddlebag in search of a solution to Cam’s dilemma. “Ah, here it is!”

  “That is one odd-looking key,” Cam said.

  “It’s a skeleton key and it can pick any eighteenth-century lock.” I inserted the key into the lock of Cam’s handcuffs and presto!

  “I can’t tell you how good it feels to be free!” exclaimed Cam.

  I nodded and said, “It’s a great feeling, isn’t it. Likewise, the laws and taxes that the King and Parliament keep mandating to the colonies are like handcuffs. They restrict and bind the colonists from living and growing and being a free America!”

  “Never thought of it like that. We’re going to need a much bigger key to unlock that problem,” Cam said.

  “No kidding,” Tommy agreed. “I think it’s called a revolution!”

  Tommy and Cam lifted themselves up onto Liberty’s saddle.

  “Now, about Elizabeth. We need to return to someplace different than where we left.”

  “Hmm,” said Liberty. “How about in the hallway in front of our classroom. We’ve done that before.”

  “Can your Time-Travel-Sense tell us if anyone is in the hallway?” Cam asked.

  “It’s worked before,” Liberty said. “I mean, I’m still trying to figure all of this out, but I think I can do it so no one sees us.”

  “Okay, then let’s go,” I said. “Tommy, how’s the cut on your head?”

  “It feels like a linebacker hit me without my football helmet on,” Tommy said with a smile. “Besides that, I’m good.”

  I sighed, relieved that we were leaving without further harm. “That was a tough one for all us,” I said. “I’m just glad you’re both okay. Liberty, take us home!”

  “Rush, rush, rushing from history,” Liberty said.

  In the dark of the night, the time portal opened again and as we headed toward the swirling, circular light I readied myself for whatever was waiting for us on the other side.

  Wouldn’t you be scared to have soldiers force their way into your home?

  Chapter 6

  The fluorescent lights in the school hallway made me squint as we returned to the twenty-first century. Once again, Liberty hit the bull’s-eye as we landed in front of our classroom door. I quickly surveyed the scene and noticed we were alone.

  Relieved, I said, “Nice jumping, Liberty. You boys need to change your clothes and—”

  Just then I heard a single pair of footsteps running down the connecting hallway. The footsteps were getting louder. I assumed we returned just seconds after we had left, just seconds after Elizabeth had seen us jump through the time portal. I was certain those were her footsteps racing back to my classroom to prove I was a neglectful and delinquent teacher. The footsteps sounded like they would turn the corner any second and Elizabeth would find us! I desperately called to Liberty, who was already disappearing, but the boys were still sitting on top of, well, nothing!

  “Oops,” said Tommy. “I thought we’d turn invisible with Liberty if we were sitting on top of him.” Still five feet off the ground, they quickly kicked their legs over to one side and slipped off an invisible saddle.

  Freedom stood there and smiled. “Real slick, guys,” she said nearly laughing. “You’re lucky it’s just me.”

  “Why were you running down the hallway like that?” I asked.

  “When my grandfather dropped me off in front of the school I sprinted to the classroom hoping I could still catch you before you time-jumped. But by the look of things I’m guessing you just returned.”

  “It was incredible!” said Cam like he had just come off a wild roller coaster. “We traveled to the year 1765 and met Patrick Henry!”

  “And I learned how to blow a bubble with bubble gum!” said Liberty.

  “I thought you were going to be at the dentist today?” asked Tommy, apologetically. “You told me you wouldn’t be back until almost the end of class.”

  Freedom shrugged her shoulders and said, “No cavities.”

  “You’re lucky,” Cam said. “The worst part is when the dentist has to numb your gums. I mean, I’m glad for the anesthesia. It’s the shot I don’t like.”

  “Anesthesia, spelled A-N-E-S-T-H-E-S-I-A,” said Liberty, proudly. “Now, give Tommy a word and see if he can spell it. We’re having a spelling bee competition. Unless Tommy is scared,” Liberty taunted. “Of course, he shouldn’t feel bad losing to a horse since technically I’m no ordinary horse although I look ordinary but most people who do extraordinary things appear ordinary at first until the moment that they—”

  “Thanks, Liberty,” Freedom said with a smirk. “You just gave me an idea. Tommy, spell the word logorrhea.”

  “Huh?” Tommy said while raising one eyebrow.

  Liberty smiled and said, “I don’t know what the word means but I approve of your word choice.”

  Tommy took off his hat and scratched his head. “Um, can you give it to me in a sentence?”

  “Sure,” said Freedom. “Liberty’s logorrhea can go on and on but it’s one of the things I like about him.”

  “Oh, I think I know,” Tommy said, smiling. “Logorrhea is spelled L-O-G-O-R-R-H-E-A.”

  “Correct,” Freedom said.

  “Wait a minute,” said Liberty suspiciously. “Are you saying that I . . .”

  “That you have a big mouth and talk too much? Yes!” said Elizabeth, who appeared from behind the hallway corner. She wore a long red coat with designer jeans and a matching red headband in her hair. “My, my, my, what do we have here?” Elizabeth slowly walked in between us with her hands behind her back. She stared at each of us and talked as if she knew a secret. “Do any of you have hall passes? No, I’m sure you don’t because that would require one of you to have a responsible teacher.” She glared at me and then looked away. “Do any of you have any fashion sense at all?” She stopped in front of Freedom with a look of disdain. “Freedom? Or should I just call you Free-dumb! That’s spelled D-U-M-B. By the way, you looked better in that hideous Pilgrim costume that should’ve been burned in the seventeenth century.” She released her gaze
and finally approached Liberty. “Oh, and finally, do any you have a permit for this”—she scrunched up her nose in disgust—“this odoriferous horse inside Manchester Middle School?”

  “Odoriferous?” said Liberty. “For the record, I’m hardly offended by your weak insults.”

  “Oh, that wasn’t an insult,” Elizabeth said. “That was simply a fact. I’m sure you know that odoriferous means smelly. Personally, I don’t like the smell of horses. It’s a foul stench that belongs in a barn, not a school.” Elizabeth turned to look at all of us and said, “I’m on to your little secret. I saw you jump through that magical door thingy. It’s a time portal, isn’t it?” I must’ve looked surprised because she said, “I knew it! And don’t look so surprised. It’s obvious with all the colonial costumes and the movie you showed us about the Pilgrims in Holland and the talking horse who knows about American history.”

  “Just what is it you’re going to do, Elizabeth?” I asked.

  “What am I going to do?” she asked, acting surprised. “It’s not about what I’m going to do. It’s about what you’re going to do for me.”

  “That sounds like blackmail,” said Cam.

  “At least one of you has some brains,” Elizabeth scoffed.

  “Whatever,” Tommy said. “We’ll all deny what you’ve seen and heard and you’ll end up with the nurse again.”

  “Already thought of that,” said Elizabeth. “That’s why I had the custodian help me install that small camera in the corner of the ceiling.” We followed her gaze and saw the lens pointing right at us. “So let’s get this straight. Either you do what I say or I take the video to my daddy and it’s bye-bye Mr. Revere. No more Liberty. And I’m pretty sure I can get the rest of you expelled from Manchester Middle School.”

  “Why are you so mean?” asked Freedom.

  Elizabeth sighed and said, “Freedom, I’m not mean. I’m simply taking control of the situation. You see, when things get out of control I have to tighten the controls. Let me put it this way. Some people were meant to rule, that’s me, and other people are meant to be ruled, that’s you. Some people are superior, that’s me. And some people are inferior, that’s you.”