Mal looked at me with pure shock…and relief if I had to guess. "Oh my God, D a meth lab. There's no way he won't go away for at least fifteen years!" She smiles and hugs me and I owe more than a pound of flesh to the Denver Chapter. This shit was fuckin brilliant. "It's a felony charge D. If they can convict him…" Her lip quivers and I know she doesn’t want to hope.
"Means he'll be gone a long ass time luv. Good. Hope he becomes the prettiest of all the bitches in the clink too." I say and laugh at the look she gives me. "What? Don't act like I should be anything but happy that dickless wonder won't be able to do this shit again."
"He's still human Dante. He has a mother and father who are good and loving. This matters to them." She says and stands slowly from the couch. She is about to annoy me greatly on a tangent of bullshit I didn't come to hear.
I still nod because yeah it does, but they are better off. "And what a fuckin prime example they’ve been luv. They must be proud of his beating your ass."
"Fuck you D, you don't walk in my shoes." She wants me to justify her concern and I won't. I never will.
"Fuck me? Really?" I ask and take her by the arm and force her to look in the God damn mirror. "I don't need to walk in your shoes baby. I see everything clearly."
"You don't… you have no idea what it's like to be in my shoes. I can understand your side and that you hate him. Everyone hates him, me included. But I was alone, and wanted for one minute to not be. The men aren't lining up to marry me D. I can't change the outcome anymore than you can. I put myself here.."
"Oh, baby. Let's get one thing straight right fuckin now. Nobody will marry you unless I allow it. I don't give a fuck what I have in Indiana, shit changed the minute you called me." I don't care about her feeble fight she wants to put up. The thought of some bastard coming in and taking her from me makes me mental. I know, it’s a double standard. I don't fucking care though.
"You're nuts!" She says and laughs at me, cringing from the pain.
"I'm nuts? I'm not the one who is sitting here worried of my junkie ex going away for a good grip of time. That's crazy baby. He deserves life in my opinion but, I ain't the judge. I will tell you though, if he so much as raises his voice or talks out of turn again, I will fuckin' kill him!"
She gasps and steps back from me, I realize I am breathing heavy and was yelling. I look her dead in the eye. "Dead." I say and it is with a finality, a certainty she can't argue. She knows I will kill him.
"Oh so you can comment on my mistakes, but pretend you haven't fucked up? You're fucking married!" She screams and, oh the fucking endless reminder.
"That's right. Comment when she does something so inconceivable to me that I defend and I will let you place judgment!"
"You're the one that does inconceivable shit Dante. You," She points at me to make it more dramatic. "Are fucking married." Oh fuck, I want to spank her ass into submission. She is the most defiant brat I have ever met.
"You," I say and point at her in the same annoyingly clear fashion. "Still want to fuck me though!"
"So?" She places her hands on her hip, trying to look tough but she looks lost. I want her tough, need her tough. She is the craziest bitch I know and one way or another I will remind her she isn't weak. Even if I am a bastard for my ways.
I stalk her, my eyes on her and see her breathing change and she knows I've had about enough. "So… fuck me Emjay. Do it luv. Have at me."
I knew I wouldn’t dare touch her. All bets were off and I'd fuck her against the wall then and there if I did. I would prove she was mine, belonging to only me and make damn sure she knew that Kendall wasn't a fucking blip in her world any more. I knew I wouldn’t though, no matter how thin my restraint. I wouldn’t touch her I would make her touch me. I was teasing her, tempting her so she would rage… she raged alright.
She grabbed me and pushed until I went back on the couch, confused for a split second until she climbed on my lap straddling me, her hands everywhere trying to get my shirt off. There was no will inside of me to stop this storm. None. I needed to show her she was mine as bad as she needed to belong in my world.
I cup her ass and hold her too me as she grinds and-
Fuck! Her nails rake down my chest after she throws my shirt to the side.
I slap her ass and she arches against me before coming back at my lips, her teeth biting my bottom lip gently, but hard enough to make me like it. "Make it go away D. Just… make it go away please."
I don't go soft, but I reel myself in enough to not hurt her. I pull her tank top up and see her tits, all tatted and swollen right there for me to taste. There isn't a spot on her body I won't touch and savor, I will scrub him from every corner of her mind. I will remind her that nobody will ever want her like I do, because I believe it. Nothing could fracture this, no matter how hard we both try.
And that is the only way I can make it go away.
Mal
His hands are everywhere at once and my skin is on fire. I don't care that I moved first, or that I asked him to fuck me. He knew what I meant and I knew he would succeed. He was all I wanted and I didn't let thoughts of wrong, home wrecker or a big fat scarlet letter stop me. This was need.
A lot of it.
"Lay back luv." He says and I do, I am like rubber in his hands and he can bend me to his will. He strips my pants and smiles when he sees I have nothing on beneath them. "God, you're wrong in the best way baby." He says and licks a long line up the crease of my pussy.
I reach for his hair, tearing the bandana away and arch when he flicks his tongue on my clit. "Holy fuck…" I say and the bastard laughs arrogantly.
"So sweet…" He says and slips a finger in the hole of me, then another twisting them until I am up on my elbows and watching. The pain in my back and ribs be damned, I am not missing this show. I have thought of him like this so many times. So many nights where the need was so strong I would picture him, between my legs eating my pussy until I came.
I rock myself against his mouth, completely unashamed of needing to come. "I am so close… ah fuck…"
He presses his fingers against that small part inside and uses his other hand to press down on my lower stomach and everything stills as I feel my orgasm build and erupt. He doesn’t stop, he lets me ride it out against his mouth and fingers until my legs stop quivering and it has left me with heavy breathing and the need to give just as good as he gave.
I sit up, slowly unable to move as fast as I would like, and pause when I watch him put the fingers he used to get me off in his mouth and suck. His other hand is working his cock and I didn't even know he'd gotten it out. I reach for him and he lets me and I watch his eyes close and he leans back thrusting into my hand. I don't ask, and the pain in my knee be damned as I fall to my knees on the floor. Everything hurts, but I am so scared to lose this moment with him that I push the pain aside and take him deep into my throat.
"Fuckin hell, that's good Emjay." He wants to put his hands in my hair and stops himself, knowing how tender my scalp is. My jaw is burning and as much as I want this, just one fucking moment with him where the rest of the world leaves us alone, I can't stop the pain and the reminder that I am broken.
He pulls me back and helps me stand, my leg and back screaming in pain. "Come with me luv." He says and I follow, feeling ashamed that I can't give him even a little of what he gives me. Yes he is married, yes he will leave me and yes this is probably all I will ever have with him. But I wanted to be his without fear or judgment or hating myself.
He goes to my shower and starts stripping as the steam rises. "With me luv, come here." He doesn’t ask, he never does and I follow like I always will. He kisses me so sweet; gentle to not hurt me, but rough enough that he won't let me forget how wanted I am.
I follow him into the shower and feel the chill of the tile against my back. He kisses and licks my neck and chest before lifting a leg over his hip with one hand, opening my pussy with his other. "Now I'm gonna fuck you luv." He doesn’t wait for me to agree
, he slides inside of me with ease and my head rolls forward onto his chest. His other hand puts my other leg around him and it is just the wall and Dante supporting me. "Fuck I love your pussy Emjay, so tight and wet."
I roll my hips against him, my hands on his shoulders as I lean in and kiss him. Somewhere from the couch to the shower, what was sweet and endearing became savage. Where I had needed that love to take me from my anger at everything, now I needed my anger to sandblast the hate away.
"Please…" I panted, my fingers knotting in his hair as I tried to take more of him.
"What luv? What do you need?"
"More.. harder D." I cry and he keeps holding me too close so I can't grind on him.
"I don't wanna hurt you Mal." He says and I can see how bad he wants to pound me. He is fighting himself not me.
I pull his hair right as he latches on to my nipple, and force him to look at me. " Make me burn." I whisper and he releases my legs and spins me so I am facing the shower.
He goes at me now, in hard strokes and his hands are on the only spot of my body not hurting, my shoulders. That leaves my hands against the wall, desperate to find purchase to keep from falling to the floor. "Yes!" I say and feel, his hand ever so gently come around to my throat this small fear ignites at anything even a blanket brushing my neck.
"Trust me luv." He says feeling the fear and panic inside of me. And I do, the thought of him holding me there, for any reason shows how far I am gone where he is concerned.
I nod, and feel his fingers as they stroke back and forth, I tilt my chin and turn my neck so I can see him as he rebuilds me; heals me. "Good girl." He says and uses his other hand to wrap around my uninjured ribs and holds on to my breast. "Now fuck me baby, however you need."
I close my eyes, it's all too much and feel my body rock back into his and brace one hand against the wall, my other goes between my legs and play with my clit. I feel his groan and breath on my back and it spurs me on more. The fear, that reminder where his hand is, keeps me on the edge. I try and block out the feel of Kendal choking me and focus on D replacing the memory. Feeling him…collar me, in a sense, to him? No words.
I am rocking into him now with such force that he takes over, letting my breast go, he pulls me by my shoulder until my back is flush with his chest. I trace his hand on my neck with my fingers, closing my eyes in a rush of emotion as my tears blend with the water. "Keep playing with your pussy luv. I need to feel you cum on my dick Emjay." He licks up my neck starting at my shoulder until I twist enough that our mouths connect. The kiss is rough, his thrusts are getting faster and harder as I get closer.
"Dante, I'm gonna cum!" I cry out and claw at his hand on my neck, wanting him to let go, needing him to stay there.
"Fuck yeah… oh shit luv, you're beautiful Emjay." I come with such force I use a hand to brace against the wall, the rest of me leans back into his chest.
I know he is close, but he slows his thrusts, delaying them as he strums his fingers along my throat and neck. "My touch luv, not his. Feel me, I am all you have room for Emjay." I nod and drop the hand that was… protecting me from his touch? I don't know what I felt, but I let him touch me now and really see me, see what happened to me. I fall apart then and there, and he replaces my broken pieces with every kiss and touch.
His hand traces up the inside of my arm, where Kendal's handprint is still bruised in my skin. He pulls out of me and turns me, lifting my legs again so he can slip inside of me face to face. He kisses the bruises lining my jaw, kissing each of my eyes with a gentleness I didn't know he had. His hands fall to my hips, one hand slipping to where he kicked me bruising my kidneys, replaces the pain with his touch for just a moment.
"I want to kill him…" He says and kisses me soft, resting his forehead on mine and I look at him shaking my head yes, understanding now.
"Love me instead D."
I don't know what my words did to him, he shut me out like he always does when I am too real for him. He takes whatever it is out on me though and thrusts hard and fast into me.
"Hold on to me luv." He says and I wrap my arms up and around his neck. He grips my ass cheeks, somehow opening me further and fucks me in the most raw and aggressive way.
I am melting on him, unable to keep from denying what I need. I want it all.
He fucks me with the heartlessness of goodbye, with the love he still holds for me. Kisses me with promise, but holds me like he knows he will break it. Loves me like he knows I deserve, all the while knowing he can't return it. It was me breaking, and him fixing me broken piece by broken piece. And it didn't matter to me where and who he was anymore. Here, he had effectively fucked the world away. Nothing could stop this, nothing had the power to, and I fucking needed him to do it.
I knew he was close, but he didn't slow. He looked at me, his eyes are intense all the time, but here there was something in them that damned me. "This is all I have Emjay. You're mine regardless, but now… fuck… luv…" He didn't say more as he came inside of me in my small tile shower with nothing but the water between us.
Dante
I had been at her all day and night. Once the fire lit there was no looking back. I didn't know how I was supposed to leave but I was leaving all the same. "What are you thinking." I ask her. She is laying on my chest and the moonlight through the window is all the light in the room. I have been stroking my hand up and down her spine for the last hour.
"That I want to be here and that's all. I know this isn't lasting so I want to be content."
I say what I wish I wouldn’t but have too. "And when I leave…"
"Can we turn back?"
I shake my head no and the room falls silent again. I do it, I toy with the notion of keeping this and still being Dante Kole back home. My club wouldn’t care, silence is sacred in that brotherhood and I know I can use work for travel.
I don't voice my thoughts though. I don't want her hopes up and then leave her thinking she's a side piece. "Are you going to go to Washington luv?" I ask and hope she will, hope I gave her enough to go and capture the world in her palm.
She shrugs and I know she wants to run, but she won't she will fight because she won't lose face with me. "I have to." She props herself on her elbows and looks at me with a sweet smile. "I have people in Washington that will help me get strength."
We are silent again and I still stroke her back and wish for anything to keep the moon up so I don't have to leave her yet. "What are you thinking D?"
I should say nothing. I should tell her that I am tired, but I won't leave her in the distance again. "That I wish time would stop. I wish shit was different." I roll to my side and kiss her gently on her forehead.
"This is our goodbye isn't it?" She doesn’t sound sad as she asks what we both know the answer to.
"Yeah luv." I answer, my voice harsh in the silence of the night. I tuck her hair behind her ear and kiss her soft, too soft.
She nods and closes her eyes, tucking her chin into her chest and curling in to me. I welcome her body and hold her as close as I can. If a touch could relay a message, she would know how much she means to me. She would know that my heart beats for her and that there is nobody who will ever effect me like her. I know that Jess and I are destined to fail, because one day she will realize I have never looked at her the way I do Emjay. In that moment she will know that we were meant to have Rayen, not love. My curse for loving a woman outside of my marriage is the life I pretend to live, one where I am forever reminded that Emjay isn't mine.
She will find love one day.
She will have babies, and success and love and I will always be watching from the distance where she can't see me.
That is my punishment, my curse and it will be the first of a million cracks in my heart, but always the deepest.
Chapter Thirteen
Present day
Seattle WA
My morning three days ago, started with an email from D, following the chapter I sent on Kendal's attack. He sent me ano
ther piece to our story I didn't know that following evening that I have read a hundred times. I still haven't spoke to him, or Kyra for that matter. I want to call him and tell him how much I love him and how stupid he is all at the same time. I want to call Kyra and tell her I get it now. Tell them I understand their secrets.
I never knew that D had been to see Kendal, had given him a dose of payback in lethal doses of what Kendal gave me. Kyra had to have known and suddenly it explained so much. He was there for me, he handled it how he could. I should be disgusted, but I am not.
How many times had I filed and refilled charges against Kendal? He was currently behind bars in the Colorado state penitentiary for a few more months, but there were countless times he came after me.
Broken bones, bruises and absolute terror and if he knew, if D had any idea he would have continued to reappear and try to put me back together. That is how I know Kyra never told him either, and it is why she wanted me to pay fucking attention.
I knew it every time I wanted to call him and it was why I didn't. I have always known, under my heartache, the betrayal and lies that he loved me more than Jess. I knew he would risk everything to be there for me.
I also knew he would kill Kendal. I had adultery on my resume, I didn't need accomplice to murder there as well.
I read his email again, the subject line reads 'The truth'.
He didn't comment on the shower and I know it was because he knew how personal it was to me. He knew that in that shower I was placed back together by him. It is why I added it. If he was willing to share what lengths he went to for me, what he risked, then I would share how he saved me.
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