by Barker, Dawn
* * *
Wendy drove north, concentrating on keeping the car at exactly the speed limit. She didn’t want to be pulled over, not today.
The last time she’d flown to Sydney was for Anna and Tony’s wedding. She had driven up this same road with her dad in the passenger seat. He’d been like an excited child: he’d never been on an aeroplane before. He had beamed with pride, his eyes watering, when he walked Anna down the aisle. Wendy had been so relieved that he had stepped into the role of Anna’s father that day, a role that had been empty since Anna was a toddler. Wendy realised now that she hadn’t called him; that could wait.
She lifted her mobile into her lap, put it on loudspeaker, then called Pam. She hated having to ask her sister for help. Pam was one of those people who seemed to succeed at everything: she had a great house, a great job, a great husband. She had managed to escape to the city long ago, as soon as she’d finished school. When Mum died, eight years ago, it was assumed that Wendy would look after Dad. After all, Anna was at university in Sydney by then, so what else did she have to do? She clearly didn’t have any dreams of her own. The only thing she had ever done better than her sister was having Anna. Pam didn’t have any children. She’d never asked why.
‘Hi Pam, it’s me.’
‘Hi there, how’s things?’
‘Oh, I don’t know where to start.’ She wiped her eyes. ‘Something terrible’s happened. Anna’s in hospital, and they don’t know where Jack is.’ She heard Pam gasp. ‘I’ve managed to get a ticket on the first flight to Sydney tomorrow morning. I’m on my way to Perth now, but I’m still a few hours away. Can I stay at yours tonight?’
Pam paused, as if trying to take in what Wendy had said, but quickly recovered. ‘Of course you can. Are you right to drive, though? I can come and pick you up.’
‘No, no, I’m fine.’ She could hear the hysterical edge in her own voice and knew that she wasn’t really safe to drive. But she had to keep going; stopping wasn’t an option. She needed to feel that she was doing something.
‘All right. But Wendy … drive carefully, OK?’
‘Yes. I’ll see you in a while.’
After hanging up, she checked the phone for messages in case she’d missed a call, but there were none. She wished she’d asked Tony for more information; at the time, she’d been too shocked. She didn’t want to bother him again. Gripping the steering wheel tighter to control the shaking in her hands, she looked straight ahead and concentrated on the road.
CHAPTER FIVE
That day
3 P.M.
While Ursula drove south towards the cliffs where Anna had been found, Tony sat forward in the passenger seat and scanned the unfamiliar streets. His vision had never been more focused, his hearing never clearer. It was a primal, animal instinct for survival that sharpened every sense. He’d done everything he could think of: Wendy was flying over, Emily was ringing their friends, and his dad and Lisa were contacting family then meeting them at the cliffs.
He peered out of the window. They’d been driving for half an hour now. It would be dark in a few hours. He had to find Jack before night fell. Otherwise, whoever had stolen him would have more chance of getting away; worse still, they might just leave him somewhere, cold and hungry. At the thought of Jack scared and alone, he bit the inside of his cheek until he tasted the metallic tang of blood. The physical pain stopped his thoughts running away. He needed to concentrate, think, plan. There was no time right now for emotion.
Anna had never believed that he didn’t feel anxious about little things the way she did, but it was true. It wasn’t that he didn’t feel the buzz of adrenalin that hummed through him when things started to move out of his control but, unlike her, he thrived on it. Anna had told him that it wasn’t healthy to enjoy stress, that he needed to relax more and not work so hard. Maybe he should have listened to her. Maybe then he wouldn’t have gone to work this morning.
That was what it came down to: he should have listened to her.
The blood trickling inside his mouth brought his thoughts back to the problem that he needed to fix. The answer was simple: he had to find Anna’s car and, to do that, he had to see where Anna had been found. Then he could work out where Jack might be.
‘Slow down, Mum,’ he said, squinting into the distance.
Ursula slammed on the brakes. ‘What is it?’
‘There’s a church.’ As they crawled past, he started shaking his head. ‘I just thought … You hear about people leaving babies on the doorsteps. Whoever did this, if they hadn’t known Jack was in the car when they stole it, they might have found a place to leave him.’
‘Good thinking.’ Ursula turned her head towards him, then looked back at the road. ‘Someone will have him, Anthony. I know it. He’ll be OK.’
His eyes stung. He had to believe that. Surely car thieves weren’t interested in harming children. ‘I know. Let’s just go to the beach now.’
Ursula nodded, then indicated and turned onto the main road. He sank back in his seat and continued staring out of the window. His stomach churned and he realised he hadn’t eaten since breakfast. He wondered again if Jack was hungry. Even the most awful people in the world, the type of people who would steal a car from a mother, would know that you have to feed babies, wouldn’t they? They would have enough sense to buy some milk, or even just some water. Wouldn’t they?
Up ahead, he saw a police car stopped at the turn-off from the main road to the car park. Ursula slowed down and pushed the button to open the driver’s window. He leaned across her and gave his name to the policeman, who waved them through.
The road to the car park was rough, and the stringy trees on either side leaned forward to clutch at the car. The sun was starting to dip in the sky, but within the shade of the trees it was twilight already. Occasionally a fallen limb allowed the light to push through the gloom. What the hell had Anna been doing here? They had only been here a couple of times before: he’d surfed in the bay while Anna lay under an umbrella, reading. She’d never been here alone, and he couldn’t see why she would have driven all this way with Jack just to go for a bushwalk along the track above the beach. It proved that he was right: someone else must have been involved. His tears welled up again. He closed his eyes briefly and swallowed hard. He needed to get himself under control.
Reaching the car park they emerged into the afternoon light. There was only one access road, the one they’d taken. A wooden board pinned with laminated maps of walking trails stood on their left, and behind it was a track leading through the bush to a path along the cliffs. At the other end of the carpark was a wooden fence and a set of steep, worn stairs down to the beach below. Ahead, Tony saw an ambulance. His stomach clenched. Two paramedics stood at the back of the van, one with her arms folded, the other scuffing his foot in the sand that covered the tarmac. They were laughing at something. Just then, the female paramedic looked up, saw their car and stopped laughing. She nodded her head at them. Tony forced himself to exhale: they were waiting, just in case. It must be standard procedure; it didn’t mean anything.
There were two more police cars parked beside the ambulance; both were empty. And at the far end of the car park, near the stairs to the beach, there was another vehicle. Tony could only see part of the bonnet, but he knew it immediately. It was Anna’s car.
He looked away, not wanting to believe that it had been here all along. Finding the car had been his last hope, and clearly Jack wasn’t in it or the police would have found him. Could he dare to hope that the authorities had missed something so obvious, and maybe Jack was still strapped in his capsule?
Ursula pulled on the handbrake and switched off the engine. ‘Come on,’ she said.
He undid his seatbelt and opened his door. He swung his legs out, forced himself to stand, then took a tentative step. He needed to get out of the car, but somehow it was also the last thing that he wanted to do.
* * *
Ursula watched Tony walk slowly around
his car. She noticed for the first time how his thick dark hair was flecked with grey behind his ears. He was only thirty, but he walked like an old man, and Ursula quickly looked away in case he caught her staring at him. She longed to be able to make it all better, to tell him that she would take care of it, that he could leave and go back to his life. But he wasn’t her little boy any more: he was a man, a husband, a father.
She turned as she heard a car crunch along the road behind them, then smiled in relief as she saw Jim’s ute. ‘It’s Dad, and Lisa.’
Tony looked up and nodded. Jim and Lisa jumped out of the car and ran over to hug Tony, then her.
‘You OK, love?’ Jim whispered in her ear while he embraced her. Ursula looked up at her husband. His receding hair was grey and coarse now, the way Tony’s would be in years to come, but his eyes were the same deep brown as the day they’d met. Jack had the same eyes. Beautiful, big, bright eyes. She clung tighter to Jim, feeling the lean knots of his muscles through his thick flannel shirt, still hard from years of manual work. She blinked back her tears.
‘I’m all right. We just have to stay strong.’
She glanced over to Tony and Lisa. Lisa’s long dark hair was loose, blowing in the breeze that swirled the sand around her grey peep-toe sandals and flared the skirt of her pink chiffon shift dress. She always looked so pretty in her own designs. Her dark eye make-up was smudged, though, and she dabbed at her nose with a tissue. Now she looked up at her big brother, who was at least a foot taller than her, and years older, and put her slender arm around his waist. Tony and Lisa had never been particularly close as kids – the five-year gap left them with little in common – but as adults they were good mates. Lisa had always treated Anna like an older sister; Ursula, too, had thought of Anna as family. But did she really know Anna as well as she’d thought? Ursula reached in her bag for her handkerchief. There was no time to think like that, not now.
A policeman walked towards them from the bush track. ‘G’day. I’m Constable Brad Dixon, from Sutherland Police.’
Tony stepped forward and offered his hand. ‘Tony Patton.’ His voice was strong and she felt a surge of pride. ‘This is my mum and dad, Ursula and Jim, and my sister, Lisa.’
Constable Dixon shook hands with each of them. Her palms were clammy against his strong, cool grip. She stared at the freckles on his nose as he began to give them a run-down of the search. He was in his early twenties, even younger than Lisa; it didn’t seem right that such young kids had to deal with things like this.
Tony interrupted him. ‘The car.’ He pointed towards it without looking. ‘Was Jack …? He wasn’t …?’
She blinked hard and focused again on the conversation. She knew what Constable Dixon was going to say. She was sure Tony did too.
‘No. It was empty. There was no sign of damage, or a struggle, but of course we’re getting Forensics out to examine it. I’m sorry, but there was nothing to explain what happened.’
Her last sliver of hope was snatched away by the salty wind. She closed her eyes, then dared to open them and look at Tony. He was pale. She clutched Lisa’s hand; her daughter was trembling.
‘I need to see it,’ Tony said, his voice firm.
‘Yes.’ Jim put his arm around Tony’s shoulders. ‘Let’s have a look. We might see something that isn’t obvious to the police.’
Tony nodded. ‘I’m sure there’ll be something, something to prove … To find whoever did this.’
Dixon furrowed his brow. He opened his mouth as if to say something, then closed it again and nodded before walking towards the car. They all followed him.
Tony peered through the windows of the Corolla, ducking to see inside from every angle. She came up behind him and put her hand on his shoulder. At that, he stopped moving.
‘Jack’s not there,’ he said in a flat voice.
‘I know, love.’ She squeezed his shoulder to keep her own hand from shaking, and looked through the back window too. On the floor on the left-hand side, just beneath the baby capsule, was a big black bag. It was the nappy bag, the one Anna always kept stocked up with everything Jack would need. She gently steered Tony away from the car. ‘Come on, love. Let’s go. We’ll be more help back over there.’
Tony nodded. Ursula led him towards his family.
* * *
He couldn’t stand it any more. The light was fading. They had scoured the beach and the path and the bush, but found nothing. A helicopter was on its way to help search the craggy rocks and caves that lined the ancient sandstone cliff wall, only visible from the churning air above the ocean. The police had stopped reassuring him that they would find Jack; now they only said they were doing everything they could. Their glances were drenched with pity. They wouldn’t look directly at him, or allow themselves to be engaged in conversation. He knew they were giving up.
But Tony knew that Jack wasn’t here. He couldn’t be. Jack was somewhere else, somewhere safe. He had to be.
He stood at the top of the cliff, swaying with the wind, and wondered what it would feel like to fall, and whether he would survive. What had Anna been doing here? Was she running, afraid? He squeezed his fists tightly then stepped back onto the path. He was losing his mind; Anna and Jack needed him to take charge here, to help them. He crouched down and put his head in his hands again, trying to concentrate, then heard himself let out a moan. He looked up, shocked, then noticed his parents and sister behind him. His dad held out his hand to help Tony to his feet. Ursula hugged him.
‘Mum, where is he?’ The words forced their way out of him raggedly.
Ursula took a deep breath, then shook her head. ‘I wish I could answer that.’ He heard the tremor in her voice.
‘We need more people! He could be anywhere! Time’s running out.’
‘We’ll find him,’ Jim said, stepping towards him. ‘We will, Tony.’
Lisa covered her face and muttered something before hurrying away. He could hear her stifled cries.
He suddenly thought of something. ‘We need to get it on the news, now! Everyone in Sydney needs to get out there and look – he could be anywhere, he could be on a plane by now. I don’t know what to do! I feel like I’m doing nothing, and every minute …’ He couldn’t finish the sentence. He’d never felt so helpless before. ‘Where the hell is he?’ He swiped at a tear. He couldn’t let himself think like the policemen, couldn’t give up on Jack. ‘Take me back to the hospital. Anna knows where he is – she has to. I’ll try again, she might be better now, she has to talk to me, she’s the only one who knows what happened!’
Ursula put her hand on his arm. ‘Please, calm down, the police said they’re doing everything they can —’
‘It’s not enough! We need to do more!’ He clenched his fist then punched the trunk of the gnarled gum tree behind him.
‘Tony! Stop!’ Jim grabbed his wrist.
He tried to wrestle his arm away, but his dad’s grip was too strong and he gave up, letting himself go limp. Jim put his arm around Tony’s slack shoulders. He couldn’t look at his father. All his life, Jim had quietly trusted him to do the right thing; he had never pressured him into anything. As a kid, he’d sometimes wished that his dad would be more involved in his life: yelling at him from the rugby pitch sidelines like the other dads instead of just telling him he’d done a good job, or clipping him round the ear when he staggered home drunk. Now, like then, he knew that Jim wouldn’t blame him, or believe that he’d been wrong to leave Anna and Jack this morning; he’d say that Tony had done his best. That was what he wanted to hear but, on the other hand, he was terrified that he might, for once, have let his father down. Let his own son down.
Ursula glanced at Jim, then took Tony’s elbow. ‘Go back to the car. I’ll just check on Lisa, then we’ll call the hospital and see if there’s any change. If not, we’ll go back to the house in case there’s any messages, or something we missed.’
He nodded and tramped wearily back to the car, his head down. Ursula arrived a few minut
es later. He slumped back in his seat and let her call the emergency ward. He couldn’t think any more; he’d run out of possible explanations. He closed his eyes and turned his head away from his mum. He didn’t say another word, not even when Ursula pulled up at the house. Like an infant roused from sleep, he was aware of his surroundings but didn’t want to wake up. He longed to be young again, to be carried into bed and tucked in, to fall into the long, deep sleep of a child.
‘Anthony? Anthony, we’re here.’
He opened his eyes and looked around, then emerged into reality. Nothing had changed. He rubbed his face then got out of the car, walked up to the door, and unlocked it. Behind him he heard his mum lock the car.
Inside, he went straight into the bedroom with a new-found sense of purpose. He needed to be methodical about this. He would start with Anna’s diary and notebooks, which she kept by the bed, then he would read every email, every document on her computer and every message in her phone, until he found … what? He opened the drawer of her bedside table and began raking through it. As he lifted up a book, he stopped suddenly and his heart raced. He picked up Anna’s box of medication and slid out the foil strip of tablets: there were only two missing. He closed his eyes and shook his head. This was all wrong; she had started these about two weeks ago. Why hadn’t she been taking them? He put the box back, trying to think clearly, and closed the drawer. Just then he heard the front door open, and smelled grease and garlic. It made him want to throw up. He heard his dad’s voice, the clang of plates, the oven door opening, the tap running.
And then he heard his phone.
The ring was like a scream.
The tap stopped running, the murmurs ceased and the house seemed to hold its breath. Without even thinking about it, and before it had a chance to scream again, Tony raced down to the hall table, picked up the phone and answered it.
* * *
Ursula froze. Her right arm was raised, ready to put the pizza box into the oven to warm. Jim and Lisa also stopped mid-action, as though they were all playing some bizarre game of statues.