Broken Process

by Bethany Jadin

  Which leads to my third thought. I’m ready to wave the white flag and surrender. Let them have it. Give the damn program to BHC and walk away. But I know I’d be sacrificing the masses to save the few. Whatever they want it for, it’s not good. Their desperation to have it at any cost speaks volumes about their plans. Even in my numb state, I know I can’t just hand it over and let them unleash whatever horrors they have in store upon the world.

  I reach for the tea Trigg brought in, but it’s cold, and I grimace. A glance at the clock on Zoey’s nightstand tells me it’s been over an hour since he came in with the warm drink as well as some crackers and cheese for me to nibble on.

  It was an hour or two before that when Daniel knocked softly at the door, carrying his laptop and some specialized equipment. He sat quietly in the corner of the bedroom, checking my phone to make sure it was clear of any bugs, keyloggers, and tracers. Once he was satisfied it was clean, he kissed me on the forehead and slipped out of the bedroom as quietly as he’d come in.

  And a few hours before that, Jax had peeked in to see if his cocktail of drugs was helping Zoey rest, coming over to my side of the bed and resting his hand on my arm as he monitored Zoey’s breathing for a few moments.

  I haven’t seen Jude or Gunner, but I know they’re out there. I’ve caught the faint sound of footsteps pacing in the hallway, and by the heavy gait, I know it’s Gunner. I don’t know why he hasn’t come in to check on us, unless he’s afraid of waking us, but I can guess why I haven’t seen Jude. He’s probably in full defensive mode, unwilling to let the entrance to the apartment out of his sight for even a minute.

  As I shift to set the tea cup back on the nightstand, my bladder calls out to me urgently. I’ve been trying to ignore it for the past forty-five minutes. But it’s threatening to burst now, so I slide carefully off the bed — as though it would have mattered. Zoey doesn’t so much as stir. I head straight for the bathroom and close the door behind me. After the world’s longest pee, I turn on the faucet and look at myself in the mirror. I wash my hands on autopilot, paying more attention to how pale my reflection is and how bloodshot my eyes are than the soap on my hands. I look like a zombie. I’m not sure whether it’s lack of sleep or the strain. Perhaps both.

  I shut the water off and decide to check what’s going on in the rest of the apartment before climbing back in bed beside Zoey. I ease out of the bedroom soundlessly and pad down the hallway in my pajamas and bare feet.

  It’s well into the wee hours of night, but all the guys are still here, just as Jude promised they would be. The apartment is mostly dark and quiet. The glow from the nightlight in the kitchen reveals that Gunner is, indeed, up and pacing. He’s making his way in and out of the kitchen as I exit the hallway. He looks up immediately, but as soon as we make eye contact, he averts his gaze to the floor. The shadows make it hard to tell, but before he turns away, I think I see a glimpse of that same look of shame he had earlier.

  Trigg and Daniel are on the living room floor, the dark outline of their sleeping forms occupying nearly all the floor space between the couch and loveseat. Trigg’s on his back, arms crossed, with his jacket folded under his head, and Daniel’s lying on his side, using a throw pillow from the couch.

  Jax and Jude sit at my dining room table, the big men making the thing look like it was built only for two. They’ve moved the table over to the window, positioned so they can see the alleyway, the street out front, and the door to the apartment all at once. Faint patterns of light from the city street spill across their bodies as they talk quietly amongst themselves.

  Jax is on his feet as soon as he sees me. “Emma. Can I get you something? How’s Zoey?”

  I speak softly, not wanting to wake up Trigg or Daniel. “She’s out cold. She hasn’t even rolled over. Thank you again for helping with that.”

  He nods. “Of course, anything I can do.”

  I wrap my arms around myself, shivering a little. The air in the apartment doesn’t feel cold, but I’ve been up too long, and my body has switched to low power mode. “I just wanted to check on you guys.”

  “We’re fine,” Jax reassures me. “You don’t need to worry about us.”

  “You know, you guys can use the couch,” I say, waving a hand toward the living room. “And my bed, too. I’m not going to be sleeping in there tonight.”

  Jude speaks up, shaking his head. “We don’t mind the floor.”

  I look over my shoulder at Trigg and Daniel, my bones aching just thinking about how uncomfortable it must be on the hard surface. “Are you sure?”

  Jude follows my gaze. “Believe me, the floor is better than a lot of places we’ve slept. Besides, a little discomfort is a small price to make sure you ladies are safe.”

  The hitch in his voice and the selflessness of his words make me feel like crying. But I’ve done enough of that today. I blink back the tears threatening to well up and lift my chin toward the window. “Have you seen anyone?”

  Jude shakes his head again. “No.”

  There’s a change in the air with my question, and Jax crosses his arms as he looks out the window. “They know we’re in here, but for now they’ve accomplished what they wanted.”

  “We’re keeping a close watch, anyway,” Jude adds. “I wouldn’t put it past them to fire a parting shot. Just to drive it home.”

  Jax flashes his twin a look that says shut up before turning to me. “But it’s not anything you need to be troubled with tonight. Try to get some rest. We’ve got things covered out here.”

  My throat tightens, and there is an upsurge of emotion threatening to break through. Despite everything that’s happened and the horror of today, there’s something so comforting about having all the guys here with me, under one roof, looking out for us.

  “Have you eaten? There’s some leftover spaghetti in the fridge,” I offer, turning toward the kitchen. “Or I can make you sandwiches.”

  Jax reaches for me, grabbing my hand before I’ve taken more than a few steps. He pulls me back, spinning me around to face him. He runs a hand across my forehead, smoothing back my hair. “No, we’re fine. I promise.”

  His eyes are locked on mine, and I want to take that last step, to close the distance between us and mold my body to his. I also want to find a blanket and nestle between Trigg and Daniel on the floor. I wouldn’t mind the hard surface with them on either side of me. And to sit down with Jude, to share the dark silence with him and let his quiet confidence infuse me. And to grab Gunner, get him to stop pacing and just fold me against that big body and envelop me in his strength.

  But what I need to do is get back to Zoey, so I squeeze Jax’s hand and step away. “Well, make sure Gunner eats something at least, okay? I don’t want to know what kind of grizzly bear he turns into if he’s deprived of food.”

  Jude lets out a laugh.

  “No, you really don’t,” Jax says with a grin.

  “Thank you, again,” I tell them, walking slowly backward toward the hallway. “Thank you for staying.”

  “Of course,” Jude says as if he couldn’t fathom doing anything else. “We aren’t going anywhere.”

  4

  Emma

  Zoey slept all the way through the morning hours, finally stretching and waking just before noon.

  After I convinced her to eat something for lunch, we were right back into her bedroom. We cleaned up the shards of broken glass from where her favorite vase was knocked over during the struggle with her BHC captors, our mood somber as we picked up the large pieces and vacuumed the carpet to get the last of the tiny fragments. Then we took a couple hours to unpack all of her boxes, putting her clothes away and hanging her photos on the wall.

  I hoped it would give us a sense of normalcy, to get her situated in her new room, but all it did was remind me over and over again that our lives have been in near-constant upheaval lately. Cleaning up the mess BHC caused was not exactly an auspicious beginning to living in our new place.

  At least the
work had given us purpose, and it seemed to distract Zoey for a little while, but now that the last box is empty, the distance is coming back into my roommate’s eyes.

  “You want to be alone?” I ask.

  Her response is soft but quick. “No. Just lost in my thoughts, that’s all.”

  As many times as I’ve mentally run through the scenario she described — looking up to see two large men in her room, scrambling to get away, them grabbing her before she could flee, subduing her and taking her out to the van waiting in the alley — it’s not the same as experiencing it. I can only begin to imagine what might be going through her head when she gets that vacant look.

  I hate seeing her like this. With a sinking feeling, I realize that having her bedroom unpacked isn’t going make much of a difference. She’s never going to feel at home here, not after the terror of yesterday. Not when she’s replaying what happened over and over in her mind every time she looks around her bedroom.

  As much as I want to stay close and take care of her, perhaps the best thing I can do is just take myself out of the equation. She needs some space, some time away from this madness — and from me, too, as much as it kills me to admit it. This whole mess centers around me. Keeping Zoey close isn’t doing her any favors.

  I finish straightening the dress I just hung up and close the closet door. “Hey, Zoey? Do you have somewhere you can stay for a while? So you can get away from all this?”

  She takes a deep breath and wanders over to the bed, sitting down on the edge, letting the breath out with a sad sigh. “Maybe. I do have a bunch of vacation days saved up. But I was hoping to use them for our trip.”

  My heart seizes at her words. “I know. I can’t even tell you how much I wish we were lounging on the beach on some remote island right now.”

  “That would be nice.” Her voice is quiet, and she says it absentmindedly, her thoughts elsewhere.

  I sit down on the floor in front of her as she picks at a loose thread on her bedspread. “But... is there anywhere else you’ve wanted to go?”

  She shrugs. “I don’t know. It’s been a while since I’ve visited my brother, I guess.”

  “Yeah, it has. I bet Jonas and Kathrine would like to see you.”

  A small glimmer of joy crosses her face. “My niece, Lucy, she’s doing really well with her volleyball team this year, and my brother’s been asking if I want to come out for one of the tournaments.”

  “Sounds like the perfect time to go, then,” I say as encouragingly as I can, hoping Zoey takes the opportunity to get the hell out of Dodge.

  Zoey doesn’t reply right away, and as the moments tick by, her expression slides flat again. She runs her fingers through her hair then lifts the ends in front of her face for inspection. “I feel like I’ve been sleeping for twenty-four hours straight, but I’m still so tired. And I’m pretty sure I need a shower. What time is it?”

  I lean to the side, checking the clock on her nightstand. “Almost six. I wouldn’t blame you if you just wanted to go back to sleep. Rest as much as you need.”

  “It’s seriously tempting.”

  She just sits there, inspecting the ends of her hair, her expression blank. I can’t stand to see her so down. There has to be something I can do.

  “Hey, you know what? I found a box of stuff when I was unpacking — bath bombs, soaking salts, and essential oils. I can get you a bubble bath going so you can have a nice, long soak. While you’re doing that, I’ll go to the store and grab some stuff for mani-pedis. Maybe do one of those hot oil hair treatments and some face masks, too. We’ll have a little spa evening. What do you think?”

  Zoey perks up a bit at that. “That sounds pretty nice.” She pauses a moment, pursing her lips in contemplation. “And maybe some pizza from that place Gunner loves?”

  That puts a smile on my face. “Two Tony’s?”

  She manages a little grin as well. “Yeah, that’s the one. We’ll have a girls’ night like we used to back in college — pizza, beer, and green goop on our faces.”

  I laugh, partly at the fond memories of our Saturday night ritual from back in the day, and partly from delight at seeing Zoey smile. “Sounds perfect,” I beam. “I’ll go grab that box and get your bath started.”

  “Okay, I’ll look up the number for the pizza place.”

  “Oh, I’m sure Gunner and Trigg probably have Two Tony’s on speed dial. I’ll get them to call in a delivery of something. And by something, I mean everything, especially if Gunner places the order. I bet he’ll have the entire menu stacked up on the dining room table by the time I get back from the store.”

  She nods, her smile growing. “Probably.”

  I pat her leg before standing up and heading to my bedroom. I grab the small box of bath stuff from beside my dresser and move into the shared bath between our rooms. It’s not a big space, and the tub isn’t luxurious, but within a few minutes I’ve worked a little magic. Candles are glowing on the sink counter, bubbles are rising high in the tub, and with the small drop of oils I’ve added to the water, it smells heavenly.

  Zoey comes in wearing her robe and admires the scene. “Wow, this looks great.”

  “Take your time — the pizza and pedicures can wait until you’ve transformed into a water-logged raisin, okay?”

  “Ha! You might not get me out of here tonight.” She smiles and grabs some towels from under the sink.

  I turn to go. “Alright, enjoy. I’m going to run out and grab the stuff from the store.”

  Zoey touches my arm, and I pause at the door. There’s concern in her expression. “Be sure to take one of the guys with you, please.”

  As much as it’d be nice to have a moment alone to think, I share her concern, especially after what Jude said last night about BHC trying to take a parting shot. “I will,” I promise her.

  Out in the living room, three big men are lined up on the couch, sitting shoulder to shoulder because they’re taking up every spare inch. Jude is the one in control of the television remote, of course, but Jax and Daniel are both pleading their cases, trying to convince him what to watch. I lean against the wall of the hallway for a moment, still partly hidden from view, and watch them. The good-natured bickering between them makes me smile.

  Gunner and Trigg are hovering near the kitchen, engaged in conversation. When I emerge from the hallway, Gunner takes one look at me and does a repeat of the night before — an odd look coming over him before his eyes hit the floor.

  This morning while Zoey and I were unpacking her boxes, I spent some time mulling over that look of his. Shame doesn’t suit Gunner well, and it’s been nagging at me, but I think I’ve figured it out. My best guess is that he feels guilty about what happened the other day when he and I were alone here in the apartment. If we hadn’t had our moment of exhibition in front of that BHC agent, maybe they wouldn’t have resorted to taking my roommate just to get my attention off Gunner and the other men of Pentabyte. He thinks it’s his fault. But he wasn’t the one conducting a strip tease on the dining room table. That was me. It was all me.

  Trigg watches me cautiously as I approach the two of them, his eyes flicking to Gunner then to me and back. Gunner still hasn’t raised his eyes by the time I’m standing right next to him, but when I place my hand on his arm, his chin lifts.

  I dip my head a bit in order to catch his gaze. “Zoey’s in the mood for pizza. How about you guys? You wanna order something from Two Tony’s?”

  A light pops into his eyes. “Yeah, sure. What does she want? Pizza? Pasta? Breadsticks?”

  I swear I can hear Gunner’s stomach growling as he talks, and it’s a relief to see him being himself. “I’m not sure. Maybe just order a few different things?”

  Gunner responds with an eager nod, already pulling out his phone. “I can do that.”

  “And we need some soda and beer, too.” I don’t even need to look in the kitchen to know we’re probably running low on drinks. And food. And anything that slightly resembles food. I alway
s have lots of leftovers stuffed into the fridge, but the guys have been here for two days now, and we’re probably down to crumbs, if that.

  Gunner nods, and finally I see a hint of a smile on his face as he searches something on his phone. A moment later, he looks up. “There’s a convenience store not too far from here that delivers. I’ll call them right after Two Tony’s.”

  I squeeze his arm. “Thank you, Gunner.”

  His body goes still at my touch. “Emma, I...” He searches my eyes as I wait for him to continue, but he loses some of his steam, his shoulders sagging.

  Trigg turns away, trying to give us some privacy. I squeeze his arm again, holding onto him for a long moment before letting go. “Gunner, it’s okay. Please. It’s killing me to see you so sad. This isn’t your fault.”

  A moment passes before something in him breaks, a relief settling into his shoulders. “Okay,” he says with a nod, pulling me to him for a long hug, his touch so gentle yet strong.

  As he lets go of me I reach up and stroke his face, glad to see less of that sadness in his eyes. “Well talk more later, alright?”

  My shoes are beside the door, and I balance on one foot and then the other as I slip them on. Jax and Jude pop off the couch simultaneously, both of them gawking at me as I reach for my coat.

  Jax steps toward me. “You need us to do something?”

  “I’m just going to run over to the beauty supply store on Franklin to get some stuff for Zoey and I.”

  “We can get whatever you need,” Jude says.

  It’s all I can do to keep from laughing at the thought of the burly twins, Jax in his leather and Jude in his no-nonsense business attire, in the narrow aisles of the beauty supply store, picking out pink nail polish and green-tea facial scrubs.