by Stella
She smiled and squeezed my hand. “I’m going to be fine, Gage. Nothing will happen, so there’s no need to say your goodbyes.”
This wasn’t some morbid last words kind of thing. I truly wanted her to know how I felt. Yet I wasn’t about to argue with her just to prove it, so I pulled her hand to my lips and pressed a kiss to her knuckles. Then I leaned down and did the same to her forehead before claiming her mouth with mine.
In the blink of an eye, the room was full of people moving wires and hooking Katie up to monitors. Watching how proficient they were at it, I wondered how often this sort of thing happened. Maybe if the regular nurses were better trained, they wouldn’t have a need to do this so many times.
I followed blindly. We went down a hall, then into an elevator. I was dressed in some blue, paper robe that covered my front and arms. I’d thought to tell them I wasn’t the doctor, but I couldn’t even get those words out.
It was a sad day when Gage Nix couldn’t crack a joke.
But then again, they were about to cut Katie open and pull my baby out. There was no room for humor—not even for me.
Parenthood was amazing.
Once you got past the screaming and threats of violence, then the blood and more screaming—mine, not Katie’s—and overlook the poop and whatnot, being a parent was a walk in the park. I mean, people came in to help feed him and change his diapers. They brought me pillows and the TV in the room had cable. I almost never wanted to leave the hospital.
“We need a name, Gage,” Katie murmured from the bed where she held my little alien.
“You’ve rejected every idea I’ve come up with. It’s your turn to suggest a few.”
She was quiet for a moment, watching our son sleep in her arms. “Okay, so I’ve had a name in mind for a while, but I’m not sure you’ll go for it.”
“As long as it’s not a sissy name like Gavin or DeGraw, we’ll be fine.”
She laughed. “Says the man with his CD in your car.”
“I’m telling you…it wasn’t mine. Someone broke into Mac and put it there.”
“Anyway, what about Daniel?”
I watched her for a second, loving the way she smiled when she looked at the most beautiful baby in the world. For the first time in my life, I felt whole. “Like the little boy Granny lost? Don’t you think it’s a bit morbid to name him after a kid who didn’t live?”
“Well, don’t think about it that way.”
“How else should I think about it?”
Katie huffed and rolled her eyes, but she wasn’t fooling anyone. She wasn’t annoyed; she’d only done that to keep the tears at bay. “Granny said herself that had she not been so upset over losing her son, she never would’ve allowed your mom to be the way she was. Had that not happened, she wouldn’t have had you—or at least, not so young, which means Granny never would’ve raised you. Haven’t you ever heard of the butterfly effect? How one action affects everything else? If you change one thing, it completely changes the entire existence as you know it.”
“So what you’re saying is, had Granny’s son not died, I wouldn’t have him?”
“Exactly.”
I took a moment to contemplate that theory, and no matter which way I looked at it, she was right. And once I admitted that to myself, I couldn’t deny the rest. The dream Katie had told me about a couple of months ago echoed in my head. And regardless of any other reason she could give, the dream was enough. “I think Daniel is a perfect name.”
Her lips split into the most genuine grin I’d ever seen, yet it did nothing to hide the tear that slipped down her cheek. I went to her and sat on the side of the bed, where I held her hand and waited for her eyes to meet mine.
“Why are you crying?”
“Because I’m happy.”
“Were you happy a couple weeks ago when you were crying in the kitchen?”
This time, when she rolled her eyes, it wasn’t to hide her emotions. If anything, it was to tell me exactly what she thought. “No.”
“So how am I supposed to know the difference?”
“I do believe those tears came after you did something stupid. And in case you need further explanation of how to differentiate between the two, I don’t typically curse you out when I’m happy. I usually save those for when you’re an ass.”
“I still don’t understand what I did wrong…but whatever.”
“You said I was big.”
“You were!” I realized as soon as she shot me the death stare that I probably shouldn’t have said that. But as I’d learned to do over the last nine months, I leaned forward, kissed her lips, and said, “I’m sorry.” Though this time, I added, “I love you.”
To which she did not say it back.
Good thing for her, I didn’t need to hear it to know she meant it.
After all, Ellie never said it…and everyone knew she was in love with me.
It was day two, and the day we would get to take Daniel home. Katie was excited. I was terrified. Not only was the first game of the playoffs the next day, but there wouldn’t be any nurses to come help with the feedings or the diaper changes. At least the first two games were home games, so I didn’t have to leave them to travel. And as long as I didn’t think beyond that, I was fine. The idea of making it past round one and into the second round, not to mention, advancing beyond that into the league championships and then possibly to the World Series, had me ready to fake my own death just to keep me from traveling.
I’d known other players who’d had babies during the season. They basically welcomed their child into the world, kissed its slimy little head, and then jumped back on the jet to go play ball. It was just the way it was, and even though I’d hear the occasional grumble, there was nothing any of us could do about it. We were owned by the game—and our contracts. However, now that my son was here, I didn’t think I could do it.
A nurse came into the room, and I thought she was about to change him again, but she ended up doing something else. She spoke to Katie for a minute and then came to get Daniel.
I stopped her. “Where are you taking him?”
“To get circumcised.”
“To get what?” I practically ripped my son out of this crazy lady’s arms. “Nope. I cannot allow you to serve up his impeccable pecker to a hack of a doc with a knife. Not if I can stop it.”
“Gage,” Katie said from the bed with laughter in her voice. “You really don’t want it done? I thought you, of all people, wouldn’t mind.”
She had a point. But I wasn’t ready to sacrifice my little man’s little man just yet.
“He won’t even know what’s happening, I promise.”
I stared at the nurse, suddenly glad that she wouldn’t be at the house after we left. I’d happily clean crap off his ass for the rest of my life as long as I never had to see this horrific broad again. “Oh, yeah? Do the babies tell you this? How many of them have been interviewed?”
She turned to Katie and said, “I can come back.”
“No.” Katie then glared at me. “We’ve talked about this, Gage. You were on board.”
“Yeah, but that was before.”
“Before what?”
“Before he had foreskin.”
“Umm…Gage? He’s always had it.”
I wanted to continue to argue, except I didn’t really have any more valid points to offer. So instead, I asked for a moment with him before they took him to the slaughterhouse. I needed him to know it was all Katie’s fault.
“Remember this when you have to be the deciding vote between Mommy and me. Got it? If she wants to go on vacation where it’s cold, and I want to go somewhere tropical, and you get to pick between the two—just remember which parent risked your manhood.”
“Gage.” Katie almost sounded bored.
“Hold on. I’m not done.” I turned back to Daniel and lowered my voice. “Actually, now that I think about it, if we do end up going somewhere tropical, you might be thankful. I mean, chicks on a beach are su
ckers for vacation romances, and they’ll do just about anything you—”
“Gage.” Now she sounded somewhat pissed.
“One more minute.” This time, I turned my back to Katie so I could have a little privacy with my son. “Beauty is pain, Dan, my man. And even though you’ll thank us later, you should still remember how hard I fought for you.”
“Oh my God. Gage!”
I handed him over to the nurse who couldn’t bite back her laughter, and then I kissed his forehead. Whoever said being a guy was easy clearly never had foreskin removed. Granted, I had no idea what it felt like since I was a baby when it happened, but that wasn’t the point.
Once Daniel was gone, another lady came in with papers. She rattled off instructions to both of us for after we got home. Most of it was for Katie and how to care for her incision, though there were other things like doctor’s appointments for her and the baby, and when those needed to be.
Finally, she looked between the two of us and said, “Nothing in there”—she pointed to Katie’s nether regions—“for six weeks.”
I stepped closer now that she had brought me into it. “Define nothing.”
“If it’s bigger than an invisible string, then it doesn’t go in there for six weeks.”
“Wait…I just need to make sure I got this right. What kind of invisible string are we talking about here? Like a thread? What about a rope? I’m gonna need sizes to understand.”
She paused, staring at me with knitted brows and a smirk on her lips. “Let’s go with an invisible thread. Does that work for you?”
“Is there another nurse we can get a second opinion from?”
“Nope. I’m the only one.”
“Damn…this hospital has gone downhill.”
She waved me off and continued with the instructions for Katie. I couldn’t wait for Daniel to come back so I could take them both home. I only had three days to spend with them, and then I’d have to fly out. I wanted to make sure I took advantage of every single second I had until then.
Chapter Seventeen
Katie
“This is your room…because every prince needs his own castle.” Gage toted the baby carrier around Granny’s old room—now Daniel’s nursery—to show him where he’d be living. He pointed out the crib and made sure to turn the baby so he could see it. “Your very own plush mattress—top of the line.” And then his closet. “You’ve got more clothes than any kid I ever knew. But don’t worry, I won’t let Mama put you in something anyone will make fun of. Every outfit will get my stamp of approval—and there will be no overalls or giraffes. Pinky swear.” Gage lifted his little finger like Daniel would stick his hand out to take hold. It was cute, even if it was ridiculously over the top.
I leaned against the doorframe, watching the tour and shaking my head. My entire body ached, and I was so tired I could barely keep my eyes open, but I wouldn’t miss seeing the wonder in Gage’s actions for anything in the world. It was silly and outlandish, yet there was something magical about how he interacted with his son. It was the side of Gage he had usually reserved for Granny although sweeter, more innocent, and I loved witnessing it. I never expected this when Gage and I started down the pregnancy path.
It had been strange replacing Granny’s bed with a crib and her dresser with a changing station. When we painted the walls a pale blue, I worried that we were erasing her spirit from the house. And when we filled the space with little-boy things and baby nuances, I’d nearly choked on the lump in my throat thinking we were making a mistake by giving our son the master bedroom while Gage and I kept the two we had—although mine was merely for the storage of my crap. Yet now, having Daniel here, it was all perfect and right—like he was meant to be precisely where he was, and Granny had given us her blessing.
“And here are your lovies—that’s what Mama calls them, but I’m sure we can come up with something that sounds more manly. We’ll work on it when she’s not around.” Gage held the carrier close enough to whisper to Daniel like I couldn’t hear everything he said. And then, he peered over his shoulder with his brows high and a smirk acting like the two of them already shared a secret that I wasn’t privy to. “And this is where I expect you to behave.” He set the carrier down and carefully took Daniel out, cradling him in his arm while staring at the changing table. “No funny business up here. No peeing on Daddy. No stinky poos—save those for Mama. And no screaming. It tears me up inside when you cry, so you can only do that when Daddy isn’t here.”
“Gage.” It wasn’t much of a warning, but it was enough to garner his attention.
Once again, he turned to meet my gaze over his shoulder. “Oh, I didn’t realize you were standing there. You should go lie down and get some rest.”
“He’s going to need to eat soon. I’ll take a nap after that.” I took a couple steps toward the two of them and cringed when one of those was a little too large. I never realized how many everyday movements were attached to my stomach muscles which were currently split in two.
Gage spun around, and I worried he’d drop the baby. I should have known better. This was a man who cradled a baseball while running or sliding in the dirt and never let it leave his glove. He reached out to me with his free hand to steady my wobble. “Whoa there, Nelly. Why don’t you sit down?”
With his assistance, I waddled—something I assumed would stop after having the baby—over to the glider. Never in my wildest dreams could I have fathomed the kind of pain that radiated across my belly. Standing up straight was an impossibility, and sitting down didn’t feel much better. I prayed a shower would make me feel halfway human, and even though it wouldn’t eliminate the discomfort, at least I wouldn’t feel like a filthy troll. And I was sure a little sleep, in my own bed, would do me worlds of good after.
“Do you want to try to feed him now?”
I was surprised Gage was willing to release his hold on Daniel. Every moment he got to nuzzle him or tote him around to show him off, he took full advantage of. “If you don’t mind.”
Gage turned Daniel in his arms so he could look him in the eye and held him out in front of him with his head in his palms and his body resting on Gage’s forearms. Even though I didn’t have a bird’s eye view, I could see the way Gage’s voice captured my son’s attention, and there was no denying the love Gage gave him in return.
“Mama’s got the good stuff. But don’t get attached, I’m taking those back when you’re done.” He was just about to hand him off when he pulled the swaddled blankets back to his chest. “And don’t you worry. I’ll be right here when you’re finished.”
It was hard to be anything other than happy where these two were concerned. With as bad as I felt, I was confident Gage’s antics and immaturity would irritate me. On the contrary, they made me smile through the pain and warmed my heart in a way I’d never known possible before Daniel was placed in my arms for the first time.
I took my son from his dad and unbuttoned my shirt. I’d only been wearing a nursing bra for about twenty-four hours, and I was already thrilled Ellie had convinced me to invest in them. The flap came down with ease to expose my breast.
“Holy tit. Ellie’s got nothing on you.” Gage’s eyes nearly bulged with excitement.
I just stared at him. There was no point in responding to the comparison. He’d never seen Ellie’s bare chest, and at this rate, he might never touch mine again. “Six weeks,” I deadpanned.
“There has to be some wiggle room in that timeframe. What’s so magical about six weeks instead of five? Or four? And she said nothing in there.” He glanced down at my lap. “The nurse didn’t mention anything about those.” He wagged his brow with anticipation.
I adjusted Daniel for him to latch. This took as much mental preparation as it did physical. My nipples were already sore in the two days I’d been doing this, and when he first took hold, my toes curled in pain. The nurses assured me I was doing everything correctly and my nipples would toughen up. I just wasn’t sure I’d make it
until that happened, nor did the idea of my nipples becoming calloused hold much appeal.
Having Gage here offered a distraction. Once I winced, uncurled my toes, and let out the breath I held as the pain subsided, I finally addressed his comment. “You realize they leak?”
His brow furrowed. “I could have done without that information. So no playing with them either, huh?”
“Just warning you ahead of time.” I didn’t have to worry about Gage engaging in that form of activity. There’d been too many references to milk, udders, and suckling, for him to find any of it erotic.
“Thanks for the heads-up, Katiebug. Nothing like having the entire playing field stripped from you by your son. Brings a whole new meaning to the term cock block.” He took a seat on the floor and watched with rapt attention, even though he acted like the whole thing repulsed him.
“Gage, language.”
“He’s two days old. I don’t think he’s going to be repeating anything I say.”
“Yet.”
“I’m sure he’ll be incredibly gifted—after all, he is my son—but even that’s a bit farfetched.” He looked at me like I’d lost my mind.
I pulled Daniel closer to me and closed my eyes, trying to enjoy this moment everyone swore up and down would bond me to my child. It was what was best for him, but forty-eight hours in, and I was already struggling to keep it going. There was nothing about it that gave me the warm fuzzies, and in fact, it was typically twenty to thirty minutes of borderline agony. I’d kept my mouth shut when Gage was around. He’d been surprisingly pro-breastfeeding once the lactation consultant filled him in on the health benefits for Daniel and me, and I didn’t want to let either of them down.
When I switched sides, it was a repeat of the first. Gritting my teeth, I tried to plaster on a happy face, although I’d be willing to bet it looked more like constipation than joy. Thankfully, Gage’s attention remained on Daniel and not my expressions.