by Ellen Lane
When she entered his immense suite, the man was in the shower. Alice took a long moment to watch his lithe form through the frosted glass doorway, her cheeks flushing in sudden hunger. How was it that, no matter how she might feel at the time, her lust for Russell never seemed to abate?
She made her decision quickly.
It took Alice less than a minute to slip from her clothing and pad, naked, to the shower. When she opened it, Russell whipped around to look at her, and Alice exhaled a slow breath at the sight of his tight, well-muscled form glistening beneath the hot spray.
“Russell…” She started hesitantly, closing the door behind her. “I’m sorry if I offended you. I didn’t mean…” she trailed off, searching for the right words. “This is your family home, and I have no right to make you feel embarrassed in it.”
Russell’s eyes roamed over her bare form for a long moment before all the tension in his body eased. He came to her without a word, enveloping her in his arms as he pressed his forehead to hers. For almost half a minute, he said absolutely nothing - and when he kissed her, Alice all but melted against him. Russell’s family was nice, but this had been what she was craving all day - and she feared she might have done something to lose it.
When the dark-haired man pulled back to gaze down at her, a slow smile spread across his face.
“No, Alice. I’m sorry. Storming out was completely childish of me. I simply...well...I’ve never brought a woman home before. Never...exposed myself like this before. But I understand what it means to you…. what it could mean for me. I want this.” He sounded completely earnest, and Alice searched his gaze, looking for something that would assure her he wasn’t just telling her what he wanted her to hear.
“Do you?” She inquired softly, brushing wet strands of hair back from his brow gently. “I don’t want anything that you don’t want, Russell.”
“I want you,” he replied with conviction, before kissing her again - until Alice was aware of nothing that existed outside of the shower stall. Her arms slid around his neck as she pressed her water-slick body against his. When his hardness immediately sprang up against her stomach, she moaned softly in need.
No sooner had Russell finished kissing her then he dropped to his knees before her, pushing her back against the shower wall. Alice’s fingers slid through his hair as he spread her legs, drawing one thigh over his shoulder. She held him just as much for purchase as she did to keep herself grounded as his lips and tongue wrought havoc between her legs. The young woman had been completely unprepared for the fervor with which he devoured her, and her hips undulated greedily against his mouth as his fingers slid deep within her. His tongue flicked at her clit alternating feather-light and with enough pressure that she bit back screams.
Russell however, didn’t stop until she came powerfully against his tongue, barely keeping her footing in the slick shower. Her entire body shuddered as Russell worked every last drop of pleasure from her before lifting her into his arms to take from the shower.
They didn’t make it to the bed. Instead, Russell set her on the bathroom counter a moment before he drove home with enough force to make her cry out against his shoulder. Alice knew she was in his family home - that it was important for her to keep their encounter clandestine - but at that moment, all she could do was revel in how good he felt inside her.
When she clung to him, her nails must have created furrows on his back. She wrapped her legs around his waist and moaned as he had her deliciously - both deep and hard, and slow and leisurely. Letting her head fall back, Alice moved her body against his, every delicious thrust of his cock within her threatening to utterly destroy her.
Despite the complicated nature of what was between them - despite the fact that she never really knew what he was thinking, or what he wanted, she loved this man.
She loved him, and she would do anything if he would be hers.
By the time Russell was finished with her, it was all Alice could do to make it to bed. As she allowed her exhaustion and jetlag to overwhelm her, she was dimly aware of the man wrapping his arm around her waist to pull her close to him - so close that she could feel his heartbeat.
And everything was right with the world.
**
Despite how tightly he held her that night, when Alice woke the next morning, she was alone. Instead of taking his absence as a bad sign, however, the young woman took the opportunity to look over his room. The same room, he had divulged to her - that was his growing up.
Now, it was a strange blend of boyish fantasy and raw masculinity. There were old school books stacked on shelves along with pictures of Russell from grade school all the way up through university. There were a bevy of awards he’d garnered in his years of being an agent, as well as photos with him and several famous actors and actresses.
Alice ran her fingers over a wooden figure she supposed he’d carved as a boy - it was a roughly hewn dragon that still had spiky edges - but Russell had carved it, and in seeing it, she felt closer to him. The young woman looked over the few toys that remained in the room before sitting back on the bed. She couldn’t find her phone, and so she opened one of the bedside table drawers, only to pause.
Her phone wasn’t there. Instead, she only found a stack of unmarked letters. Alice had no intentions sticking her nose where it didn’t belong, but before she closed the drawer, she couldn’t help but notice the same name at the top of every letter.
Amy.
Amy, Amy, Amy.
Alice shut the door with perhaps a bit more force than was appropriate before rising to get dressed and start her day. Hopefully, Russell hadn’t gone very far. She had hoped that they might be able to do some Christmas shopping together.
And she would forget about Amy, whoever she was.
When she emerged into the kitchen, however, Russell was nowhere to be found. Instead, Franklin was the lone occupant, sitting at an immense island with a cup of coffee and a croissant. He was, Alice quickly noticed, wearing only pair of low slung jeans, and she quickly looked away. As attractive as the man was, Russell was built slightly better. And she did so enjoy following the sprinkling of dark hair that ran down his flat belly to the treasures beyond.
“Good morning.” Franklin greeted her despite her obvious embarrassment, “Coffee?”
“Yes, please.” She stammered, taking a seat at the bar as she reached for the sugar in front of her. “Do you happen to know where Russell went?”
“He’s out on a jog. Longer than normal, if you ask me, but I expect he’ll show up again soon.” Placing a ceramic mug before her, Franklin poured the coffee with a deft flick of his wrist before setting the cream next to her as well.
“Like it light and sweet I suppose?”
“Something like that.” Alice smiled doctoring her concoction until she was happy with it before taking a sip. “How did you know?”
“You didn’t reach for the coffee like it was your lifeline. Black coffee lovers are a bit more hardcore.” Franklin took a seat next to her, but made no move to invade her personal space. Alice, naturally, breathed a sigh of relief.
“Are you insulting my love for coffee?” She teased him as he passed her a decadent chocolate croissant.
“Not at all. Just gauging whether or not you might drop dead without it.”
Alice couldn’t help but laugh “Fair enough. I assume, then, that you like it black?”
“As a moonless night.” Franklin demonstrated by draining the rest of his cup. There was a devil-may-care attitude about him that Alice admired. At the same time, she could see why Russell might be wary of a man so blasé about his own life. “So, I assume you’re the woman who’s going to change Russell?”
Alice nearly choked on her coffee. Raising her head, she gazed pointedly at Franklin. He was even more forward than she might have expected.
Alice merely took a bite of her croissant before answering carefully. “The only one who can change Russell is Russell. Perhaps I’m foolish for wanting all
of him, but I’m willing to wait, if that’s what it takes.”
“Are you, now?” Franklin’s brow shot upward. “And you know, of course, that Russell has barely had a relationship that’s lasted more than six months?”
This wasn’t new to Alice. She’d made it her business to know exactly how Russell felt about relationships. She’d dealt with his indecision for months - and who knew how much longer she’d have to continue dealing with it? Of course, she would have fallen for the one man who was all but unattainable to her.
“I know. I suppose I’m lucky to have gotten this far. Russell tells me he’s never brought another woman home to meet his family.”
Franklin’s expression turned contemplative. “Well...that’s not precisely true.”
Alice’s breath caught in her throat. It wasn’t that she thought Russell might have lied to her - it was merely that the prospect of learning something she hadn’t known about Russell always made her both apprehensive and excited. She didn’t want to go behind his back, but at the same time, she wondered if there was any other way to truly learn about what kind of man he was deep down.
“Franklin…” she struggled with herself at what the elder man suggested. “I don’t want to pry...Russell obviously treasures his privacy-”
“Alice, I’m sure you’ve noticed by now that I don’t pull my punches.” Franklin interrupted her not impolitely. “What I’m going to tell you is not because I’m conspiring against Russell. I’m telling you because you seem to genuinely care for him, and you deserve to know the truth.”
She wasn’t quite sure what to say to that, so Alice remained silent. Franklin, however, went on without hesitation. “You are the first woman that Russell had brought home in over ten years, which is no small accomplishment. But there’s a reason for that. Russell hasn’t always been as closed off as he is now, you know. When he was younger, he was willing to go anywhere, do anything to achieve his dreams...and he was in love with a young woman named Amy.”
Alice immediately stiffened. There was no doubt in her mind that the Amy, Franklin spoke of was the same Amy from the letters in Russell’s room. Even if she’d wanted to say anything at that juncture, the words wouldn’t have come.
“They were both young and impetuous. Amy would have done anything for him, and she probably indulged his bad boy habits a little too much, but they had fun together. He was head over heels in love and he was already going on to Mother and Father about how he wanted to be with her for the rest of his life.”
Alice could only imagine what a young and impetuous Russell might have been like. One who wasn’t afraid to give of himself - to give everything he had without regret. In that respect, she found herself jealous of this Amy. She had everything that Alice might ever wish for.
“She died.”
The words were like a physical blow to Alice, so great was her shock. Franklin stared down into his coffee cup, his tone carefully neutral. “There was an accident in London and she didn’t make it. You can imagine how devastated Russell was...it might have been part of his decision to leave Britain entirely. He just couldn’t stand the memories he made here.”
This was the last thing Alice had expected. She thought maybe some woman had hurt him, or something traumatic had happened in his childhood. She had never imagined he might have lost the woman he loved.
“I don’t know how Russell thinks,” Franklin went on with a sigh, pouring himself another cup of coffee. “But I know he felt responsible for her death. And that might have something to do with why he can’t open up to anyone now.
“That’s an abridged version, to be sure...but if you and Russell are going to be together, it’s a subject that you’re going to have to broach yourself eventually.” Franklin sucked in a breath before releasing it. When he finally looked at Alice, his handsome face was turned up into a sheepish smile. “I hope I haven’t ruined your holiday.”
Ruin was a strong word, but Alice couldn’t deny that Franklin had given her a lot to think about. Fighting against Russell’s past was one thing, but pitting herself against a tragic figure? Alice didn’t know if she could, in good faith, do such a thing. As she insisted to his mother, the last thing the young woman wanted was to hurt Russell.
She couldn’t imagine bringing up Amy would do anything but hurt him.
“More coffee?” At Franklin’s offer, Alice merely laughed softly. “Maybe with a little whiskey.”
At that, Franklin grinned. “Now we’re talking.”
**
Alice contemplated what Franklin told her all morning - long past when Russell returned. She did, indeed, get to go Christmas shopping with him, but she remained thoughtfully silent for most of the trip - to the point where Russell asked her if something was wrong. Thereafter, Alice threw herself into her task until she seemed almost too full of holiday cheer. She shopped for everyone except Russell, wondering what she was going to get the man. Something that wouldn’t seem too overbearing.
Something that said…’I know I’m your second choice but hopefully that’s enough.’
Even the thought made her wince.
Even so, Alice tried to count down Christmas as enthusiastically as the Darwell family did. Apparently, they waited until Russell returned to start preparing, and so the few days leading up to Christmas Eve consisted entirely of Alice gaily helping the Darwell’s decorate while guzzling eggnog and apple cider. Both of which, by the way, were spiked, so, despite her hidden depression, Alice managed to keep up with the merry household quite aptly.
She arranged to have a sample dress brought up from her studio for Janeane, and bought a bottle of nice whiskey - of the ilk her brother liked -for Franklin. She had already finished shopping for her own family, and now she was merely putting off making amends with Michael. She only hoped that she could eventually go to him and tell him how wrong he was. That Russell had actually fallen for her and forsaken all his uncertain ways.
But that was one Christmas miracle that she knew was close to impossible.
By the time Christmas eve rolled around, Alice found herself taking a break from the festivities. She made her way upstairs to Russell’s room and shut herself in, looking out the window at a heavy gray sky that threatened snow.
What on earth was she doing?
Though she hated to admit it, what Franklin told her shattered her confidence. Alice merely wished there was some way to prove to Russell how much she loved him; but at the same time, she didn’t want to overstep her boundaries. As enthusiastic as she had been at Russell’s invitation, and as wonderful as his family was, perhaps it had been a mistake to come here.
Taking a long sip of the drink she’d brought with her, Alice tried to pump herself up to return downstairs and celebrate with Cordelia and the others. They were really being wonderfully lovely to her. It was rude of her to flee up here the way she had.
At that precise moment, the door to Russell’s room opened and Alice jumped, turning to see the man himself entering, his expression hesitant. For the love of God it was criminal that she should want one man so badly even as he was tearing her apart emotionally.
“Alice?” He entered the room, shutting the door quietly behind him. “Is everything alright?”
He’d asked her the same question numerous times over the past few days, and every time, Alice had lied to him. What else could she do? Now, she opened her mouth to do the same once more...and found that she couldn’t.
Taking a deep breath, the young woman met Russell’s gaze and said the one thing she knew she should avoid like the plague.
“I know about Amy.”
Surprisingly, Russell showed no outward alarm at her statement. Rather, his face went carefully blank and he crossed the room slowly to sit on the edge of the bed - a good three feet away from her. For a long moment, he didn’t speak, and when he did, his tone held an accusatory edge.
“Franklin told you.”
Alice told herself that she wasn’t going to cry. There was no reason to c
ry. She might have known something like this would happen.
“Only because he can see how much I care about you...and I do care about you, Russell. More than you know.”
“I know you care.” His voice came out more sharply than she’d ever heard him before and Alice flinched slightly. “I wouldn’t have brought you to meet my family if I didn’t think you cared.”
“But you still won’t let me in,” she burst, visibly frustrated. “You take all the time to feed me carefully constructed lines and tell me what I want to hear, but you won’t really tell me what you want from me.”
“I don’t even know what I want from you.” Russell’s voice was oddly quiet. “As I’m sure everyone has told you, Alice, I don’t let people get close. I don’t have very much practice.”
“You let Amy close.”
It was the wrong thing to say, but was it so terrible of Alice to want him to love her the way she loved him? She would share with him anything he asked, and now she was coming to realize that she couldn’t be with Russell if he couldn’t do the same with her.
“That was a long time ago.” He snapped harshly, shocking her with the frigidity of his tone. “I let her close and she died. She’s gone - just like that part of me is gone. I can’t be who I was back then, Alice. If that’s what you want, I can’t give it to you.”
Alice drew in a shuddering breath. “That’s...not what I want.” And it wasn’t. Alice didn’t want to be Amy. She simply wanted Russell to understand how she felt about him -what she was willing to endure for him.
“Then what do you want?” He demanded quietly, his dark eyes unreadable. At that moment, Alice wanted nothing more than to throw herself into his arms and have him comfort her. For him to tell her that he loved her and that everything was going to be alright.
“Tell me how she died.”
This time, Russell did stiffen, and Alice realized that she might have crossed a line. Still, she waited with baited breath, and eventually Russell began to speak. “I was something of a daredevil when I was younger. I wanted to skydive, to climb mountains, and to see the world - all preferably before I was twenty-five. I loved Amy because she shared all those aspirations with me and more. She was like my mirror image, so naturally, she wanted to go everywhere I went”