by Louise Bay
“And you look super smart. You said casual, right?” She gestured for me to follow her inside. I did as she asked, handing her the flowers before she turned around. Should I have tried to kiss her? I wasn’t sure what the etiquette was tonight.
“These are beautiful. You shouldn’t have. I have those gorgeous peonies that you sent earlier, and the flowers from yesterday.”
Maybe flowers three times in three days was too much, but I wanted her to know how special she was. I’d never bought things for girls before, so I’d struggled to think what would be appropriate. I’d bought Christmas and birthday gifts for Emma, but she’d always told me what she wanted and I just went and got it. With Ashleigh, I’d bought her flowers because I liked the thought of her smile when she got them. “I wanted to. These don’t smell as good as you, either, but they look nice enough. You, on the other hand, look stunning.”
“How can you say ‘nice enough’? They’re beautiful. You really shouldn’t have.”
I wondered if she couldn’t take compliments in general, or whether it was that she just ignored the ones that came from me. She’d have to get used to it.
I followed her into her kitchen, where she unwrapped the lilies and set about cutting off the ends and arranging them in a vase. I stood in the doorway watching her as she decided which flowers to place where in her arrangement. She did a double take when she caught me.
“What?” she asked.
I shrugged. “Nothing. I just like looking at you.” Every movement she made was so graceful, so unconsciously sexy.
She smiled shyly and tilted her head to one side. The air crackled around us, and she wet her lips. Jesus, just that simple act had my cock’s attention. I wanted to know what that glossy mouth would look like wrapped around my dick. I shifted, trying to get myself under control.
I cleared my throat. “I think we should go.”
Ashleigh’s smile turned wicked, but she nodded. I moved into the hallway to wait and to tell my cock to stand down. She appeared a minute later, and we headed into the freezing cold, bundling ourselves into a cab as soon as we found one.
“This is a mid-week date, right? So, I’ve not planned anything fancy. Just dinner.”
“I’m not expecting fancy. I just want to spend some time with you fully clothed and in public. I just don’t want to skip the good bit and go straight to me moaning about you leaving the toilet seat up, or cleaning the car on a Sunday. Does that make sense?”
I nodded. Any time I got to spend with her, no matter what we were doing, was all good with me. And the sooner we could tell Haven and Jake the better. Then we could be open about being together. Perhaps by the end of the evening I would have convinced her that we were ready to tell the world.
I laced my fingers through hers and squeezed. “It makes perfect sense. We never have to skip to that part, though. I know that’s what it was like with Emma and me, but Haven and Jake aren’t like that, and we don’t have to be either. We can always do the fun stuff. I want to always do the fun stuff with you.”
“Okay then. And we’re not going to Chiltern Firehouse, are we?”
“We’re not. You don’t like it there? Just so I know for future fun stuff.”
She glanced down at the pavement. “I just . . . I don’t like that it’s where you took Fiona. I know I told you that you should date and everything, but it doesn’t mean that . . .”
Was I an idiot for not going to Ashleigh sooner to tell her I was ready? “I’m sorry. It wasn’t serious, and we didn’t get naked. I guess I was just—”
“You have nothing to apologize for. Seriously.”
“If it makes you feel any better, I’d quite happily murder Richard.”
She laughed. It was one of my favorite sounds. Only topped by the breathy noises she made when she had my dick in her or my tongue on her. I swept my thumb across her wrist and caught her shiver in response.
We arrived at the restaurant, an Italian place in Mayfair that had come recommended by a guy at work. I’d visited during my lunch hour just to see if it was a place Ashleigh would like.
“Murano?” Ashleigh asked.
“Yeah, is that okay?”
“It’s more than okay. I’ve always wanted to come here. I thought you said tonight was nothing fancy?”
I grinned. I’d chosen the right place.
“Mr. Daniels, nice to see you again,” the host said as we arrived.
I watched as Ashleigh’s face dropped. I could tell she thought I’d been here with another woman. I bent and whispered in her ear, “I came earlier today to check it out. I’ve not been before, and I wanted to make sure it was good enough.”
She turned toward me, wrapped her hands around my neck and pressed her mesmerizing lips against mine. “Thank you,” she said, pulling away.
“What for?” I wasn’t complaining about the kiss, but it had caught me off guard.
“Oh, you know. Just for being wonderful.”
My heart swelled at her words. It was incredible to me that this amazing, sexy, caring, funny and gentle woman could think I was wonderful. I wasn’t about to question it.
By the end of the evening, I was aching for her. Every minute I spent with her made me realize what a fool I’d been for all these years. She had been right in front of me, wanting me, and I’d never chosen to explore it.
Ashleigh
We stood outside my building, and he brushed my hair from my face. “Ashleigh, thank you for agreeing to come out with me tonight. I’ve had a great evening, and I’d really like to see you again. Are you free on Saturday, all day?”
Was he calling time on our date already? I wasn’t sure I was ready to be apart from him. “Thank you for a wonderful time, and I would love to see you again on Saturday.”
He nodded. “May I kiss you?”
My stomach flip-flopped. I slid my hand up his hard chest, taking a half step forward and closing the gap between us. “I would like that, yes.”
He cupped my face and dropped a kiss at the corner of my mouth. My lips parted as he traced his tongue across my bottom lip before dipping inside. His hands smoothed down my back, pressing my body against his, making me feel wanted and safe. He gasped as I trailed my fingers along the top of his belt. We’d already slept together, and I really wasn’t trying to put the genie back in the lamp. Would he stay if I asked? Before I got a chance to say anything, he broke our kiss and took a step back.
“You’re incredible, but I’m having a hard time staying in control.” The thought that I could do that to him still took a little getting used to. “I have an early start, so I’m going to go.”
I nodded, disappointment flooding my veins. He was set on leaving. He kissed me on the cheek and watched as I made my way into my building.
I felt wooed, cherished. And now I was lying in bed with an ache between my legs that only Luke had a cure for. Should I have invited him in? He hadn’t asked, hadn’t assumed, and I’d forgotten where we were with things. Did dating for him mean no sex? Now on my own, Luke was all I wanted, and he’d made it more than clear that he wanted me. What was I waiting for? I had a lot to lose, but even more to gain.
I threw on my coat and ran outside. It was late, and I lived some way from a main road where I could catch a passing cab. It took me about twenty minutes before I spotted a taxi with its light on, and when I scrambled in, I realized I didn’t know Luke’s flat number. I’d been there before, but only once. I spent the journey scrolling my messages, trying to find the text where he’d given me his address. Before I knew it, I was standing on my own outside Luke’s building, looking at the dissolving taillights of the cab. Jesus, I was an idiot. What was I doing here? Maybe he hadn’t pushed to come in because he didn’t want to. Maybe he was feeling unsure about our relationship as well. I started to pace, too panicked to continue my search through old texts. I shouldn’t have come. I should have trusted my initial instinct and let us marinate—let us both get used to the idea of being together. What was I t
hinking, being so presumptuous, assuming I was the only one holding back?
I missed him.
“Ashleigh.”
I jumped and spun to find Luke walking toward me.
“What are you doing here?” he asked.
“Uh . . . oh. Um. I don’t know.” Was he mad? “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry. How long have you been here?” He checked his watch then looked at me. He pulled me into his arms. “Are you cold? I’m sorry I wasn’t here.”
It registered that he’d only just made it home after dropping me off. Where had he been?
“No. I shouldn’t have come. I should go. I didn’t mean to push.” Jesus, I should have just stayed at home. We’d had a wonderful night, and I’d spoiled it by showing up uninvited.
“What do you mean ‘push’? Please don’t go anywhere,” he said into my hair as his arms tightened. “Tell me why you are here.”
I took a deep breath. “I missed you.” It was so good to be held by him. It felt so safe.
“You did?” He kissed the top of my head. “Let’s get you inside. You must be freezing. You shouldn’t be out on your own. It’s not safe, and I don’t want anything to happen to you.
“But if I’m pushing, you have to tell me.”
“Pushing me by being here? Ashleigh, I’m ready to run; I’m just waiting for you to catch up, baby.”
Everything he said made me feel better. Every moment I spent with him made me feel more certain of our future together.
“Am I crazy?” I asked as we headed inside.
“In general or for some particular reason? Because yes and maybe.”
I rolled my eyes and he chuckled.
“For missing you, for turning up here in the middle of the night. I think I’m crazy.”
“Well, if that makes you crazy, I like crazy. I thought you didn’t want me to stay, and I don’t want to push.” His brow was furrowed as if he were trying to piece together a puzzle.
“I know what I said, but I’ve changed my mind.” I glanced at the floor. “Dating should include sleepovers. What do you think?”
He stuck his keys in the lock and ushered me inside. “I think that maybe you’re beginning to catch up.”
He collapsed on the sofa and pulled me onto his lap. “I don’t want to waste another moment without you. I feel like a fool for not seeing what was under my nose for so long. Every night should be a sleepover as far as I’m concerned, but I know you have some doubts and you want to protect yourself. I get all that, and I want to go at your pace, but you never need to worry that you’re pushing. Everything else I want in life pales in comparison to how much I want you.”
My stomach dipped and rolled at his words. Those words had been the stuff of my dreams since I was a teenager. “You’re wonderful.”
“I’m really not. Ask Emma, or Fiona. Any of my exes. It’s different with you. You make me different. Better. I like myself with you more than I do without you.”
I wasn’t sure that I’d ever been paid such a compliment by anyone. It was close to overwhelming. “Okay, so you’re my Mr. Wonderful.”
“I can live with that.” He linked his fingers through mine and nestled his head against my neck. “Are you feeling better?”
I nodded. It wasn’t possible to feel anything other than ecstatic given what he’d just said. “Much.”
“We’ve always been able to talk, Ashleigh, and now that we’re together, it doesn’t mean that should stop. In fact, in my experience, not talking, not saying how you feel, can only lead to pain.”
Now we’re together.
The words played on a loop in my head, mixing with his breath on my neck, making my brain fuzzy and my limbs loose. He sounded so sure. So solid. As if it were a done deal, a one-way street.
“Maybe you’re right.”
“Maybe?” he asked incredulously.
I giggled. “I mean, yes, you’re right about the talking, but also when you told me that we had this. Maybe you knew it all along.”
“I’m pleased the penny is finally beginning to drop. I have wisdom beyond my years when it comes to how I feel about you, and how things will work out with us. You’ll get used to it.”
“No one likes a show-off, Luke Daniels.”
“Well, you just crossed London for me in the middle of the night. You seem to like me pretty well.”
“Again with the showing off,” I whispered and dropped a kiss on his jaw. Obviously, I didn’t tell him, but he was on to something. We were together now. It made sense to me, and I felt good—no—amazing about that. “I think it’s time to tell Haven.” I dropped another kiss on his jaw.
“You ready to not care if she’s weird about it?”
“You think she’ll be weird about it?”
“No, but I want you to be sure of this—of me, of us. I don’t want you breaking up with me again if she says something you don’t like.”
He was right. I’d been all too ready to buy in to Haven’s doubts—I’d even enlarged them in my own imagination. “I think she just gave a voice to the feelings I had. Hearing them from her made them bigger than they needed to be. But, you’re no longer five seconds out of a long-term relationship, and I believe you when you tell me that I’m not the easy option for you. It’s like you’ve moved out of some rut and are embracing change for the first time ever.”
“You’re right. I’d tried to make everything around me into some kind of time warp because I thought that was what would make me happy. It’s probably been like that since my parents died. I’ve let go of that need to keep everything the same, and you’ve helped me with that. You’ve shown me how good change can be.”
He couldn’t have said anything that would have made me love him more. “You say the sweetest things.”
“I mean every word.”
“I’m ready to tell Haven.” I reached up and placed a row of kisses down his cheekbone.
“Come on.” He lifted me off his lap. “That’s reason to do some naked celebrating. Let’s get you to bed.” His phone began to buzz.
“It’s Haven,” he said. “It’s late; I wonder why she’s calling.” He silenced the call. By the time we’d made it to the bedroom, my phone was ringing. I knew before checking it would be Haven. It would be too coincidental for our phones to have gone off so close together not to be.
“I have to answer. It could be about the baby, and Jake’s out tonight.”
“Haven?” I sat on the bed and kicked off my shoes.
“Hi, sorry. Is it too late? I just tried to call Luke but he’s not answering, and neither is Jake.”
“You okay?”
“Yeah, I just had a weird sensation in my belly, and I got a bit freaked. I spoke to the doctor, and he said it was fine and normal and probably the baby kicking, but I just needed someone I loved to tell me that it’s going to be okay.”
Luke had stripped down to his boxers and was trying to pull my sweater over my head. He held my phone to my ear to release my arm. Placing my hand back on my phone, he pushed me back onto the bed as Haven continued to chatter.
“It’s more than okay. It’s so amazing, Haven. You’ve got a living thing inside you. It’s weird, but totally cool.”
Luke slid my jeans down my legs, followed by my underwear. I lay naked on the bed.
“So you’re okay. Do you want me to come over?” I’d have to have a cold shower before I left, but if she really wanted me to go over, I would. That was the story I was telling myself anyway.
“No, I’m fine. I just needed to hear you tell me that it’s okay. I’m just relived, that’s all.”
Luke began to drop butterfly kisses across my belly. I threaded my free hand through his hair, loving his warmth against my skin.
“How was the mixer? Oh my God? Did you get a place? I’m sorry; I’ve been whining about me and I forgot to ask. Are you a future MBA graduate?”
My gut sank. Thank God she’d know about us sooner rather than later. I hated lying to her
. I twisted away from Luke. He moved to my side and rested his head on his elbow, looking at me. “I didn’t hear today. I think it will be this week though.”
“But the mixer was good?” she asked.
“Tonight was fine, but I’m really tired. Do you mind if we catch up tomorrow?”
Haven and I exchanged goodbyes, and I hung up and tossed my phone on the nightstand. Luke traced his finger along my jaw. “Is she okay?”
“Yeah, I guess it’s first-time jitters.”
“Jake will make her feel better. He knows how to handle her.”
I nodded. “I can’t believe she’s going to be a mother. I mean—”
“She’s young,” he said. It wasn’t what I’d been about to say.
“Not really. I meant, it’s such a life-changing event, and it wasn’t planned. I think she would have liked to have had a bit more time for it to be just her and Jake.”
Luke chuckled. “I’m sure Jake feels the same way.”
I got the impression from Jake that their pregnancy was exactly what he wanted. He’d been talking about kids for a while. Luke clearly saw things differently, or he was projecting his own feelings about being a father. It was evidence of how new our relationship was that we hadn’t discussed a family. Perhaps we didn’t need to. He’d been clear about not wanting kids when he was with Emma, and he’d joked with Jake when Haven said she was pregnant that he was glad it wasn’t him. I guess I had to accept that if I wanted Luke, a child wouldn’t be part of the equation. A hollowness swelled inside me.
“You okay?” he asked, stroking my hair and bringing me back to the present.
“Yeah, just feel terrible about lying to Haven.” And about giving up the possibility of being a mother.
“Don’t feel bad, beautiful. We’ll tell her tomorrow.”
Telling Haven would be the next step. I couldn’t even manage spending my sleeping hours away from Luke, so she needed to know. Still, my head was full of possibilities of how she would react.
“I need her to be on board, but I’m ready.”
“I know. She will be. She was just worried before. She thought I was going to jerk you around, or that it would all go wrong and she’d be left with a broken family. But it’s fine. It’s different now; she’ll see that.”