by Louise Bay
I placed my palm just under his ribcage and watched my hand move up and down with his breathing. “It worries me too,” I said in a small voice. “I couldn’t handle not having . . .” I had to stop talking because I could feel my voice begin to quiver. The thought of losing him and Haven was too painful.
Luke slid his hand beneath mine. “I’ll never let that happen, Ashleigh. We’ll always be family to each other. I promise.”
I took a deep breath and let myself be comforted by his words.
“How are we going to tell her? This is new and—”
“Ashleigh, this is anything but new. I’ve known you my whole life. Leave my sister to me. I’ve got it covered.”
Luke
Shopping wasn’t something I enjoyed, and I certainly would never normally interrupt a day in the office to elbow my way between shoppers, but that was exactly what I was doing. Ashleigh had made it clear that I was going overboard on the flower buying. I just felt such an urge to keep her thinking about me, to make her smile, to do things that I knew would make her happy. So I found myself making some time in the middle of the day to buy her a gift.
I rarely saw her spoil herself. I knew she’d struggled when she bought her flat, and Haven had told me that she hadn’t gone to Chicago with them because she couldn’t afford it and wouldn’t let Jake pay for her flight and hotel room. So if she couldn’t spend money on herself, I would make up for it. I had in mind what I wanted to get her. We were going to tell Haven tonight, and I wanted her to feel as good as she looked when we did. I wanted her to be thinking about what I’d do to her later, rather than nervous about dinner. I’d never bought women’s underwear before. I really wasn’t that kind of man. Emma had once told me I was the least romantic person she’d ever met, and while we’d been together, she’d been right. Ashleigh had uncovered a new side of me.
“Can I help you, sir?” One of the sales assistants asked as I wandered into the high-end boutique I’d found on Google earlier that morning.
“Yeah, I want to buy a present for . . .” We hadn’t dealt with labels yet, I’d been too concerned with letting Ashleigh set the pace. “My girlfriend.” Girlfriend sounded good, and I had to consciously stop the corners of my mouth from curling too far up. I didn’t want the sales assistant to think I was hitting on her.
“Do you have anything in mind?” she asked.
I glanced around the shop. Ashleigh would look good in any of the things in here. “Any colors you like or don’t like?” I shrugged. Perhaps this was too much too soon. I didn’t want to push, or make Ashleigh feel that what we had was all about sex. Surely she got that now?
“Any budget you had in mind?”
“I want something nice. That she would choose for herself. I don’t want her to think that I’m buying it for me.” I wasn’t sure that would be much help to the assistant, but she just smiled and led me over to one of the racks.
“What color hair does she have? And skin?”
“Almost black hair and light skin. Quite pale. She says she burns in the sun.” It was the reason we used to spend our summers underneath trees as children.
“Red would look beautiful, a deep red, like this.” She held up a bra.
I nodded. It would be gorgeous against her skin. I tried not to imagine too vividly exactly what she would look like. That would only lead to trouble.
“So were you thinking bra and panties, or maybe a bustier or garters?”
Holy crap, this was getting complicated. “What would you buy if someone gave you a gift card?”
“I’d skip the garters, buy two pairs of panties and take the bra and bustier.”
“Sounds good.” I wanted Ashleigh to love her gift, but spoiling my girlfriend was a new experience. An adjustment. Ashleigh was changing me in so many ways.
It took what seemed like an hour and a half to gift wrap the lot, which seemed an overly convoluted process that included wrapping it in white paper, boxing it, tying bows, wrapping it again—this time in black paper—and then placing it in an enormous gift bag. There was a distinct possibility that Ashleigh would think I’d bought her a car rather than just underwear.
As I headed back to work, my phone buzzed in my jacket pocket. “I don’t have any pictures of you on my phone.” I’d realized as the assistant and I were trying to decide Ashleigh’s size that I wanted a photo of her.
“Er, hello. Were you just thinking that as I was calling?”
“It’s all I’ve been thinking about. I want to get you naked and take photos.” The thought had my dick stirring in my pants.
“You’re a pervert.”
“I just love your body.” And mind and soul. “You need to learn how to accept compliments.”
“It’s just weird. I’m used to you teasing me, giving me shit for no reason at all, and then me turning round and giving it to you straight back.”
I understood why she thought it was weird, but I didn’t feel the same way. For me, the transition she’d made in my head from friend to lover had been effortless. Convincing her she could trust me was more challenging, but my emotions were very clear. “You’ll get used to it, baby. Anyway, shouldn’t you be saving lives or something? You’re not normally able to call in the middle of the day. What’s going on?”
“Again, with the palliative care thing. My patients don’t get cured.”
“Oh, yes, I think I remember you saying that before.” I couldn’t tame the grin that had taken over my face. I could tell by her voice she was wearing one similar.
“Now, that’s better. This Ash and Luke I can do.”
“You can do Ashleigh and Luke 2.0 as well. You just need to have a little faith.”
“I do. I’m just nervous about tonight. We haven’t really discussed what we’re going to say or how we’re going to say it, and it’s just . . . I thought maybe we should have a plan.”
“My plan is that you’re not allowed to break up with me, no matter what reaction Haven has or doesn’t have.”
“That’s not a plan.”
“That’s the most important plan. Seriously, Ashleigh, I need to know you’re not going to dip straight back into a meltdown.” It would quite possibly kill me to lose her now. She felt a part of me.
There was a beat of silence on the other end of the phone, and my heart began to gallop.
“That’s not going to happen.” Her voice was muffled and small.
I needed her to be more convincing.
“I just don’t want to have to choose between pleasing Haven and pleasing you.”
“How about you think about what you want? I want you. I hope you want me.”
“I do, I just can’t . . .”
My heart rate wasn’t slowing down. “You can’t what, Ashleigh?”
“I can’t lose you.”
My knees nearly gave way with relief. I shut my eyes so I could concentrate on what she’d just said. “You’ll never lose me. Don’t worry about tonight. I’ll find a way of bringing it up—sooner rather than later so you don’t die of a stroke halfway through dinner. It’s all going to be fine. I promise.”
“Okay, you’re right. It’s going to be fine. Thank you.”
“Good.” There wasn’t a bigger prize than soothing away Ashleigh’s worries. It was as if that were my job now—to take care of her and to make everything better. We were linked. I felt better when Ashleigh felt better. Making her happy made me happy.
“Oh, shit. I forgot to tell you. I called because I got into business school.” She elongated the word school in her excitement.
“Are you serious? You’re fucking amazing. I had no doubt. We need to celebrate.” I was so proud of her, but there was an uneasiness at my edges that I recognized. School would mean change. Her focus would shift. But it could be a positive, right? We couldn’t stand still—I’d learned that the hard way. If I could shop for lingerie then all bets were off. If that didn’t prove we could adapt then nothing did. Getting through business school would be a breeze.
Ashleigh happy was nothing but a good thing.
“We’ll celebrate tonight. You’ll stay over?”
Her asking made me feel better instantly.
Ashleigh
I arrived home to find a humungous bag from a very expensive lingerie boutique on the mat outside my flat. I smiled, knowing it must be from Luke. I wasn’t sure how he’d managed to get in my building, but the fact that Luke had taken time out of what would have been a very busy day to go shopping, then drop it off at my place, was almost as amazing as the gift itself. Almost.
As I dispersed the copious amounts of tissue paper, I pulled out the most beautiful lingerie I’d ever seen in my life. It was a bra, two sets of panties and a bustier, all in gothic, red lace. Quickly, I stripped bare to try it on. It was soft and sexy, the bustier pushing my boobs up and covering my skin just enough so I didn’t spill out. I couldn’t wait for Luke to see me later that evening. I was pretty sure he’d be happy with his purchase. I wasn’t sure the panties would last long under his fingers. I wasn’t sure I minded that idea at all.
Amongst the tissue paper was a note.
I want you to feel as amazing as I know you are.
You have nothing to worry about.
We got this. Love, Luke
Being with Luke made me feel like a goddess. I’d never felt so adored. I was beginning to think he was right. Maybe we did have this.
I slipped a black dress over my new underwear and quickly put on some makeup before heading out to meet everyone for dinner.
As I arrived at the restaurant Haven had chosen, my anxiety faded. My focus was on the feel of the lace against my skin and the thought of Luke’s face when he saw me later in nothing but what he’d bought me. If distraction had been Luke’s intention, then mission accomplished.
“Hey,” I said, arriving at our assigned table. I was the last to arrive, which wasn’t like me. I clipped people’s cheeks with my kisses. Even Beth was here. “This place looks beautiful, Haven.”
I took the open slot between Luke and Haven. As I sat down, Luke squeezed my thigh, and my stomach tumbled at his touch. I mouthed the words thank you at him, and he winked at me.
Luke filled my water, and I relaxed back into my chair. What was he going to say? And when? Part of me was nervous, but a bigger part of me was excited. I wanted my family to know that Luke and I were together.
“I hope the food’s good,” Haven said. “I can’t be arsed cooking at Christmas. If I can’t drink, there’s got to be some upside to the day.”
“I’ve said I don’t mind being chef for the day,” Beth said.
“No, Haven’s right. Going out will be great. It’s good to make new traditions,” Luke said.
My heart sped up. Was he going to say something now? I wasn’t sure I was ready.
“You’ve totally got to bake something,” I said. “That’s our new Christmas law. We all have enough baked goods from Beth to incite a diabetic coma.” There was a chuckle around the table.
“Well, funny you should say that, that’s going to be the tagline to my video clips. Beth’s Baked Goods—A Diabetic Coma in the Making.”
“Sounds like a winner. How are they going? I saw you had a gazillion hits on the one I looked at over the weekend.” I was pretty sure Beth was going to be a YouTube phenomenon sooner rather than later. She looked like a young Elizabeth Taylor and dressed like one, in vintage fifties dresses. She was the kind of girl Haven and I would joke about going gay for.
“You’re so sweet to be checking them out. I’m not sure it’s quite a gazillion, and I’m positive most of them are just from the people around this table.”
“I saw loads of comments. Some pervs, it has to be said. It must be every guy’s wet dream to have a woman like you in their kitchen,” I said. “Mostly they were from people who loved you and your baking.”
Beth blushed. “I just do it for fun, but actually, I got a call yesterday from a guy who wants to talk about me doing a five-minute slot on a Saturday breakfast show in Chicago.”
“Are you serious?” Jake asked. “That’s amazing. You’re going to be a superstar.”
Beth pushed Jake off as he tried to grab her for a kiss. “It’s only a local TV thing. And it will probably come to nothing, but it’s fun. Right?”
“It’s bloody fantastic,” Luke said. “We’re surrounded by incredible women, Jake,” he said, shaking his head as if in awe. My need to kiss him was almost too strong to resist.
“I know, right?” Jake replied.
A sommelier busied himself, pouring fizzy courage into flutes. I dreaded to think how much this evening would cost. I’d lined up a second mortgage to pay for the part of my business school fees that the hospital wasn’t covering, and I’d applied for several scholarships, but things would be tight for the next few years.
When the waiter had filled all our glasses, Luke pushed back his chair and stood. My heart began to thump so loud I was surprised someone didn’t call an ambulance.
“I’d like to say something,” he said as everyone stared up at him.
This was it. Excitement built beneath my skin.
“I’m in love with Ashleigh Franklin,” he announced.
He looked at me as he spoke, and I couldn’t do anything but gaze at him.
He loved me?
Of course he did.
How could I have ever doubted it?
“I’m obsessed to the point of madness. Devoted, besotted, totally and completely in love with her. I hope she feels for me just a tiny fraction of what I feel for her. I intend to spend the rest of my life trying to earn her love and respect. That is all.”
In all my years of loving him, I’d never felt more for him than as I did in that moment. He was describing how I felt about him. Our feelings were mutual. I never thought that could be possible.
He scraped my cheekbone with his thumb and placed a soft kiss on my lips. “Breathe,” he whispered.
“I’m good. We got this,” I replied.
I finally pulled my gaze away from him and scanned the three faces staring at me, focusing on Haven. She grinned like a Cheshire cat and rolled her eyes at me. Jake raised his glass, and Beth had her hands clasped in front of her, a smile on her face.
I turned back to Luke. “I love you too. You know that, right?” I’d known in my heart for so long that I loved him, that I sort of assumed that he knew, but saying it out loud felt . . . right.
“I can only hope that you do.”
“You have nothing to hope for. You have my love. All of it. Forever.” I drew my eyebrows together, trying to convey how serious I was. He needed to understand that I was only ever going to love him.
“I’m never going to get tired of you telling me.”
“I love you,” I repeated. I’d loved him for as long as I could remember, but it felt different now. It was deeper, more substantial, almost as if I could reach out and touch whatever it was that was between us.
Luke grinned and squeezed my hand. “I love you.”
“Okay, you two. You can stop before I start gagging,” Haven said.
“You’re okay with this? I need you to be good with this. I won’t lose either of you.” I hoped her smile was an indication that she had come round to the idea.
“Well, not the PDA, obviously. But I can’t think of anything better than you two being together.”
I didn’t understand. What had changed for her? “But—”
“There’s no but,” she interrupted. “However, if you fuck this up, I’m going to kill you both. I’m not having my family break apart.”
“I can live with that. We’re not going to fuck this up,” Luke replied.
“So how long have you known, been together?” Beth asked, looking between Luke and me. “You look really together.”
My skin heated. We looked like a couple? I glanced over at Haven. Shit, I hope she wasn’t mad that she didn’t know straight away.
“Just a few days, I guess, but it’s been a long time comi
ng,” Luke replied. “I knew since I split with Emma. I just needed to grow up a little, and then convince this one.” He tilted his head in my direction and slid his arm around the back of my chair, leaning into me.
“And you’re convinced?” Haven asked me.
“I am. Are you?”
“She’s worried that you won’t approve,” Luke interjected. I placed my hand on his thigh. Not being with Luke wasn’t an option.
“You don’t need my approval, and anyway, whatever you do, you’ll always have it. I just wanted to make sure you were all clear about the consequences. No matter what, we have a family to hold together. I didn’t want you two putting that on the line just to get your rocks off.”
I exhaled, relieved that Haven wasn’t mad. Not even remotely. I wouldn’t have to talk her round, convince her that she wasn’t going to lose either of us. She was cheering for us; I could see it in her smile. By raising concerns, she had only ever been trying to protect us both. I grinned as she pulled me toward her and kissed my cheek.
The love surrounding me was overwhelming.
“We know that,” Luke said, but I couldn’t concentrate on the rest of his sentence. I was replaying the word we in my head again and again. It fit. The heat of his body brought me back into the moment. The skate of his fingers across my back every now and then made me feel safe.
We were a we.
And we were a family.
“We have plenty to celebrate,” Jake said.
“Oh, and I got into business school,” I added. On an ordinary day, it would have been a huge deal. Today it just felt like the cherry on the top of a huge cake.
The table erupted with congratulations and hugs.
Life was unfolding in the best possible way.
Luke
“So, was I right?” Jake asked as we recovered from our run. The sun was starting to break through the hostile air, thawing the ice that had collected on the edges of buildings and bus stops, but it was still cold, and we needed to keep moving toward the tube station.
My training had dropped off since Ashleigh and I had become a couple. Understandably, Fiona was no longer so enthusiastic about my participation in the triathlon, but I’d enjoyed the endorphins that almost daily cardio gave me. I also had to make sure I could keep giving Ashleigh what she needed in bed. Sex had been incredible from the beginning, and it kept getting better, and no less frequent.