“What do you mean by that?” Grace asked, feeling uneasy.
He glanced over at her. “I mean that she seemed so upright, so honest and caring. I’m surprised, that’s all.”
“How can you call her upright and honest? She went to bed with another woman’s husband. How can you defend that behavior?”
“Sorry that didn’t come out the way I intended. I meant in relation to her work.”
His supportive words for this woman were disconcerting. She searched for something to focus on as her stomach rose into her throat. “Did you make a reservation for us for tonight?”
“No. I didn’t think of it. But we can do that easily when we get there.”
Aidan drove carefully through the city streets toward the highway leading out of town toward Spartanburg. “Grace, I have been so busy building up my company, making plans for us, for when we have a family, that I didn’t take in what it would really mean to have a child in our lives. But now that this little girl needs us, it’s as if we’re being given a chance to have what we always dreamed of. I want to be there for her.”
A part of her didn’t really care how he felt, but she tried to sound interested if only to keep the conversation going. “You have a lot to think about if you’re going to give her a good home, so much planning needs to be done.”
He squeezed her hand. “Thank you.”
He sighed and smiled at her, making her heart do a funny flip-flop in her chest. She wanted to go home, to pretend none of this was happening, to go back to the way things had been before that first phone call from Larry Knowles.
“It’s just that there is so much to think about—”
He squeezed her hand a little tighter. “Stop worrying. We’ll figure it all out together. We’ll see how Emma is doing when we get to the house. The nanny will be there and probably a couple of Deidre’s closest friends.”
“Do you know where Deidre lives... I mean, lived?” Grace asked, wondering how he would have known if he hadn’t seen her since the end of the affair over five years ago. “She might have moved since you were last here.”
He gripped the wheel, his eyes skirting hers. “Mr. Knowles told me she lived in the same house as when I knew her.”
Reality crashed down on Grace, billowing around her like an unwanted mist. Memories of those lonely nights when she’d waited for Aidan to come home, to make love to her, praying that this time there would be a baby for them. Believing his absence meant he was building a future for their family.
She had awoken this morning hoping it was all a terrible dream, not real. Just before the pain rushed her, reminding her of the loss of trust, the ache of knowing her husband had slept with another woman.
She believed in marriage, had been raised in a home where vows of any kind were taken seriously, and none more than the marriage vow. She wanted to take him back and put her whole heart into forgetting the past. They had married right out of college and had had their share of disagreements like any couple, but never something like this.
Her hurt, her soul-deep wounds prevented her from forgetting anything. And she doubted they would allow her to forgive.
There were so many questions and so few answers. Why had Deidre chosen not to tell Aidan about Emma when she was alive? Wouldn’t she have wanted her daughter to be close to her dad and his family? Why had she left everything to Aidan on the condition that he accept Emma into his life and become her dad?
Grace couldn’t imagine any woman who would have behaved that way. She certainly wouldn’t have. She would have insisted that the child’s father share in the responsibility for caring for and raising it. She would want her daughter to have all the love and support possible, regardless of how she felt about the father. So how could Deidre not be in touch with Aidan and still expect him to step in as parent?
None of this made any sense...
“Grace, honey, time to wake up,” Aidan said softly.
“What?” she asked, suddenly awake. After not sleeping for days, the smooth motion of the car had lulled her to sleep. Sitting up straight, she glanced out the window at the quiet boulevard basking in the midmorning sun. “Should I put Deidre’s address into the GPS?”
“No. We’re only a few minutes away from her house.”
It was humiliating to realize that her husband had been to Deidre’s home. Had they made love in her bedroom? Grace’s stomach sank, pressing into her backbone. Of course they had. They wouldn’t have needed to hide out in a hotel room to carry on their affair when Deidre’s home was available and waiting.
Grace closed her eyes, trying to resist the image of her husband and Deidre making love in the home she was about to enter. A sharp ache close to her heart made her grit her teeth. She couldn’t wait to get away from the place. The ache of betrayal reminded her of what had gone on without her knowing. “We...we need a reservation for tonight.”
“I’ll look after that once we’ve seen Emma. I’m worried about how she’ll react to us appearing in her life right now...” He turned right onto a tree-lined street, weaving through the many twists and turns of a roadway designed to slow traffic around homes whose gabled entrances, brick exteriors and long, elegant windows spoke of wealth and prestige.
Grace shrank into the seat, suddenly wishing she hadn’t come with Aidan. She didn’t want to see this house, this place where her husband had made love to another woman—a woman he hadn’t admitted having a fling with until circumstances forced him to do so. The car slowed as Aidan pulled into a driveway surrounded by a hedge that protected the house from the street, the massive gardens sweeping toward the entrance, flashing bright red and yellow flowers of all sizes and shapes. Following the curve of the driveway, they stopped in front of a massive dark wood door.
“We’re here,” Aidan said, turning off the engine. “Are you okay?” he asked, turning to her his eyes filled with concern. “I realize that this isn’t easy for you,” he murmured, taking her hand in his and kissing her fingers. “If you’d rather, I can go in first, if it would make it easier for you...”
Her heart hammered against her rib cage. Could she go in there? Could she face a little girl who was about to be part of their life? If they stayed married, of course.
She glanced around, hoping to see other vehicles along the circular drive. There weren’t any. It had been several weeks since Deidre’s passing, and yet Grace had expected to see evidence that people were still coming to check on a little girl who had lost her mommy. Where were all this woman’s friends? Or didn’t she have any?
The tragic way Deidre had died should have meant that her friends were taking turns caring for her daughter. She took a deep breath. “I’m not sure I can do this. Go into the house where you slept with another woman. It’s not fair.”
“It’s all right if you can’t. You’ve come this far with me, more than I expected or deserved.”
At least he acknowledged her perspective. No, she couldn’t go inside. Yet...she was drawn to see this little girl, this child who was dealing with so much. “Let’s get this over. Maybe the nanny isn’t home. Maybe she took Emma to friends’ or to the library,” Grace said, the knot in her stomach hardening.
Without a word, Aidan came around to her door, opened it and took her hand in that reassuring way of his. Suddenly she felt faint. “I’m not sure I can do this, Aidan.”
He squeezed her fingers. “You can. I’m right here if you need me.” He took her hand and led her to the imposing front door, his fingers pressing the doorbell as his eyes held hers. “This will all be okay. I promise you. We’ll be okay.”
The door opened and a tall woman with dark hair and penetrating brown eyes greeted them. “You must be Aidan Fellowes. I recognize you from the photo. Come on in,” she offered, leading the way into the formal living room to the right of the entrance hall.
“I am, and this is my wife, Grace,” Aidan said,
his arm coming around Grace’s shoulders.
The woman’s expression was one of kindness. “I’m Emma’s nanny, Lisa Gomez. I’ve cared for Emma since she was born.”
She pointed to the sofa opposite the fireplace. “I’m aware of Deidre’s intentions concerning Emma, and I want you to know I approve of them. A child should be with her father in a situation like this. Emma has a lovely photo of you, Mr. Fellowes.”
Grace sat on the edge of the sofa her mind reeling. A photo of Aidan? She turned to Lisa. “You have a photo of my husband. Why?”
Lisa glanced quizzically at Aidan before she answered. “He is Emma’s father. Deidre wanted Emma to be able to recognize her father. Deidre’s company worked closely with his company, and I’m sure they stayed in touch through work, although she never said as much.”
Lisa raised her eyebrows, her gaze resting on Grace’s face, a look of understanding dawning on her face. “I’m terribly sorry, Mrs. Fellowes. I don’t know why, but I thought Aidan was single when he and Deidre met...”
Aidan had sworn he hadn’t been involved in Deidre’s business after the affair. He’d claimed Lucas looked after anything Deidre’s company needed. Was that the truth? Had her husband been here since that weekend? Was she the only one who didn’t know what was going on? Had Aidan and Lucas both hidden the truth from her? Lucas wouldn’t do that, of that she was certain.
Tears burned Grace’s eyes. She fought to regain her equilibrium, deciding to say nothing more to this woman. Her hands clammy, her breath coming in short gasps, she struggled to stay in this room and listen to what was being said. Her eyes sought the door. Her body tensed as she placed her feet firmly on the floor in front of her. “Could I see the photo of my husband?”
“That’s not necessary,” Aidan said.
“I’d like to see the photo of my husband,” she said, suspicion writhing through her at Aidan’s objection.
Lisa left the room and came back a few minutes later, holding the framed photo out to Grace. “Deidre wanted Emma to understand that she had a dad who didn’t live with them. Deidre wanted her to see what her dad looked like.”
Grace searched the photo for clues as to where it had been taken...a park somewhere. She didn’t recognize the photo or the place, but the smile on Aidan’s face was playful and open. How could he have been looking that way if their relationship was a quick hookup, a fling, as he’d described it? And why had they been in a park she didn’t recognize? “I thought you had no role in Emma’s life, that you knew nothing about her until the lawyer called,” she said, seething.
“I swear to you I didn’t,” Aidan said, his smile forced as he glanced across at Lisa. “You’ve never met me before, have you, Ms. Gomez?”
“That’s correct. I knew you by the photo only. But I assumed she was in touch with you over her arrangements, Mr. Fellowes,” Lisa said, a small frown forming.
Aidan shook his head emphatically.
“After her dad passed away last March, Deidre decided that, since there really weren’t any close family connections, she wanted to provide Emma with a sense of belonging,” Lisa said, her gaze one of disbelief as she continued to stare at Aidan. “I can’t imagine that she didn’t tell you what she was doing. Once Deidre made a decision, she stuck to it. Because of that, I assumed you knew about Emma and that one day you would show up here. Deidre didn’t say that, exactly, but I am pretty sure she intended to find you and encourage you to be involved in Emma’s life.”
Aidan clutched Grace’s hand, a look of dread in his dark eyes. “I never heard one word from Deidre after that weekend. I swear to you, I didn’t know any of this.”
Cold anger crystallized Grace’s thoughts. “Then tell me why she made all those plans. It doesn’t make sense to me, and it clearly doesn’t make sense to Lisa, the woman who was closest to the situation.”
“Grace, I’m telling you, I am as much in the dark as you are.”
“Aidan, please don’t lie to me. Did she ever try to contact you about Emma before this?” Grace asked, her quiet tone belying her inner anger.
“I wasn’t in touch with Deidre after those two days. I had no reason to go near her. I knew it was a mistake, and I wanted to get away from all of it as fast as possible.”
Grace felt hot tears on her cheeks and was mortified that a stranger was able to witness her pain, her embarrassment She looked her husband over carefully, searching his expression for any indication he was not telling her the truth. Despite his protests, she couldn’t imagine having a child and not being part of its life.
How could her husband, who claimed to love children, who had willingly been involved in trying to have a baby with her, not have been part of Emma’s life? The Aidan she knew would not have been able to stay away from his only daughter.
In Aidan’s business, he was often away overnight visiting one of the many clients his company had across the southeastern United States. He called her every night from his cell phone, which meant that he could be anywhere and she wouldn’t be able to verify his location even if she wanted to. And she hadn’t wanted to. She’d trusted him to tell her the truth.
Now she had to face reality. How could she be sure that he hadn’t made regular trips to see his daughter? He could have stayed somewhere in Spartanburg and met with Deidre and Emma without anyone knowing. He could have easily kept his whereabouts from everyone, including her brother, Lucas. Her thoughts ran the gamut from wanting to believe her husband to realizing what he said was probably not true. With a sinking heart she said, “And you never once came to see Deidre or Emma?”
“I swear to you, Grace. I wasn’t aware of any of this.”
She couldn’t look at him anymore, not when she was swamped by fear that she had put her faith in a man who had intentionally deceived her. “I simply can’t accept that Deidre, who had no family, wouldn’t have sought you out, and arranged for you to be a part of Emma’s life. After all, how long could Deidre continue to show her daughter your photo without the child wanting to see you?” She pushed the hair off her face in resignation. “And I’m sure that, like any mother, Deidre would do anything she could to make her daughter happy, and sooner rather than later, it would have meant getting in touch with you.”
Aidan looked at her as if she’d struck him. “Grace, please, this is difficult for everyone.”
“Mrs. Fellowes, I only want what is best for Emma. But I realize the two of you might need a chance to talk this over. The accident and its aftermath has been a shock for everyone. I have to go now to pick up Emma from kindergarten. If you’d like, I can take her to the playground on the way home, give you both a little time to talk this out.” Lisa glanced from one to the other.
“Yes, please do that. Give us a half hour or so.” Aidan cleared his throat. “Then bring Emma home. We’d like to meet her.”
Grace watched warily as Lisa left the house. Everything felt surreal, out of place. Fighting her fear, she turned to her husband, praying for him to say the words that would make everything in her life right again.
CHAPTER FIVE
EXHAUSTION BURNED BEHIND Aidan’s eyes. It had been a difficult drive here, and even though he knew he would have to explain so many things to Grace, he hadn’t expected her to be so hostile. Sure she was angry and hurt, but she had to know he was telling the truth. He’d always told her the truth, shared everything with her—until his involvement with Deidre. Shame had forced him to hide what he did. Shame and the belief that nothing would come of the two days he’d spent with Deidre. That his secret would never harm the one woman he loved.
He reached out for Grace’s hand, entwining his fingers with hers. “I’m so sorry about all this. But I’ve always been honest with you.”
“Not about this,” Grace said, pulling her hand away.
The loss of her touch chilled him to his core. What could he say that would convince Grace of his sinc
erity? “I made a mistake, and it will never happen again. We will find a way through all of this if we put aside our feelings for a little bit and concentrate on Emma. We need to make plans for how we will manage to take Emma back with us.” He touched her cheek. She turned away. “Grace, I know we can work this out,” he pleaded, his stomach aching with dread.
She moved away from him, distrust clear in her eyes. “How can we? Deidre chose you to be the custodial parent for Emma, even though she didn’t discuss it with you beforehand. But Emma represents your lies and the way you broke your vows. Aidan, there are two of us in this marriage. We are not supposed to have secrets, hidden lives.”
“We don’t!”
“That’s what you want me to believe,” she said, and Aidan couldn’t miss the harsh tone in her voice, so unlike his wife.
Feeling at a complete loss as to what to say or do, he slumped in the chair. “How can I convince you that I had nothing to do with Deidre these past five years?”
She sighed as she stared around the room as if looking for a way out. “I—I wish there was a way you could convince me.”
He wanted to reach out to her, to take her in his arms, but the look on her face told him his touch would not be welcome. “Grace, I wish there was, too. But there are other considerations. There is a child who will be here soon, who has no idea why you and I are in her home. Don’t you think we need to concentrate on her and what she’ll need?”
“I’m not responsible for what happened here, and I’m not responsible for your daughter. You are, and you have to do whatever you need to do,” Grace said, her voice low and controlled, her eyes dark pools in stark contrast to her pale skin.
Despite his sorrow over Grace’s behavior, Aidan wanted to soothe his wife but had no idea how to do it. She’d always been his mainstay, the one person he could rely upon. “Grace, I don’t want to do this without you. You’re my wife and I love you. I have to figure out how to handle this. I have to find a way to be a father to Emma when I don’t even know her. I will have to decide how we should live, whether she comes home with us right now or I stay here for a while to see what arrangements need to be made about Deidre’s estate, the dissolution of assets and what I’m expected to do.”
Bringing Emma Home Page 6