His stomach burned at the thought of leaving Emma. He had to have her with him. Needed it. “I—I need you to understand how important this is. I have to get back to my work. We’re really busy and I have to be there. I can’t leave Emma. I know you’ll take good care of her wherever she is, but I need to get home. I can’t lose Grace.” He willed her to understand.
She stared at him, her eyes dark. “You have gotten yourself into a terrible mess, haven’t you?”
“I have. And it’s my fault...all my fault.”
“It is.” Lisa squinted as if in thought. “I will go with you on the condition that you talk to your wife and work this out. I will not stay if you don’t make a real effort to settle things with her.”
His shoulders slumped in resignation. “I thought I had. That’s how badly I’ve messed up. I thought she wanted what I wanted.”
“It’s my guess that, in your eagerness to take over Emma’s life, you haven’t been listening to Grace. If you’d been listening, you would not have allowed her to leave here without talking everything through. Why do you think I disappeared that first day? I could tell you two weren’t on the same page over any of this. And anybody with half a brain would have seen how upset your wife was. If you ask me, you need to start over with her.” She gave him a wry smile. “There. I’m done. But it had to be said. And one more piece of advice. Don’t move Emma for a few more days. It’s been only a few weeks since her mother passed away. Give her a little more time.”
Lisa’s words hit him hard. He was so self-centered. And he’d taken Grace for granted. “I don’t want to do anything to upset Emma, but the truth is I need to get back to work. My business is suffering with me being away from the office.”
“You can use Deidre’s home office. It’s completely equipped, including two desktop computers. You already have access to the Wi-Fi.”
“I hadn’t thought of that, but you’re right, I could.”
She walked ahead of him to Deidre’s office, across the hall from the living room. The office looked much as it had five years ago, although the equipment had clearly been updated. With a network connection, he’d be able to access the company system. He wouldn’t be able to do all of his work, but he’d make some inroads.
He could call Grace and arrange a Skype call with her. That way he could try again with her. It wasn’t ideal, but it was the only thing he could think of at the moment. The only thing he knew for certain was that he couldn’t make another mistake where Grace was concerned.
* * *
GRACE WAS SO relieved when Lucas pulled into the parking lot of his condo. She had called him in tears after the conversation with Aidan. When Lucas heard how upset she was, he’d told her to meet him there. He was at a meeting in Greenville, but he’d said he would be home as soon as possible.
She jumped out of her car and raced over to him.
“Gracie, I’m sorry you’re so upset. What’s Aidan up to now?” he asked, pulling her close.
“I’m so relieved to see you.”
“I’ll always be here for you, sis,” he said, hugging her tight. “It’s kind of nice to have my baby sister need me.”
“I always need you, silly,” she murmured into his shirt.
“Not in recent times. Even with all your baby-making efforts, you kept your biggest worries to yourself,” he said, clicking the locks on his truck key fob before starting up the walkway toward the condo entrance. “Let’s go in so we can talk.”
Once inside, he led her over to the sofa. “Now, spill the beans. You and Aidan are fighting about how he’s behaving over Emma and Deidre, right?”
“Yes. It’s as if he’s taken complete control of our lives.”
“Have you told him how you feel?”
“Yes.”
“What did he say?”
“That he was willing to talk, but that was after he’d left me feeling as if I didn’t matter in his life.”
Lucas looked at her, his affection for her clear in his expression. “I’m here to encourage you to not let go of what you and Aidan have. I realize that’s not easy, given what a mess he’s managed to make of things, but you can’t give up.”
“What am I supposed to do? Every time we speak, it’s all about his daughter, his concerns. I feel so angry at him—”
“That you clam up, right? You get angry and you walk away.”
“That’s not—”
“Let me ask you something, and be honest with yourself.”
“Go ahead,” she said, feeling very uncomfortable with the conversation.
“Do you think there will ever come a day when you can forgive Aidan for what he did?”
“I—I don’t know. There is so much between us that is good, but the past few weeks have left me unable to trust him. I don’t believe in him anymore. I’d really like to have our old life back, but I realize that’s not possible under the circumstances. We will always have a child he had with another woman in our lives. I’m not sure I can get past that.”
“Oh, sis, I wish I could kick Aidan’s ass to Mars and back for what he did. Believe me, Aidan seriously regrets what he did. Hell. He’s called me every day since your first trip to Spartanburg, full of remorse, begging me to help him convince you that he didn’t mean to hurt you.”
“So what am I supposed to do?”
“I have no idea. It’s certainly been a wake-up call for me where Maria is concerned. She and I have talked every night about being willing to share everything, no matter how difficult it may be. And, oddly enough, our relationship has gotten stronger. To think it took your marriage problems for me to make changes in my relationship with Maria.”
“I’m glad someone is getting something positive out of this mess,” Grace said ruefully.
Lucas gave her a sad smile. “I am certain that Aidan will try to win you back. And you know how convincing he can be when he wants something. All I can say for sure is that you have to be prepared to forgive him. Otherwise, your marriage is over. If you can’t forgive him, you can’t move on. The intimacy will be gone. The shadow of what he did will hang over you and Aidan for good. If he can’t convince you that he’s sincere, and you can’t let go of your suspicions, there’s little hope.”
There was a solid ache around her heart. Her throat felt parched. “How will I ever be able to forgive what he did? How do I get past feeling so betrayed by him? And there are times when I wonder if there were other women. I worry I’m a bigger fool than I thought.”
He frowned in surprise. “Gracie, if only you could see Aidan when we go on the road together. It’s a traveler’s nightmare. I’ve shared a room with him, heard stories from other engineers who’ve traveled with him. He’s either going full-out, talking up a storm or fast asleep. We’ve nicknamed him the Whirling Dervish. Take my advice. Do not go on a business trip with him.”
He gave her a sappy look that had her throwing her head back and laughing for the first time in weeks. It felt wonderful. “You are so good for me. I have this image of you trying to go to dinner in some city and Aidan insisting on working the entire dinner.”
“I swear. Some nights I would insist on pizza delivered to the room, just to get a break while he went out to dinner with colleagues or clients. But he would always return so fast I wondered if he’d simply inhaled his food and left the others at the table.”
His expression turned more serious. “Grace, you have to decide where you stand on what Aidan did and how much of it you can forgive. I’m hoping you can forgive him, as I don’t want to face down another brother-in-law. And I read somewhere that women usually pick the same kind of man. And with my luck, there’s another Aidan out there somewhere.” He grinned at her. “Just kidding, but you get my point, don’t you?”
“I do.” She leaned into his shoulder feeling a little better. “I’m so happy you found Maria. I really like her.”
/>
“Whoops.” He glanced at his watch, pulling his cell phone off his belt. “I was supposed to call her as soon as I learned what your problem was. I hope you don’t mind, but I’m not staying the night here. There’s a beautiful woman who is more than able to say what she needs. And she needs me. As for you, there’s only so much a brother can do, if you get my drift.”
“If you had said you planned to stay here with me without Maria, I was going to boot your butt. Go and have a good evening. I’m fine.”
“What are you going to do?” he asked before leaving a message for Maria to call him back.
“I’m going to have a long soak in the tub and think about what you said. Maybe I can’t forgive him.” she said, her throat tightening.
“Don’t say that, please,” Lucas said. “You will work this out. The entire office is rooting for you.”
“Stop it. You’re not taking me seriously,” she grouched.
He took her shoulders in his powerful hands and looked straight into her eyes. “You are going to find a way to talk to Aidan or Maria and I will hold an intervention. I’m serious. You have to work this out, one way or the other.”
An hour later, she was about to settle into the tub when her cell phone rang. Aidan. At first, she wanted to let it go to voice mail, but the old need to hear his voice won out.
“How are you?” he asked when she answered.
“I’m okay, I guess.”
“Grace, I realize you’re angry at me and with good reason. But I was listening to you when you said we needed to work at making a plan for Emma and how she fits into our lives. I’m going to try and work from here for a week or so while Emma gets really comfortable with me, rather than coming home right away. In the meantime, I wondered if you and I could talk on Skype.”
She thought about it. Despite her anger and disappointment over his behavior, she couldn’t resist a chance to see him while they talked. “I would like that.”
“Would you like to do it now?” he asked, his excitement clear in his voice.
“I’d need to get over to the house to go on the computer. I’m at Lucas’s condo.”
“I can wait,” he said softly, his voice soft and intimate in her ears.
“Okay. I was about to take a bath, but it can wait.”
“No. I don’t want to rush you about this, and I know how much you love soaking in the tub. Why don’t you call me when you’re at the house and on your computer?”
“I will. See you in about an hour,” she said, a smile edging along her lips.
Excited and upbeat, Grace drove over to her house, took a shower, blew her hair dry and put on makeup. Touching up her lipstick, she felt as if she were going out on a date with Aidan, rather than simply talking on Skype.
Settling in front of the computer in the den, she dialed Aidan’s Skype number, startled by how quickly his face appeared on the screen. “You look great,” he said.
He seemed anxious, his eyes searching her face. “You, too.” She smiled at his compliment.
“So, what do you want to talk about?” she asked as she searched his face, waiting to see if anything had changed.
“Ah... I... You’re right. We do need to work a few things out around when I bring Emma home. I’ve thought about what you said. I’m not putting our personal problems on the back burner while I stay here. I thought it might be better for both of us if we worked on Emma’s needs while I’m with her. I can only really make amends for what I did to you by being with you and working through our problems.” He cleared his throat nervously. “I... What do you think?”
She didn’t like his plans to stay longer in Spartanburg rather than coming home. Yet he was willing to communicate with her where Emma was concerned, which made Grace feel hopeful for the first time in days. She would have preferred that they talk in person, but given the circumstances, she was willing to compromise. “I agree. We need to put together a plan for Emma. How is she doing?”
“She seems okay, but I’m not sure. I have no idea how to recognize the symptoms of emotional distress, and I don’t want to do something that would cause her any permanent damage.” His concern was evident on his face. “I wonder if we should hire a child psychologist for her. At least to do an assessment. What do you think?”
Realizing that he was asking for her advice, she impulsively touched the screen. “I think that might be a good idea. Neither of us knows enough about grief in children. We need all the help we can get. What does Lisa say?”
“I haven’t really asked her that question, as I feel it’s our decision to make.” He smiled at her, lifting her heart. “Do you have any other ideas on what we need to do to help Emma?”
“You could ask her kindergarten teacher how she’s doing. Other than Lisa, that’s someone who would know if there has been a change in her behavior.”
“That’s a great idea. Why didn’t I think of that? Or Lisa, for that matter. I will arrange to meet with the teacher and see what she says... I miss you.”
“I miss you, too,” Grace said, a yearning for him and their life together sweeping through her.
After a few minutes of staring at each other through the screen, Aidan asked, “What are you planning to do until I get back? I mean, are you planning to stay at Lucas’s?”
She wanted to stay in her home, and maybe she should. With Aidan willing to make concessions for her sake, it meant they might have a chance to work out their problems. “I’ll see—”
“Sorry to bother you,” a voice broke in.
Aidan turned away from the camera. “What is it, Lisa?”
“A parcel arrived for you from your office,” she said, passing a large brown envelope to Aidan.
“Where are you, Aidan?” Grace asked.
He faced the screen, a small frown on his face. “I’m in Deidre’s home office. It’s a great workspace. See?” Aidan panned the room for her.
Grace studied the background, the framed photos of Deidre and Emma, searching for any pictures of Aidan as her pulse pounded in her throat. “You’re working out of Deidre’s office? You didn’t rent space for the weeks you’re planning to be there? Why did you do that?”
He shrugged. “It just made sense to stay here to be near Emma. There’s almost everything I need here.” He turned the envelope over in his hands. “And this looks like the documents I need for the Perlman Project.”
“You don’t get it, do you?” she said as disappointment flooded her.
There was a long moment of silence during which Aidan stared at her, his expression slowly changing into one of disbelief. “I—Grace, I didn’t think about how this would feel for you. I just saw the opportunity to be near Emma while I worked... Sorry.”
Pain and loss rose in Grace. Her husband was working in the same office he’d worked in with Deidre that weekend. She remembered clearly that he’d said they’d been working from her home. She imagined her husband in that room with Deidre, alone, with their attraction to each other building. She imagined the touches, the stolen kisses, the foreplay... Had the first time been in that room? She felt sick.
“Aidan, I have to go,” she managed to say before rushing to the bathroom across the hall. Sinking to her knees over the commode, all the anger and hurt, betrayal and fear flowed out of her. She was sick of it all—the fear, the hopelessness, the loss. Finally, when the convulsions eased, she leaned against the vanity.
She could hear Aidan calling out to her over the Skype connection but couldn’t bring herself to answer him. There was no way he could help her. Only she knew the raw emotion of betrayal and abandonment. She wiped her mouth, got off the floor, found her purse and headed out the door of her home. Once in the car, she clutched the wheel to steady herself.
She’s been so upbeat, so hopeful when he’d asked to Skype with her. And he seemed so conscious of doing the right thing, including for her...whil
e he sat in the office of his former lover. A part of her couldn’t believe how hard this had hit her. But she hadn’t expected to find him in Deidre’s office, nor had she expected him to be so nonchalant about it. She had a long way to go before she could ever trust Aidan with her feelings. He had no idea how much his past had hurt her and continued to hurt her.
CHAPTER TWELVE
AS THE NEXT few weeks dragged on, Grace fell into a funk, feeling aimless and at odds with everything around her. She’d cleaned her brother’s condo from top to bottom, gone online and read articles on quilting, gone to the local magazine shop and bought every magazine they had on quilting and hooking rugs, all to no avail. The days still continued to drag by.
She couldn’t face talking to Aidan again because she didn’t know what to say to him. He’d left several messages apologizing and wanting to know that she was okay. She’d sent him an email explaining why she’d gotten off the phone, but she couldn’t talk to him. He offered another apology but it didn’t help how she felt. Once she’d settled down a bit, she realized that seeing Aidan in Deidre’s office had reinforced the fact she’d been lied to and cheated on.
Aidan believed the past was over—his affair was done and Deidre was dead—so they should move on.
Grace knew it wasn’t over and it wasn’t done. Not for her. She couldn’t simply move on.
In a way, it was a relief to have him out of town so she didn’t have to worry about seeing him unexpectedly or having friends ask why they weren’t together. Thankfully, Lucas had told her that Aidan was coming back later today, so she’d had the chance to prepare herself.
She supposed she should go to clean up the house since Emma and Lisa were accompanying Aidan, but Grace couldn’t bring herself to do it. Every time she thought of him, she remembered seeing him in Deidre’s office.
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