Seeing him there, so comfortable in that space, brought back all the times she’d put his needs first, thought of nice things to do to make his life easier. She had loved and cared for him, waited on him and wanted to bear his children. But none of her caring mattered. It hadn’t mattered when he decided to have sex with another woman. And it didn’t matter now, when he was in another city, leading a life that made her feel jealous and left out.
There was something she should do at the house before Aidan got home. Her flower garden had been overlooked in her lethargy. Despite Aidan’s suggestion that they hire a landscaper and have the backyard done professionally, she had been adamant that she do it herself. She loved every minute she spent in the garden and had taken a horticultural course to learn about plants and their preferred places and relationships.
To her complete surprise, she’d discovered a rabbit had taken up residence, a delightfully shy creature that she first found nibbling on baby lettuce in one of her raised beds.
She was anxious to see if the rabbit was still around and how her hibiscus shrubs were doing, not to mention the black-eyed Susan plants she had acquired last spring. According to Lucas, Aidan wasn’t expected until early evening. She had time to at least assess what needed to be done.
She was on the way out the door, thinking that she needed to pick up a few groceries on the way over to the house, when it hit her.
You’re not living there anymore. Your marriage is in trouble, and you still think you should be putting groceries in the fridge?
Getting her purse and keys, and avoiding the street that went past the grocery store, she headed down the wide boulevard that led into the subdivision. A pang of longing shot through her at the sight of her window boxes showing off the bright red geraniums she’d planted. And the peonies at the corner of the house nodded their large pink blossoms.
Only weeks ago she’d been very reasonably happy in this house. Despite not being able to have children, she had concentrated on her crafts and her love of wool and fabrics, her gardens. Now, as she pulled into the driveway, she yearned for those moments before all this happened when she believed she could convince Aidan to adopt a child.
Determined not to think about any of it, she made her way around the house to the garden in the back. The sweet scent of lavender wafting up from the herb bed greeted her, filling her with a sense of calm. At least here she had control of what went on. It was, after all, her design and her effort that had converted this into a flowered space that her neighbors and friends praised. She enjoyed their compliments and freely shared gardening tips with anyone who asked.
She recalled the day Aidan had hurt his shoulder moving the lumber into place for her raised beds, the day he nearly stumbled carrying an armload of sod to fix the ground around the koi pond in the center of the garden. She remembered rubbing his sore muscles with an anti-inflammatory cream to ease the pain. She also remembered the lovemaking after they’d showered together that day.
How had they come to this place where they had trouble talking to each other and no longer shared even the simplest things?
She longed for those innocent years when everything seemed to go their way, when trying to get pregnant was fun, not reduced to an anxious endeavor, fraught with insecurity.
She glanced around her garden, taking it all in, remembering each shrub and plant she’d lovingly planted. She must not dwell on the past weeks, but instead let her garden and its serenity soothe her.
What she needed was to get her hands dirty, feel the soil on her fingers and enjoy the results of her hard work. She walked the stone pathway leading to the rear of the garden, then opened the wooden shed and went in to the dark, moist space in search of her gloves, a spade and a rake.
The first area in serious need of her attention was the herb garden. The rosemary had developed long scraggly branches and the cilantro was suffering from lack of water. Getting into a rhythm of digging and weeding, the smell of the earth and the wind sighing in the maple tree over her head, relaxed her.
She’d been working diligently, feeling the sense of accomplishment she always felt as she cleaned up and weeded a garden area, when she glanced at her watch.
Two hours? Aidan would be here soon with Emma and Lisa. She didn’t want to be around when they arrived. It would be too difficult to face him when she was still so uncertain about everything. And this was not the time to see him with his child. A small surge of anger struck when she realized he probably expected her to be here, to have filled the fridge with fresh fruit and vegetables.
Scooping up her tools, she headed to the shed. Just then, she spotted the rabbit hopping in front of the trumpet creeper, a climbing shrub that clearly needed to be trimmed—but not today. Today she had to get back to her brother’s condo.
Thankfully, she left without encountering Aidan. She was relieved, even though a small part of her wished they could meet. She missed their conversations about their everyday activities, the little things that happened that contributed to the story of their lives. She missed coming home to him after being out somewhere. She missed hearing him singing off-key in the shower, the way he towel-dried his curly hair.
Getting out of her gardening clothes, she took a quick shower and washed her hair, then settled in to read. Finally, she tossed aside the latest quilting magazine, wishing she’d stopped long enough at the house to grab her sewing machine so she could put together the quilting pieces she’d meticulously cut out last month. Surveying the space, the austere maleness of her brother’s condo, she faced the truth. She was bored and lonely and wanted to see Aidan.
* * *
MEANWHILE, IN SPARTANBURG, Aidan and Lisa loaded his rental car, then placed Emma’s car seat in the back. “Thanks for all your help,” he said, trying to wedge the trunk of the SUV closed. “I had no idea how much gear a child needed. And that car seat was complicated to install.”
“Get used to it,” Lisa said, laughing as she turned toward the house. “I’ll put Emma in the seat for you.”
“Thanks,” he said as he checked for the keys and linked his cell phone to the online security system. He had to call Lucas as soon as he could. Working in Deidre’s office was okay, but not the same as being where he had everything—files and paperwork—at his fingertips. Thanks to Lucas and one of the other engineers, he’d managed to put out a few fires, but a lot of work was still pending.
He’d make some phone calls on the drive while Emma slept. At least, he assumed she would sleep. Who wouldn’t sleep after waking up at four in the morning? He wished he could sleep, but there wasn’t a chance until he got home.
Emma and Lisa came out of the house, Emma hugging her black bear. He opened the back door. “In here, sweetie,” he said, feeling upbeat and ready to take his daughter home where she belonged.
Grace hadn’t taken any of his calls since the day he’d Skyped with her. He’d been so sure that they were working things out, but he’d seen how upset she was about his being in Deidre’s office. Still, he couldn’t do anything about that if she didn’t take his calls.
He knew she was living at Lucas’s condo. He also knew there was no way Grace would be happy living there for very long. She loved her gardens, her sewing room and all the other nice touches they’d built into their home specially to please her.
He would see Grace once he got home. When he got Emma and Lisa settled, he’d convince Grace to meet him somewhere, maybe for coffee or dinner. And this time he’d work on how to alleviate her fears about their relationship. Whatever it took to bring her home with him and Emma...
Emma stomped down the driveway to the back door of the SUV, her bear crushed against her chest. She stopped. “No! I want to go with Lisa.”
“Emma, I explained that you and I are going with your daddy today. We’ll be living in his house.”
“No!” Emma screamed, racing toward the house and crying at the top
of her lungs. “I want Mommy! Mommy!”
He started toward her, but Lisa touched his arm to hold him back.
“I’ll get her. You stay here,” she ordered before walking up the driveway.
He watched in agony. Emma’s tears hurt like a physical blow. He waited while Lisa knelt in front of Emma and talked soothingly to her. In a few minutes, Lisa returned holding Emma’s hand.
“What do we do now?” he asked Lisa, trying to remain calm. “I suppose we could always put the seat in your car.”
“Not a good idea. Your car is bigger and safer. Besides, it will take even more effort to change the seat. I think it’s best if we simply go,” Lisa said.
Emma stood next to Lisa, her tiny shoulders shaking, her face buried in her bear’s neck. “I want Mommy,” she sobbed over and over.
Aidan could barely breathe over the anxiety knotting his chest. His heart hurt for his little girl but he didn’t know what else to do to help her.
“Emma, you and I are moving to your new home with your daddy. I need you to get in his car. I’ll be driving my car right behind you. Whenever you want, you can get your daddy to call me on his cell phone and you can talk to me. How’s that?”
Emma looked up at him, her tearstained face wrenching his heart. He saw an opportunity to convince her that she had to go with him, all the while fearful that he’d made a horrible mistake in insisting on moving home.
“Emma, if you’ll go with me, I promise you that we will stop at a McDonald’s and a park on the way so you can have fun on the trip. It isn’t just about going to my place. It’s about having fun along the way, isn’t it? And Blackie would like to go on a set of swings and eat in a restaurant, wouldn’t he?” Aidan asked, feeling an overwhelming sense of relief when his daughter smiled up at him.
“McDonald’s has toys,” Emma said, hugging her bear close, the beginning of a smile forming on her face.
“Well done,” Lisa whispered as she helped him get Emma into her car seat. “You’re catching on fast.”
The drive proved he hadn’t caught on all that fast. Emma talked, hummed or cried all the way. The only break Aidan got to make calls was at the rest stops and standing outside in the rain at a McDonald’s. Completely exhausted when he got home, he was pathetically grateful when Lisa offered to unpack the car and settle Emma in her new room. There was nothing to eat in the fridge, bringing home to him in no uncertain terms how big a role Grace had played in keeping his life operating smoothly. He’d never seen the fridge as empty as it was today.
“I guess I’ll have to go to the grocery store before dinner,” he said as Lisa entered the kitchen.
“I guess you will,” she said, placing the booster seat on a chair at the table. “Emma is up in her new room putting her books on the shelf. That room is ready for a baby. You’ll have to take the crib down and put up her bed. I assume you have a single bed somewhere...or I could put her in one of the other bedrooms for tonight if needed.”
He let the fridge door close. Memories rushed him. The hours his wife had spent painting the room, the bookshelves they’d scoured antiques shops looking for, the hours spent huddled over wallpaper samples. All of it for a baby they’d never had. He choked back his sorrow, seeking to answer as normally as possible. “I’ll put the twin beds back and take the crib out.”
Lisa gave him a sad smile. “You can tell me to mind my business, but in a way, this is my business because of Emma. You need to make amends with Grace. You can’t go on living like this. And neither can Grace.”
“But if she wanted to be here, she would be. I pleaded with her to stay. She chose to go.”
“So now we’re going to do the I-can’t-do-anything-because-she-walked-out-on-me dance?” Lisa asked, a disgusted look on her face.
He looked at her and realized that no one had ever talked to him the way she did. She could have stayed out of it, and in fact, he’d started out wishing she would. But she was helping him see what a mess he’d made of things, and she was right. “Thanks, Lisa. I’m going to call her right now and see if she will meet me somewhere, anywhere we can talk.”
He picked up the phone and dialed Grace’s cell phone. When it continued to ring, he started to worry. She knew he was coming back. Had she decided not to take calls from him? How could he make amends if she didn’t talk to him?
As his call went to voice mail, he felt so isolated, the feeling of the distance growing between them becoming more acute. What if she wasn’t willing to sort things out because she had gone to a divorce lawyer?
An empty sensation settled in his stomach at the thought. What a fool he’d been. Grace had been very upset about the office thing, and he’d done little or nothing to assuage her feelings. If he didn’t hear from her soon, he would call Lucas and invite himself over to the condo. He’d stay right there until Grace was willing to talk to him. In the meantime, he’d keep trying to reach her.
* * *
TO EASE HER BOREDOM, Grace decided to watch an old movie. She’d poured a glass of wine and was about to settle in front of the TV when her cell phone rang again. Aidan.
Undecided as to whether she wanted to talk to him, she let it ring. Then, feeling a need to hear how he was doing, she picked it up.
“Grace, I just arrived, and wanted to see you. I miss you. I need to talk to you. Going on Skype with you in Deidre’s office was wrong—I was an insensitive idiot.”
“Aidan, will you slow down?”
“Sorry. I was afraid you might hang up before I said what I needed to.”
“Aidan, I think that what you need to do right now is look after Emma.”
“But I thought you wanted to talk, to work on things. You told me that I was making decisions without you, but I’m not. I want to hear you say that you’re willing to work with me to fix our life,” he said desperately. “I can’t live without you—”
She heard screaming in the background and realized that Emma was upset. “Sounds like you have your hands full.”
He sighed. “Yeah, we got in about an hour ago. I need to get a few groceries so Lisa can make dinner. Emma is exhausted from the drive, and to be honest, so am I. She cried, sang or talked the entire way. My ears are hurting. Seriously.”
“Welcome to the world of children,” Grace said, enjoying his anguish while knowing how unsympathetically she was behaving. “Lots more to come. Have you looked into kindergarten for her?”
“Haven’t even started that. I should have made a few calls last week, but it’s been hectic.”
“I can imagine,” she said, absolutely reveling in the idea that Aidan was experiencing the results of doing little or no planning before bringing Emma here. It was probably mean of her, but she couldn’t help how she felt. If he’d listened to her in the first place, none of this would have happened.
Besides, nothing had changed between them. Their relationship was in jeopardy, and until he faced up to that fact, she didn’t want to be anywhere near him. It wasn’t that she didn’t love him, although there had been times over the past few weeks...
“Aidan, I need to stop by to pick up some of my quilting materials.”
“That would be great. I would love to see you. This house isn’t the same without you. When would you like to come? What about this evening?” he said eagerly, and for a moment, she felt the old closeness.
And despite everything that had happened and all her negative feelings toward him, hearing the sweetness in his voice she gave in. She missed him “Why don’t I drop over this evening after Emma is in bed?”
“Come over anytime. Really. Lisa is great with Emma, and I’m sure we could find a quiet place to talk,” he said, over another loud scream.
“I’ll see you then,” she said, aware that she was in danger of doing whatever he wanted of her. She hung up quickly before she fell for the intimate tone, the enthusiastic response. Aidan had alwa
ys been so enthusiastic about everything going on in their lives, his boyish spirit and drive being two of the main reasons she’d fallen in love with him.
In the quiet of Lucas’s condo, she faced her thoughts. She loved Aidan. She needed him. But she couldn’t continue feeling left out, of little importance except to do as he wanted and fulfill his needs. She wished she could believe in him again. But the man she’d married was rapidly disappearing behind his plans, his dreams, his obsession. Not hers. And not theirs.
Aidan had to change if they were to have any chance to save their marriage.
An hour later, she pulled into the driveway. Seeing a car she didn’t recognize parked on the street, she hesitated. Who would be visiting Aidan so soon after he got home? Lucas had said the office staff had been waiting for Aidan. What if one of them was a woman who cared more than she should for Aidan? Aidan was vulnerable right now, and might have accepted an offer of help from one of his staff.
How had she so easily jumped to that conclusion? As the question formed in her mind, she recognized that she continued to worry that Deidre hadn’t been Aidan’s only affair. How would they ever resume their marriage with her feeling this way?
Biting back her suspicions, she went to the front door, feeling really strange that this was her home and yet she didn’t feel comfortable enough to walk in.
Anxiously she rang the bell, and Aidan opened it immediately. “I’ve been waiting for you,” he said, his words punctuated by Emma’s yelling about not wanting to go to bed.
After an earsplitting shriek, he said, “She wouldn’t eat her supper, and we don’t know what to do with her,” he said apologetically.
Grace glanced at him, saw the strained look on his face and the bags under his eyes. Aidan was not having an easy time of it. “You’re still getting unpacked, I assume,” she said, wanting to touch his cheek, to massage the worried frown on his handsome face, to feel the smoothness of his skin.
“Trying to,” he said just as Emma came running down the hall toward the door.
Bringing Emma Home Page 14