Bringing Emma Home

by Stella MacLean

  She stopped to consider, a bag of Oreo cookies in her hands. It wouldn’t be her kitchen again until she could accept everything that had changed these past weeks, changes that both she and Aidan had to cope with if they were going to be part of each other’s lives.

  With Emma out of the house for a few minutes, she turned to Lisa. “Aidan tells me you’re going to Spartanburg soon.”

  Lisa hesitated for a few seconds. “Yes. I’m worried about how Aidan will manage. I’ve gotten to appreciate him. He’s kind and considerate, and he is a great dad. The only reason I feel I can leave is that Emma is perfectly happy here with him. At first, it didn’t go so well, but now I have no doubt that everything will work out. The only other thing I wish for Emma is that she have a new mom,” Lisa said, a knowing look in her eyes.

  “I want that for Emma, too.” Grace wanted to be involved in Emma’s life, but first she needed to resolve her feelings, find a way past them if she was to be a good mother to Emma.

  She hadn’t wanted to face the thoughts that had played in her mind as Aidan talked about kindergarten for Emma. They were thoughts that frightened her, left her feeling alone and inadequate. For all her wishing and hoping for a baby, during which she’d planned and pushed Aidan to continue the treatments to conceive a child of their own, there had been one unexpressed thought lurking in the back of her mind.

  After all the effort they’d had to put into getting pregnant, would she be a good mother to the baby she’d wished and prayed for so long? Being younger than her brother, Lucas, she’d never experienced what it felt like to care for a child. And her only babysitting jobs had been with children who were in school.

  She’d read every child-rearing book she could find, haunted the library for information on childhood diseases, all in preparation for having a baby. Grace’s friends had often teased her about her obsession with being the perfect mother. Little did they or anyone else know despite all her preparation she was afraid of failing at the one part of her life that meant so much to her.

  According to Lisa, Aidan was a good parent, something that surprised her a little and thrilled her a lot. Now it was up to her to follow his lead if she wanted to be part of Emma’s life.

  “Grace, you and I don’t know each very well, and we got off to a rough start. If I caused you pain over what I said, I want you to know it was never intended to hurt you.”

  “You were going through a difficult period, too,” Grace offered.

  “I was in shock after Deidre’s death. She was my employer, but she was also my friend. She was a good mother and one of the best people I ever worked for. I miss her. She did everything she could to give Emma a good life, and that included providing for her should anything happen.” Lisa met Grace’s curious glance. “If Deidre had loved Aidan, she would have said something to me. She certainly would not have allowed him to walk out of her life.”

  At Lisa’s words Grace recognized that her suspicion had come from her fear that Aidan had lied to her. Now that Lisa had told her what she knew about Deidre’s relationship with Aidan, she stopped to consider what it must have been like to have a baby and decide not to contact the father of the child.

  While Grace had been preoccupied with conceiving a child to complete her family, Deidre had chosen to face being a parent alone.

  Grace glanced at Aidan as he came into the kitchen carrying grocery bags, Emma following along behind him. Her husband had been hurt, as well. What had he felt when he realized that Deidre chose to keep him out of his daughter’s life? That phone call saying that he was Emma’s father had to have been very difficult in ways Grace couldn’t imagine.

  How must it feel to learn that you had a child you didn’t know existed when you wanted one so badly? All the lost chances to be with your child, hold her, watch her take her first steps, be there when she went to day care, dream of her future.

  “Grace!” Emma called from her perch on the edge of a chair at the table. “I need you.”

  “The queen has spoken,” Aidan said, putting the last bag on the counter. “I’ve learned that resistance is futile,” he said, smiling softly at Grace.

  Grace looked into his eyes as he towered over her, his closeness framing her thoughts. She wanted to touch the auburn curls along the nape of his neck, hold him close in her arms and feel his body on hers. She loved this man. She’d loved him since that day in high school. “Can we talk a little more about going away together?” she whispered.

  His face brightened. His smile widened. “You mean it?”

  “Yes, I do,” Grace said, leaning close to him, breathing in his scent, feeling at peace and at home in his world.

  He picked her up and swung her around, holding her as they danced around the kitchen. “You have made me the happiest man on the planet. We can go anywhere you want,” he said, kissing her lips, hugging her body to his.

  “No! Don’t take my daddy! No!” Emma screamed, racing to her father, pushing on Grace, pinching and crying. “Go away!”

  It wasn’t the pinch that hurt so much as the feeling of separation that rocked Grace. Emma’s fierce response made Grace feel isolated and in need of reassurance. It was obvious how frightened Emma was of losing her father, and how angry she felt.

  Still, Grace wondered how she and Aidan were to talk out their problems if Emma made this kind of fuss over them talking a little bit? But they weren’t only talking...

  Lisa glanced from Grace to Aidan and moved quickly, picking Emma up in her arms, patting her back and trying to soothe her. “There, it’s okay. You shouldn’t pinch anyone, Emma. That is wrong.”

  “I didn’t mean to.” Emma stuck her thumb in her mouth as Lisa picked her up. “I want Mommy,” she whispered, her tearstained face looking into Lisa’s.

  “It’s going to be all right. You’ll see,” Lisa said, her pleading glance reaching across the room to Grace.

  What should she do? Should she offer to take Emma and soothe her? Or would that simply make things worse?

  Undecided, she stood rooted to the spot.

  Emma began to cry again. Squirming, she stretched out of Lisa’s arms, reaching for her father. “Daddy,” she pleaded as big sobs shook her body.

  Aidan reached for her, pulling her into his arms, forcing him to move away from Grace in his eagerness to soothe Emma, leaving behind an empty desolate space.

  Grace watched helplessly as Aidan cuddled Emma, swaying with her as she sobbed into his neck. Grace didn’t belong here.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset her.” Grace said, struggling to maintain calm, to not cry. Everything had been going so well, so much better than she could have hoped.

  Aidan gave her an anxious smile. “This has happened before. She’ll be all right in a few minutes.”

  Emma glanced at her suspiciously, sniffling and clutching her father’s shirt. “You can’t have my daddy,” she said, a dark frown on her face.

  Overwhelmed with worry, Aidan felt trapped between his wife and his daughter. He’d never been in this sort of situation before, where everything hinged on how he behaved and whether or not Emma could be convinced to let Grace be around him.

  He could see the hurt look on Grace’s face and wanted to hold her and reassure her that she was in this with him. They were a team. He had this moment of opportunity, one he wouldn’t let get away from him now that he was so close to having Grace in his life once again. “Lisa, can you take Emma for me?”

  Lisa put her hand on Emma’s back, speaking gently to her. “You come with me, sweetie. We’ll play dump trucks in the living room. You like driving them over the carpet. I think there’s a bunch of new building blocks in the garage. Why don’t we get those?”

  Emma’s sobs faded to soft hiccups. “I want to stay with Daddy.” She nestled into his shoulder.

  Aidan struggled to figure out what to do. He didn’t want to upset Emma, but
he couldn’t let Grace feel left out.

  He couldn’t believe she’d agreed to go away with him. He’d started out today fully prepared to accept that Grace and he were finished, but now, with her willingness to be with him, everything had changed.

  “Emma, Daddy really needs to talk to Grace. I need you to go with Lisa, just for a few minutes. I won’t be long, okay?”

  Emma snuggled closer into his chest, her suspicious glance still on Grace.

  Clearly unhappy, Grace moved away from them, over toward the kitchen table. “I’m going to sit here for a little while, Emma. You and Daddy talk a bit. You love your dad, and he loves you.” She sat at the table, her eyes meeting his, his heart flipping sideways at the look of consolation on her face.

  She understood what was going on and had decided to remove herself from the situation. It had been clear from Grace’s expression that she’d been hurt by Emma’s abrupt response, but she’d recovered and had put Emma’s needs first.

  Looking into her eyes, seeing her sincere need to alleviate Emma’s distress, he couldn’t remember a moment when he loved her more than he did right now. Seeing her like this, cold reality hit him. He didn’t deserve this woman who loved so deeply, who cared with her whole heart. But if he had a chance to keep her, he would love her unconditionally forever.

  “Or I can go out into the garden, look at the fishpond and see if the bird feeders need filling while you talk to your dad. Would that be better?” Grace asked, smiling warmly at Emma.

  Aidan could have hugged her for being so kind, for helping him manage the situation. He mouthed, “Thank you.”

  She nodded, a small smile starting at the corners of her mouth. “I’ll also check for bunny rabbits while I’m in the garden.”

  “Bunny?” Emma asked, brightening, a look of interest on her face. “Where’s the bunny?”

  “I’m not sure,” Grace said, “but maybe if I take a carrot out to the garden, he’ll come to see me. We have a small shed at the back where I keep my gardening tools. Maybe he’s there. What do you think?”

  Emma wiggled out of her father’s arms and came to Grace. “What’s his name?”

  “He doesn’t have a name yet. He’s big and brown, and he loves lettuce. I usually buy lettuce just for him. But why don’t you and I see if we can find him, and in the meantime, you can come up with a name for him. How would that be?”

  Emma fidgeted for a moment, looked over her shoulder at her father before turning back to Grace. “I can find the carrots in the fridge. You want to come with me?”

  Grace’s smile was bright as she looked across the room into Aidan’s eyes. Their eyes held. His heart swelling in his chest, he whispered, “I love you.”

  “I love you, too,” she whispered back.

  “What are you saying to Daddy?” Emma asked, a small frown forming between her blue eyes.

  “Saying? I’m telling your daddy something really special.” Grace laughed, the upbeat sound filling the kitchen, a sound Aidan had feared he would never hear again.

  Aidan, his love for Grace a soothing balm easing the fear that had plagued him since she’d come to the house, couldn’t help but smile as he followed Grace and Emma out into the garden. Hanging back just a little, giving the two people he loved most in this world a chance to be together, he felt at peace and happier than he could remember.

  * * *

  GRACE LED EMMA out to the rear of the garden, hoping that the rabbit would be somewhere near the shed. That’s where she’d last seen him. “Emma, what do you think would be a good name for the bunny?” she asked as she searched the area just beyond the pond for any signs of the rabbit.

  Emma held the carrot like a sword. “I’d like to call him Sam,” she announced. “I would like him to be Sam.”

  “Sam it is,” Grace said, still searching for any sign of the rabbit. As they neared the shed, she noted a small shift in some of the huge leaves of the hostas along the back fence.

  “Maybe Sam likes a cool spot, especially on a hot day like this,” Grace said, moving closer to the large leaves. Pushing one slowly aside, she saw the rabbit crouched under the leaves, his nose sniffing the air, his eyes alert.

  “There he is,” Grace whispered, pointing toward the bunny that looked ready to leap away.

  “Can I play with him? Will he let me hold him?” Emma asked in an exaggerated whisper as she held out the carrot.

  “Probably not today,” Grace said, wanting to hug Emma to her and never let go. She’d never known a moment with so much emotion in it, never imagined that this was what it felt like to love a child and to do something so simple as to search through the garden for a rabbit. She wanted many, many more moments like this.

  Glancing at Aidan, seeing the adoring look on his face, she knew beyond a shadow of a doubt she couldn’t let go of any of this, no matter what it took. As she stood there, waiting for the rabbit to leap away, she realized in that instant she loved this little girl with all her heart.

  The rabbit darted sideways and disappeared farther into the flower bed. “He’s gone!” Emma said, charging toward the spot where he’d been. “Let’s go,” she yelled to Grace as she scrambled through the wide, green leaves, making them sway and bend.

  “You won’t be able to catch Sam. He’s faster than either of us.”

  Emma stopped. “Where did he go?”

  “I have no idea. But he likes my backyard so he’ll be back soon.”

  “Yours?” Emma asked, coming to a full stop, making the giant leaves shudder.

  Grace took a deep breath, aware that Emma might not realize that this was her home, as well. Feeling she had no choice but to answer, she said, “I live here.”

  Emma put her thumb in her mouth, turning in a wide arc. “Where? Where do you live? In there?” she asked, pointing to the shed.

  How should she handle this? Emma only knew about her dad and Lisa being in the house. What would happen if she told Emma the truth? And was it the truth? Did she intend to return to her home, regardless of Emma’s response to her?

  Anxiety tightening her tummy, she smiled as she leaned closer to Emma and said, “I live in this house. This is my garden.”

  “No. You don’t. Daddy does and Lisa. Not you.” Emma scowled at her. “We live here. Not you.”

  Had Aidan not said anything to his daughter about her? About their life together? How could that be possible? She glanced at Aidan, who looked worried. As he walked toward her, she struggled not to cry.

  “Emma, why don’t you go in and get Lisa to give you some Cheerios as your snack?” Aidan asked, taking Emma’s hand and leading her toward the deck door.

  Grace sought the bench seat at the corner of her garden and sank unsteadily onto its cool surface. Hurt boiled up through her, betrayal ground its way into her heart.

  Why hadn’t Aidan mentioned to Emma that she lived here? Had he assumed she wasn’t coming home again? Her stomach ached with anxiety and disappointment. She had to get out of here, away from all this. Coming here had been a huge mistake. She would go around to the front of the house, grab her purse and leave.

  Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Aidan come through the deck doors and down the steps toward her. It was too late for her to escape, and as she met his gaze, she really didn’t want to. She’d made a mistake, assumed too much, and now she had to face her actions because of it.

  As he made his way around the perennial bed she’d planted last year, his eyes on her, she steeled herself for the inevitable confrontation. “Why doesn’t Emma know who I am and that I live here?”

  He stopped a couple of feet from her, his expression downcast. “Grace, I wasn’t sure if you planned to come back, or if I could convince you to return. Emma has had such a confusing time these past weeks, so many things happening in her life, I felt it best to only tell her the things that mattered in her daily life.” />
  His words stung. “Are you saying I don’t matter in Emma’s daily life?”

  “No. It’s just that things have been sort of up in the air, and I really didn’t know what to tell her about you.”

  She fought for control. She could not cry. “I wasn’t here because you wouldn’t include me. It was your choice, not mine. Now your daughter is upset that this is my home as well as hers. You wanted my help, but how can I help if Emma doesn’t want me here?”

  Hesitating, his eyes searching hers, he said, “I had to make a decision about who was in her life when we arrived here. She was crying and upset. I’d already messed up badly where you were concerned. From what I could tell, there was no chance that you wanted to be part of our lives. It wasn’t a decision meant to hurt you. It was a decision made to offer my daughter as stable a life as possible under the circumstances.”

  He softened his tone as he moved to the bench beside her. “For now, you’re someone she likes and can play with. I didn’t take it any further than that because I didn’t want to disappoint her.”

  “Why didn’t you ask me if I wanted her to know that I lived here?” Grace demanded, aware of how unreasonable she sounded but not able to stem the accusation.

  “Because we aren’t together anymore, Grace. We’re trying to figure things out, and I really believe we will. But if you weren’t coming back, then what would be the point in telling Emma who you really were? If I told her, only to have you decide not to return home, how would Emma cope with that? It’s clear she likes you, but if she lost you, too...”

  His words hung in the air between them.

  Her heart pounding in dread, she said, “Aidan, if only we’d waited and worked out the details of taking her into our lives... All of this would have turned out so differently.”

  “Yeah...” He looked into her eyes, his face solemn and sad. “If I could turn back the clock...” He sighed as he reached for her hand. “What do we do now? What do we tell her? Whatever we tell her now won’t be easily changed without making her upset.”