Devoted to You

by Rebecca King

  Rather than answer, he tucked several long strands of her hair carefully behind the delicate shell of her ear as his loving gaze roved freely over her face. She looked utterly adorable all tucked up in bed like that with her hair a cascading halo of golden curls.

  “I came to see you,” Aidan murmured.

  Before she could demand why he braced an arm on the pillow above her head and leaned over her.

  Petal looked up into his beautiful eyes, her heart suspended in her chest. She had expected him to be angry that she had walked out of her job. Instead, he looked almost bemused.

  “What is it?” she asked, trying to appear blaze.

  There were so many things she wanted to say to him that she wasn’t sure where to start.

  “Why are you here?” he asked, trailing one fingertip down the soft curve of her cheek.

  “I live here,” she replied. “I got cold, so I came to bed to warm up. I must have fallen asleep.”

  “That isn’t what I meant, Petal,” he chided softly, eyeing the tell-tale tear marks on her cheeks.

  His legs began to protest at the uncomfortable angle he was sitting. To ease the discomfort he settled down beside her and braced his head on his hand so he could continue to look at her.

  “Why are you here in your dad’s farmhouse rather than at Wenland?”

  “I don’t work for you anymore,” she replied without stopping to think. “I believe that it is best if I remain here.”

  “You have to work your notice,” he replied. “It is one of the conditions of your employment; you must work a period of two weeks’ notice.”

  “I don’t think it is appropriate now, do you?”

  She tried to be brave, but her voice wobbled alarmingly. The last thing she wanted to do was talk about what they had shared; not after his behaviour yesterday, and the scene she had witnessed this morning.

  “Well, no, not really,” he admitted. No wife of his was going to spend her days sweeping carpets and running up and down the servants’ stairs.

  She stared at him, horrified that he could be audacious enough to admit it so brazenly without a care in the world, and dismiss what they had shared so casually.

  “Nor do I think it is appropriate for you to be in my room. You should go.” She glanced around the chamber. “Where is my father?”

  “He is busy at the moment. I can take you to him if you like?” Aidan replied, making no attempt to get off the bed.

  “Could you please leave?” She asked desperately, eager for him not to see her shed the tears she could barely contain. After spending so much time lost in misery before she didn’t think she had any tears left. But she knew she was going to start to cry again if he didn’t leave.

  He looked so incredibly handsome and debonair that she felt a veritable gulf open up between them. This was increased further still when she eyed his clothing. The very expensive cut of his shirt alone must have cost an entire year of her wages. To her utter heartbreak, it seemed to set him even further apart from her. Her own rather bedraggled state was highlighted by the fact that her hair hadn’t seen a brush for several hours and now lay in limp strands around her shoulders. Even the dress she wore, although clean, was cheap and serviceable, and crumpled from having been slept in.

  “Please, just go,” she pleaded.

  In contrast to his neatly turned out state, she knew she looked a mess.

  “Why?” Aidan challenged.

  He wondered if she had any idea just how expressive her face was. While he had been watching her, he had witnessed despair, pain, and determination she couldn’t quite hide.

  “You have seen me in bed many, many times,” he reminded her.

  He knew for definite then that she had seen Edwards in his bed this morning and was incredibly hurt by what she had witnessed. While it made him inordinately angry with the scheming nurse, he was also extremely pleased that Petal cared enough about him to be so distraught. It proved that she cared deeply about him too.

  “Yes, but I am – was – your servant. How could I not see you in your bed chamber when you were confined to bed? However, you are not my servant. You shouldn’t be in here,” she whispered.

  “Why not? I am your lover,” he replied, making himself comfortable.

  “No, you are not. You are Edwards’ lover,” she challenged, her voice laden with hurt.

  He looked at her square in the eye. “Are you sure?” he murmured gently.

  “Pardon?”

  Her heart fluttered at the intent look in his eye. She wondered if she had missed something over the last couple of minutes. Had sleep muddled her brain?

  He cupped her cheek with a gentle palm. “You look so pale. Are you not well?”

  His tender concern was too much for Petal, whose heart tightened painfully in her chest. She promptly burst into tears.

  Aidan immediately gathered her into his arms. Tugging her around to face him, he dragged the covers around them both and held her close while she wept into his shoulder.

  “It will be alright,” he murmured gently when the worst of her tears had subsided.

  “How can it be? You don’t understand,” she whispered with a sniff. “You shouldn’t be here.”

  Just lying like this with him was wonderful. His affection was more than she had ever expected to witness or feel again, and it was as tormenting as it was sublime.

  “Oh, I do,” he said fervently. “Believe me, when I tell you that I truly do understand your pain.”

  “How can you?” She had never told another living soul how much he meant to her; how much it had torn her life apart to see him with Edwards.

  While she had worked at the house, she would have done anything he asked of her. Even now, he was the entire focus of her world. He had become such an integral part of her everyday life that she wasn’t quite sure what to do without him. It had been her job to serve him, to be at his beck and call, and ensure that he had whatever he wanted, or needed. However, although she had been at the house for only a few weeks, that ability to serve him had swiftly turned into a need to help him. And she had; with a devotion that went far beyond even the most dedicated servant.

  “Believe it or not, I am not the kind of man who usually beds his servants.”

  “I didn’t suggest you were,” she countered.

  “But I have,” he replied frankly as he looked deeply into her eyes. “You and I both know that what we have is more than the average master and servant relationship. Have you not stopped to ask yourself why we came together in the first place?”

  In truth, she hadn’t.

  “You are not all that much younger than me. You are beautiful; intelligent; good-natured; and I find your excellent company.” He sighed and studied the wall opposite for a moment. “All of my life, I have fought social strictures and other people’s expectations. As the second son of a lord, I have always been expected to do this and expect that in life. Moreover, that I should think of the family name, consider the connections, and all of that. But there has never really been any consideration for what I want. Nobody has bothered about who I am. Jerry has found himself in the same boat.”

  “I thought Jerry was happy?”

  “He is,” Aidan assured her quickly. “Now. There was a period of time, though, when his life was incredibly difficult. He had been pushed by the dowager into marrying someone of her choice, all for the sake of connections. On paper, it all sounded just what aristocracy expect from a good union. Unfortunately, he didn’t want to marry the woman the dowager pushed upon him, though.”

  When he lapsed into prolonged silence, she leaned backward to look up at him. “What happened?”

  “He married her under duress. To say that the union was less than happy would be an understatement. I now believe that his wife was pressured into accepting the marriage by her father, and didn’t want to be married at all, let alone to Jerry. Theirs was a miserable union, and there was a significant period when Jerry was quite desolate.”

  “
What happened?” She prompted when he lapsed into silence again.

  “Jerry went away to see some friends. While he was away, Alice, his wife, fell down the stairs. Nobody knew how, or what went wrong.” He looked at her. “You know, whether she tripped on her skirts or something but they think she died instantly. Although he grieved, Jerry saw it more of a release than anything else and has been wracked with guilt ever since for feeling like that. He has vowed never to marry again.”

  “That’s a shame,” she replied.

  Aidan leaned back to look down at her. “Is it?”

  “Yes.”

  “How so?”

  “Who knows whether the next person he meets will be the one who makes him happy? Just because he wasn’t at all happy in his first marriage doesn’t mean that he cannot find contentment with someone else.”

  “She has to be someone of his choosing. It is far more important than any family connections,” Aidan assured her.

  “I cannot say,” Petal sighed. “It isn’t so important around here.”

  “I don’t intend to fall into the same trap.”

  “Edwards has her sights set on you. I understand that she is well connected. The dowager likes her,” she whispered.

  “Yes, but I don’t like her,” he countered.

  Petal instinctively snorted and tried to ease away from him only to find that he wouldn’t release his hold on her. Instead, he followed her until she was effectively trapped beneath him.

  “Believe me, when I tell you that I don’t like her.” His voice grew considerably harder.

  She looked at the glint of warning in his eyes warily. It was the first time she had seen it directed at her. Still, she wasn’t about to be cowed by it, and glared back challengingly.

  “Then what was this morning all about?”

  “Scheming,” he replied bluntly. “I thought it was you.”

  “Of course, you did,” she snorted.

  This time, when she tried to ease away from him more forcefully, he merely used his weight to pin her down. He waited patiently until she had stopped wriggling and groaned when his body responded predictably to her writhing.

  “Just stop for a minute and listen to me,” he gasped breathlessly when his body began to respond.

  “Why?” she demanded.

  “Who else should I expect to be in my bed at that time in the morning; Mrs Kempton? Edwards is a conniving witch, but I didn’t think even she would stoop so low as to crawl into my bed like that. I do know she wasn’t there all night, I promise you. She must have heard you get up, or just assumed it was the usual time for you light the fire. I don’t know. I just thought she was you. I turned over half asleep to find a woman’s body next to me. I slid my arm around you – her – thinking it was you, and went back to sleep. Nothing else happened.”

  “It isn’t anything to do with me,” she whispered, heartbroken at having to relive the memory of that horrible moment when she had walked in on them.

  “Sweetheart, I was wearing my nightgown,” he protested. “When we made love, I didn’t bother to put it back on, did I?”

  Petal had to concede that he had a point. She could remember seeing the white of his nightgown this morning, and shook her head.

  “Also, Edwards was dressed. She had her corsets on still, and her undergarments. She had just taken her dress off, although it was decorously draped across the floor for the world to see. It gave the impression that we had been intimate. Throughout the night, I can remember turning over on at least two occasions and being completely alone. I remember in distinctly because I was hoping you would come to me again.”

  Petal felt tears leak out of the corner of her eyes. “I wish I had now but it seemed terribly presumptuous, especially when you had spent the better part of the day ignoring me.”

  “Do you think I would have turned you away?” He asked, curious.

  “I am – was – your servant. I can hardly just clamber into the master’s bed whenever the moment strikes. We should not have done what we did in the first place.”

  The despondency in her voice made him tip his head to look down into her face. He didn’t want her to hide from him in any way. He needed to see her expressive face because he rather felt there was something she wasn’t telling him.

  “I don’t regret it,” he said boldly. “How could I?”

  “You seemed to,” she whispered. Her voice was thick with emotion.

  “I had to, sweetheart. I have been contemplating for several days now whether to ask you to marry me or not. Before you appeared in my life, I had vowed never to marry. You have made me reconsider my feelings about it all. When the dowager turned up as she did the day after we slept together, I daren’t look at you for fear of giving away our relationship to either her or Edwards. I don’t want either of them to know about us until we have matters on a more formal footing.”

  “It is impossible.”

  “What is?” He demanded boldly.

  “Us. This. You and me,” she replied.

  “Really?” He countered. “It all seems very real to me.”

  “We cannot be together again,” she said sadly.

  “Oh? Why not?” He wondered what she considered them lying on the bed together to be.

  “It isn’t right.”

  “You are not my servant anymore,” he reminded her.

  Petal sighed. “I know, but I am not of equal standing to you.”

  “Oh, I don’t know,” he said thoughtfully as he studied their bodies. “I think we fit together beautifully.”

  It was some time before he was confident that he had shown her completely just how well they were suited. However, he knew there was one final stage to his plan that would allay any lingering doubts.

  “I can’t deny you,” she whispered a long time later, somewhat appalled at how little self-control she had once she was in his arms.

  “Then don’t,” he muttered.

  “I have to. Someone has to be the voice of reason. Look at us. You are the dowager’s son. She hates me,” she reminded him. “Everyone is going to object. We would both be fools to deny it.”

  “It isn’t for anyone else to have an opinion. As far as I am concerned, this is about you and me. Together we can conquer just about anything.”

  “I should not be providing those kind of services. I am sorry I have.”

  This irked him. “So why have you?”

  She hesitated to tell him. She just couldn’t humiliate herself completely.

  When she didn’t answer, he tipped her chin up until she faced him.

  “Why?” He persisted.

  “I w-wanted you,” she whispered.

  “Do you still?” His voice turned husky with desire.

  She nodded without speaking. Her eyes dipped to his lips. He knew what she was silently asking him for, and he was happy to accede to her demands.

  “Good, then I am not the only one who feels like this.”

  “You want me too? Still?”

  He was surprised she needed to ask and proceeded to show her just how much he did want her. Aware that her father was over in the church talking to the Vicar, and the rest of his willing band of helpers were still preparing for his – their – wedding, he went no further than a kiss this time.

  “What are you doing?” she asked when she felt his hand slide slowly up the curved length of her leg.

  “Showing you how much you mean to me,” he replied gently. “Tell me to stop if you want to but I shan’t. It is the one thing I have to deny you.”

  “Deny me?”

  “Yes, stopping. I cannot allow you to stop me – this – us.”

  When he was doing such wondrous things with his hands like that, she couldn’t get the words past the hazy fog of desire. It clouded her thoughts and drove every ounce of common sense of the window.

  “I can’t,” she murmured.

  “Good. Don’t even try it,” he warned darkly. “I won’t allow you to close me out, Petal. I won’t let you
ignore what we have. This is rare; this desire that lies between us. This kind of attraction is something that only a very few people ever get to experience. I, for one, don’t ever intend to take that for granted. Don’t ask me to ignore it. Not now that I have you in my life.”

  It pained her to have to say it, but she just couldn’t bear the thought of the heartbreak losing him would cause her. She adored him.

  “I shouldn’t have done what – well – what we have just done. I am not your kind, Aidan,” she whispered.

  “What the devil does that mean?” he demanded with a frown.

  “I don’t belong in your world. I am a servant. I can only ever be a servant. I can’t do anything else, I don’t know how.” Her voice trailed off to a whisper.

  Although she knew it was sensible to do what she was doing, it hurt so very much. Unfortunately, she still couldn’t turn him out of his life forever.

  “My world is your world, Petal. I used to move around in the ton, but it is not my life. Just because I was born into it doesn’t mean that I have to accept it. I don’t.” He sighed and drew her against him as tightly as he could and pressed a kiss to her temple.

  “I have never mentioned this to another soul before, but when I had the carriage accident, I wasn’t unconscious all the time. At some point immediately after the crash, I don’t know when I woke up. I know that the wheels were still spinning. That low humming noise was the only sound I could hear. It reminded me of my life, whizzing past me uncontrollably. There were so many things I wanted to see, to do, and I just hadn’t been allowed to do them because of my connection to the ton. The constant round of balls, musicals, theatre trips and the like, took up so much of my time that there didn’t seem to be room for anything else. Yet I realised there was much more I wanted from life. I just didn’t think I would ever be able to have it after what had happened to Jerry. Happy marriages within the aristocracy are rare. I didn’t want to be like one of them or my brother, but I had a choice to make. I could either live my life as I see fit, and hopefully find the happiness and contentment I wanted or stay within the ton, and end up as obnoxious and restrained by the dictates of others as the dowager is.”