Until It's Right

by Jamie Howard

  “Quite a while.” He says it so flatly I’m not sure if it’s a question or a statement of disbelief.

  “Well, yeah, for a while. Since … well from the beginning really.” I shake my head. “That’s not the point I’m trying to make here. Look, what I did was inexcusable—”

  “You already said that.” His hand drifts from the armrest to his thigh, sliding down his jeans.

  “Right, I did.” I try to run through the speech in my head, but I’m so flustered that I can’t remember anything I wanted to say. I latch on to the first errant thought that scurries through my brain. “I didn’t plan on kissing you at the wedding. I wanted to, in the moment and everything. And I’m glad I did, but I never wanted it to be like that.”

  “Like that.” His inflection is still the same, and without any sense of tone or physical reaction I’m really thrown off.

  “Well yeah. I mean it wasn’t something you, uh, wanted to do. And well, I’ve had these feelings for you that wouldn’t go away, but obviously it wasn’t reciprocated. Also, Kerry. Who you like and had a good date with and sl—” I bite my lip to cut off my train of thought.

  Pushing up from his chair, Kyle pinches his lips together and takes a step toward me. “So, let me just make sure I have this straight. You’ve had feelings for me from the beginning but never said anything, then you were worried about another girl who I only went out with once, and then determined that I didn’t feel the same about you based on one shitty kiss that you orchestrated just for your ex?”

  My heart thunders in my chest, and I have to swallow before I can answer him. My tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth. “Well it wasn’t just the kiss. There were other … things.”

  “Do you realize how ridiculous that sounds?”

  When he puts it that way it does sound really ridiculous, but it made sense at the time. “I just want you to know how sorry I am.”

  He pins me with his gaze so that it feels like I’m glued to the wall behind me. “Stop being sorry.”

  Finally, the ending thread of my speech unravels in my mind and I blurt it out. “I hope we can still be friends.”

  He shakes his head. “I don’t want to be your friend, Haley.”

  Taking another step, he dips his head and his lips crash into mine. My purse clatters against the floor as my hands skim up his chest, clutching the fabric of his shirt as he steps into me. My head slams up against the wall from the force of his kiss. I open my mouth to suck in a breath, and Kyle slips his tongue inside without hesitation.

  This kiss is nothing like the one at the wedding. This kiss is eating me alive, burning me up from the inside out. His hands are on my face, my fingers are twisted in his hair. The rough fabric of his jeans scrapes against the bare skin on my legs, and I tighten my grip on him, dragging him down further so I can bite his lip.

  With a soft groan, he wraps his fingers around my shoulders and pushes me back. His lips are red and swollen, his pupils blown out behind the lenses of his glasses. A muscle bunches in his cheek as he clenches his jaw. “Tell me again that I don’t feel anything for you.”

  My chest heaves as I try and catch my breath, and my heartbeat pulses across every inch of my skin. I’m having trouble wrapping my mind around the fact that everything I’ve been looking for was right here all along. If only I’d been brave enough to reach out and grab it, to take a chance on Kyle.

  Kyle’s eyes lose some of their heat and dart away from mine, and as I feel him start to pull away, I tighten my hold on him. “Kiss me again.”

  Except I don’t give him a chance to make the first move. Rocking up onto my toes, I suck his lower lip into my mouth. He sways forward into me, and the light switch digs into my shoulder as we crash back into the wall. I don’t care. With all these sensations coursing through me, I can barely feel it.

  His mouth detours from mine, grazing over the sensitive spot by my ear, tracing a path down my neck, slipping inside the collar of my dress. I can’t keep still. I slide my hands underneath his shirt, and his skin is warm underneath my palms. His muscles give an involuntary twitch as I scrape my fingernails over his stomach.

  I groan as he pops open two buttons on the top of my dress, roughly shoving my bra to the side. His thumb rubs over my already hard nipple, and in the next instant, his tongue replaces it, swirling over the sensitive skin. I push up onto my toes, trying to give him better access, and I latch on to his hips trying to drag him closer. There’s too much extra space between us, too many layers separating our skin, too many spots where he’s not touching me.

  When I arch my back, the hard length of him presses into my stomach, and I drop a hand to it, rubbing him through his jeans. His moan vibrates across my breast, sending shivers speeding over my skin.

  “God, Haley. Do you know how much I want you?” He glances up at me, his heart in his eyes.

  My heart is right there too, pinned to my sleeve, but I’m too scared to admit it to him. Instead, I show him what I can’t say by devouring him with my mouth, tilting his chin down so I can kiss him as deeply as I can possibly manage.

  Gripping me underneath my thighs, he lifts me up, and I lock my legs around his waist. A second later, the cold surface of his desk is pressed against my skin, and it’s like sitting on ice cubes, because every part of me feels like it’s on fire.

  Kyle’s hand skims up my leg, edging underneath the hem of my dress. His finger brushes against the fabric of my panties, tracing around the elastic. Normally I’d like the teasing, appreciate that he’s taking it slow, but right now, slow is the last thing I want. There’s this crazy tension curling up inside of me, urging me to go faster, take more, demand what I want.

  I squeeze my legs together, trapping his hand against me. Jerking on his belt, I tug it open. “Next time. Right now I just want you inside me.”

  Kyle’s mouth drops open, and if I didn’t feel the words coasting off my tongue, I wouldn’t believe I had the nerve to say that either. Gathering himself, he tosses his wallet on the desk next to me, and I shove his jeans down over his hips. My panties go next, then his boxer briefs.

  Sitting up straighter, I run my tongue over his chest and drop my hand lower. I wrap my fingers around him, stroking from base to tip.

  “Ahhh … that’s…” He sinks his teeth into his lower lip, trying to stifle a groan but failing. “There’s a, uh, condom in my wallet.” His fingers dig into the edge of the desk, the tendons in his forearms straining.

  I keep teasing him with one hand while I search out the condom with the other. When I’ve finally got it out, I rip open the packet and roll the condom down onto him.

  Grabbing me by the knees, he yanks me forward until my butt is hovering over the edge of the desk and my dress is bunched up around my waist. I lean back on my elbows, hooking my foot behind his leg and urging him closer. He steps in between my thighs, but instead of taking me then and there, he drops his head down and tastes me with one long, smooth slide of his tongue.

  Involuntarily, my knees clamp together, smooshing his ears and knocking his glasses up on an odd angle. My head thumps back against the desk and I nearly bite clean through my tongue trying to stop myself from moaning shamelessly. When he slips a finger inside of me, stars burst behind my eyelids and my thighs quiver. He works me over, setting a slow rhythm with his fingers and tongue that leaves me panting and writhing. Just when I feel like I’m about to burst apart at the seams, he lets up, and nips the sensitive skin of my inner thigh.

  He grins down at me, setting his glasses straight. “Don’t expect fair play when you play dirty.” Without warning, he grips me underneath my hips and slides inside me.

  This time I can’t prevent the moan that skates out over my lips.

  My heart races so hard it’s like a miniature drum in my chest, trying to beat its way out. I curve my back up, lifting my hips so that I can meet his thrusts. Kyle’s head drops back, outlining the muscles in his neck. They work as he swallows, and the faintest gleam of sweat shines agai
nst his skin.

  Turning my head to the side, I let sensation overwhelm me—the cold desk against my upper thighs, the soft fabric of my dress against my stomach, my breasts, the feel of Kyle inside me, his fingers biting into my hips. One hand relinquishes its grip on me to drift down lower, and when he touches me right where it counts, everything inside me splinters apart.

  The expression on his face tightens, and he leans forward on his elbows so he can pick up the pace. I wrap my hands around his shoulders, lifting my face up so I can kiss him with all that I have. His thrusts become more erratic and then he stills inside me, gasping into my mouth.

  One hand trails up over my neck, and wraps around the back of it, holding my lips to his. All of the urgency is gone, but the feelings aren’t. His lips play over mine in a slow, leisurely fashion, finally stopping with one lingering peck on my lips.

  When he pulls back, a smile overtakes his face, lighting up his eyes. “I think working on the weekends just became my new favorite thing.”

  Chapter 28

  Kyle

  Holy. Shit. That was … amazing. Incredible. Actually, I’m not sure someone’s coined the right phrase to describe how good what just happened was.

  The strenuous activity is over, but my heart’s still working overtime. Flopping down into my chair, I scoot it over to where Haley’s still sitting on top of my desk.

  I reach out and graze her hand with my fingertips. In response, she lifts it, letting me twine my fingers through hers. It’s such a small thing, tiny in comparison to what just happened on this desk, but in a way it’s so much more. That frantic, adrenaline-filled moment is over, and she’s still craving my touch. Sex will always be a huge deal, but in the big scheme of things, the casual, unremarkable moments can be equally life-changing.

  I blow out a breath. “Listen, there’s something I want to tell you.” Slowly, I let my gaze coast over her thighs, up across her dress, to her eyes.

  She sucks her lower lip between her teeth and nods, tensing.

  “I didn’t sleep with Kerry.”

  Her eyes crinkle at the corners. “You didn’t?”

  “No.” I shake my head. “The date was pretty much a bust from the beginning and we both knew it. The only reason I actually heard from her again was because I agreed to help her with a computer problem and I forgot my jacket at the coffee shop.” Heat floods my cheeks with my next admission. “Kerry and I never even had a chance because I spent the entire night thinking about you.”

  Haley sucks in a deep breath and pinches her lips together. “When we were shopping that day, I saw the text message she sent you. I didn’t mean to read it, but I did, and well, it wasn’t too hard for my brain to make a leap about what happened that night. And it wasn’t even so much that you slept with her, but that I thought that you lied to me about it.” She lifts a hand to rub over her face. “Luke and I, neither one of us wanted to talk about our past. Which was all fine and good until the past reappeared in the present. Before me, he … got around. I accepted that the version of Luke I was dating wasn’t that guy anymore, but a part of me felt like I never knew the real him. And then after everything with Sloane, let’s just say I have a few trust issues.”

  I slip my other hand behind her knee and drag myself a little closer. The wheels of my chair scratch against the floor. “Well, if we’re talking about trust issues.”

  Tugging my hand from hers, I swipe through my hair and then clench my hands together in my lap. “I’ve only ever had one serious relationship. We dated for a few years at college and then right after. Her name was Stacy, and she was…” I rack my brain, trying to think of how I used to see her before everything turned more sour and rotten than a six-month-old gallon of milk. “She was striking. The type of girl that walks in a room and immediately demands everyone’s attention, you know?”

  Something flashes in Haley’s eyes, but she looks away before I can decipher it. “Yeah, I know.”

  “The entire time we dated, I felt like I didn’t deserve her, that there was some cosmic screw-up that landed her with me. So, I did everything I could to keep her happy. In college, I helped her with her homework, later I took her out to fancy dinners, bought her presents. Everything and anything I could think of.

  “I thought it was the real deal. My heart was all-in. And then, being the overzealous boyfriend I was, I showed up to one of our dates early. She was chatting with her roommate, oblivious that I’d shown up. The door was cracked open just enough that their voices snuck through.”

  Even after all this time, I can still hear her voice. It’s like my brain recorded the damn conversation so I can replay it at times like this to torture myself. Or to kick myself when I’m feeling really shitty.

  Hopping off the desk, Haley curls herself in my lap without a word. She tucks her feet up next to my leg and rests her head against my shoulder, her nose snuggling in against the base of my throat.

  I wrap my arms around her, one hand on the curve of her waist, the other on her shin. My stomach clenches, like it’s trying to digest razor blades. “Stacy was telling her roommate about her boyfriend, her real boyfriend who took her out the night before. They laughed about the geek who thought he was dating her, the one she was just using for the boost to her grades, the free meals, and expensive gifts.”

  Haley stiffens in my arms and sits up straighter so she can look me in the eye. “And after the wedding you thought…” Her hand drifts up to cup my cheek. “Kyle, I would never do that.” She drops her head into her hands, digging the heels of her hands into her forehead. “I just wanted them all to back off and leave me alone. The whole night was like rubbing salt into an open wound, and I saw them watching me and I thought, well, if they won’t believe what I’m saying, maybe I can show them. And you were right in front of me and I’d been thinking about kissing you since I saw you standing inside my apartment and—”

  “Hey.” Wrestling one of her hands into mine, I draw it up to my lips and kiss her smack-dab in the center of her palm. “I think we’re a little past that, right?”

  Her face softens, and her mouth kicks up at one corner. “Yeah, I guess we are.” She relaxes, and eases against me. One finger traces patterns—swirls and tiny hearts—against the fabric of my shirt, and damn if I’m not almost ready for another round.

  Somewhere from near the door, a phone starts ringing, like one of those old rotary phones. It echoes so loudly around the room it’s like the noise is coming from inside my brain.

  Instantly my brain is catapulted to another phone that’s sitting a few feet away on my desk. A phone that holds a dozen conversations between Lois and Clark. I hate lying to her, even if it’s just by omission, but I can’t tell her. What way could I possibly tell her that would make her not hate me? That would make her not walk out this door and never come back?

  My train of thought gets interrupted as Haley claps a hand to her mouth and jumps to her feet. “Crap! What time is it?” She dives for her bag and whips out her phone without waiting for me to answer. “Hey, I’m so sorry.” A pause. “No, it’s totally my fault. Just give me fifteen minutes and I’ll be there.” An even longer pause. “I promise I didn’t forget about you, I’m on my way.”

  My spirits dip and my heart plummets back to Earth from where it’d been soaring through the stratosphere. Haley rushes around the room—straightening her dress, slipping her sandals back on, gathering up her purse. She turns to me and grimaces. “I’m sorry to run out on you like this, but I have plans tonight, otherwise I’d stay.”

  I pinch the bridge of my nose. “Do you have a date tonight?”

  “A date?” It takes a few seconds before understanding washes over her. “The phone call? No, no. I’m having dinner with Tara. There’s only one person I want to go out with.” She presses her lips together. “I mean, if that’s what you want.”

  “This is what I want—you, us.” I pause to try and corral my thoughts. “I don’t want to see other people. Will you be my girlfriend, Hale
y?”

  It sounded much cooler in my head, but now that I’ve actually said it, it sounds incredibly corny and juvenile. I might as well have just asked her to go steady with me. For every second that passes before she answers me, my heart must pound a hundred times. In fact, if she takes much longer to answer me it might explode from the extra effort.

  She takes two steps toward me and wraps her arms around my waist, tipping her chin up so she can meet my eyes. “Kyle, I would love to be your girlfriend.”

  Chapter 29

  Haley

  The air-conditioning whirs above me, teasing out a few strands of hair from the knot on top of my head. I wrap my button-down sweater a little closer around my body and cross my legs, trying to hold on to the warmth. It’s eighty degrees and wonderfully sunny outside, but you’d never know it in here.

  I sort through a few new e-mails, marking one from Mr. March to follow up on later. As I’m scooting the mouse over to open my documents, my sleeve catches on something. Frowning down at it, I twist my wrist away from whatever it is.

  A small folded corner of notebook paper peeks out from underneath my mouse pad.

  Taking a quick look around, I pull it out and unfold it. Neat block handwriting in black ink stares back at me.

  Have dinner with me tonight?

  A grin overtakes my face. My expression immediately shifts to a polite smile when a hand gives a quick knock on the top of my cubicle. Spinning to my left, I simultaneously crumple the note in my hand.

  “Haley. You have a minute?” Mr. March smooths his thumb and forefinger over his thick black mustache.

  “Of course.” I sit a little straighter in my chair. “What can I help you with?”

  He chuckles a little. “It’s not so much a matter of what you can help me with, but what I might be able to offer you. I’m sure you realize there’s a little bit less than a month left on your contract?”