The Commitment Test (The Marin Test Series Book 2)

by Aksel, Amanda

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  Sentimental or Just Mental

  The moment I got back to my room I dialed James.

  “Hey, I wasn’t expecting to hear from you,” James said immediately after answering my call.

  “I just wanted to say ‘hi.’ I missed you today.”

  “I missed you too. How was your drink with Jack?” He sounded unconcerned.

  I exhaled deeply before I could answer. “It was fine. I didn’t stay long.” And I didn’t want to talk about it. I wanted to put it out of my mind and go home to James. “Did you hear anything about the home inspection?” I asked.

  “Cindy said it’s scheduled for Thursday at four. Think you’ll be able to make it?”

  “I’ll probably be an hour late, but I’ll be there.”

  “I can’t wait to move in. It’s going to be so great. Just you and me and Marvin.” He must’ve been smiling. I imagined him talking with his eyes closed, envisioning our life there like he did on the bed in Pottery Barn. I tried to fill my mind with his words, our house, our family. It would be great.

  “Well, baby, it’s been a long day. I’m gonna get to bed. I’ll call you tomorrow,” I said.

  “Okay, goodnight, babe.” He blew a kiss into the phone.

  “Goodnight.”

  Between the flight, the sun, and the run-in with Jack, the day had been exhausting. Even though I was spent, my mind still raced and constantly drifted back to Jack. The more I tried not to think about him, the more persistent the thoughts became until finally I surrendered. I mean the reappearance of my ex-boyfriend, once thought to be the love of my life, happened at the exact time I’d been defining my future with James. That couldn’t just be a coincidence . . . right? I wanted to believe that it was totally arbitrary, but I had strong feelings to the contrary. Maybe, those were my repressed feelings for Jack. What if I’d never gotten over him the way I thought I had?

  When you have a deep love and connection with someone and the relationship ends, the love doesn’t disappear. The wounds of a broken heart can heal, but the love . . .where does it go? No, Jack had come back into my life for a reason, a reason I was determined to discover.

  I spent the remainder of the women’s health conference absentminded and looking over my shoulder for Jack. Knowing that he was in close proximity put me on edge. The hours seemed to drag on in anticipation for dinner. I had changed my mind and decided that I was going to surprise my old flame. Though, I didn’t let him know in advance. There was a good chance I would chicken out and skip it.

  The dinner was two hours away by the time the conference ended. My heart raced and I could feel cold beads of sweat along my neck. I sucked in one deep breath after another. Finally, my mind was clear enough to realize that it was going to take a lot more than deep breathing to calm me down. The hotel was just across the street from the beautiful Harbor Island Park. I slapped on my running shoes and grabbed my iPod before heading over.

  The sun glimmered off the bay as I ran the trail along the water. I passed smiling people, walking their dogs on one side and a crowded harbor of boats on the other. My feet against the pavement provided a brief distraction. Within minutes, I was back to thinking about Jack. Only this time, I felt clearer on the situation as I often did while running. It was time to stop over thinking it.

  That’s when I heard it.

  “Marin!” A familiar voice called from behind me. I turned around to see Jack in his running gear following close behind. Another chance meeting? We must be geographically linked. I slowed to let him catch up to me.

  “Fancy meeting you here,” he said and continued his jogger pace. I continued beside him.

  “When did you start running?” I asked, remembering how I would beg him to jog with me around campus. Jack always refused, saying that he didn’t enjoy cardio and could get his exercise during sex.

  “A long time ago, I’ve done the L.A. Marathon for six years now.”

  I smirked. Jack running marathons, he’d definitely changed.

  “What?” he asked.

  “I’m just surprised is all,” I said.

  “Well, get used to it, because I’m full of surprises.” He increased his pace, trying to pass me.

  Did he want to race? Good. I’d show him.

  I pushed through to gain on him and soon left him in my wake. Eventually, he hollered for me to slow down and so I did, with a smirk.

  “I guess you’re not the only one full of surprises, huh, pokey?” I said.

  He panted, but maintained a steady pace. “I’m not surprised. You were always a step ahead of me.” What did that mean? “Hey, look over there.” Jack pointed in the direction of the park. A small wedding ceremony was taking place on the grass between two palm trees.

  “Aw, that’s sweet.” I said. It was the kind of intimate wedding I’d want, just me, my groom, and our closest family and friends.

  “Think you’ll get married someday?” Jack asked as we stopped to catch the end of the ceremony.

  “Yeah, probably.”

  “Probably? The Marin I knew couldn’t wait to get hitched,” he said.

  “Hitched?” I looked at him strangely and he nodded. “Well, things change. If it’s meant to be, it’ll happen.” I began walking back toward the hotel and he followed.

  “Really?”

  “It’s the millennium, Jack. I’m a modern woman.”

  “Oh, yeah,” he said. “Is that what it is?”

  I didn’t like his accusatory tone. So I answered with a short, “Yeah.”

  He glanced at his watch. “It’s almost time for us to have dinner.”

  “Who said I’m having dinner with you?” I asked.

  “No one.” He shrugged. “But you are joining me, aren’t you?”

  “It’s a surprise,” I said with a sarcastic grin and dashed off. He let me go that time.

  The park run-in with Jack took the edge off, but I still needed something stronger to calm my anxiety. When I was dressed and ready for dinner, I made an appearance at the hotel bar for a shot of whiskey, okay, make that two shots of whiskey. On an empty stomach no less.

  I downed each shot quickly and thanked the bartender with a generous tip. As I walked over to the restaurant, I paced my steps by repeating in my mind, one, two, one, two, right, left, big, mistake.

  Jack waited just outside the restaurant and smiled at my appearance.

  “See, I knew you’d come.” He reached out his arm in order to lead me inside. The sides of my mouth twitched as I smiled. My hands and head began to tingle from the whiskey that rushed through my bloodstream. I glanced at the tables around us for complimentary bread. I needed to get something in my stomach fast or I’d be giggling like a hyena.

  Ten minutes later, while I was still trying to decide what to order, I busted out a huge laugh. Jack grinned. “What’s so funny?” He cocked his head to decipher my sudden outburst.

  I snickered and tried to quiet myself. “I’m a little buzzed,” I admitted.

  “From what? We haven’t even ordered our drinks yet.” He looked confused.

  I leaned in over my menu. “I had a couple shots at the bar,” I whispered and started to laugh again but covered my mouth to hold it in.

  “You really are a lightweight, aren’t you?”

  “I’ve barely had any food all day.” It was true. My nerves had been buzzing for more than twenty-four hours and the thought of food made me uneasy. Now that the alcohol had kicked in, my anxiety vanished and my appetite reappeared in its place. “I’m starved, I’m going to have the filet mignon.” I sat my menu down and sipped my water.

  Not only were my nerves gone, but so was my filter. “Let me ask you something,” I said, giving him a serious look. “Are you stalking me?”

  He scoffed. “No, why would you think that?”

  I shot him a wry glance. “Because you show up at the hotel I’m staying at in San Diego of all places. You magically ran into me again in the park. It seems a little too .
. .”

  “What?”

  “Like a movie,” I said. “I feel like this whole thing is like out of a movie.”

  “Oh yeah? What kind of movie is it? A comedy, a drama, horror film, or romance?” He did that thing again when he trapped me in his gaze, like a moth flying into a spider’s web, stuck and doomed.

  “I dunno.” I shook my head. “I’m just saying it feels scripted.”

  “You mean perfect?” He smiled. Man, his teeth were white.

  “I mean, where’s that waiter with our drinks?” I glanced around the restaurant for the young waiter with a tiny red wine stain near his top button, and also for an escape route in case things got out of hand.

  “I know what you mean. This whole thing isn’t a coincidence. It’s like it was meant to be. I can’t help but think this is happening for a reason. Don’t you?”

  Why did he have to do that? Use phrases like meant to be and for a reason. For a romantic like me, those words were emotional kryptonite. Though, I had been thinking the same thing, I didn’t want to indulge him or myself for that matter. There were too many reasons not to, the biggest one being my boyfriend, James.

  “It’s plausible.” I shrugged. The waiter arrived with our drinks. It was about time. The conversation was getting dangerous. Jack sipped his glass of red wine, the same as mine.

  “So, tell me more about your practice.”

  That’s right, I was going to be the one in control of this conversation.

  He rolled his eyes. “That’s so boring.”

  “C’mon, I want to know. Do you do mostly boob jobs, facelifts, butt implants?” I raised my eyebrows twice.

  “I specialize in this area,” he said, circling his hand in front of his face. “You know, neck lifts, cheek lifts, rhinoplasty, blepharoplasty.”

  “Blepharoplasty?” I asked.

  “Eyelid surgery.” He winked.

  I leaned forward and modeled my face for him. “What about me? What should I get done? Be honest.”

  He looked at me with a little spark in his eye. “I wouldn’t change a thing.”

  I tried not to blush, but the alcohol made it impossible to control. “Is that your professional or personal opinion?”

  Jack swirled his wine around in the stemmed glass and watched the tears slide back into the pool of burgundy then looked at me. “Both.”

  It turned out that I didn’t need an escape route. That was the most he’d flirted with me through the whole dinner. I left an hour later on friendly terms, enough where I felt comfortable exchanging numbers in case we wanted to catch up in the city sometime.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  Will or Won’t

  The next morning, James waited outside of the gate when I arrived home.

  “Hey, you,” he said and took me in his arms. The moment I was back with James, I’d forgotten Jack completely. James was home to me.

  “Hey,” I said and cupped his face in my hands. “I missed your face.” I said, gritting my teeth like I was talking to a cute puppy.

  His eyes lit up. “Just my face?”

  I gave him a light swat on his nose with my finger. “No.”

  “You want to get breakfast?” he asked and we walked hand in hand to the carousel.

  “Yes, somewhere close. I’m starved.”

  James and I popped over to one of my favorite breakfast cafes. An overwhelming scent of coffee and cinnamon pancakes infused the air. My stomach growled angrily as I hadn’t had anything but a cup of coffee on the plane.

  “Is that Telly?” James asked. It was. Telly was having a cozy breakfast with none other than her on again, off again boyfriend, Will. It must be run-into-guys-you-never-wanted-to-see-again week. Ugh, I should’ve known she was sleeping with him again. The two of them were like magnets, somehow always coming back together. It was naïve to think that it was only the new practice keeping her from returning my calls. For a moment, I panicked. I didn’t know if I should hide and pretend we didn’t see them, or bump into them casually or confrontationally?

  By the time I was close to a decision, it didn’t matter. Telly had already spotted us, and the color drained from her face. She was caught. Naughty, naughty. James and I walked over.

  “Hey, guys,” James said.

  “Hey, what are you two doing here?” Telly asked. I could tell she was trying to cover her shock with a pleasant smile, but it just came off as panic.

  “I just got home from San Diego,” I said.

  “Yeah, how was it?” she asked.

  “Good,” I said, remembering that I still hadn’t told James about last night’s dinner. Now I was the one with the fake smile.

  “Do you want to join us? We just put our orders in,” Will offered.

  “Yeah, thanks!” James said and removed his jacket to sit down. “This place has a twenty minute wait for a table.” I followed suit sitting across from Telly and next to Will. Just the four of us having a friendly breakfast, another unwelcomed coincidence.

  “So, what brings you two here today?” I asked.

  “We’ve been coming every Saturday for a few weeks now,” Will said, stirring more sugar into his coffee. “It’s pretty much the only time I can see her since she opened the new office.”

  “That’s right,” James interjected while peering through the menu. “Marin told me about your new place. She said it was perfect for you,”

  Telly smiled.

  “I’m so proud of her. Aren’t you proud of her, Marin?” Will asked.

  I nodded politely then shot Telly a tough glance. Of course, I was proud of her, but at the moment, I was more disappointed that she’d been keeping him a secret from me. Will didn’t seem to notice that I was completely unaware of his relationship with my best friend. The lie was irritating as was the surprise run-in. When the plates were clear, we paid our part of the bill and took our leave.

  “I’ll call you later,” I said in a low voice to Telly.

  “Can’t wait,” she replied.

  Outside, James opened the passenger door for me. “That was fun, huh? Will’s a pretty cool guy. I don’t know why you give him such a hard time.”

  I rolled my eyes, of course he wouldn’t understand. He was a guy. “It’s a long story.”

  He hopped into the seat next to me and fastened his seat belt. As we drove toward my apartment, I stewed about Telly not telling me about Will. It was definitely something she should have mentioned instead of hiding it from me. But Telly wasn’t the only one using omission. I also had something to confess.

  I cleared my throat. “So, Jack and I had dinner after the conference,” I said in an it’s-no-big-deal kinda way and kept my eyes on the road.

  He glanced at me. “Oh, yeah. How was that?” James may have been cool with the catch up drink, but by his tone he didn’t seem as cool with dinner.

  “It was good. We got to catch up. He’s living here now. So maybe we’ll run into him or we can all have a drink sometime,” I said.

  James nodded slowly. “Uh-huh.” The car was silent and I found myself taking quiet shallow breaths, waiting for him to speak. “He knows about us, right?”

  “Of course, baby. I told him all about you, and the house, and Marvin.”

  “Yeah, you know how guys are.”

  “Yes, I do,” I said and ran my fingers through the hair on the back of his head while he kept his eyes on the street. “But it was totally cool. And . . . I’m really glad I ran into him. I feel like I got closure.” Okay, perhaps closure wasn’t an entirely accurate description, but I had no regrets about any of it.

  “Well, good for you,” he said as if he thought closure was bullshit.

  “Aw, are you jealous?” I said in a sweet tone.

  “No.” He sounded defensive. “Maybe a little. But wouldn’t you feel like that if I had dinner with my ex-wife and called it closure?”

  “Yeah, probably, but if it helped you in some way, I’d get over it. Wait. Did you ever get closure with her?”

 
“Fuck that bitch,” he said as if he were spitting the words in her face.

  My eyes shot wide. It was the most vulgar he’d ever sounded.

  “Sorry.” He sighed. “I just want to leave that in the past where it belongs.”

  James never talked about his ex-wife and if she ever was brought up, he instantly changed the subject. I used to be curious but then realized that if he didn’t want to talk about her, then why should I? But as a therapist, I knew that not dealing with something didn’t mean it stayed in the past. It could haunt like a ghost. He clearly had unresolved issues about the whole thing, and I wondered if that was a battle we would have to deal with later. Maybe we were dealing with it now.

  He dropped me off at my place and left to run some errands. I quickly changed into a pair of comfy yoga pants and started my laundry. As I unloaded all the clothes from my suitcase, I recalled the moments with Jack in each one of them. My jersey dress, my running tank top, the skinny jeans I wore to dinner. There was something exciting about running into him the way I had. But, I needed to leave it in San Diego.

  I thought about the past, both mine and James’, and how we all had a funny way of remembering it. Even though we thought we’d kept the past in the past, it continued to linger on like a permanent mark on our soul.

  When I was younger, I’d had this habit of journaling intermittently, usually when I was falling in love or getting my heartbroken, though I hadn’t done it in years. I pulled a box out from the top shelf of my bedroom closet. Inside were a couple of journals and trinkets from my past relationships. Keeping those things in a box inside my closet felt a little silly, but I didn’t have the heart to throw them out. They were part of my story. Whenever I opened the box, I could reminisce about being young and crazy in love, or maybe just crazy.

  The pages of the journal were filled with memories, making the book feel heavier. I searched for passages from my break up with Jack, hoping to remember the details of our relationship. Things I had long forgotten. Seeing him made me feel nostalgic. I began to read one of the entries and quickly realized that I was indulging the idea of him and it needed to stop. So I made myself some tea, put on an episode of my favorite drama, and waited for my real love, James, to come home to me.