Rage of Winter

by Sam Herrera

  “We’re dating. As you know,” he reminded them fearlessly.

  “Oh…okay.”

  “I’ve already offered her some breakfast.”

  “It’s okay, Mr. Grey, I can get something in town.” I had no wallet on me but I could easily cruise home and get it.

  “No, it’s fine. Help yourself.” I smiled my thanks, seated myself and poured out some bran flakes. Summer came in at just the right moment, exhaled loudly through her nose and lowered herself, inch-by-inch, into a chair.

  “So you’re still here, are you?”

  “Shut up,” Caleb scowled.

  “Nice way to greet our guest, Summer.”

  “She’s your guest, not mine.” Caleb and I exchanged a resigned glance and all four of us went back to munching, ignoring her.

  KYLE

  We flew back on the next plane out, with Cuffy in a cage below decks, neither of us saying much, just holding hands and basking in each other’s presence. We took a cab from the airport again in comfortable silence. With her head resting on my chest and her hand holding mine, what need was there for words? Home sweet home, I thought, looking around my old apartment.

  “Sarah.” She looked up from putting our cases away.

  “Yeah?”

  “What happens now?”

  “Now,” she grinned, “we settle down, go back to our jobs, and spend the rest of our lives together. Okay?”

  “Okay,” I nodded, beaming back. Ding dong. “That must be Mara. I did call to tell her we were back.” I saw, when I answered the door, that it wasn’t Mara; it was some dark-haired girl who seemed somewhat familiar.

  “Hi?” I frowned curiously. “Can I help you?”

  “It’s me, Astrid Cole.”

  “Ooohhh, hey. I’m so sorry.” I opened the door the whole way and stepped back to let her through. I tried not to smile at the huge black rally truck in the driveway with the clichéd flames on the hood. Typical Michelle.

  “This is Sarah’s new guide dog,” I grinned as she crouched down to pet the black Lab standing beside me. “His name’s Cuffy.” She grinned as the dog presented a paw and they shook.

  “Who is it?” Sarah frowned, feeling her way to the door.

  “Hi, Mrs. Thayer.”

  “Astrid Cole, hon.” I stepped back to let the two embrace and Sarah, too, offered her condolences, smiling sadly. I offered her a drink and we sat.

  “When’s the funeral?” I asked.

  “Soon,” she nodded. “Are you coming?”

  “Hell, yeah,” I nodded. She clasped both hands around the steaming mug and lowered her eyes. “I didn’t really know where else to go,” she shrugged. “What’s going to happen to… him?”she asked, her jaw tight.

  “I don’t know, but it won’t be enough, whatever it is.” She nodded wholehearted agreement. “I’m an orphan.”

  “Oh, really?”

  “Yeah, when I met her…She was all I had.” I smiled and nodded sadly as I reached out to take her hand.

  “She was a good person, through and through. She saved my life.”

  “I know. That’s why I loved her.” We sat in awkward silence. I’d always hated my own inability to comfort people. Sarah saved the situation by moving to sit beside her and putting an arm around her thin shoulders.

  “We’ll be there. We’d love to be there.”

  “Wouldn’t miss it for the world,” I promised.

  *

  It was held a week later on a cold, gray afternoon in mid-January. I smoothed the shirt and straightened the tie of my suit nervously. Many people I knew had showed: Dave, Jack, Astrid and various relatives of Michelle’s. With Sarah on my arm and Cuffy leading us, we walked up to the graveside together. I watched the old, bald priest open his Bible and begin reading over the flowers that covered every inch of polished wood. It wasn’t right, I thought, eyeing the weeping cousins and aunts. She shouldn’t have died like this.

  “Sorry I’m late.” Mara smiled, coming up behind me, her guitar over her bare shoulder. She looked like a ghost in her simple white dress. I hugged her tight.

  “Glad you came,” I smiled.

  “Would you like to say a few words?” the priest asked me. I opened my mouth. But then shut it again, lost for words.

  Mara stepped forward, getting out her guitar. “I’d like to sing a tune.”

  Astrid, looking pretty sharp in her black suit and pretty heartbroken as well, nodded.

  “I never saw you as you really were. Would I learn to trust? No sir.

  I was too busy being bitter and cynical,

  I missed your soul, as blameless and clear as the sky.

  Even now I hang my head in shame. More fool I.”

  “I saw the raging thunder and flashing fire and was truly terrified.

  I don’t know how you found the strength to stand, not run and hide

  As the typhoon came at you in every form.

  But you did. You were the rose in the storm.”

  “You, despite your beauty, bright as summer’s day,

  Are now gone, mourn as I may.

  You were radiant, inside and out. I hope to marry one like you someday:

  Faithful beyond doubt.”

  “I saw the raging thunder and flashing fire and was truly terrified.

  I don’t know how you found the strength to stand, not run and hide

  As the typhoon came at you in every form.

  But you did. You were the rose in the storm.”

  “I wish I had really known you enough to call you friend.

  Your passing left a hole that won’t ever mend.

  I have to believe you’re resting in peace, having gone to a better place.

  This shitball wasn’t for you. Heaven’s gardens you’ll grace.”

  “I saw the raging thunder and flashing fire and was truly terrified.

  I don’t know how you found the strength to stand, not run and hide

  As the typhoon came at you in every form.

  But you did. You were the rose in the storm.”

  Astrid, with tears in her eyes, began to applaud. We all did and I felt near tears myself as I placed a black tulip on the lid and said goodbye.

  One year later.

  MARA

  I walked off stage, smiling and blowing kisses to the crowd with Dom and Fred in tow. This had been The Survivors’ fifth gig and we had been rockin’ the roof off. My ‘Warrior’ was selling like hot cakes. Grinning, I waved to the only fan I really cared about who waved back at me in the stands: the famous artist, Joe Cussler. I jumped off the stage, was carried, over the heads of the crowd, to him and we kissed to even more thunderous applause. I didn’t even care that some pervs in the crowd had taken their time “carrying” me just as long as they got me here. In the changing room, Caleb lifted me up onto the surface of my vanity table and kissed me even more deeply, his hands disappearing under my Led Zeppelin T-shirt, stroking my sweaty stomach, as he did so.

  “Should I get a shower first?”

  “I like ya dirty,” he grinned.

  “How was the exhibition?” I smiled back. Caleb had shed his alter ego and had gone, in person, to an art show featuring his work. The ticket sales were rivaling my own. Not that I minded really. He groaned as his phone began ringing.

  “Just ignore it,” I said as he dug in his pockets.

  “It’s Sean,” he told me, looking at the caller ID.

  “Who?” I asked.

  “Summer’s boyfriend.” I rolled my eyes, recalling a muscle-bound moron. All I knew of Summer Grey, apart from him, was that she’d become a racing jockey. Only thing you’ll ever get to ride had been my opinion, seeing her first race.

  “Dad? This sucks,” he scowled in the direction of the sound of the other band’s racket. “Oh, sorry, Dad, this s
ong they’re playing sucks. What was that?” He suddenly whipped the phone away from his ear, staring at it in alarm.

  “What are you talking about, Summer’s dead?” Caleb yelled into the receiver, his voice high and panicked. I gasped, wide-eyed, watching his eyes fill with pain. He slowly hung up. “Fuck!” he flung the phone, full force, at the wall where it shattered, scaring the shit out of me. He walked out, tears starting to fall, and the door closed behind him.

  “Oh, my God,” I whispered. I followed him out to the parking lot and held him tightly.

  “Where are they?” I asked.

  “What?” he whispered, looking as though he had no idea what to do with himself or even where he was. And this was truly painful to watch.

  “Where are they?” I repeated.

  “Hospital.”

  “I’ll drive you.”

  *

  I spun the wheel of my brand new, shiny black SUV carefully. This huge beast was a lot more responsive and faster than my old car and could destroy any other car in its path. I was still somewhat reeling from the fact that my songs were selling and that we had major labels signing us. My once-pitiful account was now overflowing. But who cared now? I would give every penny, I vowed, if it would only turn the tide, bring Summer back and stop Caleb looking like a zombie. He came to life as we pulled into the hospital parking l— car park, car park. We both leapt out, almost before I’d had even stopped, and Caleb ran up to his equally hollow-eyed, shell-shocked father.

  “Dad?” he asked, looking him in the face. David Grey just shoved him off. We watched, stunned, as he walked to his own car and drove away.

  *

  I held Caleb’s hand tightly as the white sheet was peeled back and swallowed hard, seeing what had happened to that once-beautiful face. We’d heard the basic story from the cops: Summer had been a star racer who’d often brought home the gold. Only this time, she’d fallen and been trampled to death. Jamie Grey whipped her face away and buried it in her son’s shoulder. I lowered my eyes as she began to cry her heart out, Caleb’s arms tight around her shaking body, wondering what to do here. Should I offer condolences? Should I join in the group hug? I sighed, feeling useless, and just walked out.

  *

  Death, I mused as I showered in one of the hospital’s stalls. What was death? Where’d the idea come from? Who’d invented it? Why couldn’t we just go on forever? I took my time soaping myself and relaxing under the hot spray. I walked out, feeling a little stupid in the blue hospital scrubs I’d been offered.

  “Hi, nurse.” I looked up to see Caleb standing before me, looking more forty than twenty. He sighed deeply as I held him just as his mother had a few minutes ago.

  “I hate this. I hate what’s happened to her.”

  “So do I,” I nodded, taking his hand.

  “Why did you leave?” he asked, turning to look at me.

  “I didn’t know what else to do,” I shrugged.

  “Neither do I really. God, she’s in so much pain and I can’t even begin to reach her. I feel so fuckin’ useless.”

  “You are not fucking useless. I should know: I use you all the time and I have yet to be disappointed.” He laughed, through his tears, and put an arm around me. I snuggled into the familiar position of my head on his shoulder and my body leaning into his.

  “It would mean so much to me if you could come to the funeral.”

  “I’ll be there,” I promised, listening to his steady heartbeat. “Wild horses wouldn’t keep me away.” The moment I said this, I cringed, remembering what had caused his sister’s death.

  “Thank you,” he smiled, the connection eluding him, kissing my forehead. Thank you, God, I thought.

  *

  It was held two weeks later. I smoothed the skirt of my simple black dress nervously. Many people I knew had showed: my family, Dom, Fred and all of Caleb’s family. David, Jamie, Caleb and I walked up to the graveside together. The make-up people had done a good job on Summer’s face, but it was still clear she hadn’t died happy. I watched the young, bearded priest open his Bible and begin reading. It wasn’t right, I thought. It wasn’t right that they, or anyone else, should bury their kid; it was supposed to be the other way round.

  “Would you like to say a few words?” the priest asked David. He looked up blankly and opened his mouth. But then shut it again. I cleared my throat and stepped forward, my nervousness suddenly gone.

  “I didn’t know Summer very well and for that I’m sorry. She wasn’t kind to me at school and I resented her for it. I think she felt threatened by me somehow. I saw her as just a bully. But no one is just a bully; we all have people who love us. And she was loved. I can see that in the tears her family have cried for her and I know they will miss her. In a strange way, I will miss her too. I’ll miss the chance to have her welcome me as warmly as the rest of her family have.” Fat chance.

  “Goodbye, sis,” I added, turning to the polished coffin and throwing in my handful of dirt. Where had that come from? Everyone, especially myself, was blown away and Jamie began to cry softly. Caleb stood beside me and took my gloved hand in his right, throwing in another handful with his left and leaning forward to whisper something into my ear.

  “I love you.” I pulled back to look into his solemn and deadly serious blue eyes.

  “I love you too,” I said, meaning every syllable just as he did. I closed my eyes and moved forward so he could kiss me, not caring that we were at a funeral with everyone’s eyes on us; they all evaporated in my mind as our lips joined. We took a seat, our arms around each other, sitting comfortably in our own little bubble and watching the wind play with the flowers beside the coffin, throughout the rest of the service. We even stayed like that when it was over.

  “Thank you.” We both looked up to see David standing over us. It took me a while to realize he was talking to me. I smiled modestly as I stood to shake his hand. Ignoring that, he hugged me.

  “I really wish I had known her better and I’m so sorry for your loss, David.” He nodded.

  “So, when did you two get serious on each other?” We smiled.

  “A while back, before this happened.”

  “Well, I’m glad,” he nodded, smiling back.

  “I’m not trying to replace your daughter.”

  “No, I know.” He looked up at the church in the distance.

  “What are you thinking, Dad?” Caleb asked.

  “I was thinking: I don’t want to go in there. I can’t take another condolence.”

  “Um,” he nodded, “I know how you feel.” David looked back at his son and I was shocked by the sudden anger in his face. I half-wanted to jump between them in case things got ugly. But they didn’t, he just spun on his heel and walked away with swift, angry steps.

  “Dad?” Caleb called after him, but he kept walking. “What’d I say?” I shrugged. Grief, who could understand it? We turned to go back into the church for the wake.

  *

  I was drinking my champagne and chatting to Caleb’s grandmother when it happened. I looked down at the empty black dress, pooling at my feet. What. The. Fuck?! I slowly raised my head to see a woman, who’d been chatting to her husband a moment ago, bending down now to paw at his suit, lying draped across the pew arm, at a mother at the chapel entrance, frantically patting down the small pile of baby clothes in the stroller, calling her child’s name. All the kids are gone, I realized, whipping my head around.

  “Andy?” We held each other for a long while and then he pulled back, his eyes wide and scared.

  “What the hell just happened?” I shook my head, as bewildered as he was. Caleb drew me into his arms when Andy let me go, kissing me on the forehead.

  “Mum, Dad,” he called over my shoulder. Jamie, David, Caleb and I came into our own little group, seeking solace from the terror all around us. The screaming began as soon as the
initial shock wore off.

  KYLE

  Cuffy and I stared down at the crumpled pile of clothes lying on the park bench beside me. She’d vanished right before my eyes. I slowly reached over and grabbed a handful of silk. What. The. Hell. Had. Just. Happened? One second Sarah and I had been relaxing on a park bench, somewhere in Miami, watching Cuffy chase birds and having a discussion about this new preoccupation of hers: ever since the honeymoon she’d changed, making church a regular thing. She went every week and sang hymns to Mike every night. I had been an irregular churchgoer, at best, as a kid and had stopped seeing the point years ago. Next thing I knew… My eyes fell on the wedding ring by one bench leg. I picked it up and sat on the gravel with it clenched tight in my fist. I swallowed. My wife was gone. I looked around at the chaos suddenly spreading all around me: the cars veering out of control and crashing, the smoke rising from the buildings in the distance with nothing apparently being done about it and the people running, screaming or holding their wife’s or husband’s empty clothes. I spun on my heel, my legs pumping like pistons as I raced to the Winter, my torn heart yelling, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, my mind frantically screaming, Michael, Michael, Michael! I flew like a bat out of hell, racing for home. All below me was chaos with abandoned cars blocking the streets and people running around, panicking and screaming. I raced along at a speed that would have gotten me arrested had any cop or air force pilot known the Winter existed. I landed on the lawn and raced up to the front door.

  “He’s gone,” the teenage neighbor we’d hired to babysit Mike whispered, looking like a trauma survivor as she just sat on the front doorstep. No! I ran past her, up the stairs, taking them two at a time. I burst into Mike’s room…And there all my frantic energy left me as I stared at the small, empty bundle of baby clothes in the cot. I gathered them up in my arms as my tears began to fall.

  “Uhhh!” I gasped, a small outlet for the all the pain I was feeling. You’re alone now. Completely. Alone. I dropped to the floor and curled up into a little ball, holding them to my chest, crying like the baby I had lost.