The minute Angelo saw Vanni for the first time was electric. He rose slowly to his feet, gripping the crystal tumbler in his hand so hard his knuckles turned white. Andy prayed he wouldn’t break the glass and cut himself.
On the other side of the room Vanni sucked in a deep breath when he looked at his father. Andy had to wonder if he was as taken aback by the obvious vulnerability of the older man as she was. He grabbed her hand for strength and she gently urged him further into the room.
Angelo’s hands shook as he placed the glass on the coffee table in front of the antique sofa. Andy could feel the tremors coursing through Vanni’s body as she guided him to the opposite sofa.
For long, agonizing minutes no one said anything. What can anyone say after years of silence and willful abandonment? What words could make any amends? How can anyone say, “I’m sorry,” for a lifetime of disappointment?
How would those two words ever be enough?
The weight of his mistake finally broke the dam for Angelo. He knew there were no words. The minute he opened his mouth a wretched sob broke through. To add insult to injury his son had to see his father for the first time at his weakest. He pulled a ratty old handkerchief out of his jacket pocket and sobbed helplessly into it.
Andy glanced up at Vanni, who watched on silently. Tears balled at the corners of his eyes but he seemed determined not to let them free. So Andy pulled her hand from his and walked around coffee table to put her arm around the sobbing older man. “Let’s sit,” she whispered softly as she helped him down onto the sofa.
Vanni couldn’t look on as she comforted him. It softened his heart in a way he wasn’t ready for yet. He knew she was right to extend the kindness to a pitiful old man, but his heart was still broken after years of this man’s absence. He couldn’t bring himself to scale the wall between them just yet.
Instead he just sat opposite the man and waited.
Once his tears were spent Angelo sent Andy a grateful smile. She made him feel welcome and oddly safe when he was certain Vanni would have nothing but hostility towards him. He was glad she was there. And he was glad Vanni had a friend like her.
He glanced over at his son, who watched him carefully. He remembered that look way back when Vanni was a baby. He was such a thoughtful child who seemed to take in the world around him without giving too much away.
Angelo always suspected he learned that from him, the need to build walls and hide behind fortresses. He hated carrying on that trait, especially when Giovanni’s mother had been so open and loving. Not unlike the girl sitting next to him on the sofa.
“I remember that look,” he said softly as he looked away. “You were disappointed in me even as a baby, and rightfully so.”
Andy sent Vanni a supportive glance. His jaw was clenched so tightly he dared not say a word.
“I would get drunk,” Angelo went on, as if in confession. “Your mom was at work, hard at work, always at work. She had to be. I couldn’t keep a job. And there you would be in your playpen, staring at me just like you are looking at me now. You couldn’t even walk but you knew you got shafted when it came to a father.”
“So you left,” Vanni finally filled in the blank.
Angelo nodded. “I was weak,” he said. “I figured it was better for everyone. Even your mom. She worked so hard to put a roof over your head and I just tried to drink it all away week after week. I hated myself for being dead weight. And I knew she’d never kick me out. She was kind.” He turned to Andy, “Like you.”
Andy reached for his hand and squeezed it with a smile.
“So why are you back?” Vanni wanted to know. “Why now?”
Andy knew he believed Angelo wanted to take advantage of the fame. He didn’t trust this man, for obvious reasons, to do anything more than disappoint him one more time.
“When you first became successful I told myself that I had done the right thing by leaving. Your mom gave you everything you needed to make your dreams come true. You had talent and drive and courage, none of which came from me. It made me happy to know that the curse of my family had finally been broken at last. A Carnevale had made something of himself. I never would have bothered you at all had it not been for the accident, when I realized the demons that chased me all my life now were chasing you.”
Vanni didn’t say anything. He was still trying to figure out if he was an alcoholic at all. He made one big mistake… but this man had come from a lifetime of drinking. He didn’t see these things as even remotely the same.
“I want nothing from you, Giovanni,” Angelo said. “No money. No special treatment. Not even forgiveness. It’s not my place to ask and I certainly don’t deserve any of it. But if finally in my life I can help someone, and that someone is the one I should have helped a long, long time ago, then I’m willing to brave your anger and offer it.”
“I am angry,” Vanni was finally able to say. “Do you have any idea how much it would have meant to me if you had shown up even one time when I was a kid? Just once. Just to see how I was doing. To show you cared. To help my mom with the bills so she didn’t have to work herself into an early grave. Any of it. You had an obligation. As a father and as a man. And you walked away.”
Angelo nodded. “I did. And I can’t even say I regretted it. Every single day I convinced myself you both were better off without me. I was sick. I never wanted to make you sick too.”
Vanni shook his head. He wasn’t going to let him off the hook that easy. Not after a lifetime of disappointment. “Yet according to you I am sick anyway. So that means you wasted all those years that neither one of us can get back.”
Angelo nodded again, and lowered his eyes. “I don’t blame you for not forgiving me,” he said. “I certainly don’t forgive myself.”
Andy sent Vanni another look. She hoped to silently convey that this was a new beginning, it had to be. This was the whole purpose of this meeting, to be progressive and work towards something more positive. Initially it was for his public image, but now Andy knew it was what was best for Vanni personally.
He needed his dad. He always had and he still did. Until he healed those scars torn deep from that initial abandonment, he’d never be able to connect with anyone.
Vanni took a deep breath. He certainly didn’t feel any forgiveness but he knew they had a job yet to do. “You’re right. You’re sick. And I learned a lot in rehab about the choices we make when we’re under the influence of this disease. And just like I can’t go back and fix my mistakes, you can’t go back and fix yours. There’s nowhere to go but forward.” It was a speech he had researched for days, a quotable soundbite that would ultimately help soften his own transgressions. That – along with a recompense that he didn’t feel he owed, but knew would mean something to the public who would judge him. “As such, I know you aren’t asking for anything but I’d like to help you out anyway.”
Angelo’s eyes widened. “No, I couldn’t possibly let you do that.”
Vanni shrugged. “It’s done.” He glanced back at Andy, who nodded as she picked up an envelope from the coffee table.
She pulled out some paperwork. “We took care of some things for you. Some old debt, especially medical bills. We also found you an apartment in a safer area and paid for an entire year’s lease in advance. In addition there will be a stipend to help provide for living expenses. This will allow you to focus on the volunteer work through your support group.”
Angelo stared at her in open-mouthed shock. He shook his head. “I can’t possibly take any of that.”
“Why not?” Vanni wanted to know. If he was there to bleed him dry for money, surely he’d jump at the lottery ticket he just won. Maybe Angelo figured it out for the test that it was.
“It’s not right,” Angelo protested. “It’s just like your mother working and supporting me all those years ago. I couldn’t live with myself when she did it, much less my own son.”
Vanni bristled at the term. He didn’t feel Angelo had yet earned the right to ca
ll him that. “Like I said, it’s done. Everything is already paid for.”
“Besides,” Andy gently interjected, “this makes it easier for you and Vanni to build a relationship together. You should know by now that having a famous son is going to bring certain complications into your life. The apartment is in a security building in Manhattan, a place where Vanni would feel more secure about visiting. Having a job at the local market is out of the question, you’d constantly get hounded by the paparazzi and reporters. This just makes sense to move forward.”
Angelo considered her words momentarily. He hadn’t thought about any of that when he finally came forward to claim his son, but she had a point. His life had definitely turned upside down as a result. Though he had been sober for the last five years, all the constant stressors of fighting off the media seriously tempted him to go off the wagon.
He could see why Vanni had stumbled so greatly and so publicly.
Angelo finally nodded. It still didn’t feel right, but if it opened the door between him and his son, it was more valuable than any amount of money. He looked over at Vanni. “Thank you.”
Vanni mirrored his nod as he stood. Without even a goodbye he turned and left the room.
Angelo sighed. “He’s truly angry with me.”
“It’s going to take some time,” Andy said. “But this was a good first step.” She stood. “Can I get you something to eat?”
He shook his head as he rose to his feet. “You’ve been very kind.” He gestured to the folder. “Too kind.”
“Your first check is in there, along with directions to your new place. If you need any help moving your belongings or anything at all, my number is in there.”
“Yours?” he asked.
She nodded. “Give him some time. If there’s one thing I know about Vanni he needs a little time to get used to things. The car will meet you at your new place in time for the interview tomorrow. All the details are in the paperwork.”
His eyes met hers. “Is there an official story in this paperwork too?”
She shook her head. “Just the truth. You’ve made the first step toward reconciliation after a long absence. Be as honest on camera as you were with us.” He nodded. She smiled, and then impulsively reached for a hug. “It was nice to meet you, Angelo.”
He tentatively hugged her back. “And you… Andy.”
After he was gone she went to find Vanni, who lay sprawled across the bed in one of the bedrooms. Everything he had ever thought or felt had been undermined in an afternoon. The abandonment from his father had driven his entire life, both good and bad. To learn the man was sick and not evil, pathetic and not mean, tore the bottom out of everything he’d always believed – about others and about himself. He barely made it to the bed before collapsing under the devastating blow.
She said nothing as she crawled onto the bed with him and cuddled him from behind. He clutched her tight and fought every urge within him to crawl into a bottle and never come out again.
“It hurts,” he eked out.
“I know,” she whispered. She kissed his shoulder and held him tight.
He held onto her as if his life depended on it. They rode out the emotional storm together. She crooned to him gently as she stroked his hair and held him close. The hole in his soul was ripped wide open. All she could do was fill it with all the love she had inside. It felt like hours had passed before his tears were exhausted and he lay quiet and still.
Finally he rolled onto his back and into her arms. His eyes were bloodshot as they sought hers. He didn’t say anything. He simply stroked her hair and lost himself in her eyes.
It was the safest place he’d ever been.
He memorized every feature of her lovely face, first with his eyes and then with a gentle fingertip that brushed with feather-light tenderness over the curve of her cheek. Slowly it trailed to the fullness of her lips, the very same lips he had kissed for the first time in a hansom cab on a New York City street. He remembered that night, how she looked huddled under a blanket as the snow gently kissed her multi-colored hair. “So pretty,” he remembered saying. “So beautiful,” was what he would tell her now. His eyes met hers again in a silent question. Were those lips still his to taste? Was her kiss still his to take? She gave him the most imperceptible of nods as she herself bent closer to him. When he reached for a kiss there was no way she could ever deny him.
Instead she pulled him close and kissed him back with the same kind of longing that stretched back to 2007. Years later she still filled his embrace, warm and real, and he drank comfort from her lips like it was the elixir of life itself.
It wasn’t even about sex. He needed her love to patch all the tears. With every soft kiss she planted along his cheek, neck and shoulder he felt her healing love pour over each open wound. She softened his rough edges. She gave his soul peace. She was, as she had always been, his saving grace.
He gently pushed her back on the bed as he memorized her body once more through the tips of his fingers. She was beyond stopping him or even worrying about the world that waited just outside their door. Her body came to life under his hands and she watched in wonder how each kiss chased away the painful shadows in his eyes.
He pulled open her shirt to slide his warm hand across her cool flesh. She gasped and arched closer to him as her own hand slid down his back and over one hip.
His hair spilled over his shoulder and across her body as he kissed his way down her neck and over her chest. She gasped his name when his mouth found her breast. She swung one leg over his hip to draw him closer.
He shrugged off his shirt and swung it over into a corner before he raised her shirt from over her shoulders. When he came back down again they lay naked chest to bare breast. “You feel like home,” he whispered against her skin.
“Then come home, Vanni,” she whispered back.
His eyes met hers. After all this time, could she really be telling him they could be together?
Then he realized they were in that room all alone with no barriers. Nothing could stop them.
He unzipped her pants and slid them over her hips along with the lacy panties she wore underneath. She moaned softly as he worshipped her curves with his gentle hands and his loving and thorough tongue.
She was crazed for him by the time he finally slipped out of his own jeans. He fit his warm body between her quivering thighs. He was so hard he opened her up to him like a new virgin, and she nearly cried with how perfectly they still fit together.
He said her name as he moved inside her. She fit around him like a glove. She was his other half, he knew that now. This was his home. She throbbed around him like the very beat of his heart. “I love you, Andy,” he murmured against the lips he could never resist. “I’ve always loved you.”
“I love you, too,” she confessed deliriously as she climaxed under him, which took him over the edge himself. He sped up and cried out as he came. It wasn’t about claiming her as his; it was about him finally allowing himself to be hers.
All the walls were down. They finally let each other in.
Chapter Fifteen
October 19, 2010. Los Angeles.
Graham
Graham relaxed in his whirlpool after a grueling therapy session. He didn’t begrudge the aches and pains that often accompanied his hard work. He saw it as a positive sign in the right direction. His deadened lower body was coming back to life slowly but surely. Though he hadn’t voiced as much, his goal was to be walking by Christmas. He’d work non-stop from the moment he got up to the moment he collapsed into bed every night if Maggie would let him. But she’d gently enforce her own schedule anyway and he had grown to trust her over the past few months.
He knew if anyone could help him walk again it’d be Maggie. She pushed him when he was ready to give up and helped rein him in when he was in danger of over-exerting himself. She wouldn’t let him sabotage himself either mentally or physically. It seemed to mean as much to her for him to get mobile as it was to him.
She was on a mission. There was no turning back.
He had come to admire her not-so-quiet strength as she pushed and prodded him day after day. He never saw her frustration, even though in the beginning he gave her plenty of reason to be frustrated. He chalked it up to the fact she was older, easily ten years older than Andy. She didn’t rule with her emotions anymore. She was far more pragmatic, which explained her career of choice and why she was so good at it.
Four out of five patients regained mobility under her care, and he could certainly see why after working with her for several months. He couldn’t imagine embarking on this journey without someone like her lighting his path.
She flew in with some kind of magic umbrella to help fix all that was wrong, only to fly away again after he got his life back.
He sighed as his eyes drifted closed. Everything he wanted was so close he could almost taste it. Even with Andy moving out of the house it had worked out as a positive. When she came over she was in much better spirits and he no longer had to question if she was there out of obligation. Every now and then he would wonder if the source of her newfound peace of mind was a tall, long-haired egomaniacal womanizer, but he shut those thoughts down as soon as they flared up. Cynicism didn’t serve him, as Maggie had always been quick to point out. To do the impossible he had to first believe the impossible.
There were no doubting Thomases in Maggie’s care.
So he took Andy at her word. If – when – he won her back it would be because he was the best man for the job, not pity, guilt or any other number of negative emotions.
His body stirred just thinking about what it would be like to take her into his arms at last. They had waited so long. She had been under his skin since Vegas and he knew that he’d never be satisfied until they were together at last. And she was wrong. It wasn’t because he wanted to “win” over Vanni. He just didn’t want to see her throw her life away on someone who could never give her the life she deserved. All he really wanted was for her to see this for herself so she could get Vanni out from under her skin.
The Complete Groupie Trilogy Page 46