He couldn’t figure it out. How can anyone want to do so much and get nothing in return? Or want nothing in return? She truly was a unique individual, especially in his world. “But why?”
She touched his face. “You mean you honestly don’t know?” she whispered. She leaned forward and kissed him softly on his parted lips. “I am in love with you.”
They were words he had longed to hear for weeks. He just never expected she’d be the one to say them. In his muddled mind he realized that she alone had earned the right to say them. He stared into those bottomless blue eyes and saw something he hadn’t seen in a really long time. It was that hopeful hero worship where he could do no wrong. There was nothing complicated about it. All she wanted was to love him; she didn’t even ask to be loved back. He grabbed her tiny body against his and tried to fit it where he had been so achingly empty. When she reached up for him he kissed her hard. He had needed something he couldn’t name and – as usual – she was willing to offer it without question.
Though she had always made it plain she didn’t get involved with musicians, she responded to his kiss with unexpected passion. This was clearly something she had wanted for a long, long time. She fit in his arms like a doll as he lifted her up against the counter. The dirty dishes were forgotten as she clasped both legs around his waist, bringing him closer to her under her short plaid skirt. It was as though she had waited so long for him to make a move that she couldn’t get close enough, quick enough. She needed him and he suddenly needed to be needed.
She unbuttoned his shirt and slid it from his strong shoulders as he slipped her black turtleneck sweater over her head. She released the front hook of her bra and then pressed her tight body up against his.
Other words followed but all he could hear was her declaration of love. She was in love with him. Someone loved him. All other words felt like they were uttered under water as his consciousness rocketed off into the stratosphere. Was it the alcohol? Was it her kiss? Suddenly he was high and kept getting higher. His whole consciousness was in a fog where he could barely think beyond the willing woman at the tips of his fingers. His body sprung to life in ways it never had before. He didn’t just want her, he needed her. He was so hard it was almost painful. Though he staggered from his intoxication, he carried her rather effortlessly toward the bedroom where they both toppled onto the bed. His high continued to soar as he got lost in her sweet mouth, feeling her delicate hands guide him exactly where he wanted to go.
Only it wasn’t where he wanted to go, it was where he was allowed to go. Every time he closed his eyes he saw Andy’s face. Though he felt Holly’s tiny little body around him, his arms imagined the curves he had grown to worship over the years. It was so shitty of him but in that moment he understood with fevered and intoxicated logic what divided Andy between two completely different men.
He loved Andy but he owed Holly.
Holly had shown nothing but kindness. He owed her loyalty for being the one who chose him.
He only hoped he didn’t utter the wrong name as he rode her hard in a drunken stupor. When Holly begged him to come he released himself at last, hoping everyone – including Andy – would forgive him for being so weak.
Chapter Nineteen
November, 2010. Los Angeles.
Graham
In the ten days that followed Andy’s moving back into the house, Graham made a steady, if slow, recovery. Andy threw all her energy into getting him back to where he was, and Maggie rewarded her loyalty and hard work by melting the icy exterior that had taken the place of their initial friendship. Together they worked tirelessly to get Graham back to his physical therapy so that by mid-November both ladies almost needed a doctor themselves. Everyone was fatigued and drained from their efforts day after day.
But the fruits of their labor included Graham’s progress in making independent steps. He still hadn’t told Andy what he had been able to do. He made Maggie swear on her life she’d keep his secret until he was ready, which in his mind was walking toward her Christmas day. Though he didn’t breathe a word of it to anyone, he imagined that scenario ending with him on bended knee, and had already purchased a ring just in case.
Though they had buried the ugly New York instance and never discussed it, Graham had to believe that her returning to him afterwards was as sure a sign as any her commitment was permanent. This was especially true now that Vanni had moved to New York and wouldn’t be around to tempt her anymore.
It was as though their public misstep had forced them to make their choices accordingly. She chose Graham and he had moved to New York with Holly.
Maybe Andy finally realized he would never choose her in any way that counted. She was his dirty little secret, and she finally decided she needed more than that.
It was a future Graham was more than willing to give her.
So he waited patiently as she worked through all her emotions. She was understandably put off by his using Holly as a buffer; much like Vanni had been when Graham had used her. But she turned all that anger into determination to get Graham walking again, so he met her efforts with equal determination.
He worried about her health as the weeks went on. She looked pale and sickly and didn’t really want to eat when Maggie would try to get her to keep her strength up. She told them it was the flu; she’d surely get over it by Thanksgiving.
Thanksgiving, Graham thought. Time was flying by fast if he wanted to make his goal a reality. He decided to play the holiday low key, which was fine by both Maggie and Andy. Maggie had given up making spectacles out of the holidays when Mitchell died. She preferred to stay to herself and read or reminisce without any societal pressure to interact with a bunch of strangers. Andy thought about going home to Nashville to see her grandmother but after the last trip, and the lies she told about it, she figured she’d just stay in Los Angeles. Her grandmother was booked solid with her church hosting a holiday meal for the homeless; it wasn’t as though her presence was required.
Instead they purchased a small turkey to share between them. All three of them would provide a holiday staple from their youth, which meant they prepared the meal together in the vast white kitchen. Even with Graham in his wheelchair he did amazingly well preparing a sweet potato casserole with brandied nuts and cranberries. Andy provided a southern dressing and Maggie made the pies.
As the sun slipped into the Pacific each of them were stuffed to the gills and pleasantly satisfied with their simple homespun holiday. They cleaned up together and then played a board game by the fireplace. Graham suggested that they set up a Christmas tree but all three of them were worn out. It had been a marathon to help him recover the time he’d lost while he was ill.
In all honesty he wasn’t that excited to go back out in the real world again given that’s where his bout of pneumonia hit. Obviously his immune system wasn’t what it used to be and the unexpected bacterial virus nearly did what a bullet couldn’t even do. Maggie must have had the same concerns because she was quick to shoot down any plans that would overexert him.
His susceptibility to illness scared her more than she cared to admit. He knew the severity of the condition and the quickness in which it hit it reminded her of her late husband. Since she made it clear she wasn’t going to quit until they got him on his feet again, he knew she wasn’t going to take any more chances with his health.
The three of them were content to let the weekend pass without any strenuous plans. As tired as they all were, Graham figured a weekend of rest was just what the doctor ordered.
Holly, however, had other plans. She chose that particular weekend to confide in Andy a secret that Graham knew would send her into an emotional tailspin.
He happened to pass by the office as Holly and Andy were chatting via video, as they had come to do now that Dreaming in Blue had relocated to New York. The conversation was more personal than business so Graham normally would have passed right by.
That was when Holly dropped the bombshell.
“I hate to be any kind of gossip but something has happened that I think you should know, given your history. And it’s only as your friend that I tell you this. He’s moved in with someone.”
Andy tried to act uninterested but Graham knew better. “It’s not the first time,” she dismissed. “Doubt it will be the last.”
“It’s pretty serious,” Holly insisted.
Andy reluctantly played the game. “How serious?”
“They’re talking about having a baby.”
Graham’s eyes closed. He knew that Holly had just ripped out Andy’s heart with that casual tidbit of gossip. “Isn’t that a little sudden? Vanni never wanted to start a family before.”
“He said she’s different from any other woman he’s ever known. He knew when he met her that he wanted her as the mother to his children. And since he has reunited with his dad he feels like he is ready for a real family. The way he sees it, he’s put off settling down long enough. He said there’s nothing out there but more disappointment, it is time to seize the happy while he can.”
Andy couldn’t help but notice Holly had quite the inside scoop on what Vanni was thinking. It reminded her of the possessive way she had always spoken about Graham. She asserted herself as an authority on the subject of Vanni. Andy tried her best to play off the gossip, she couldn’t imagine Vanni had such an about-face when it came to children. She was a veteran of that particular war. “I’ll believe it when I see it,” she finally said.
“They’re already trying,” Holly insisted. “Given the circumstances I think it’s the best thing that can happen. I think it could really turn his image around.”
Andy’s pounced all over that. “From what I understand the controversy has died down considerably in the last couple of weeks. And aren’t you supposed to be the girlfriend on record? Won’t this just stir things up all over again?”
Holly hesitated for a moment. “Vanni would get mad that I’ve said this much already. I just didn’t want you to get sucker-punched again like you were in Los Angeles.”
She let that hang in the air for a moment as both Andy and eavesdropping Graham let its implication sink in.
“I gotta go,” Holly said suddenly. “Vanni’s calling. We’ll talk later, okay?”
Andy mumbled, “Okay,” but Holly had already disconnected. Graham waited for a minute or two before he opened the door to the office. Andy was slouched across the desk with her head in her arms.
“Are you okay?” he asked as he rolled into the room.
She lifted up, white as a sheet, with an ocean of unshed tears behind her darkened hazel eyes. “Fine. Just tired.”
He rolled around to her. She was always tired lately. “Maybe you should take a nap.”
She shook her head. “We’ve got work to do,” she said as she tried her best to smile. He could tell she was dying inside. It wasn’t that long ago when she thought she might be pregnant with Vanni’s child, and now she had to face the fact they had moved on and he could start a family with someone else.
It was something Graham could no longer promise he could provide for her. There were so many variables about his future; maybe it was unfair of him to saddle her with them all.
The thought nagged at him all day, especially after she escaped to her room that afternoon. She had held back as much as she could but he knew from the echoed sobbing behind the door that this news had devastated her.
He wheeled out to the living room where Maggie sat reading a book. “Are you okay?” she asked, immediately reading the conflict on his face.
He nodded, and then shook his head. “Andy’s upset,” he stated simply.
Maggie marked her page and placed the book in her lap. “About?”
He took a deep breath. “The man she loves is going to start a family with someone else.”
“I thought you were the man she loved,” Maggie said gently.
“Not like this other man,” he answered honestly. “This other man is a firework. Exciting. Explosive. Dynamic. I’m the safe, old shoe.”
She chuckled. “Don’t discount the value of a good shoe, Graham. Many women spend an entire lifetime looking for that perfect fit.”
He had to smile. “What if I’m the wrong fit?” he finally asked out loud. “What if she chose to be here because she felt obligated to, but her destiny is the guy she gave up?”
“That’s the thing about destiny. No matter what you do, it’ll show up on your doorstep anyway. If he’s going to start a family with someone else, that’s a good sign he’s not it. She’s here. You’re here. Why does it have to be any more complicated than that?”
He shook his head. He didn’t know. “What if I can’t give her what she wants? What if I can’t father her children? Forget about walking her down the aisle, what if I promise her ‘till death do us part’ only to die six months from now from some stupid infection?”
“What if you live to be a hundred and father fifteen kids? There’s no way to know the future. All we have is today. And that’s what we gotta make great.” He still looked unconvinced so she walked over to where he sat in his wheelchair. She knelt down to eye level and put both his hands in hers. “If it’s love, you never regret it, even if it doesn’t turn out like you planned. I’m not sorry for all the years I lost with my husband. I’m grateful for the ones I was blessed to have. There are no guarantees, Graham. If you’re lucky enough to find love, what else in the world could you possibly need?”
He grasped her hands in his. “You’re a wise woman, Maggie Lawson.”
“I just read a lot,” she said with a shrug. She reached up to kiss his forehead, a spontaneous gesture that took them both off guard. “For the record, I think you’re the best choice of almost any man. Anyone who can’t see that probably doesn’t deserve you.”
She left him with that.
He still wasn’t convinced, and ran several scenarios in his head where he could let her free to go to New York while there was still time. He loved her enough that he never wanted to see her unhappy, even if that meant they couldn’t be together. But if what Holly said was true, and they had no reason to believe that it wouldn’t be given Vanni’s history, maybe it was too late for her to chase after him anyway.
Maybe that would just hurt her worse. It wasn’t the first time she’d been tossed aside for one of his girlfriends. In fact with his track record it was almost a virtual certainty.
He was still torn what to do as the clock next to his bed clicked past midnight. When the door opened he thought he imagined it, but there she stood, as if he summoned her with his very thoughts.
Even more remarkably, she wore a familiar orange peignoir.
He watched as she floated toward him like an apparition. “Andy?” he asked unnecessarily. “What are you doing?”
She slid into bed next to him. “I’m making my choice,” she said as she reached for a kiss.
The minute her lips touched his, every nerve that could still feel anything went up in flames. He had longed for this moment for so long; and here she was… in his arms… warm and real. “Andy…” he started, as though he should still be the bigger man and withdraw his affections so she could chase her happiness elsewhere.
She held up a finger to his lips. He watched as she slid each strap down her silky white shoulders, unveiling herself to him. She ran her hand along his arm until she tangled her fingers in his. Then she raised his hand to cup her bared breast as she reached for another kiss.
He wanted to ask her if she was sure, to be certain that he wasn’t just filling her bed because some other man had been taken off the market. But all thoughts ground to a standstill as her tongue danced around his softly parted lips. This was his dream come true to have her fill his arms at last.
Maybe it was just like Maggie said. When it was destiny, when it was meant to be, then nothing could stop it from happening.
He knew in an instant he didn’t want it to stop. With every fiber of his being he wanted to make love to her, and h
ad for years. “Andy,” he whispered against her lips as he submitted to the moment.
He caressed her gently as he deepened the kiss. She filled his hand, which set off electricity inside his palm as her nipple hardened and reached for him. He broke the kiss to trail his hot mouth down her neck and over her chest until he could take her into his mouth, which made her throw her head back with a soft gasp. He held her hardened nipple in between his teeth as he flicked over the sensitive tip with his tongue, determined to drive away any ghosts from their bed. She whispered his name as her hand drifted down under the covers to explore the hardened silhouette of his body.
She groaned against him and urged him on, so his other hand slipped lower between their bodies and up the soft expanse of her thighs. His whole body seemed to spring to life as he touched her where he’d never before dared to touch. He luxuriated in her soft flesh, so warm and velvety against his fingers. His touch was strong but gentle as he stimulated her, making her breath catch in her throat in between long, slow moans. He could feel himself ache for her in a way that he’d begun to think was impossible. Whether it was in his head or a physical response didn’t seem to matter. He knew the minute his finger slipped inside her what it would feel like to be buried within her, one at last.
He knew just where to touch her, a place she’d never even discovered on her own, to make her quiver almost instantly all around his fingers with a stifled scream.
He slid the silky nightgown up over her hips as he urged her to straddle him. He said nothing as he stared deeply within her eyes, watching her face as she slid down on top of him. It was the most intimate moment of his life as he lived every sensation through those golden green depths. He could tell how deep he was by the way her eyes would open wider with each stroke. He remembered how tightly she had circled his fingers, and he could almost feel her clutch him deeper inside her.
He couldn’t have stopped her even if he had wanted to. His fingers dug into the soft flesh of her hips as he urged her to go faster. He panted as he tried hard to push up inside her, though he thought maybe he imagined how much he could actually do. Maybe he was crazy but he thought he could really feel her. The sensation was muted but he could have sworn it was there as she bucked against him.
The Complete Groupie Trilogy Page 50