by Ron Lieber
Habitat for Humanity, 139
Haggadah, 21
Hamlin, Kiley, 122
happiness, 14, 201
giving and, 120, 121–22
“haul” videos, 85
health insurance, 6, 7, 37
Hickling, Anne, 26–27
Higgins, Dylan, 127–28
Higgins, Katherine, 127–28
Higgins, Olivia, 126–28
High Price of Materialism, The (Kasser), 99
holidays. See special events and holidays
Holland, Cheryl, 59–60
homeless, giving to, 16, 123–28, 131, 136–37, 139
panhandling and, 123, 124, 126, 144
Giving Bag project, 126–28
recycling and, 148, 149–50
home prices, 39–40
Homer, 175
homework, 46
honesty, 4, 16, 22, 38, 43
horses, 13, 32, 95, 159, 160, 162–63
Horowitz, Sam, 117–18
Houses/homes, 114, 200
moving, 24, 26–29, 204
moving to smaller one, 136–39, 145
income:
class and, 172–73
downward mobility and, 7–8
in public databases, 40
questions about, 15–16, 17, 36–43
spending and, 37–38
Instagram, 174
Institute for Humane Education, 76
insurance, 7, 37
health, 6, 7, 37
Internet, 64
Google, 16, 20, 39, 40
“haul” videos on, 85
Jager-Hyman, Joie, 153
Japan, 156–57
jealousy, 3, 5, 115, 174, 175
Jet Skis, 161
jobs, kids’. See work
jobs, parents’:
career choice, 32–34
income from (see income)
loss of, 26–28
new, 204
Johnson, Heather, 31, 178–79
Johnson, Jake, 69–70
Johnson, Liam, 69–70
Jones, Kyle, 53–54
Jones, Mary Louise, 53–54
Jones, Stephanie, 53–54
Joss, Stephanie, 192, 193
Kadlec, Dan, 103
Kasser, Tim, and family, 92, 98–102, 106, 112
Keenan, Sandy, 164, 165
Kessel, Brent, 15–16, 51–52
Kessel, Kaden, 15–16
Kesselman, Michael, 118–19, 142–43, 144
Kimmel, Bruce, and family, 129, 130
Knox College, 98–99
“Lands’ End Line,” 58–59
Lane, Sarah, 156
Lane, Stephanie, 156
LeFavour, Cree, 81
Leibowits, Sarah, 181–83
Lehigh University, 178
Lehman, Gifford, 52
Lent, 83
Leonard, Annie, 71–72, 84, 85–87
Leonard, Dewi, 72, 84, 86–87
limits, 202
Little League, 77
Longing and Belonging (Pugh), 93, 111
Los Angeles, Calif., 172
lotteries, 83
luck, 175
lying, 19–20
Manhattan Country School, 181–83
Massachusetts Institute of Technology, 153
MasterChef Junior, 156
materialism, 11, 89–116, 142
Dewey rule and, 113–16
full provisioning and, 92–98, 102
intervention, 112–13
Kasser on, 98–102
negative effects of, 94
special events and, 102–6
sports and, 106–8, 116
studies on, 93–94, 95, 112–13
television commercials and, 85, 94–95, 100, 101
Matthiesen, Jimmy, 75
Matthiesen, Mary, 74–75
Matthiesen, Sarah, 75
Meadowbrook School, 195–98
meals, 203
blessings before, 175–77
preparation of, 156–57
Mendoza, Melissa, 195–98
Mendoza, Ruth, 194–98
Michigan State University, 161
middle class, 172–73
modesty, 12, 91, 104, 108–11
Montessori school movement, 155
Moral Questions in the Classroom (Simon), 21
More-Good/Less-Harm rule, 76–77
Mormons, 13, 41, 159
Morrison, Nan J., 9
Motherlode, 38, 185
Mount Holyoke College, 173
movies, 75
moving, 24, 26–29, 204
to smaller house/home, 136–39, 145
music, 75
record stores and, 81
National Football League, 107
National Geographic, 101
needs. See wants and needs
neighborhood cleanups, 183
Newman, Catherine, 130
New York, N.Y., 172
New York Times, 2, 3, 72, 103, 126, 203
Motherlode blog, 38, 185
New York University, 165
Nickel and Dimed (Ehrenreich), 144
Oklahoma State University, 162
1,001 Bright Ideas to Stretch Your Dollars (Yates), 82
orchestras and choruses, 179–80
overnight camps, 97–98, 187–91
Oxfam, 207
Owen, David, 54
panhandling, 123, 124, 126, 144
See also homeless, giving to
Parker, Scott, 41–42
parties, 104, 105
bar and bat mitzvahs, 117–18, 141–42
Passover, 21
patience, 11, 12, 14, 47–48, 50, 52
peer pressure, 98
pension plans, 6
perseverance, 11, 12, 14
perspective, 12, 14, 208
gaining through helping others nearby, 183–84
gaining through teammates, playdates, and field trips, 177–83
philanthropy, 118, 142
See also charity; giving
phones, 63–64, 115
piercings, 45, 98
Pine Island Camp, 188–90
poor, being, 24, 25–28, 93–94, 114, 144, 150, 173, 184
poverty, 24, 25–26, 114, 144, 150, 173
See also homeless, giving to
Power of Half, The (Salwen and Salwen), 138, 139, 140
prepaid debit cards, 59, 78–79
Preston, Stephanie, 150
Pricing the Priceless Child (Zelizer), 152
private jets, 174
private school. See school, private
privilege, 171, 172, 179
property values, 39–40
prudence, 14
PTA, 77
Pugh, Allison J., 93–94, 102, 111, 177, 187
puppets, 121
questions about money, 1–3, 11–12, 14, 48
about being poor, 24, 25–26
about being rich, 16, 29–31
emotions and, 4
fear as impetus for, 23
about giving to homeless, 123–28
good, praising children for, 20–22
list of, 25–43
lying and, 19–20
about moving, 24, 26–29
“none of your business” response to, 17
about not being allowed certain items, 31–32
about parents’ career choices, 32–34
about parents’ income, 15–16, 17, 36–43
about parents’ spending choices, 96
playground or lunch table talk as impetus for, 23
about private school, 34–36
“why do you ask” response to, 22–24
See also conversations about money
Rabi, Isidor, 21–22
Ramsey, Patricia G., 173
Reality Changers, 168
record stores, 81
recyclables, redeeming, 147–51, 166–68
Reid, T. R., 157
religious institutions, 131
replacing items, 62–6
3
research. See studies
retirement savings, 6–7, 52
return on investment, 74
rich, being, 16, 29–31, 169–71, 172–73
Richards, Carl, 203
risk, 201
Rock, Chris, 169–70, 188
Ruckus Rangers, 95
rules, 31–32, 98
on banned items, 61–62, 98
breaking, 201
Dewey, 113–16
Russell, Mary Kay, 64
Saing, Sotha, 68–69, 180–81
salary. See income
Salwen family, 135–39, 145
The Power of Half, 138, 139, 140
San Francisco, Calif., 172
saving accounts, 53, 54–55
saving money, 7, 37, 207
allowance and, 47, 49, 51–52, 54
for car, 55, 65
for college, 55, 61, 65, 134, 138
job loss and, 26, 28
for retirement, 6–7, 52
scarcity, 201–2
Scarpinato, Len, 161
Scarpinato, Mark, 161
school, 2, 96, 177, 187
costs involved with, 108–11
counselors and tutors for, 110
diversity and, 171, 177
and gaining perspective through teammates, playdates, and field trips, 177–83
school (cont.)
logo gear and, 110
lunches at, 109–10, 196–98
private, 34–36, 108–11, 172
winter breaks and, 111
See also college
Schor, Juliet B., 18, 84
secrecy, 39
See also silence around money
Seder, 21
self-control, 47–48
self-esteem, 113
self-regulation and restraint, 100, 201
self-worth, 93
service work. See volunteering
Seventh-Grade Fund, 141–45
Shady Hill School, 108–11
shame, 3, 14, 17
Share Save Spend, 112
sharing, 14, 50
See also giving
silence around money, 8–9, 43
about giving, 120
reasons for, 16–19
as strategy learned from elders, 18–19
values and, 9
See also conversations about money
Silver Spoon Kids (Gallo and Gallo), 126
Simon, Katherine, 21
Sims, Aimee, 62, 79–80
slumber parties, 105
smartphones, 63–64, 115
Smith, Jackson, 158–60
Smith, Oralie, 158–60
snooping and investigation, 38–39
on Google, 16, 20, 39, 40
social class, 111, 172–74
and gaining perspective through teammates, playdates, and field trips, 177–83
social media, 5, 84–85
social class and, 174
Social Security, 6
Solimene, Keely, 139–41, 199–200
Solimene, Mick, 139–41, 199–200
soup kitchens, 183
special events and holidays, 102–6
bar and bat mitzvahs, 117–18, 141–42
birthdays, 102, 104, 105–6, 118
Christmas, 102, 106
gifts and (see gifts)
spending money, 207
budgets for (see budgets)
outside influences on, 84
pleasure in, 73
rituals around, 80–82
See also materialism
spending money, by kids, 56, 71–87
from allowance, 47–52, 55
banned items and, 61–62, 98
on car, 64–66
on clothing, 57–60, 86–87
counterprogramming and, 85
coupons and, 77–78
Fun Ratio and, 74–76
from gifts, 61
from jobs, 61
More-Good/Less-Harm rule and, 76–77
outside influences on, 84–85
on phones, 63–64
pleasure and, 73
prepaid debit cards and, 78–79
on replacement items, 62–63
rituals around, 80–82
rules for, 61–63
thrift shops and, 79–80
and wants vs. needs, 56–57
spending money, by parents:
conversations about, 96, 201–5
fairness of, 57
monthly family expenses, 37–38
trade-offs and, 205–6
spoiled children, 10
four factors in definition of, 10–11
opposite of, 10, 11
sports, 106–8, 116, 153, 179
college admission and, 106, 108
paying for, 161–64
Stanek, Mark, 108–11
Stanford University, 92, 155
Stewart, Jon, 169–70
Story of Stuff, The, 71–72, 87
student loans, 5, 6
studies, 13
on gender differences regarding money, 24–35
on gratitude, 175
on giving and happiness, 121–22
on materialism, 93–94, 95, 112–13
on payment for chores, 67
on perceptions of rich and poor people, 173
on self-control, 47–48
on television commercials, 95
Sundquist, Laura, 133–34
Swan, Ben, 189–90
Swindell-Sakoor, Jacob, 9
talking about money. See conversations about money
Talmud, 144
tattoos, 31, 32, 62, 98
taxes, 2, 37, 38, 42
allowances and, 52, 62
charitable contributions and, 105, 129, 131
teeth, lost, 102–4
television, 100, 153, 203
commercials on, 85, 94–95, 100, 101, 174
thrift, 12, 14, 73, 78, 82–83, 86
thrift shops, 79–80
365 Grateful, 177
thriving, 73–74, 82, 86
tithing, 42, 56, 159
tooth fairy. See teeth, lost
Throw Your Tooth on the Roof (Beeler and Karas), 104
Time, 103
time limits, 100
Ting, 64
toddlers, 121–22
Tolbert, Tony, 139
Torchio, Batshir, 143, 145
toys and gadgets, 26, 74–75, 92–93, 94, 95, 98, 188, 200, 202
equilibrium and, 206
trade-offs, 205–8
travel. See vacations and travel
travel teams, 106–8, 164, 202
Treister, Dana, 80–81
Trowbridge, Gus, 182
T. Rowe Price, 66
tutoring, 110, 183
unemployment, 26–28
United Nations Foundation, 140
University of British Columbia, 122
University of California, San Diego, 168
University of Michigan, 150
University of Pennsylvania, 154–55
University of Vermont, 176
University of Virginia, 93, 189
upper class, 172–73
vacations and travel, 35–36, 75, 78–79, 81–82, 96, 100, 101, 104, 145
at amusement parks, 79, 193–94
doing it right, 191–94
winter breaks, 111
values and character traits, 11–13, 29–30, 33, 36, 87, 113, 200, 201, 208
and conversations about money, 9, 12–13, 14
curiosity, 11, 12
generosity, 11, 12, 14, 106, 119, 120, 122, 130 (see also giving)
gratitude, 14, 174–77
modesty, 12, 91, 104, 108–11
patience, 11, 12, 14, 47–48, 50, 52
perseverance, 11, 12, 14
perspective (see perspective)
prudence, 14
record stores and, 81
thrift, 12, 14, 73, 78, 82–83, 86
work and, 154
video games, 75, 100, 201
Visa, 102–3
volunteering, 51, 119, 136
in developing countries, 166, 185–87
gaining perspective through, 183–84
Wall Street Journal, 3
wants and needs, 14, 159, 173
allowances and, 56–66
car and, 57, 64–66
clothing and, 57–60
Fun Ratio and, 75–76
giving and, 120, 132
and giving up things, 83
phones and, 63–64
Watson-Watts, Robert Alexander, 22
wealth, 16, 29–31, 169–71, 172–73
Weil, Zoe, 76
Weiner, Randy, 104
Williams College, 124
Winerip, Michael, 164–66
work, 14, 46, 61, 147–68
character traits and, 154
college admission and, 152–53, 166
competitions and, 154
driving and, 152
easiness of obtaining, 152
facilitating, 160–64
in family businesses, 65, 151, 158, 172
on family farms, 158–60
grit and, 154–55
industriousness and, 151, 152
kids’ enjoyment of, 150–51
paying for athletic pursuits through, 161–64
paying for car through, 65
paying for college through, 151, 164–66
percentage of children with jobs, 152
transformative power of, 166
See also chores
work ethic, 46, 90, 154, 160
recognition and cultivation of, 151–52
World Wildlife Federation, 130
worry, fear, and anxiety, 19, 23–24, 94
yard sale, 127
Yates, Cynthia, 82
Yates, Joshua, 82–84
Year Up, 139
Zelizer, Viviana A., 151, 152
Zillow, 39
P.S. Insights, Interviews & More . . . *
About the author
* * *
Meet Ron Lieber
About the book
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Ron Lieber Answers Your Questions
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Additional Resources for The Opposite of Spoiled
About the author
Meet Ron Lieber
RON LIEBER is the “Your Money” columnist for the New York Times and a contributor to the Motherlode parenting blog on nytimes.com. Before coming to the Times, he wrote a personal-finance column for the Wall Street Journal and was on the staff of Fortune and Fast Company magazines. His first book, Taking Time Off: Inspiring Stories of Students Who Enjoyed Successful Breaks from College and How You Can Plan Your Own, coauthored with Colin Hall, was a New York Times bestseller in 1996. He lives in Brooklyn with his wife and daughters.
Ron speaks often to schools and community groups about parenting, money, and values. To learn more, and to sign up for his newsletter, visit ronlieber.com.
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About the book
Ron Lieber Answers Your Questions
IN THE MONTHS since The Opposite of Spoiled was published, I’ve spoken at dozens of schools, libraries, and community events. And while I get a huge charge out of bringing the book to life for parents and teens in more formal presentations, my favorite part is always the question-and-answer session. Because children’s curiosity knows no bounds and I make a point of urging audience members to answer everything their kids ask them, many of those audience members take it upon themselves to try to stump me right there in the moment. In fact, I’ve taken to asking parents to hit me with the toughest question their own children have ever asked about money, work, or social class. I love the challenge, and the conversations that result are often a ton of fun.