A sigh broke from my mouth and I grabbed a picture taken of the two of us not long before things went bad. Love shone through both of our eyes as we stared and smiled at each other. We were sitting on Tessa’s parents’ porch swing and her mother had snapped the Polaroid. At that point, we had the world before us. A future both of us no doubt had carved into stone. Yet, it hadn’t been. I’d cast it deep within the depths of some bottomless pit to likely never be retrieved. Had I not ruined things between us, how would our future have turned out?
I knew. I’d have still joined the military, but I wouldn’t have been alone. Tessa would have been mine. I’d have asked her to marry me in a heartbeat and go on the ultimate adventure. We would have been happy. Probably parents now. It could have been great. Picture perfect, just like the memories in her box. Why did fate always hand me the short end of the stick? Hadn’t I done enough good to find some sort of happiness? It was the question that plagued me the most. How much good did someone have to do before it was returned to them? I’d fucking put my life on the line for people. Some I didn’t even know. And where had that gotten me? Nowhere. I had nothing. My dream was gone, just like she was. And if I’d heard correctly, getting Tessa back would be impossible. It didn’t mean I was going to give up, but I wasn’t optimistic.
I glanced at my phone, knowing there was still no news. It was pointless for me to call Tom. He’d have dialed me in a heartbeat if someone knew anything concerning her. So, what did I do besides wait? My friends were all working. Until they had the time to come, I was by myself. I’d done all the research I could. Talked to everyone I’d connected with online. I was in a waiting game that made each minute feel like an eternity and that wasn’t good for my mind. How many times had I been in the position to wait things out? In the Army, overseas…too many. And most hadn’t come with good results.
I yawned, scooping the pictures in a pile. There was only so long one could sit and dream and I’d done my fair share today. It was time to call it a night, even if I knew sleep wouldn’t come for quite some time.
As I stood to place the box back on the shelf in the closet, I caught sight of what looked to be a journal. Although my mind said not to even head in that direction, I was already placing down the box and stepping forward. One quick flip through and my heart began to beat wildly. I’d just hit the jackpot into Tessa’s most intimate hidden thoughts and I wasn’t sure what to do about it.
I headed to the bed and sat down, placing the small butterfly print book in front of me. If I did this, I’d be a dick. It was wrong, but didn’t I deserve some glimpse into the woman I’d dreamed of making mine? What if she didn’t love me at all? What if…
A long exhale broke through and I picked it up, flipping to the first page.
Dec 5th
Dear Journal, dear me,
You would think years of holding the same job would give me satisfaction, and in a way, it does, but where I am headed? The older I get, the more the question eats away at me. Who am I? I feel so alone. I feel so…empty. Is this my life? What I’m meant to do until my dying days? Growing up, I never would have thought so. I used to have dreams. Now, I live my days in lonely house.
I scrolled through, browsing. Some passages were long. Others short. Spotting my name, I stopped.
Dec 19th
Mr. Peterson came into the dealership again today. He comes in every Thursday, and every Thursday, he asks me out on a date. I wonder what he’d say if, for once, I told him yes? The thought is intriguing, even if going on an actual date with him isn’t. I need excitement. I need…something.
Hunter hasn’t called in a few weeks. He mentioned something about not being able to for a while. Does he know how scared I am for him? He’s different, I see that, but still the same. I guess he’s just grown up. It’s hard to imagine, even with the pictures he sends. And what pictures those are. I can’t help but blush with each one. He sure did grow up. I wonder whether he’ll look the same in person? I’m not sure, but I’m dying to find out. Is it wrong for me to still want him? Sometimes I feel as if it is. He’s probably moved on. Probably dated plenty of women since he left Austin. Why would he come back? And to me, of all people? To him, what we had was probably nothing more than a silly childhood crush. To me, those years forever changed my life. No one compares to him. Men, they’re all charm and no real commitment. Hunter was true. Hunter will make some woman extremely happy someday.
I blinked past the words and reread it again. I wasn’t sure what to think, but I decided to read more. I got lost in Tessa’s words. In her every day mundane life. Choir practice seemed to be the epitome of her existence and even that wasn’t always happy. She questioned herself a lot. Questioned life and religion in general. As I neared the middle, I caught more than just a mention of my name, but what looked to be pages filled with me.
March 9th
I asked Hunter to move in with me today. It was a bold decision, but one I couldn’t resist. He gets out in only a few short months and he mentioned returning to Austin. He seems excited about it and my question just came from nowhere. I feel so giddy right now. I’m getting my best friend back!
I knew he wouldn’t want to move in with his parents. He didn’t sound enthusiastic when he mentioned going back to his childhood home, but he seemed happy when I offered for him to stay here. Had he been? I think so. Maybe it was my excitement pouring through and I missed his lack thereof? Damn, maybe I should have paid more attention. What if he just didn’t want to hurt my feelings?
Well, what’s done is done. I’m excited and maybe a little greedy to have him back, but I’ll take it. I’ll take him. Damn, that sounded bold. Although, maybe not far off from the hidden truth? Here I am, laughing out loud. And clapping! I put down my pen to clap! Almost twenty-eight years old and I’m acting like the teenage girl he once knew. I have to admit, it feels good to be happy again. Hunter make me happy. I’ve missed him so much.
Poor guy. He has no idea the mess he’s coming to, being here with me. I’ll probably bore him to death. No, I’ll cook for him. He’ll be glad to be here. He always did like food and I’ve gotten good at baking.
And…I’m rambling. And blushing. I know I sound absolutely ridiculous. Friends, Tessa. That’s the most you’ll ever be to him. Even losing your virginity to the guy didn’t help him fall for you. Playing the needy wanna-be girlfriend won’t either. Stick to friends or you’ll run him off again. Friends are good.
My head shot up and I slammed the book closed. She’d lost her virginity to me in an attempt to get me to…commit?
There were no words. No thoughts as I came to the realization of how everything went down. After I’d hurt her, I pulled away. Tried to give her time to get over the shock of what we’d done. I wanted her mind to heal as well as her. And she thought I’d…what? Used her? Didn’t want her after that? Fucking shit. And I’d left shortly after. Without so much as trying to push to the bottom of our problem. She loved me. Tessa loved me and I felt it in my heart. The lack of communication had kept us separated for years. If only I would have confessed. If I would have taken leave and rushed back here to tell her I was sorry and I wanted her to come back with me…we’d be together right now. So…what did I do? How did I fix this?
I pushed from the bed and slid my shoes on. It wasn’t too late and even though I was tired, I had to find something to occupy my mind—anything that would help me come up with a solution. Marko, he was my biggest issue and I had to figure out a way to kill him. Yes, Marko had to die. Then, Tessa would be mine.
Chapter 11
Tessa
“Kneel.”
The deepness of Marko’s voice cut right though me as he towered above, glaring. Since Julius kept drinking from me, he refused my blood. Even after continually giving me his own. Days of hunger had turned him into an animal and I wasn’t sure what was going on with him internally. It was impossible to know since he’d somehow grown strong enough to block himself off from me. I’d even tried to ask what
it was, but he wouldn’t talk. Wouldn’t even take me when I actually offered past the fear that he may truly hurt me or someone else. Anyone within a five-foot radius was his target and he’d dropped more than one vampire when he’d taken me into George’s to get adjustments on the new outfits from my wardrobe. Everyone feared him and after what I’d seen from his past, I knew why.
Sapphire silk haloed around my face and fell more forward as I went to my knees and bowed my head. I was past the point of fighting with him. At least, while he was in this mindset. I was brave, but I wasn’t naïve.
“You will stay just as you are while I go feed. Do not move. Do not so much as shift your weight to ease the pain. You will not accompany me at the table tonight. You will stay right here and wait for my return.”
My lips separated in disbelief and I scrambled my thoughts for what I could have done to upset him as much as I did. It had to have been me. The change got worse after I took his blood for the third night in a row, after Julius took mine. Maybe he hadn’t wanted to give it, or maybe…did I take too much?
“Yes, Master.” The response was automatic and I kept my stare fixed, losing myself to my mind. Something I was good at lately. I’d been told to kneel repeatedly over the last few days, but never while he left me alone. Shit, he never did leave me alone. Only when I had to go to the restroom, but he was still always here. Always hovering, waiting for my return. And now, he’d be making me stay in the room by myself?
Pacing, not feet away, disrupted my thoughts before I could even really get lost in my safety zone. I blinked, but stayed still.
“Do you remember yet?” he asked, coming to a stop before me.
“Remember?”
“What Julius says to you after he feeds?” Marko kneeled, gripping my face and bringing my head up. “You say you don’t remember. Has it come back?”
Nothing had come back from those moments. I had no idea what our leader said or any memory of the feedings. The only thing I recalled was him pulling me into his lap. Then, nothing, until Marko carried me into the room.
“I don’t.”
“Prove it.”
Black eyes stared intently into mine and warmth circled my belly as he grew closer. I tried to blink but couldn’t. He was reading my memories, I knew he was, but I could still think—still control everything but my eyes.
“I don’t know what he said,” I repeated, lowly. “I wouldn’t lie to you.”
His hand pushed off from my face, nearly knocking me backward as he stood. Anger within me flared, but faded just as fast. I hated how the more time that passed, the more I couldn’t control my feelings. The bond was complete and I knew this was as far as it went. I’d die for him. Kill for him. Give myself over freely to the worst monster he was capable of being…I would love him. And love, I did. Each morning I woke up, I was lost to him even more. Regardless of who he was or how he treated me.
“I can’t stand that he’s tasted you. That he’s had his hands on you.” Marko stopped just before the door and spun around to face me. My breath hitched and I dropped my gaze.
“Get up. If I go out there without you, it’ll just make me look weaker than I already do. If he can feed from you at the table without anyone making a fuss about it, then so can I. You’re my slave. Fuck all of them. If I want to strip you bare and fuck you right there while we all feed then I will. No one tells me what I can or can’t do—especially when they probably want nothing more than to do it themselves. And he probably does. I bet he dreams of having what’s mine. I can almost guarantee he wants to claim you as his own. But I won’t let him. I won’t let anyone have you. If that’s the death of the both of us, so be it!”
Marko surged forward, ripping me up to stand and pushing me toward the door. His words scared me. I knew he was unstable due to his lack of feeding, and more than likely paranoid, but I couldn’t get over just how much. Dammit, I had to get him to take my blood and fast. Preferably without anyone else getting hurt. He was getting worse, out of control with his suspicions—they were nonstop. Only yesterday, he nearly killed one of the male suppliers for looking at me too long. This had to stop.
The door swung open at his pull and I rushed out, right into Marie. We hit hard and I nearly fell. If it hadn’t been for Marko catching me and pulling me back into him, I would have.
“I’m sorry,” I said, lowly. “I didn’t mean—”
“You don’t apologize to her,” Marko said, interrupting me and stepping around. “She should be apologizing to you. You are above her, slave. Now, let’s go.”
His annoyed command had tears blinding me as I gave her a sad look and followed. She gave me…nothing. And that hurt even more. Did she blame me for her the death of her men? Hell, I knew she did. I could see it in her cold expression.
The tables were almost entirely full and everyone but Marko was already seated at the members’ table. I stopped at the seventh chair while he hung his jacket on the back and made his way to Julius. My head stayed down even though I longed to look back at Marie. How mad would she be if I tried to talk to her? Would she attempt to kill me? A few minutes went by before Julius’ voice took me away from my thoughts.
“Impressive. Move to the fourth. I’m afraid we’re not finished yet.”
Gasps resounded through the large space and I walked around to the other side of the table, making my way to the fourth chair. The moment everyone went to sit, so did I. A hand locked on my bicep as I was halfway down and I paused, letting Marko bring me back up. I didn’t connect with his gaze, no matter how much I wanted to.
“Tonight, you’re mine.” Hands grasped onto my hips and he easily lifted me to straddle his waist as he sat down. My heart exploded in rhythm and only continued to get faster as he reached up and pushed the hood back. Shallow breaths left me while he slid his hand against my neck and pushed the long length of my hair back over my shoulder. French words entered my mind and I soaked in each one like the neglected slave I was.
“Tonight, I have you in all ways, ma minette. Now, lower to my chest and let me taste what I own.”
Fingers tightened into the hair at the base of my neck and I couldn’t stop the arousal blossoming within me. I gripped the lapels of his jacket, easing against my show of weakness—my love for the one man I shouldn’t display any form of affection for in public. My grip was affection. I should have been limp. Giving, to him. But our bond had me wanting more and I couldn’t deny it.
The trace of his tongue over my pulse point tickled my skin, igniting a fire in the pit of my belly. I wanted nothing more than to rock my hips against the hardness I could feel under my ass. Slowly, he trailed down, kissing right over my tattoo. The one I got in an effort to save my life. I wanted to give him pause. To leave him shocked long enough for me to stab him, but it hadn’t worked out that way.
Love you to death.
With one last show of tenderness, fangs sunk into my neck. I didn’t so much as flinch as they reached their desired depth. It was a perfect harmony of predator and prey. He had my life in his hands and he could easily kill me, but I knew he wouldn’t. It wasn’t necessarily trust. I didn’t have that option. It was a sweet, poisonous submission. The bond and his venom had me putting my life against odds I had no control over. It left me an enamored zombie. I wasn’t in my right mind, I knew that. Yet…somehow, my brain had convinced me I was okay with the outcome. I had this new love for him. That was enough.
I melted down into Marko’s body completely, basking in the pleasure rushing through. But it wasn’t like before. It intensified my arousal, but didn’t make it unbearable to the point of me going crazy to have him. This one was different than the others. It made me realize that there had to be different bites. It fascinated me, when I should have been worried about it.
Swirls of his tongue had my lids closing and me relaxing even more. Safety cloaked around me and I loved being in the arms of the vampire who held me. The more time I spent out of his room, the more I could see how different he was f
rom everyone else. Marko was definitely leader material. Marie was right on that account. He was meant to rule. But would I still be at his side if the day ever came? Surely not. He’d have a concubine by then, not a slave. A ruler wouldn’t resort to such low status. Julius might have fed from me, but he had the right and I wasn’t by his side every night. I had no doubt I was just a lesson to Marko. One I didn’t quite understand yet.
“You think too much, ma minette. But your thoughts are enlightening. Perhaps you are a lesson. We all have to learn them in our own way. But I’m not worried about that right now. Think more on how honored you feel by being my slave. I like hearing you say that. You’re learning your place.
Lips broke from my neck and his tongue slid over the wounds, making me shiver with the increasing lust. I blinked, unsure of what to do. I knew I should get down. He was done with me. It would only be right. My foot dropped, but his hand eased against my lower back. It was a clear sign for me not to move. Again, I lowered to his chest, waiting for my next instruction while soaking in the small happiness the action gave me.
“Our guests arrive tomorrow. They will be staying a few days. There’s plenty to go over and I expect you all in the meeting room at two. Marko.” My body stiffened the smallest amount at Julius’ voice calling him out. “Your new room has been set up not far from mine. You’ll move in there tonight.”
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