"Colin, talk to me," I said softly, trying to gauge his mood.
He inhaled deeply, and then released the breath. His eyes opened slowly, and his green met my brown as he forced a smile.
"We should go back to the party," he said. "Or head home, whichever you'd like."
I faked a pout, removing my hands and placing them on my hips.
“You rejecting me, Westwick?" I asked.
He laughed a deep, haughty laugh with not a single trace of humor. He placed his hands on either side of my face, gazing intently into my eyes.
"Never," he said. "I just don't want to get carried away, and I definitely don't want my brother--or one of yours--walking in on us like this."
I nodded, taking his hand and guiding him back to the table where my other gift lay.
"Yeah, take me home," I said. "Because if not I'm afraid I may never let you leave this pool room. Besides, the party is pretty much over and Daddy said I'm not allowed to help clean."
Quickly, and before I could even mentally prepare myself, Colin bent down and lifted me into his arms. I laced an arm around his neck to hold on, and he knelt beside the pool to grab my heels. He handed them to me silently, heading for the door.
"Wait!" I exclaimed, putting a hand on his chest to stop him. "What about my prom tickets and my pretty prom dress?"
He chuckled, shaking his head as though I'd said the world's funniest joke.
"I'll have Keaton come get it and bring it to the car," he said. "I want to get you home as soon as possible. You actually look like you need sleep."
Right on cue, I let out an embarrassingly loud yawn. Colin cocked an eyebrow at me with a smirk on his face as if to say, "Told ya."
I waved my hand rather unceremoniously, gesturing for him to take me out. We walked silently to his car where he opened the door for me and helped me inside like usual.
I buckled my seat belt, leaning back as Colin got in the driver's seat and started the car. He looked over at me with an infectious grin, and, unable to resist, I kissed him on the lips.
Best birthday ever, I thought as we drove off.
I bolted upright out of my sleep at the sound of Muse's Super Massive Black Hole blasting from my cell phone. I groaned, wondering who in God's name would be calling me at this time of the night. I forced myself out of my bed, walking groggily over to my computer desk where my phone sat next to my new laptop.
I picked it up, sliding the call button and placing the phone to my ear.
"Hello?" I answered, trying in vain to stifle a yawn.
There was the muffled sound of someone crying on the line, and suddenly I felt more awake than ever.
"Who is this?" I asked, my voice taking on a frantic, desperate edge.
"Nickayla, its Suze," the voice said. "I need you to come, please."
My heart stopped. I knew that she wouldn't call me so frantically unless something was wrong with Colin.
Before she had the chance to explain, my mind was on overdrive imagining the worst case scenarios. I was pulling a hoodie on over my pajamas when I almost tripped and fell flat on my face from trying to get dressed too quickly. I tugged on a pair of socks, hopping on one foot and stuffing my feet into my Chucks.
My heart was pounding nonstop. What was going on over there? Could I get there fast enough? It had to be bad because Suze was calling me, and she almost never did that. The only question was how bad was it?
"Suze what happened?" I asked, grabbing my keys and heading to my car, surprised that I was actually able to get a full, coherent sentence out without crying.
"It's Colin," she whimpered. "My dad's gone crazy."
Holy shit, I thought.
"I'll be right there," I said, hanging up the phone.
I took off in a sprint toward my car. I fumbled with the keys, damn near dropping them as my entire mind and body was overcome with fear. I jammed the key into the hole, twisting it and unlocking the door. I put my seat belt on, realizing that my hands were shaking. I closed my eyes, forcing myself to steady my breathing as I started the car and drove off.
The entire drive over, all I could think about was Colin and what his dad was doing to him. I knew that what I was imagining was much worse than what was actually happening, but I couldn't stop my mind from going there. I could feel tears stinging my eyes as I rounded the corner, turning onto the gravel road that led to the two lake houses.
As soon as I pulled into Colin's drive, I was assaulted by the sight and smell of smoke. I held my shirt over my nose and mouth, getting out of the car and walking toward the house. My eyes stung from the smoke, but I pushed on anyway. The door to the house was wide open, and that alone was yet another red flag that something bigger than I ever would have anticipated was going on.
I walked inside, not prepared for what I would see. I stopped short in the landing of the living room as the most earth-shattering, heart-breaking sight knocked the wind out of me.
I watched in terrified horror as a belt descended upon Colin's back. He looked too spent to cry out, but I could see the tremors shaking his body. I ran, full-speed ahead, tackling Mr. Westwick to the ground with as much strength as I could muster. He grunted and raised his belt, but I put my hands up, shoving against him in absolute fury.
"You sick...son...of...a...BITCH!" I screamed in between pushes. He raised his belt as though to strike me, and I pushed him again. "Go ahead! Hit me you fucking bastard! Hit me! I double dog dare you! Hit me!"
He sneered at me, an evil glint to his eyes. He was damn near twice my size, but he towered over me in a way that told me he wasn't afraid to hurt me, that he wasn't afraid to hurt anyone. Even so, I stood there, not backing down from him. The man lived and thrived on the fear that he gave others, and I wasn't going to give him the fucking satisfaction of instilling that fear in me.
"This is not your business, little girl," he said, raising his belt and swinging it.
The lash struck me on the arm, and it stung, but I refused to yell. I wasn't going to let that bastard get the best of me. I stood tall, my chin held high as I stared him down. My eyes roamed over his body, taking in all the ways that Colin was just like him--the stubborn set in his jaw, the kink in his eyebrow, the smirk he held on his face when he was feeling mischievous--and all the ways that he wasn't.
Minutes passed, but Mr. Westwick still stood in front of me, waiting to attack again.
That man was a sick, sadistic motherfucker. I couldn't understand how he could hurt Colin, how he could make him look so small, so fragile, so weak. As I looked at him, I saw no remorse, no love, and not a single care in the world. His eyes reflected evil and nothing more.
"You hit me or him one more goddamn time and I swear to God I'll call the police," I threatened.
"They'd never believe you over me," he retorted.
From the look in his eye, I could tell that he truly and honestly believed what he was saying.
I laughed, crouching next to Colin and wrapping my arms around him. He leaned against me groggily, trying to sit up straight.
"Yeah, they're going to believe the guy with the belt in his hand over a 17 year old boy with welts on his back and a 17 year old girl with a red mark on her arm?" I laughed again. "You're more delusional than I thought." With all my might, I helped Colin get to his feet, offering myself as a crutch as he tried to regain his footing. "You ever lay another hand on him and you'll hear from me. I promise you, this is my definition of civil."
Mrs. Westwick was standing at the back of the room, holding Susanna who was sobbing hysterically. I propped Colin against the wall as I walked over to her.
Colin's mother eyed me, and I shook my head, giving her the signal that I refused to take any shit from her.
"Let her go," I said. "She's coming with me tonight."
"Like Hell!" Mrs. Westwick yelled at me in fury.
I extended my hand to Susanna, and her tear-filled green eyes found mine as she took it, walking over to me. I wrapped her in a tight embrace and allo
wed her to cry into my shoulder as I continued my stare-down with her mother.
"I'm not leaving her here so he can finish the job on her," I snarled. I placed my hands on either side of Suze's face, forcing her to look at me as I lowered my voice to a whisper. "Get in the car, Suze."
She nodded, and fled without a single word to any of us.
For the first time that night, Colin's eyes met mine, and I could see just the faintest hint of a smile there. It warmed my heart, but in the same moment I registered the bruises on his face, the black eye forming, and the cut above his top lip, and that only angered me even more. I walked over to him, wrapping my arm around his waist as I led him outside. I didn't bother looking back at his parents, didn't bother saying another word to them. They were nothing to me, and if I had my way, they would never get their hands on Colin again.
I opened the car door for Colin, helping him in as he'd always done for me. He sat there in stunned silence as he stared toward the source of the smoke. I hopped in beside him, closing my door and watching him as he buried his face in his hands.
"He burned my place," he whispered. "I just...I can't believe he burned it. I can't believe it's gone."
I placed my hand gently atop his, squeezing it and trying to force him to look at me.
"Colin, we should go," I said. "This can't be easy for you."
He shook his head as if to shake me off, but he gripped my hand tighter as if to hold onto me.
"No," he groaned. "I need to stay."
I nodded reluctantly, watching in agony as the boy I loved crumbled and broke completely in half. That was even worse than watching him be beaten. His eyes were distant and tear-filled as his shoulders shook violently from the extent of his sobs. He refused to look at me, but he held onto my hand tighter than anyone else ever had.
For the first time I realized that maybe I wasn't the only one who had been broken.
He lifted his head as he frantically pushed tears off his face.
"People always keep the most pointless things when someone they love dies," he whispered. "Pictures, stupid little knick knacks, an article of clothing...but there's no substance there. The person they loved isn't alive in the pictures. They probably didn't think twice about the knick knacks. Clothing is a necessity. Granddad...he was all over my special place. I could see him in a picture and feel nothing. I could hold his old baseball from his Little League days and feel nothing. I could hold onto his shirt and feel nothing."
I stared at him, tears filling my own eyes as I let his words truly hit me.
"But I would go into that place, that small place, Nickayla, and I would feel his presence everywhere," he sobbed. "I would feel his hand on my shoulder, squeezing it and telling me what a wonderful job I was doing every time I played guitar. I would feel his embrace every time I opened my mouth and sang." He laughed, burying his face in his hands again. "When we built it, he cut himself while trying to saw a piece of wood. It looked like such a small nick, but there was blood all over the place. Mom rushed him to the hospital while Jamie and me, we scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed but we could never get the blood out. Eventually, I gave up, telling him that we should leave it. Whenever I would pass that spot, I could feel him standing right next to me. I could hear his voice clear as fucking day." He stared at me, and I covered my mouth, trying to stifle my sobs as I reacted to the pain in his eyes. "I felt him everywhere, baby, every time I walked inside. And now..."
His voice trailed off, breaking at the last word. He turned toward me and buried his face into my shoulder and I watched him break all over again. His body shook and I rested my chin on top of his head as I held him tightly. He sobbed loudly and without holding back, letting go of all of his pain. I only held him tighter, offering myself as a second person to bear his heavy load.
"And now, it's gone," he whispered through broken sobs. He pulled away from me, and I gingerly wiped his tears. He closed his eyes, fresh one spilling over. "You're right, we should go...this isn't easy for me."
I nodded once and started the car, driving away from the house, and the people that I hoped Colin would never have to see again.
We drove back to my house quickly, and it was silent except for the sound of Colin and Susanna crying. I forced myself to stop crying, knowing that for once I had to be the one to be strong for them. I held myself together, because no matter how badly my heart hurt for Colin, I had to be his rock. I had to show him that I could be strong enough for the both of us when he didn't think that he could be.
When I pulled up to my house, I sighed, turning off the car and watching Colin. I got out, opening his door and helping him toward the doorway of the house. Suze flanked him on the other side, carrying part of his weight with me.
Before I had the chance to make it to the door, my mom came barging outside, looking as though she was about to go on a rampage. She took one look at Colin and stopped short, folding her arms on front of her as her eyes softened.
"I'm sorry, Mommy," I said, softly. "I couldn't leave them there. Do you think they can stay here tonight?”
She nodded in silence and held the door open. She closed it behind us, then sat next to Colin on the couch. She looked toward me.
My mom was the kind of person who could convey everything that she wanted and needed to say with one look. In her expression, she was telling me that while she was proud of me for taking care of Colin and Suze, we were going to have a serious talk about my late-night excursions in the morning.
"Get him some blankets out of the hall closet. I'll get some peas and ice his face," she said. "His sister can sleep upstairs with you."
I followed her instructions implicitly, getting two blankets and a pillow from the hallway closet. I set them on the edge of the couch, watching on helplessly while she cleaned the blood off his face and instructed him to place the bag of frozen peas above his eye.
She stood up, handing the warm, wet washcloth to me. My mom kissed me on the forehead and I whispered a quick thank you to her. She headed back to her room, and I moved closer to Colin so that we were leg to leg.
He was still crying, and Susanna just looked like she was lost, as if she was empty. I took the peas from him and held them against his eye, trying to take some of his burden from him. His uninjured eye gazed at me.
We were silent for a long time, not looking at each other but still supporting each other with small, simple gestures. A hair tuck here, a hand squeeze there, a kiss on my temple and a swipe of my hand against his face...we could communicate without communicating. Not a gesture was pointless--every single one of them was needed and appreciated more than words ever could be.
Finally, Colin took a deep breath, shaking his head slowly.
"What am I going to do, Nickayla?" he asked.
I set the peas down and wrapped my arms around him, pulling him against me.
"I don't know," I whispered, taking his chin and forcing him to look at me. "But whatever happens, we will figure it out together."
Colin reached for my hands, pulling me closer and trying to urge me into his lap.
I shook my head, giving him The Look.
"Babe, I don't want to hurt you," I said.
He sighed heavily, and I could hear his whole heart in that singular sigh.
"Trust me, Nickayla, there's no way that I could possibly be hurt worse," he said. "I hate that you even had to deal with this tonight."
Goddamn if those words didn't break my heart right in two.
I realized in that moment that I must have broken his heart a million times over by saying those words a number of times. I acknowledge silently how patient and gracious he had been by accepting my insecurities and putting up with me when I expected him to run away.
"Colin, seriously," I said, running my finger along the side of his face as his green eyes met mine. "There's no place I would rather be than here with you right now. Was tonight ugly? Yes. Was tonight one of the worst situations that I've ever had to be in? Yes. But what did I tell you
about the ugly?"
He cracked a smile finally, leaning his face toward my touch.
"None of it matters because we're endgame," he murmured in contentment.
I nodded, kissing him on his head, giving him the same sense of safety that he'd always given me.
"Endgame," I repeated. "So it's going to be okay. I don't know how, and I don't know when, but I know that we'll get through this together just like we got through Kyle, and just like we'll get through everything else that comes at us."
I stood up, grabbing one of the blankets off the other couch and draping it over him as I pulled his legs, extending them so that he could lie down and rest. I kissed his head again, and he grabbed my hand, gazing into my eyes.
"Nickayla, stay with me, please?" he pleaded.
Smiling, I grabbed a blanket for myself and set up a spot for myself on the floor.
"There's no place else that I would rather be," I replied easily.
Twenty Six
In the morning, I was the first to wake. Colin was still sound asleep on the couch and I had given Suze permission to sleep in my bed. I stretched, then got up quickly.
There were only two things on my mind: Colin and coffee.
I walked to the kitchen, not at all surprised to find that my mom was already awake and waiting for me in the kitchen. I made a beeline for the coffee maker, pilfering through the cabinet for my favorite mug. I poured myself a large cup, adding my favorite flavored creamer and two sugars. Once I was done, I sat down across from my mom, waiting for her to speak.
She eyed me for a long time, watching as I took a sip of my coffee.
"Where did you get the laptop from?" she asked, setting her own mug down.
Her question struck me as odd. I hadn't gotten to see much of my mother due to her working and me seeing Colin, so I expected that her first question would have something to do with last night. Instead, her question was about my birthday gift. To say that I was shocked was the understatement of the year.
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