The Final Piece

by Maggi Myers

  “Something tells me I’m not the only Elizabeth you know,” she smirks.

  Crap.

  “No, I know another Elizabeth. She goes by Beth, though,” I shift back and forth. ”What’re the odds?”

  Liz tips her head toward a bench on the edge of the quad, so we wander over and sit down. My gut is churning with nerves, wondering what she must think of me.

  Asshole?

  Wimp?

  Idiot?

  All of the above?

  “She must be someone special because the look on your face when Jack introduced us was like someone had kicked your puppy.” She chuckles at me, but her eyes are sympathetic. Taking a deep breath, I let the whole sordid tale flow.

  “Beth and I grew up spending the summers together in Des Moines,” I start and before I know it an hour has passed and I have totally chewed this poor girls’ ear off. “God, I’m sorry, Liz. I can’t believe I just spilled my guts to the first cute girl I met. What a dick move.” I shake my head.

  “Well, I am pretty cute,” she laughs, “but don’t apologize, that was the most romantic story I’ve ever heard. You give me hope, Ryan...” she accentuates the “n” and raises her eyebrow in question.

  “Cantwell,” I fill in.

  “You give me hope for an epic romance, Ryan Cantwell,” she smiles. The first cute girl also happens to be a super cool girl.

  “Hey, thanks for listening. I guess I needed to get that off my chest,” I mumble.

  “Anytime, my friend. Anytime.” She squeezes my shoulders, and I feel a huge weight lift from them. Friends are good. That means that I can keep Liz’s company without it leading her on. There’s something about her that reminds me a lot of Aunt Melissa and I’m reminded just how close the lake is. “Come on, I’ll let you buy me dinner at The Fieldhouse. You need a distraction and I need a burger.”

  “Liz…” I hang on the “z” and look to her for help.

  “Gaston,” she fills in with a smirk on her face.

  “Liz Gaston, you speak my language. Happy to buy you a burger so long as you let me kick your ass in pool.” I laugh, and for the first time since I arrived in Iowa City, Beth is in the back of my mind instead of front and center.

  Chapter 23

  BETH

  Charlie turns in his seat a few rows back and smiles at me. His curly brown hair is smooshed underneath his cap, but he still looks great. The pale blue caps and gowns we’re donning match his eyes. Go figure, the rest of us look frumpy and awkward in a sea of baby blue satin and Charlie looks like he belongs in a magazine spread. I blow the rogue piece of hair from my eyes for the millionth time and give him a quick wave.

  When the principal announces the end of the ceremony, we all stand and throw our caps into the air. I close my eyes and fill my lungs with the hot, humid Miami air. It makes me smile knowing this is one of the last times I’ll ever have to breathe the swampy nastiness that passes for oxygen in South Florida. When I make my way to the aisle, Charlie picks me up and swings me around, I laugh when the girls around me sigh audibly.

  “We did it, Beth!” he yells. “We’re finally out of here.”

  Charlie understands how badly I want out of Miami because he does, too. Charlie’s mom is an alcoholic and he doesn’t know his dad. While his mom is sober now for four years, he still wants a chance to leave all the bad memories behind. I get that, my parents have been sober for three years and we have come a long way with mending our relationship but I still don’t want to see Miami again unless it’s in my rearview mirror.

  Charlie places me back on my feet and we make our way through the crowd to find our families. When we spot them, our moms are huddled in an embrace, sniffling and blotting their eyes with Kleenex. It makes me smile to see my mom wrapped up in a sentimental moment with Sarah. They’re good for each other. When Charlie and I became friends at Al-Anon, our moms started hanging out and before long they were inseparable. Deep down, I know they wish Charlie and I would’ve dated but neither of us sees the other in that way. I would no sooner go out with Charlie than I would my own brother, if I had one.

  “Baby girl!” I hear Tommy’s voice, but I don’t see him. Reaching up on my tiptoes, I scan the area around our parents and find him flagging us down.

  “Tommy,” I squeal and take off running. When I reach him, he hugs me tight as he lifts my feet off the floor. Giggling, I plant a loud kiss on his cheek, “I did it, T!”

  “I’m so proud of you.” He sets me down and steps back to assess me, “Look at you, Ms. UNC Scholarship.” His eyes crinkle at the corners and his mustache curls up on the ends with his smile. “My baby girl is all grown up.” The pride in his voice takes root in my heart, filling it with love and gratitude.

  “Tommy, I want you to meet my friend, Charlie.” I reach behind me and haul Charlie forward by his sleeve. His face flushes as he wrings his hands. I grab onto one of them and give it a reassuring squeeze. He’s been nervous about meeting Tommy ever since I told him about the night Tommy whupped Drew’s ass. I didn’t get into specifics, only that the fight was related to my parents’ drug use. Tommy has been an enigma of sorts, ever since.

  “Mr. Cantwell,” Charlie reaches his hand out cautiously. Tommy takes his hand and pulls him into a “man hug.” Part handshake, part chest bump with a slap on the back.

  “Call me, Tommy, please, “ he insists, “Beth has told me so much about you, it’s good to finally meet you, son.”

  Charlie beams at Tommy’s endearment and my heart melts. That’s just Tommy’s way—he wants everyone to feel comfortable and accepted. From our weekly conversations, he knows that Charlie doesn’t have a very strong male role model in his life. I love Tommy for wanting to put him at ease so quickly.

  “Good to finally meet you, too, Tommy,” Charlie returns.

  “So Beth tells me that you got yourself a full ride to the University of Georgia for swimming.” Tommy puts his arm around Charlie as we walk out to the parking lot. “Go Bulldogs.”

  “Well, I guess those two hit off.” My mom comes up next to me and hugs me to her side.

  “They sure did, one mention of college football and they were golden. I told Charlie he had nothing to worry about,” I giggle, squeezing my mom back.

  “Charlie knows how important Tommy is to you,” she kisses my temple, “he’s a good boy for wanting to make a good impression.”

  I smirk at her subtle nudge toward Charlie. I know she means well and if I thought there could be something between us, I would be the first to take that step. Charlie is a catch. He’s tall and has the strong, lean definition of a swimmer’s body. His eyes are the palest blue I’ve ever seen and when you combine them with his tan skin and shaggy brown curls, girls don’t stand a chance. Charlie is all too happy to oblige them. He spent all of high school sampling girls from every clique except swim team. That was drama that he didn’t want to invite. He flitted all the way through the cheerleaders, and even the mathletes, spreading his sunshine wherever he went.

  Charlie has a gift for leaving things better off than when he found them and that goes for his girlfriends, too. He’s totally a player, but he’s a gentleman about it. He never kisses and tells; he’s loyal, funny, charming. He’s the total package. There just isn’t that spark between us, not like what I felt with Ryan. For me, it always comes back to Ryan.

  “Let’s go eat,” I sigh, “I’m starving.” Tommy still has an arm draped across Ryan’s back and they’re laughing like old friends. Part of me wishes that Charlie and I had clicked as a couple because he fits in so well with my family. Selfishly, I want him to fit into my family just like Ryan does, but I can’t replace Ryan with Charlie and I would be a selfish cow to try.

  We pile into our cars and head to Christy’s, my favorite “special occasion” restaurant in Coral Gables. Driving up Coral Way, I stare out the window and daydream, soaking in the one thing I’ll miss from Miami—the historical architecture. There’s a tangible history along these streets of Coral Gabl
es; a story in every pane of glass and arched doorway, all of it preserved inside the city limits like a time capsule. It’s a completely different world in here, insulated and untouched by the chaos of the city. It would be so nice if life worked like that and we could all have a beautiful place to go be buffered from the frantic pace of outside life, but life is messy and there’s nowhere to hide from it for very long. Better to just roll with the punches and try not to get knocked out.

  During dinner, Charlie is seated to my left, and Tommy is to my right. I’m sandwiched between my two favorite guys. Life is good. Charlie and I yield questions about college and what we think we may want to study. All the talk is making me anxious to pack up and go right now. I eye Tommy and fuss with the linen napkin in my lap, I haven’t told him or anyone else back home that I won’t be going home to Iowa this summer. I wasn’t sure if my scholarship conditions would allow for me to start this summer and once I found out that I could, it got harder and harder to tell them I wasn’t coming home.

  “That’s an awfully long face for such a happy day, baby girl,” Tommy interrupts my thoughts.

  “Just a lot on my mind, I guess,” I speak truthfully, ”I’m anxious to start my new life.” I sigh and lean my head on Tommy’s shoulder. He kisses my forehead and puts his arm around the back of my chair.

  “You want to tell me about it?” He cocks his head and smiles.

  “I found out that my scholarship will allow me to start classes this summer,” I start.

  “So you aren’t going to come home, are you?” Tommy asks.

  I nod my head and pinch my eyes shut to stave off the flood of tears threatening to spill. I didn’t have to say a word, Tommy just knows me that well. Guilt rips through my chest when Tommy pulls me into his side and kisses the top of my head. “Beth, I understand wanting to get out there and start living life. Honey, no one back home would ever begrudge you that. We’ll miss you like crazy, but we’d never be mad at you for that.”

  “I feel like I’m letting everyone down,” I whimper.

  “Stop that, you’re not letting anyone down. It’s high time that you put yourself as priority number one. Gran, Pops, Uncle Rob and Aunt Melissa would be mad at you if you went home just because you thought they wanted you to. They are just as excited for you as I am. In fact, they’re pretty damn jealous that I could get off of work to be here and they couldn’t.” Tommy chuckles, “It pays to be the boss.”

  I know that Tommy left a bunch of projects in the hands of his foreman to be here for my graduation. He makes it seem easy, but his construction business is booming and with it, his responsibilities have multiplied. Knowing how much he juggled to be here only makes me feel like more selfish.

  “Thanks, T,” I whisper.

  He’s just given me the reassurance to feel good about moving to Chapel Hill early, but I still want crawl under the table and curl into the fetal position. I remind myself that this is what I wanted. It is what I want. I excuse myself for the ladies room, thinking some cold water on my face will knock some spine back into me.

  When the door closes behind me, I lean against it and try to breathe deep. The rich red hue of the walls and soft lighting cast the illusion of a dark corner to hide in. Sinking to the floor, I weep for Ryan. Bypassing my trip to Iowa this summer means more than just missing my family, it signifies the finality of letting go. For the last three years I have held out hope, even if only a tiny thread, that I would see him again. By skipping my annual trip to Iowa, I’m resigning myself to moving on completely. No more wishful thinking, no more holding out hope for something that just wasn’t meant to be. There’s a burning in my chest that threatens to engulf me and even though the odds are stacked against me, my heart still pleads for me to hang on.

  “Beth?” My head snaps up when Charlie’s voice comes through the door. I scoot away from the door, and Charlie’s head peeks inside. When his eyes settle on me, he pushes all the way in and joins me on the floor. “Beth, what is it? What happened?” The tenderness of his concern only makes me cry harder. Charlie scoops me into his lap and rocks me gently while he shushes me. He runs his fingers through my hair and kisses my temple, waiting patiently until I’m calm enough to speak.

  “It feels so final, Char. I didn’t think it would be this hard,” I whisper against his chest. “I mean, so much time has passed, why does it still hurt so much?”

  Charlie’s chest rises and falls with a heavy sigh. He has heard everything about Ryan. He’s the only person who seems to care about what I’m feeling instead of trying to talk me out of it.

  “Sometimes the right decision is the hardest one to make,” Charlie murmurs into my hair. “It’s not easy but it’s time, Beth. You know it’s time or you wouldn’t have made the choice to start school early.”

  “I know,” I sniffle into my Kleenex, “it just sucks. It really, really sucks.” Charlie tips my chin up until our eyes meet. “You’re going to make some UNC guy the luckiest bastard on the planet,” he smiles sincerely, but it hints of a lingering sadness. My brows pinch together as Charlie looks away. “I’m so glad that you had a ‘Ryan’ in your life, Beth. I’m so sorry that you’re hurting, but I’m glad that you got the chance to feel something big and wonderful with someone who felt the same way.” I tilt my head and try to get him to look at me. Instead, he grabs my hand and focuses on our fingers as they lock together. “You’re my best friend and I wouldn’t trade that for anything, but I would be lying if I said I didn’t have moments I wished it were me.”

  I force air in and out of my lungs as I stare at Charlie in shock. I never knew. I never ever knew. The closeness of our bodies and Charlie’s candid confession makes for a long awkward silence. When he finally looks at me, the sheepish smile that crosses his face steals what’s left of my breath. Charlie’s been my lifeline for the last three years, my rock. His blue eyes confess a need that I can never give him. God, I wish I could. I cup his face in my hand, rubbing circles with the pad of my thumb. Charlie leans into my touch and closes his eyes.

  My throat tightens when I think of all the times Charlie let me cry on his shoulder over Ryan. How could I have been so self important that I could miss this? The thought of him hurting from something I’d done, willingly or not, punches a hole in my gut. He’s always been there to comfort me but I can’t remember the last time I offered him any. Before I can think better of it, I wrap my arms around Charlie’s neck, pulling him just close enough to brush my lips against his with as much tenderness as he’s always shown me. The flutter of my heart doesn’t feel anything like the erratic spasms I felt when I kissed Ryan. It feels strong and steady, just like Charlie. The urge to kiss him again surprises me almost as much as how good it felt. I start to breathe a little harder when an image of Charlie returning my kiss pops into my head. I can feel the blush creeping up my neck and the telltale heat burning my cheeks.

  He’s my best friend. Rewind. Play. Repeat.

  “Some Georgia peach is going to win the lottery with you, Charlie. You’re going to fall in love and have it all with someone who feels the same way.” I muster a big smile but am scared to death that I’ve just screwed up royally.

  “Don’t do that, Beth.” Charlie’s grip on my waist tightens, reminding me that I’m still sitting in his lap with my arms wrapped around his neck. A chocolate curl wraps around my index finger at the base of his neck as my mind and heart war over where my loyalties lie. Letting go of Ryan is the right decision, but whatever this is I’m feeling with Charlie, I won’t use him to do it. My heart is stubborn in its yearning for Ryan, but it won’t deny Charlie, either. Ever since my summer with Ryan, Charlie is the one who’s been there for me. He’s the one I turned to when I needed to vent about my parents, the one I leaned on when life was unbearable. He’s always been there for me and I love him for it. I gasp as the thought ricochets between my head and heart. I need space. Now. I shift to move off of Charlie’s lap, but sensing my retreat, he tightens his hold on me.

  “P
lease, Beth. Don’t,” he pleads.

  “Don’t what, Char? I don’t know what you want me to say,” my voice shakes, betraying my feelings.

  “Don’t run.” Those piercing blue eyes trap mine with their intensity. “Don’t pretend like you didn’t just kiss me, and don’t you dare act like it didn’t mean anything.”

  I’m pinned by his stare; I can’t breathe when he brushes his fingers across my bottom lip. I close my eyes, trying to generate space any way I can, when I feel Charlie’s lips brush my cheek. My eyelids flutter open in time to watch him lean in and kiss my other cheek. The gesture is so sweet, it takes the edge off my frayed nerves; I can breathe again. He knows me so well. It would be so easy. His mouth hovers in front of mine, so close, our noses touch.

  “You’re my best friend,” I whisper.

  Charlie silences me with a kiss filled with so much unspoken emotion it tears my heart in two pieces.

  “Still am.” His answer makes me smile, despite myself. “And I’m still the same guy who’s been dreaming of kissing you since tenth grade. My feelings have always been there, Beth. I’ve just been waiting for you to realize that you’re madly in love with me.”

  “Smartass,” I laugh, poking him in the ribs. It feels good knowing that our playful banter is still alive and well. “We should probably get off the floor of the women’s room,” I suggest.

  “Yeah, we should before they send out search and rescue,” he laughs as we stand. I stop short when Charlie hesitates at the door. His tone turns serious, “Walking out this door doesn’t erase what happened in here.” He tips my chin up when my eyes drop to the floor. “We’re talking about it and no matter what, no hiding. Okay?”

  If I wasn’t already freaking out about the shift in our relationship, now I have to deal with being in one with someone who already knows all my bad habits.